Semi long distance relationship

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

Semi long distance relationship

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Semi long distance relationship

Page: [1]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Semi long distance relationship - 10/12/2005 2:26:41 PM

Posts: 24
Joined: 9/21/2005
Status: offline

I have met a woman who lives about four hours away. We have met several times and talk on the phone many times a week. We have discussed our interest in a D/s relationship and we appear very much on the same page. I believe when I see her this weekend that she will ask to be my submissive.

More to my question. We met and live in a real time not cyber relationship and have no interest in making cyber a big part of it. Weekends will be when we see each other. We both agree that there are levels from start to total submissive. I am having a hard time coming up with some rules/rituals in the non sexual area besides mandatory emails or phone calls that would help put her in the proper frame of mind and think of me during the week when I am not with her. I have searched the message boards for rules and rituals and why they have been helpful, they generally lack any specifics in detail in this area.

I know the best rituals are custom for each couple, but I was wondering to all the subs/slaves if any rituals and in particular non sexual ones were helpful to you when starting out a relationship where your Dom was not there many days in a row?

Thanks,

Xander

RE: Semi long distance relationship - 10/12/2005 2:41:55 PM

Posts: 47
Joined: 9/21/2005
Status: offline

the best way for her "to keep you mind" is for you to be memorable while with her
:)

Non-sexual ways?
writing a journal
taking pictures to send you - doesn't have to be sexual
going shopping for things you will share when together - which can get sexual heh

See these not as "rules" but natural development of the need to feel close, right?

(in reply to xanderzzz)

RE: Semi long distance relationship - 10/12/2005 2:42:48 PM

Posts: 125
Joined: 9/6/2005
Status: offline

Not sure if I can any insight, as when my Master went away (near the beginning of our relationship), I wasn't in the same headspace he was (I was very, very green)...

None the less, I suppose there were certain things I did for him (although he didn't request it) because I knew they would please him...

He didn't like hair (down there), so I made sure it was smooth every evening. He liked my apartment tidy, I did housework daily, he encouraged me to eat properly so I planned my menus before he left and ate appropriately (as I used to skip meals and eat junk) because he would ask me every night what I had for dinner. He also encouraged exercise, so I made sure I went swimming every other evening and walked the off nights.

From other couples I know (who are more ritualistic) enjoy things like her bedtime rituals - prayers, hair brushing, jammies... Also sitting on the floor instead of furniture.

The thing I see going astray with setting up long distance rituals is it is easy to skip (when you aren't around). I'm not saying that she will, however, I would think keep things simple and normal - as it is hard to get into a space when the ritual outways the practical. Meaning, it is all fine and well to have simple things (like menus, being clean shaven) as those are pretty normal/practical... But I know myself, working full time and managing the house (Master still works out of town), I really don't care a rats tail about kneeling while I watch TV, I'm tired and I want my chair...

Good luck in finding what works.

(in reply to xanderzzz)

RE: Semi long distance relationship - 10/12/2005 2:44:03 PM

Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline

hmmm...
Aside from phone calls, and such.....
Maybe you could have certain things, rituals, that she does at certain times of the day. The order in which she gets ready in the morning, certain colors or garments that she wears on specific days of the week.
These things, and others, would obviously be up to her to pick and do.... but it would remind her, and bring the satisfaction of serving you, even though you are not there. Then if you chose, you could ask her if she did it, or not....up to you. You are in control.

Well, that's what I came up with off the top of my head.

Hope it helps...smiles..

Tempest's pet
jennifer

(in reply to xanderzzz)

RE: Semi long distance relationship - 10/12/2005 2:52:44 PM

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

The best rituals are the ones that you already do naturally. What things do you do everyday? Get up, brush teeth, eat, put on clothes if you have to leave the house, brush hair, put gas in car, log online, answer the phone, wash the dishes, flush the toilet.

Anything we already do can become ritualized, whether it's saying a word beforehand, making a hand motion, using only the blue toothbrush 30 times in one direction.

Trust me, talk to any OCD person and they can give you rituals you never even dreamed of which have nothing to do with sex, that no one would perceive unless they were really watching for it, and are done all the time.

You don't want to see me eat a bag of Skittles when I'm feeling highly stressed out.

