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RE: here we go again... - 4/22/2008 7:38:09 PM

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
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I think your profile is slightly above average and the smoking doesn't turn me off. You're cute, that helps. ;) Others have already pointed out the spelling issues (and there are actually many, not just one or two) but I would ask that you consider why they've been pointed out. Your profile is your first impression and if you are sloppy with it, don't take much care with the smaller details, a lot of dominants are going to wonder if you'll take care of the smaller details with them as well. A whole lot of submission is in all the small stuff we do for our dominants. Just something to think about. As you said, it is your profile, but then, you did ask for advice on it. My advice, pay attention to the details because you can go from slightly above average to rockin'. Your choice, of course.

Celeste

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He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: here we go again... - 4/23/2008 3:27:18 AM

Posts: 1743
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From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: khem

So that I'm not hijacking, I think your profile seems good. It provides most of the information someone would be looking for. Aside from a they're/their/there spelling issue, everything seems fairly peachy. Also, most people do not like liars or fakes, it's kind of a given. Does it really need to be there?

Ok, so because of the large number of submissives asking for "profile review" I think we should start charging for the service. Not money, but cookies or something. Clearly someone here should be getting some kind of chocolatey baked goods (maybe set up a rotation?). Me first.

I think geoff's profile is pretty good, but like shawn1066, I'm not the desired target audience. Correct a few typos and I think he's good to go.

Now why do you need something chocolatey when you seem so sweet?

Be a dear and help a good ol' boy like geoff out. Unlike quite a few subby guys out here, he's one of the good ones and deserves a happy home with a loving domme!

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(in reply to khem)

RE: here we go again... - 4/23/2008 5:29:32 AM

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
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I'm not likely your target audience either.. but I agree with some others here -- the cigarette picture would mean I would not read further.. not so much that you smoke, but that you chose a picture showing you smoking.. not sure what that says about you, but something that would put me off. That's me, not everyone is like that.

I'd certainly reread as some things didn't make sense to me and there are spelling errors.

And I did think there was a lot of negative stuff in the profile -- might put some people off.

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: here we go again... - 4/23/2008 6:30:03 AM

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Joined: 6/27/2005
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geoff in your pic dump the cig and get a cigar. Women find that more impressive and there are other uses for it besides somkeing it.

(in reply to Madame4a)

RE: here we go again... - 4/23/2008 7:15:30 AM

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, dude!

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RE: here we go again... - 4/23/2008 10:24:07 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

geoff in your pic dump the cig and get a cigar. Women find that more impressive and there are other uses for it besides somkeing it.

Dnomyar, tell us more of the Somkeing. I'm intrigued and obviously have so much more to learn :-)

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RE: here we go again... - 4/23/2008 10:42:11 AM

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Joined: 12/2/2004
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I didn't read the whole thread, and I'm far from your target audience as well... but I liked it, it sounded upfront and honest... and the cigarette in your hand? Not a problem to me, but then again I'm a smoker and a rebel... bad combination. The best you can do is represent you Geoff, that is, after all, what you are "selling". You can't make your profile something you're not... that would be self-defeating and you would never find what you are looking for, only someone that wants whatever it was you represented in your profile.

Jewel

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RE: here we go again... - 4/23/2008 10:48:30 AM

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TC do you have a blue dress that I can stain?

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RE: here we go again... - 4/23/2008 10:53:16 AM

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A good cigar can be used to test the intelligence of a submissive or slave.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

RE: here we go again... - 4/24/2008 5:17:22 AM

Posts: 900
Joined: 9/25/2007
From: The Asylum
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hmmm.... I probably could change the pic....

RP, bro, beleive me, its not that home is unhappy. Just a tad chaotic. Not that its not entertaining, just that the chaos gets old after awhile.

as for spelling errors, I must be nearly illiterate, I cant find any

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RE: here we go again... - 4/25/2008 12:50:22 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

Hi geoff

Small suggestions:

Light green on blue text is really hard for little old ladies like me to read!

I didn't get a sense of what kind of Domme you do like, only all the usual nasty fakes, phonies and cheats you don't like (who does?). As someone has already said, could you flip that around to ask for positive qualities eg I am looking for the kind of Domme who is creative, faithful, and appreciates full and frank two way communication"

I find it is worthwhile shutting your eyes in a quiet place and asking yourself "what would my perfect Domme be like?" Then spill that in paper. You are an honest guy.

Use a spell checker (advice I should take myself!)

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(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: here we go again... - 4/25/2008 1:58:30 AM

Posts: 2929
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Geoff,
I don't know much about your profile, but I do love your new sig. line! It is much better than the one you originally had. More friendly and welcoming.

