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RE: Yet another.... - 4/22/2008 4:37:16 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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Hello Ostentatious

I find your profile absolutely fine (from a fellow UKer POV). Your personality edges through and thats a good thing. You have standards and know what you want and what you can give, if people think thats ego, then they aren't the ones to be bothered with, frankly.

I love your photos! (Ya model professionally?) Although I would, as someone suggested add a 'simpler' photograph or two as well. It may make you more accessable, if that makes any sense to you. The photos you have could be classed as quite homoerotic, which is maybe why you are gaining gay interest. We use both artistic and general photographs and find it works, but then we are already a unit. I would recommend adding a colour image of your face as well, women like to see eyes!

I would also recommend adding the interests as well. If your not particularly interested adding the bdsm lists thats cool, but the general interests on hobbies etc does allow people to see you more than a simple fuck toy or play thing (unless thats your bag of course).

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Ostentatious)

RE: Yet another.... - 4/22/2008 8:14:32 AM

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

Ostentatious,

quote:

ElanSubdued:
The way you asked for advice shows your graciousness. Thanks for asking with clarity and courtesy...

Ostentatious To Khem:
Someone whose active on the British bdsm scene would understand that, which is why I haven't changed it. There are a lot of people who aren't worth the effort out there (as in normal nilla life too) and if it offends them then maybe it's them that needs to look at themselves. Also, I am cocky, I am confident, it's part of my nature, I do get email on here and thankfully they email me for who I am and not who I am not.

*blinks*

I'm going to follow your words/request in the OP and "let it rip if needs be". You asked for advice. Clearly, you don't want advice and you're happy with your profile as it stands. There is nothing wrong that you're satisfied with your profile, however, it bodes very poorly when you ask for advice and then refuse to listen. If you don't want advice, don't ask for it.

As to your profile, I agree with many others here. Were I a Domina, I wouldn't give you a second glance. You'd get a first glance because of your pictures, but your words (and more importantly, your attitude) would completely turn me off. You come across as a cocky, somewhat unapproachable brat. If this is the image you want to portray, you're doing a fine job.

Elan.

(in reply to Ostentatious)

RE: Yet another.... - 4/22/2008 11:10:39 AM

Posts: 98
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued
As to your profile, I agree with many others here. Were I a Domina, I wouldn't give you a second glance. You'd get a first glance because of your pictures, but your words (and more importantly, your attitude) would completely turn me off. You come across as a cocky, somewhat unapproachable

Someones backs up.

I read your advice, I gave my reasons why I didn't agree with it and I said thank you.

I don't want to change my wording on certain things because the profile has to be me, the words have to be mine and I'd rather be discounted for who I am than loved for who I am not. I believe I am quoting Kurt Cobain there. I don't expect everyone to get my humour, it's very caustic and I am don't fcuk about with it. However, at least I'm me, warts and all, a nice person with a lot of friends whose well known for being funny and there if you need him.

Now you attack me? Let me tell you, I don't need to attack back, the attack says more about you than it ever will about me.

Thank you again.

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

RE: Yet another.... - 4/22/2008 11:14:21 AM

Posts: 98
Joined: 7/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Hello Ostentatious

I find your profile absolutely fine (from a fellow UKer POV). Your personality edges through and thats a good thing. You have standards and know what you want and what you can give, if people think thats ego, then they aren't the ones to be bothered with, frankly.

I love your photos! (Ya model professionally?) Although I would, as someone suggested add a 'simpler' photograph or two as well. It may make you more accessable, if that makes any sense to you. The photos you have could be classed as quite homoerotic, which is maybe why you are gaining gay interest. We use both artistic and general photographs and find it works, but then we are already a unit. I would recommend adding a colour image of your face as well, women like to see eyes!

I would also recommend adding the interests as well. If your not particularly interested adding the bdsm lists thats cool, but the general interests on hobbies etc does allow people to see you more than a simple fuck toy or play thing (unless thats your bag of course).

the.dark.

Hey the.dark...

Thanks for your comments...I'm going to take on board about the interests...Although I feel a little sad that I don't have enough of them, I'm usually found with my head in a book and not much else these days!

