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Loveisallyouneed -> RE: BDSM and Spirituality (4/20/2008 1:01:18 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Aneirin
I am very interested on how others view the acts of BDSM, and what it means to them. Particularly if they feel a search for the spirit in what it is that they do. ?
Most of my profile/journal is devoted to this question.
This will provide some insight:
First and foremost, bdsm is a tool for expressing love and respect.
The more challenging and difficult the service rendered, the more love and respect is shown, and the more undeniable that love and respect becomes.
Society has long recognized that only true love will endure all things, overcome all things. This is the mantra of a slave: to endure and overcome, as a gift of love and respect to her master.
Society has also long recognized that true love demonstrates itself through the care and compassion we display when nurturing another. This is the mantra of the master: to nurture and care for the needs and aspirations of his slave.
This is the master/slave paradigm. The slave to endure and overcome, the master to nurture with care and compassion.
A slave has a very deep-seated need to express her love in tangible, undeniable ways. This can lead to some pretty extreme forms of expression. She needs to feel challenged so as to feel she has accomplished something tangible and undeniable. Her sole focus is to give her love to the master she has chosen, with no thought for herself. She becomes a specialist at giving.
A master must complement and complete the slave. For the slave to give, there must be a master who receives yet never takes.
The challenges a master faces are varied. He is responsible for making decisions that affect not only himself but his slave as well. He must find ways that are safe, yet challenging for his slave to express her love in tangible and undeniable forms. This may sound easy but try living it 24/7 and keeping it relevant to a slave's current level of growth. A master must have a constant, almost psychic sense of his slave's state of mind.
Thus a good master is highly communicative and always interested in the thoughts and feelings of his slave.
A true work of art, for a master, is to posess the happiest slave on Earth.
Thus, abuse and disrespect are out of the question, just as an artist would not slash a canvas he intended to use for his masterpiece.
I mentioned before that a master "receives", not "takes". The gift that is freely given through love and respect is more highly prized than the treasure taken through force.
For with the gift comes the love and respect, both affirming the master's love for his slave and his understanding of her needs and aspirations.
To take by force is to lose the gift, the love and the respect.
Thus a master must be on guard against his own tendencies to allow his power to corrupt him. For a slave gives great power over herself to her master, and it is very tempting to abuse that power through either intention or neglect.
Only the master who focuses on his love for his slave can navigate those waters safely. Only one who is observant, thoughtful (as opposed to irrational) and virtuous will consider the needs of his slave before his own and thus keep all activities within acceptable limits of safety.
I said earlier that a slave does not think of herself. This is to allow herself to focus solely on giving her love to her master.
A master must always keep in mind how vulnerable is his slave. He must think of her needs for her, for she is only thinking of his.
In this way they complement each other.
A master must think of the health of his slave, that she eats well, sleeps well, obtains exercise and pleasure, that her mind is stimulated. And he must demonstrate his love in other, more direct ways: encouragement, support, acknowledgment of accomplishments and respect for all she does for him. Being open and honest with his affection, not robotic and mechanically heartless or unemotional.
I've been asked why more M/Ds don't see their bdsm the way I described earlier.
Doesn't it seem more reasonable that a master who treats his slave with love and respect will get better results than one who treats her abusively and without respect?
I agree.
But consider the qualities I've described.
Not exactly something one is likely to find very often.
It is much easier to master the skills of the whip and crop than to train heart and soul to be sensitive to the subtleties of nuance, tone and body language.
And flashier at the 'play parties'.
It is unfortunate that so many see technique trumping the heart and soul of bdsm.
But then, that's why there are so many auto mechanics and so few mechanical engineers.
Much easier to follow a manual than to do the work needed to write it.
And the ways of the heart are not something a manual can adequately describe. Each combination of people is unique, and the circumstances under which they live are unique.
A master such as I've described must ride the present much like a surfer rides a wave, using all of his senses and skills to remain balanced and poised as he rides out the wave.
A master is like a dedicated teacher, like a devoted parent. Not just anyone can do this, and most don't.
For to properly master another a master must master himself. Like any good parent, a master must ignore the dictates of ego so as to shine the limelight on his slave's accomplishments, to illuminate her contributions to their domestic bliss.
A master's accomplishments, if done well, are almost always unrecognized and unnoticed, just as a parent's suggestions will inspire a child to achieve growth.
A master's true accomplishment is the growth of his slave. It is in her and through her that his work shines. We do not see DaVinci's skill with painting except through the masterpieces he left after he was done.
So it is with a master and his slave. Her accomplishments are in part his, for he creates the milieu within which she learns to accomplish her miracles.
No, there are not many who appreciate that.
Much easier to tie pretty knots.
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