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the new subbie - 4/23/2008 10:56:06 AM

djoker

Posts: 14
Joined: 11/20/2007
Status: offline

what is your reaction to a new subbie? given that he might not know much about protocol and your preferences, what are the things that you expect him to do? what makes you change your mind after having the first scene with him?

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RE: the new subbie - 4/23/2008 12:09:52 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

Be willing to learn and eager to please.

Anyone, whether or not they are new to the scene/lifestyle or not will have to learn his/her partner's preferences, and what protocols each person prefers. We aren't very formal at our house, but other people insist on a lot of formality and "high protocol" ...

As for what would change our minds after a first scene - there isn't much for us ... by that point, we should be fairly certain that we want to keep the boy in our family.

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Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to djoker)

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RE: the new subbie - 4/23/2008 12:39:53 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
As for what would change our minds after a first scene - there isn't much for us ... by that point, we should be fairly certain that we want to keep the boy in our family.

Perhaps i'm just an old softy; but for some reason, i found that incredibly touching. *wipes away a stray bit of moisture from the corner of his eye* Damned dust *mutter mutter grumble*

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
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Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

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RE: the new subbie - 4/23/2008 3:16:04 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

quote:

Be willing to learn and eager to please.

Anyone, whether or not they are new to the scene/lifestyle or not will have to learn his/her partner's preferences, and what protocols each person prefers.

Echoing that ^. Different dominants, different desires. One always has to learn the new people in their life.

I've little care as to how new to BDSM a sub is. Much more is what sort of person they are, how well they know themselves, how well they listen, whether our interests and styles match, etc. How much PE or BDSM experience one has has little connection to these things.

Until we've talked over what I expect of them *as my sub/slave* I just expect them to be courteous, show basic manners and be able to function as an adult.

As to what would put me off after a first scene... if once playing we found there was absolutely no natural chemistry, they started calling me mommy and tried to nurse or otherwise we didn't clique or I found myself highly uncomfortable with them. I never underestimate or doubt the possibility of the next partner doing something wholly unexpected or disturbing to me. Thankfully it doesn't happen often, but humans are funny creatures.

Normally, there isn't much that -if all else was good- couldn't be worked through together for future scenes/play.

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(in reply to SweetDommes)

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RE: the new subbie - 4/23/2008 3:24:42 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
As for what would change our minds after a first scene - there isn't much for us ... by that point, we should be fairly certain that we want to keep the boy in our family.

Perhaps i'm just an old softy; but for some reason, i found that incredibly touching. *wipes away a stray bit of moisture from the corner of his eye* Damned dust *mutter mutter grumble*

Now, darchChylde ... You should know better than to come posting on a public board that you've been slacking on your cleaning *tsk tsk* I'll have to go get your Ma'am to come see this

Seriously, though, if we get to the point of scening with a boy, then we're pretty sure we want to keep him. We're picky, dammit ... not just anyone gets into our house, much less our bedroom.

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to darchChylde)

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RE: the new subbie - 4/24/2008 4:42:30 AM

MissLily

Posts: 146
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline

reaction to a new subie: "oh dear! hope he's not another jerk off....."

reaction to lack of knowledge: "well, if he's a clueless horny boy, this sure is going to be a short exchange.... on the other hand, if he's smart, it could be interesting...."

and by the time we had our first scene together, I'd ALREADY changed My mind about him. I never play casually. There has to be a relationship established first.

Miss Lily

(in reply to djoker)

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RE: the new subbie - 4/24/2008 5:03:05 AM

chezzy71

Posts: 412
Joined: 4/19/2008
Status: offline

I just brought this up in a different thread...be sincere,be honest about all aspects of your life and whatever you do,do not have zealous expectations about any Domina.That's my two cents.

(in reply to MissLily)

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RE: the new subbie - 4/24/2008 5:32:16 AM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

quote:

be sincere,be honest about all aspects of your life

Good one, Chezzy.

My #1 priority before I even establishing anything further is HONESTY!!!!
If you can't be honest....what else is there to discuss.
I usually take a while through probing questions and observations to find the inconsistencies. And, most of the time, they come out fairly quickly and aren't nearly as well hidden as most think they are.
If I can establish HONESTY......then the next thing is willingness, ability to pay attention to detail and follow instructions, and how well somone will follow through with a few simple requests.

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Mistress Venus
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(in reply to chezzy71)

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RE: the new subbie - 4/24/2008 6:17:17 AM

chezzy71

Posts: 412
Joined: 4/19/2008
Status: offline

Thank you MissV....your compliments are always welcome and very much appreciated.

(in reply to MistressVnus)

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RE: the new subbie - 4/24/2008 6:34:00 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: djoker

what is your reaction to a new subbie?

my first reaction would be if he's serious about this or just using the kink to get laid because i'll be very up front and state i'm not into playing games.

quote:

given that he might not know much about protocol and your preferences, what are the things that you expect him to do?

at first nothing. i want him to know about me ...my likes/dislikes and i would be doing the same about him. trust definitely has to be established before moving forward. i'm not into protocols so i wouldn't expect him to be unless he wants to.