Also going to add a few normal pics because I realise the standard of pic on there right now is kinda high...

I never modelled professionally but I have been paid for some work that was published if that makes sense...Notice you're a photographer so if you ever have a subject and I fit it give me a shout!

(in reply to RCdc)

RE: Yet another.... - 4/22/2008 11:27:01 AM

Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
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I just took a gander at your profile, and the only thing missing was having your activities section filled out. I like to know what someone's kinks are as well as their vanilla interests.

As someone else who can be a bit snarky, I wouldn't worry about that so much. There's really no point in trying to come across as sugary sweet as possible, except to possibly deceive someone. Just be yourself! It helps sort the wheat from the chaff.

Btw, I just had to snicker at the "you're not my domme" comment.

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

(in reply to Ostentatious)

RE: Yet another.... - 4/22/2008 11:29:42 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

I may hold you to the photography!

And for the record - if I was a female dominant - I would be attracted to the attitude of your profile. I adore ego (Darcy is living proof) - It may be a cultural thing I don't know but I don't find you one bit 'unapproachable'. I don't wish to insult others, but if someone is having an issue with reaching out, that is more their issue than yours.
But then I have been called arrogant and condecending. Maybe the british wit escapes people at times.

As for books, that was something that attracted me to Darcy - He is well read(and he writes too) - so maybe mention your latest reading endeavour in your blog? It all adds hey.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Ostentatious)

RE: Yet another.... - 4/22/2008 11:51:14 AM

Posts: 98
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FlamingRedhead

I just took a gander at your profile, and the only thing missing was having your activities section filled out. I like to know what someone's kinks are as well as their vanilla interests.

As someone else who can be a bit snarky, I wouldn't worry about that so much. There's really no point in trying to come across as sugary sweet as possible, except to possibly deceive someone. Just be yourself! It helps sort the wheat from the chaff.

Btw, I just had to snicker at the "you're not my domme" comment.

Hiya FlamingRedhead...

I considered the kink element when I put my interests on earlier but I have decided against it (as I always have). I have a job where I am fine if someone were to find me on here BUT I wouldn't want them to know specifics. Plus I think it's cool to talk to people and talk about somethings, maybe I just see that part of me as private and I'm careful who I share them with.

Totally agree with what you saying about being yourself! It's the only way to be and I'm not going to bullshit anyone, that in my book is lying.

The domme comment was pretty cool and typical of me, I have decided to remove it now though!

(in reply to FlamingRedhead)

RE: Yet another.... - 4/22/2008 11:53:53 AM

Posts: 98
Joined: 7/2/2007
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the.dark,

I totally agree about culteral differences and the reason I won't change it is because American humour and British humour is very different. I've always been caustic and self deprecating, two things that American people (in my experience and is by no means the law) to not get those at all but I'm not trying to attract them because of the distance so it doesn't really matter if they don't get it.

< Message edited by Ostentatious -- 4/22/2008 12:21:21 PM >

(in reply to RCdc)

RE: Yet another.... - 4/22/2008 12:00:00 PM

Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline

You're absolutely right, there's huge differences. We spell humor with only 1 u.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ostentatious

the.dark,

I totally agree about culteral differences and the reason I won't change it is because American humour and British humour is very different. I've always been caustic and self deprecating, two things that American people (in my experience and is by no means the law) to not get those at all but I'm not trying to attract them because of the distance so it doesn't relly matter if they don't get it.

_____________________________

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"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to Ostentatious)

RE: Yet another.... - 4/22/2008 12:21:04 PM

Posts: 98
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DMFParadox

You're absolutely right, there's huge differences. We spell humor with only 1 u.

That is so good! See we give you a perfectly good language and you go and bollocks it up!

Reminds me of the smile I had when Pearl Harbour came out the poster said 'Pearl Harbor, the most expensive movie ever made', I couldn't help but laugh thinking all that money and they've missed a U out!