Also, I actually suggest NOT using rituals, I suggest NOT putting so much emphasis on some constant feeling. LDR is tough enough. Work on LONG TERM plans, work on dealing with the problems as they arise, work on riding that edge of loneliness and finding your center again, it DOES happen. Work on what you will do when you are together again, work on improving your life and making it ready for the transitions ahead. Rituals can actually become larger reminders of what you don't like, rather than what you do.

(in reply to xanderzzz)

RE: Semi long distance relationship - 10/12/2005 3:20:33 PM

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

let your fingers do the walking............on the phone, when you are not together............on her body, when you are.

Works for me!

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

RE: Semi long distance relationship - 10/12/2005 5:49:57 PM

Posts: 36
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: Dallas
Status: offline

When was serving a Master, back in my learning days as a bottom, I lived in Dallas and he was in New Orleans. When we were not together (both were able to travel at a whim) he would call me every night at the same time for a report. He gave me "chores" to do for the next visit....such as make a new toy or outfit, since I am crafty and at that time had time to design things....or shop for a very specifi pair of shoes or outfit...lingerie...whatever. These were all things that kept me thinking of him...not that it was so hard, at that time.
Our relationship was a bit different than that of most Master/slaves but it worked for us. We are still very good friends and I still have most of the toys and equipment I made...only good came from that arrangement.

(in reply to fastlane)

RE: Semi long distance relationship - 10/12/2005 8:10:11 PM

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I would think about easing into the rituals. You will discover things when you are together that you can ritualize and build on -- these things will occur naturally in the relationship, these will be things full of meaning for you, and better than any ideas you get from the internet.

Weekends are good. Until your plans get interrupted. Then they suck (and not in a good way!)

Good luck.

(in reply to DallasDiva)

RE: Semi long distance relationship - 10/12/2005 9:54:04 PM

Posts: 24
Joined: 9/21/2005
Status: offline

Thank you for all your suggestions. It has given me some direction where to go.

She lives a very structured and routine life so I am trying to do something that would just not blend into that. I am a firm believer of few rituals and rules as possible and especially in the begining and for them to have reason. I am just having trouble thinking of a couple that would be easy with some impact for starting out. We have already naturally gone into a structured phone call times and emails with little discussion.

Thanks,

Xander

(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: Semi long distance relationship - 10/12/2005 10:04:44 PM

SubmissiveBBW4U

Posts: 12
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline

Like has been said...simply her keeping a journal of her thoughts and feelings will most likely be enough.

< Message edited by SubmissiveBBW4U -- 10/12/2005 10:05:01 PM >

_____________________________

~melissa

(in reply to xanderzzz)

RE: Semi long distance relationship - 10/12/2005 10:05:52 PM

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I know the best rituals are custom for each couple, but I was wondering to all the subs/slaves if any rituals and in particular non sexual ones were helpful to you when starting out a relationship where your Dom was not there many days in a row?

For the first year of our relationship, Master and I lived 150 miles apart and only saw each other on the weekends. During the times we were separated, I had one ritual that I performed each night. Just before getting into bed, I would kneel beside the bed for ten minutes and reflect on things we'd discussed that night and the future of our relationship. Then, I would put on my cuffs, tie my left ankle to the bedpost, and go to sleep.

For the next couple years, we had daily rituals which I have described in other threads, so I won't go into those here. But now we're once again separated. This time, it's His job that keeps us apart for anywhere from 12 to 20 days at a time, and when He IS home, He's here just 2-3 days and then He's gone again. The first time He went over the road, it very nearly destroyed our relationship. But now we're BOTH better equipped to handle it, and we've established a "welcome home" ritual that helps us both get back into the mindset of Master and slave (as opposed to the independent woman and truck drivin' man we are now when we're apart).

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to xanderzzz)

RE: Semi long distance relationship - 10/13/2005 4:12:55 AM

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmissiveBBW4U

Like has been said...simply her keeping a journal of her thoughts and feelings will most likely be enough.

yes, journaling keeps Master always in mind as does any kind of proactiving learning and attempting to find ways to please a Master

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to SubmissiveBBW4U)

RE: Semi long distance relationship - 10/13/2005 4:37:54 PM

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

I have thought about this more and now have this to offer.

Semi long distance relationships....R......like Semi Hard-ons, neither party will truly be satisfied!

No, I did not read that in a Fortune cookie.

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to fyreredsub)

RE: Semi long distance relationship - 10/13/2005 5:27:53 PM

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

When Doug and I first got together he would have me call at a certain time each day. Down to the minute.

