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Mutual Collaring - 4/24/2008 9:49:17 AM   
ElisabethA


Posts: 10
Joined: 4/24/2008
Status: offline 		I'm looking for anyone's thoughts on mutual collaring.  Information. Experiences.  Whatever.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Mutual Collaring - 4/24/2008 12:59:47 PM   
LadyLynx


Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline 		well I like the idea, but alot like the exchanging of rings in a vanilla wedding ceremony.

Heh. I like the idea of taking turns kneeling, while we take our vows.

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to ElisabethA)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Mutual Collaring - 4/24/2008 2:18:14 PM   
Vigilantejustice


Posts: 106
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline 		I find mutual collaring an intriguing concept, but in my mind collaring is something that denotes a more staid sense of role than being switchy with another person. Personally, my boy pet and I have pendants that were gifts from our Daddy (poly is an easy/hard way around the whole thing, lol) Since I'm the alpha, and take a dominant role with boy-pet, I wear mine on my left wrist (the traditional side for "flagging" dominance). I have a neck problem, so it also keeps me from aggravating my injury, lol.

What I think would be ideal for a situation of two switches, who switch with each other, would be for each of you to have some kind of token, be it a ring, necklace, bracelet, that matches to symbolize your commitment to each other. In addition you could each choose an implement (flogger, crop, etc.) and a collar to bestow upon the other in a small ceremony, if you choose to go semi-formal with the commitment.

I attended a collaring recently, and the sub gave the dom a crop, and the dom gave the sub a collar. Each stated what their gift represented (the dominance or submission they were offering), and what acceptance of the other's gift meant (responsibilities to the other person).
It was lovely. Pet and I cried.

Just some ideas.
-Corinne


_____________________________

“Love begets love. This torment is my joy.”
"Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries."
"[Your work] is carved out of agony as a statue is carved out of marble." -All by Theodore Roethke

(in reply to ElisabethA)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Mutual Collaring - 4/24/2008 4:44:22 PM   
impossiblesub


Posts: 150
Joined: 4/20/2008
Status: offline 		Who is going to tell who what to do or make any decisions that need to be made? It is difficult for you both to be submissive all of the time. I suppose you could determine beforehand who was responsible for what activities as far as a household is concerned. I suppose you could both do whatever the other person wanted to do and flip a coin if there is a disagreement. I suppose you could always consult a "qualified professional" regarding matters and allow them to make the decision for you. There are probably a lot of vanilla marriages like this.

*sarcasm* How blissful, now you don't even have to think.

Hmm, who is going to initiate sex? I suppose you could just have it whenever you happen to get into bed together or perhaps whenever the other person wanted to.

< Message edited by impossiblesub -- 4/24/2008 5:02:17 PM >

(in reply to Vigilantejustice)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Mutual Collaring - 4/24/2008 6:25:03 PM   
ElisabethA


Posts: 10
Joined: 4/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: impossiblesub

Who is going to tell who what to do or make any decisions that need to be made?


I don't see why that needs to be a problem.

(in reply to impossiblesub)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Mutual Collaring - 4/25/2008 2:38:52 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Hello Elizabeth(I keep hearing Counting Crows - love that song)
I have not been collared simply because collaring means something specific to Darcy and myself and will come at a specific time.
However we have exchanged a symbol of a pair of wings.  We both wear one each.  We have often had them commented on when together.  You can view them on our photographs.  It's not so much a symbol of ownership, but that we are combined.
 
Wearing it doesn't make Darcy less dominant or less in control and only enhances that we are together.  So for others to suggest such would be laughable to us.
 
And whilst sarcasm is on the table....
Really impossible, if the Darcy didn't allow me to initiate sex or any other activity - how would he ever know anything about me?  It's called communication.  You may want to look it up and learn more about it.</sarcasm>
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to ElisabethA)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Mutual Collaring - 5/9/2008 2:24:04 PM   
kickable


Posts: 47
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		I thought the traditional side for ``flagging'' dominance was the right side, as in a woman wearing an ankle bracelet on her right ankle, with left being the submissive ``flag.''
That being said, I'm intrigued by the concept of mutual collaring. I like the idea of ceremony you suggest, as a way to richen the exerience.

(in reply to Vigilantejustice)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Mutual Collaring - 5/9/2008 4:43:16 PM   
Vigilantejustice


Posts: 106
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kickable

I thought the traditional side for ``flagging'' dominance was the right side, as in a woman wearing an ankle bracelet on her right ankle, with left being the submissive ``flag.''
That being said, I'm intrigued by the concept of mutual collaring. I like the idea of ceremony you suggest, as a way to richen the exerience.



According to the Seek Discipline! Wiki
( http://www.seekdiscipline.com/wiki/Flagging/ )

"In the Leather Subculture, the Hanky Code provides a way of declaring interests using different coloured handkerchiefs worn in a back trouser pocket (eg gray = bondage). Although the use of flagging has declined, it is conventional for tops to wear the hanky on the left, and bottoms to wear it on the right. This convention may also extend to keys."

Really not hijacking,
Corinne

_____________________________

“Love begets love. This torment is my joy.”
"Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries."
"[Your work] is carved out of agony as a statue is carved out of marble." -All by Theodore Roethke

(in reply to kickable)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Mutual Collaring - 5/10/2008 6:37:48 AM   
kickable


Posts: 47
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you for the response. The article I read and based my perception off was something I bought in the pre-internet days in an adult bookstore, back when we wrote coded letters to two-year-old personal adds, inserted a dollar and a stamp, and hoped the letter would be forwarded.