Good luck in your journey :)

MoGa

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(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: here we go again... - 4/25/2008 2:14:36 AM

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
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Geoff,

since I'm feeling helpful at the moment, here are the misspelled words:

alot
persuit
attept
theyre (in "speaks theyre mind)
your, with incorrect usage of "an", in "your an prick"
your in "your either a liar"
peice
freinds

Additionally, you seemed to not use apostrophes where necessary and missed a couple spots of sentence-end punctuation.

Oh, and your capitalization is on and off throughout.

Tidying those, you should be square.

< Message edited by RumpusParable -- 4/25/2008 2:15:38 AM >

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(in reply to MistressOfGa)

RE: here we go again... - 4/25/2008 2:21:40 AM

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable

Geoff,

since I'm feeling helpful at the moment, here are the misspelled words:

alot   a lot
persuit pursuit
attept    attempt
theyre (in "speaks theyre mind) Their
your,  with incorrect usage of "an", in "your an prick" You're a prick
your in "your either a liar" You're
peice Piece
freinds Friends

Additionally, you seemed to not use apostrophes where necessary and missed a couple spots of sentence-end punctuation.

Oh, and your capitalization is on and off throughout.

Tidying those, you should be square.

I must be feeling generous too! lol The words in red are the correctly spelled words. Might I add that you copy and paste your entire profile onto a word pad and then use the spell check. Once the words are corrected, you can then copy and paste it back to your profile.

MoGa

< Message edited by MistressOfGa -- 4/25/2008 2:23:01 AM >

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RE: here we go again... - 4/25/2008 2:51:04 AM

Posts: 510
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

hmmm.... I probably could change the pic....

RP, bro, beleive me, its not that home is unhappy. Just a tad chaotic. Not that its not entertaining, just that the chaos gets old after awhile.

as for spelling errors, I must be nearly illiterate, I cant find any

Geoff,

You asked openly for suggestions so this is my opinion:

Pop your profile into a word doc and those 'hard for you to see' typos will be simple to correct.

For the bottom half of your profile you can state all of what you don't want, don't like, etc in positive terms.

"Looking for a domme who is positive in her approach to life and people. She is monogomous and desires only one good sub, rather than several.'

'I have a down-to-earth sense of humor and making you laugh would be one of my greatest pleasures. I am also into heavy metal music and want to share my music with you.'

I'd dump all the references to liars and manipulators, since we feel the same and for a sub it goes without saying.

I like your honesty in your choice of pic. You might add in your profile that you are looking forward to quitting and have already cut down.

I like the blue and green, however it may be hard to read on other pc's.

Best of luck finding a wonderful domme who fits with you like a glove.

ME

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: here we go again... - 4/25/2008 5:25:19 AM

Posts: 105
Joined: 2/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: khem

Ok, so because of the large number of submissives asking for "profile review" I think we should start charging for the service. Not money, but cookies or something. Clearly someone here should be getting some kind of chocolatey baked goods (maybe set up a rotation?). Me first.

I'm all for chocolate (whether I bake it or not). Though I would make the point that at least someone who is willing to ask for assistance on making a profile work is seemingly willing to accept constructive criticism and try and improve themselves. That at least is commendable. I love helping people write profiles, but mebbe I'm just weird.

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RE: here we go again... - 4/25/2008 5:50:08 AM

Posts: 105
Joined: 2/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff
As for being involved locally, Im very involved with a local group called CYPRUS (Cleveland Young People Realizing and Understanding Sexuality), a local kink group for people in the 18-35 bracket. The "other" groups in NE Ohio, PRS(who Id like to mention kick ass for letting us use theyre dungeon for parties) and SMART, are 21+ groups, but theyre really just a bunch of old coots for the most part .

Hey! How come they founded a TNG group -after- I left! That would have been nicely useful. *mutter* Glad to hear PRS is still going-on still. (I was around when it was getting off the ground a few years back. Nobody important, just there.) Take a look for LEDS too, a bit of a drive, but good folk.

I wouldn't knock the old coots though, some of the best learning I've done has been with people twice my age. Will it work for a LTR? Probably not, but that doesn't mean they can't be friends. I'd druther 20 good friends than 1 LTR anyday (IMGHO).

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"Saying that after You I'll never need another Top doesn't make me think you're incredible. It makes you sound like a serial killer."

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RE: here we go again... - 4/25/2008 8:11:17 AM

Posts: 900
Joined: 9/25/2007
From: The Asylum
Status: offline

Thanks for the help. No one will ever accuse me of being book smart, thats for sure.

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You dont need to question my sanity, I can assure you Im quite mad. Its ok though, all the best people are

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

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