I wore what I was told to wear....well hey after all these year's he still dresses me. He had an inventory of all of my clothing. He knew what I had to do that day..whether the field or the office..so knew how I needed to dress.
If I had a task I needed to get done around the house...he told me when I would do it in my spare time.
If I had to go to the store...after being home...I had to call.

Oodles of things. When our relationship first started we only saw one another on weekends as well. One night a week.
You have to have trust though. Tell her how to dress, you have to check up on her. Web cam if not together...to prove she did what she should have.
Beyond meeting in a chat room we never had a cyber relationship either. Although to today we still chat now and then on the computer while the other is at work.

(in reply to xanderzzz)

RE: Semi long distance relationship - 10/14/2005 12:01:50 AM

Posts: 1622
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

while no substitute for an up close and personal every day thing, planning regular trips and making special arrangements can surely go a long way towards the time when every day can happen. in the meanwhile, keeping the person in your thoughts daily, through whatever means works for the two of you, keeps things alive and growing. letting the other know what things you are doing that they wish you to do (tasks, shopping trips, denials, etc.) can help to bridge the time.

(in reply to xanderzzz)

RE: Semi long distance relationship - 11/15/2005 3:48:30 PM

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

Master and i have been together 2 years rl now (almost). We are married now as well. We met eeach other online and had no interest in creating an online relationship having both lived in rl Master/slave relationships before. We also lived a very long way from each other (entirely differnt countries). Our communication was entirely on the premise that we would be working on coming together face to face.This posed a problem for us. we wanted to come together permanently. we had no interest in doing the online thing. How could we fill in the time before we met? What was the most productive way for us to spend this time? There were issues to face, how could we keep from being totally frustrated from limited contact ie. no touch?
This is what we did.
1. Phone calls every day.
2. Spent our time talking about expectations.
3. At one point i was really frustrated, we started doing webcam, so that in some ways i could feel that i was submitting to him, in some ways i could feel closer to him. This satiated my need to please and do things for him a little while we couldnt be together.
4. he had me make things for him, ready for when he came, during that time, i made a quilt with the bdsm symbol on it, a flogger which i made with my own two little hands and am very proud of, wrist and ankle cuffs, umm other things i cant think of now.
5. We played online games together, totally non bdsm lol, but the point was, we spent time together doing something that was fun.

all tho these things werent rules and rituals...they were all together things which i think is needed in any long distance relationship.

(in reply to xanderzzz)

RE: Semi long distance relationship - 11/15/2005 5:58:58 PM

Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline

A number of people have mentioned phone calls, but if you both have cellphones, or more to the point, if she does, try text messages at different times of the day. An unexpected message can make her think of you at that time and anticipate when the next one will be. A regularly scheduled one can become like a ritual. Perhaps you might even take it to the point of telling her to do something in your message ~doesn't have to be sexual ~ and then responding. And if she has the feature, tell her to use a distinctive ring for your regular calls.

_____________________________

A person should not choose the form in which he wishes to perform the service, but he should perform it in any manner the opportunity affords. He should be like a vessel into which anything may be poured - wine, milk, or water.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel

(in reply to slavejali)

RE: Semi long distance relationship - 1/21/2006 2:13:12 AM

Posts: 34
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

For me Master has me keep a "slaves diary" for Her, only with contemplation on my growing submission.

Also before bed, i kneel on the bed, brushing my hair (Master adores my hair) and meditate on my submission, i have found that turning that into a devotion to Master has gotten to the point i get a nice soft subbie buzz of it and can use that to hold onto the feeling when i need it almost on demand if i have 10 min i can feel it at least a little.

Finaly i'd sugest some form of collar, posibly just leather with a single ring, maybee something else if you prefer, and a leash (assuming she feels that comforting feeling of being held by you from light bondage) and have her secure one end to her wall or bed, then she puts them on and "leashes in" for night. Have her keep a phone next to the bed and call you in the morning for permision to unleash.

This did wonders for me to still feel held and controled and in Masters care and possession even living two hours away (and thats with clear trafic and a nasty case of lead foot)

just my experience - as always your millage may very.

(in reply to WalterRego)

RE: Semi long distance relationship - 1/21/2006 5:28:55 AM

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

One of My favorites is a morning and evening mantra--with a meaningful position--you write the mantra--

another one is the same day every week wearing something meaningful--maybe all black or all white---it brings focus.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to xanderzzz)

Page: [1]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Semi long distance relationship

Page: [1]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.078