(in reply to DMFParadox)

RE: Yet another.... - 4/22/2008 2:57:38 PM

Posts: 172
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

And for the record - if I was a female dominant - I would be attracted to the attitude of your profile. I adore ego (Darcy is living proof) - It may be a cultural thing I don't know but I don't find you one bit 'unapproachable'. I don't wish to insult others, but if someone is having an issue with reaching out, that is more their issue than yours.
But then I have been called arrogant and condecending. Maybe the british wit escapes people at times.

As for books, that was something that attracted me to Darcy - He is well read(and he writes too) - so maybe mention your latest reading endeavour in your blog? It all adds hey.

the.dark.

Ditto... Well stated.
Also, a man with his head in the books rather than his brain in his cock is more appealing....

_____________________________

The man who always seeks to be the best for you is
the only man truly worthy of being called Sir.

~~ Sir's devoted property
~~ whose profile is hidden on purpose

(in reply to RCdc)

RE: Yet another.... - 4/23/2008 10:38:44 AM

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

Ostentatious,

quote:

Someones backs up.

A wee tad. Yes. :-)

quote:

I don't want to change my wording on certain things because the profile has to be me, the words have to be mine and I'd rather be discounted for who I am than loved for who I am not. I believe I am quoting Kurt Cobain there. I don't expect everyone to get my humour, it's very caustic and I am don't fcuk about with it. However, at least I'm me, warts and all, a nice person with a lot of friends whose well known for being funny and there if you need him.

Perhaps I misunderstood your reply to Khem. You came across in a cocky (there's that word again) way and I found it rude. Thus, my first thought was "if you don't want advice, don't ask for it".

quote:

Now you attack me? Let me tell you, I don't need to attack back, the attack says more about you than it ever will about me.

No. Not an attack. Just me being very direct! :-) As to what it says about me, it says simply that we misunderstood one another.

I still find your profile somewhat negative and, using your own words, "caustic". You asked for honest opinions and I gave a more open opinion once I saw you, essentially, in one swoop, ignore all the advice people gave. Perhaps we're all misunderstanding "British" humour and perhaps I misunderstood you. This said, I read and share lots of British humour and don't find it abrasive. So you might want to consider this. That's why I said, as a Domina, I wouldn't give your profile a second glance. British or not, there is a negative tone in how you've presented yourself and at the same time some of your ego comes across. There's nothing wrong with a healthy ego, but putting too much of it out there, at least for me, is intolerable. A few people like this approach and said so. If you're comfortable with your profile as it is, you shouldn't change it. However, you asked how it comes across and this is how it comes across to me.

I apologize if I attacked you. This wasn't my intent. Likewise, I apologize if I misunderstood your reply to Khem.

Note: I used to read your posts on that *other* BDSM web site - the one that went radically downhill (both in terms of customer service and technical reliability) when new owners bought it . You always came across respectfully and wrote eloquently and legibly. I enjoyed your posts. Perhaps our minor head bumping is, as I noted, due to a misunderstanding and is thus inconsequential.

I wish you well and success in your search to find a partner Ostentatious,

Elan.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 4/23/2008 10:45:59 AM >

(in reply to Ostentatious)

RE: Yet another.... - 4/23/2008 6:52:34 PM

khem

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

In case anyone was wondering, I didn't feelk attacked at all. He was just saying why it was the way it was. My post was essentially "you'll attract more with honey than vinegar" and his replay was "But I am vinegar and wouldn't really want someone into honey."
MsK

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

RE: Yet another.... - 4/24/2008 12:42:19 AM

Posts: 98
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: khem

In case anyone was wondering, I didn't feelk attacked at all. He was just saying why it was the way it was. My post was essentially "you'll attract more with honey than vinegar" and his replay was "But I am vinegar and wouldn't really want someone into honey."
MsK

And everyones advice has been valuable on here :)

(in reply to khem)

RE: Yet another.... - 4/24/2008 5:08:59 AM

Posts: 151
Joined: 5/31/2007
Status: offline

The thing I notice when sub guys come in the mistress forum looking for profile advice, is that so many differing opinions get put out there, guys who pay too much attention to it virtually homogenise their profile, which must be so far away from who they are, that it ends up leading to further disappointment, for all involved when they can’t follow through. Another problem with this, is the really clueless are given good generic advice they implement, and they end up with a half decent profile, but still without a clue. Lol.

