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RE: How long is your consideration period? - 4/25/2008 1:03:47 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I don't have one anymore. I used to so the levels of collars, but that's changed. So, I guess you could say my period lasts until I collar them...or zero, whichever way you look at it. I'm not setting a time limit on how long it will take before I'm comfortable offering a collar. With my girl, she petitioned after a year. Someone else might petition sooner...or later.

Master Fire


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(in reply to MKred23)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: How long is your consideration period? - 4/25/2008 1:13:30 AM   
Skully7000


Posts: 377
Joined: 7/22/2007
Status: offline 		definitions: I don't believe in a collar of consideration(using the def that consideration is prior to or becoming a playmate)  


If their is a person I would like to permenantly collar I would offer them a training collar. the training collar would stay on until I either offer them a permenant collar or decide that I am not interested in Permanently collaring them.

while I prefer my method... I do greatly respect the rational/reasoning behind my friends belief:

a friend of mine sets her training collar at 5 years: the reason being that she likes her Sub/slaves to know that their is a defined/set length of time that they must survive. and for her... if they last 5 years she is ready to make it Permenant... she also makes it quite clear that there is no other difference in the "worth" of the collars. the only difference between her training collar and her permenant collar is the fact that permenant is permenant. they have already earned her respect in order to be offered a training collar in the first place.

Cheers
Skully


(in reply to girlygurl)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: How long is your consideration period? - 4/25/2008 1:30:28 AM   
beautyImurDaddy


Posts: 58
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline 		windchymes... its not often i respond to these nor do I find true amusement in them....i must say... you gave me a chuckle tho... well done!!

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RE: How long is your consideration period? - 4/25/2008 2:44:16 AM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Personally, I wouldn't have anything to do with a dominant who has a set "consideration period" or who could discuss a long history with regard to the length of time they have waited before collaring previous submissives.  What that tells me is that there is something wrong with them that they've had too many opportunities to work on it in the past and expect more opportunities in the future.  Doesn't say much to me about their ability to develop a relationship and commit.

I mean honestly... wouldn't you wonder about a person who'd been married a dozen times or more? 

< Message edited by TreasureKY -- 4/25/2008 2:48:39 AM >

(in reply to MKred23)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: How long is your consideration period? - 4/25/2008 4:27:42 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Mine is however long it needs to be. That could be 6 months to a year, in the case of my current sub it was a year.

~Lashra


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RE: How long is your consideration period? - 4/25/2008 4:37:16 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		The one thing that is missing here I believe, and accounts for the diversity of answers so far, is that the reason for/ use of 'consideration' will differ from person to person.

Some may well have a very formalised protocol for dealing with such things, others like Myself mearly seeing it as a contextual 'tool'

If I see what I want and all other factors are right then I'll skip 'consideration' entirely and take the girl as Mine. If the other factors are not right but both are working toward getting them right THEN I will use consideration.... there is no formal 'length of consideration' because how long it takes before those factors are solved has no fixed time. Which is the 'WHY' behind My approach to the 'consideration' issue.


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RE: How long is your consideration period? - 4/25/2008 5:05:04 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		derefrewop I have a question for you. You say that a Dom is supposed to know how to make a sub to submit. How do I go about doing that??

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RE: How long is your consideration period? - 4/25/2008 5:18:50 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MKred23

Do most doms/domes have time frames for their consideration periods?



depends on the relationship

Daddy didn't have one for me and i didn't have it for my pets. as you see, we're not big on using BDSM protocols and whatnot.


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RE: How long is your consideration period? - 4/25/2008 6:08:08 AM   
robertolapiedra


Posts: 520
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MKred23

I have two subs that I was already in relationships with, when the topic of dynamics shifting to include D/s.

Recently I have had a couple more under consideration. 

Do most doms/domes have time frames for their consideration periods?


MK


Hello MKred23. I'm no ''consideration period'' expert but I will tell you this: If you have 2 subs, one fixed period will be too short for one, and too long for the other. Get it? Then you will have to deal with the same consequences that vanilla people have with long or short engagement periods before marriage.

I would recommend saying to a sub that he/she is in a consideration ''phase'' (or stage, level) and it will be over when you feel it is the right time. I find this will alleviate undue stress from the dynamic. Adult people should know that flowers do not grow faster when you pull on them. Encouraging subs by saying things about progress (''long ways to go'', ''half way there'', ''almost there'') is much better than '' you have 26 weeks, 4 days, 16 hours, 3 minutes to go before next level!''. What do you think?. RL.

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RE: How long is your consideration period? - 4/25/2008 6:35:27 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		It has been my experience that I consider him, as he is considering me.  We date, fuck, play, until we want to be with eachother more than we wish to continue seeing others.  I think if I was on a set trial period where he had to decide if I was good enough to keep, I would pass on him.  The formality of time is too much like a regulation for me to agree to with someone I am only considering.
Kyst


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RE: How long is your consideration period? - 4/25/2008 7:32:30 AM   
tuff2break


Posts: 13
Joined: 2/17/2007
Status: offline 		I was a sub when I met my last Master. He had me "under consideration", then not, then under again, then not. I thought it was over and then we started seeing each other again. Then He collared me permanently, suddenly. Just as suddenly, He released me. I was devastated and am still. I don't know what happened.