(in reply to Vigilantejustice)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Mutual Collaring - 5/11/2008 6:20:03 PM   
Vigilantejustice


Posts: 106
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline 		Well, that does predate my involvement in the lifestyle by a bit. I think I'll pursue more resources, just to verify. Never hurts to know more, except when it hurts in a fun way.
-Corinne

quote:

ORIGINAL: kickable

Thank you for the response. The article I read and based my perception off was something I bought in the pre-internet days in an adult bookstore, back when we wrote coded letters to two-year-old personal adds, inserted a dollar and a stamp, and hoped the letter would be forwarded.




_____________________________

“Love begets love. This torment is my joy.”
"Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries."
"[Your work] is carved out of agony as a statue is carved out of marble." -All by Theodore Roethke

(in reply to kickable)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Mutual Collaring - 5/12/2008 5:35:27 AM   
SleepyDom


Posts: 118
Status: offline 		"with this collar, I swear to be your property forever."
"No, *I* swear to be your property with this collar."
"NO, ME!"
"NOWAY!"
"Yeah huh!"
"Nya huh!"
...
(overheard at mutual collaring ceremonies everywhere) ;)

(in reply to Vigilantejustice)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Mutual Collaring - 5/12/2008 2:31:36 PM   
TheShadows


Posts: 403
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Southern Illinois
Status: offline 		I've read that "who flagged where" was different in the US (when that practice was still really popular) depending on which coast you were on, but I can never remember which was which.

Best Wishes,
~MrsShadows~

_____________________________

"The reason the mainstream is thought of as a stream is because of it's shallowness." - George Carlin

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most..." - Ozzy Osbourne

(in reply to Vigilantejustice)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Mutual Collaring - 5/12/2008 9:48:37 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well on the one hand, all collarings are mutual- they are an expression of commitment between at least two people.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to TheShadows)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Mutual Collaring - 5/12/2008 9:50:22 PM   
michaels4evr


Posts: 184
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline 		Although we did not collar each other, I was involved in a relationship with another switch and essentially we both owned the other to a certain degree. Certainly in our hearts, although we had no outward expression of it. I believe that if the right match is made between two switches, the possibilities are endless. What role each of us took on a certain day or time had to do with who had the greater need. If he needed to be submissive then I responded in kind...if I needed to be submissive, then he took the lead. We grew to know eachother well enough to sense what each other needed and when. Now of course there were times that we both needed the same thing..usually it was the need to be Dominant.. a crop duel to the finish...what fun!

i think mutual collaring would be quite wonderful for the two involved.

-michael's

(in reply to TheShadows)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Mutual Collaring - 5/15/2008 9:41:39 PM   
Aine


Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ElisabethA

quote:

ORIGINAL: impossiblesub

Who is going to tell who what to do or make any decisions that need to be made?


I don't see why that needs to be a problem.


Neither do I.

Hell I'm marrying another switch.  Go feckin figure.  We get along perfectly fine, and function day to day ....perfectly fine.  No huge power struggles, no fighting, no BS.  What works for some of us may not work for others...but that doesn't mean it -doesn't- work.


_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to ElisabethA)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Mutual Collaring - 5/15/2008 9:44:13 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		My Master and I wear each others collar. Its a symbol of our devotion to each other.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to ElisabethA)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Mutual Collaring - 6/5/2008 9:28:30 PM   
InterestingName


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: offline 		I personally think mutual collaring is a great idea.  Perhaps a schedule could be arranged, where for the first 6 months of the year one is the dom, and for the remaining 6 months.  I used to be in a relationship where we switched every week, we never had any problems determining who was in charge, and right about the time I got tired of giving orders, my week was up!

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Mutual Collaring - 6/29/2008 11:52:06 PM   
SephandElena


Posts: 52
Joined: 4/7/2008
Status: offline 		My girl and I have our own way around this. Inside the house, it could be whichever depending on frame of mind, mood, whatever that decides who is sub and who is Domme. Outside the house, for the purpose of clubs and parties and the like, she's the sub, since she likes to show off that she's wearing a collar etc. etc. Everyone has their own ways of doing things, and no matter what, as long as you enjoy yourself. It's Fun.

Seph aka Reb.

(in reply to InterestingName)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Mutual Collaring - 7/1/2008 10:18:09 AM   
LadyLynx


Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline 		changing from week to week sounds great, in theory. but the problem I have with it, is that when I am stressed out, I feel more subby. (and I tend to stress out a fair amount.) Only when I am completely relaxed, do I feel more toppy. That being said, I have very little interest in being submissive in a dynamic.   Well I guess I will cross that bridge if I get to it.

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to SephandElena)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Mutual Collaring - 7/15/2008 11:57:56 AM   
ftmboyfag


Posts: 23
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline 		I don't see why there needs to be scheduling at all... I'm a switch and I've always just gone with whatever level of dom/subness myself or my partner was feeling at any given time. This means I was more subby with my more dominant partner and I'm now more dommish with my current sub boyfriend. Very rarely when my boyfriend feels toppish, he lets me know and we have great fun!

Scheduling, for me, would feel like a huge restraint that would choke the ability to be a fluid, three-dimensional person. That's not the kind of choking I like!

Tboy

(in reply to ElisabethA)
Profile   Post #: 20
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