I remember a few specific times during my search when I come across guys who had consistency problems, and it was almost always the ones who admitted they had 'help' with their profile. One guy in particular had a gleaming profile, but it become immediately apparent within just a few emails that his profile was nigh on fictitious - he admitted he had a lot of help with his profile.

To the OP. None of the above was directed at you, just musing about general observations. Below I offer my opinion, take what you want, and what works for you.

You have obviously edited your profile since this thread started, but I still do not get a sense of who you are from it. One or two parts are also slightly contradictory in nature (you mention that you do not want to mention your kinks, but then go on to do so). You also mentioned that identifying as sub is just one aspect of who you are, but there is only one very small paragraph explaining the other facets of your personality, with no elaboration. So, who are you? What kind of "social" things do you like to do? I take it you do charity work? You buy self help books? Because you describe it generically, I wouldn't expect somebody to be intrigued enough to ask - sell it, peak a ladies interest enough to respond :)

I understand the need to mention about your “caustic” humour, but I would never recommend the last thing in a profile to be “please do not take me seriously”. The first thing someone remembers about a person, is usually the last thing they say or do. As somebody who works in marketing, I strongly suggest rewording that last bit. As a closing, maybe leave something enticing, instead of urging people not to take you seriously? Also, the intended meaning of that paragraph, to me, inadvertently comes across as if you are apologising for your sense of humour. Just explain it as a facet of your character, rather than highlighting it. You are who you are :o)

I suggest devoting one sentence to it, in an illuminating paragraph devoted to describing other facets of your personality, near the top of your profile, maybe second or third paragraph down. By not mentioning anything about yourself as a person, except for ascribing an antisocial meaning to one small aspect of your personality is not doing yourself justice.

Somebody mentioned using a pic showing your eyes, that was excellent advice. You have a lovely polished pic up there now, but eyes are very important, it is what we lock onto first. The muscular subtlety around the eyes can convey huge amounts of information we are unaware of.

But some people can get this wrong. There are plenty of photos out there of people pouting blankly, trying to give themselves a cool, intriguing, moody, nonchalant kind of kudos; very few people can pull it off attractively or effectively (this is not directed at you btw). The eyes make or break a portrait. You have an attractive face, use it! Don’t hide it! That would be a damn crime! An approachable pic of you naturally smiling, maybe a candid, would work well imo. People are more likely to respond more appropriately to what you seek.

You mention you are reading a book in this thread. Mention it in your journal or profile. Don’t sell yourself short.

Wishing you lots of luck in your search. :o)

_____________________________

I’m sorry, I don’t do autographs

(in reply to RCdc)

RE: Yet another.... - 4/27/2008 7:59:49 AM

Posts: 114
Joined: 12/2/2007
Status: offline

Women contact me and so do Dominant men.. there is nothing in my profile that states I am bisexual or does it... It all flatters me... still seeking that submissive male who would like to be in a 24/7 relationship in sunny, getting ready to turn hot, Miami... anyone out there?? hehe

< Message edited by Ebonybbw -- 4/27/2008 8:00:34 AM >

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(in reply to Andjew)

RE: Yet another.... - 5/28/2008 1:37:14 PM

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Joined: 5/21/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued

Your pictures, of course, are very sexy, however, I agree with others that a few non-BDSM, non-modeling shots are vitally important.

The way you asked for advice shows your graciousness. Thanks for asking with clarity and courtesy,

Elan.

Well I've got to say... this man looks just as damn good as on them pictures :) And I can say that as someone that has actually known him for the last ten months but I met him my first night in England! :P

His non BDSM shots are honestly not much different from these ones *grins*

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

RE: Yet another.... - 5/28/2008 3:17:29 PM

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Just to follow up from the beginning of the thread: really nice revision of the profile, OP. I think you've dealt with all the potential negatives there and kept all the positives. Well done!

And good luck.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to Viskan)

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