Back to the question of collars for consideration.... Being under consideration made me feel alot of stress and anxiety, a whole "proving myself" thing. For those that it works for, great for you. It didn't for me. There's too much pressure, too much expectation. For myself, I felt like the whole collar thing didn't let the relationship fall into a natural pattern for us. A kind of time line.... you have to do this that or the other thing for this long, you have to learn this that or the other thing by this time, you have to change in this amount of time or I won't keep you, love you anymore....  all that effort for nothing. Sorry if it sounds like sour grapes but that's just what I'm feeling right now. Does anyone else feel this way? That imposing a time limit may actually hinder the flourishing of a sub/slave, quash a sub/slave's confidence, make her/him question everything she does until she just a bunch of anxienty, nerves, neediness for reassurance and a constant low level of depression? I felt like I was on eggshells the whole time, just waiting for Him to tell me it's over....and lookey lookey, it is.

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RE: How long is your consideration period? - 4/25/2008 7:43:49 AM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tuff2break

I was a sub when I met my last Master. He had me "under consideration", then not, then under again, then not. I thought it was over and then we started seeing each other again. Then He collared me permanently, suddenly. Just as suddenly, He released me. I was devastated and am still. I don't know what happened.



He showed you a pattern of behavior....yet when he did it again, you were devasted and still don't know what happened????


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RE: How long is your consideration period? - 4/25/2008 7:59:51 AM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Fast reply...

I wish now I had come up with some icon to represent my time of deliberation with a dominant... it would have been a hell of a lot of fun to tell those who wanted to collar me that they would have to be under my "flogger of consideration" for at least six months. 

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RE: How long is your consideration period? - 4/25/2008 8:03:42 AM   
tuff2break


Posts: 13
Joined: 2/17/2007
Status: offline 		You're right, he did show a pattern. I was too blind to see it. Thank you. I never said I was a quick study. lol

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: How long is your consideration period? - 4/25/2008 8:23:01 AM   
lanie38


Posts: 120
Joined: 9/14/2007
Status: offline 		Under consideration??? How condescending...not my kinda deal..but anyway...

We dated and learned about each other and had some fun, and discovered that we were quite compatible with our life goals, interests, and kink....things worked out and it's two years later...



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RE: How long is your consideration period? - 4/25/2008 9:16:08 AM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline 		What is it called in the vanilla world, when 2 people are seeing each other and there is a possibilty that a relationshipo might develop? Is it called a "pre-engagement"?  "pre-marriage"? "considering marriage"?
Why can't it simply be dating? Why must some BDSM'ers make it more dramatic & theatrical? Why make things so freaking complicated?




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RE: How long is your consideration period? - 4/25/2008 9:49:29 AM   
UncleNasty


Posts: 1108
Joined: 3/20/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1

What is it called in the vanilla world, when 2 people are seeing each other and there is a possibilty that a relationshipo might develop? Is it called a "pre-engagement"?  "pre-marriage"? "considering marriage"?
Why can't it simply be dating? Why must some BDSM'ers make it more dramatic & theatrical? Why make things so freaking complicated?





Well, some folks like all the structure, all the rules, all the definitions and little boxes to put things in. Gives them a way to get their mind around it and a handle to grab onto. There isn't a thing wrong with this. But it isn't my style.

I see less in black and white, and more and more in shades of grey, as I've aged. I value adaptability, flexibility over being rigid (save one anatomical part, LOL). I figure those with the most options have the greatest potential to meet with their desired outcome (or something very close to it).

"Under consideration" isn't anything I've ever done. I either do or don't, as another has mentioned.

Uncle Nasty

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RE: How long is your consideration period? - 4/25/2008 10:02:43 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I always find it interesting to see the different views on consideration.  They are so diverse.  I never thought it to be a big deal until I began to understand that some people use the idea of consideration unethically.

In any case, I was "under consideration" with my Master, but we were both considering each other and the situation.  It wasn't really a formal "under consideration" - there was no collar of consideration or anything like that.  The truth is, I didn't know if I wanted to belong to him - I was too concerned about committing myself even though I felt a very strong pull.  I wanted to fully know what I was getting myself into.  He had made it clear an ownership collar would not be given for at least 6 months after ownership was established, but that he did wish for ownership.  I was the one who wasn't ready for ownership.  And yet I had no desire to explore anything with anyone else either.  So I asked, "What does this make us?"  He said to think of myself as "under consideration" if it helps and I said OK. 

Having said that, I was "under consideration" (as was he, really) for 2 months before I realized he already owned me.  It wasn't until the following year that he decided I was ready for his collar.

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RE: How long is your consideration period? - 4/25/2008 10:36:02 AM   
derfrewop


Posts: 74
Joined: 5/10/2007
From: Vancouver
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

derefrewop I have a question for you. You say that a Dom is supposed to know how to make a sub to submit. How do I go about doing that??


I will use the Power Exchange Model to explain. I want power, sub wants to give me power. So the only rational course for me to pusue is to find out what makes her want to submit to me. Subs rational course is to find out what makes me take power from her.  The complication is that we are both real people with a real life we have experienced and secret dreams and fears we hold. As real people we are complicated, with big areas we don't know ourselves. Worst of all, we can not read each others minds, we only have our limited senses.

To take a sub as MINE, I need to know how to make her submit to me and she needs to know how to submit to me. It requires deep understanding and acceptance of each other as we really are which can only be developed by making the effort to understand each other. It might take six minutes, it might take six months. But if either side does not want to make that effort, whats the point of continuing?





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RE: How long is your consideration period? - 4/25/2008 11:36:41 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MKred23

I have two subs that I was already in relationships with, when the topic of dynamics shifting to include D/s.

Recently I have had a couple more under consideration. 

Do most doms/domes have time frames for their consideration periods?


MK



I don't have a consideration time frame either we fit or we don't.  If someone were to tell me I have you "under consideration" for whatever in a relationship I see ya bye.  I am not about to hang with someone that can't make up their mind.

BadOne

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