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Switches Only 2 - 4/25/2008 4:15:17 PM

cjan

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Joined: 2/21/2008
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I'm new to this particular forum and find myself asking,myself,ummm, "self, why dat is? ".

I dunno. But,one thing I am struck by is the apparent self doubt and questioning of many Switches. Perhaps, if y'all like, we could have an exchange of ideas on why that may be the case. I, for one, don't give a damn whether someone "gets" me or not, except, of course, that when someone does, it feels so good. I am long past evangelizing ,although I don't at all mind explaining myself to someone who is sincere and wants to understand.

So, what do y'all think about this, and how do y'all feel about it ?

_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti

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RE: Switches Only 2 - 4/25/2008 4:56:06 PM

BitaTruble

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I think that holds true for any orientation. Once you embrace your own truths, that self-doubt tends to go away and it's the same for those of us who switch. Okay, maybe some folks don't like switches just because they are switches, but I'd consider the source .. who the hell cares if a bigot doesn't like you? ::chuckles:: I think, too, there are a lot of folks who don't really care if someone switches or not, they just don't want to be involved with switches and that's okay. Everyone has their own preferences.

I do think that the idea that someone can actually like and embrace either side of the slash (whether D/s and/or S/m) can be intimidating to some folks because they may feel like that can't fill all the needs of a switch. I've heard that same song and dance for years in the bisexual world. You can't possibly be in a monogamous, faithful relationship because you're bi and need at least one of each gender to be completely satisfied. ::koffs:: It's not even close to a truth much less a universal truth. What people don't get is that a lot of us are filled by either side, not that we need both sides to be filled. And, hell, if you do need both sides to be filled, that's an option, too.

I don't worry about it. I'm happy and filled with Himself and taking on the bottom role of the S/m paradigm. I don't feel like I'm missing anything and I want for nothing. If Himself suddenly decided he wanted to take on the bottom role to my top role, I'd be happy and filled with that as well. I'm happy being the target or being the sharpshooter ... I just wanna be involved!

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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RE: Switches Only 2 - 4/25/2008 5:55:15 PM

impossiblesub

Posts: 150
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It seems to me that it probably is a lot harder to find what you are looking for if you are a switch. Some switches probably lean more toward dominant and some probably lean more toward submissive. Some are probably unsure which way they lean or if they prefer one to the other. That can be pretty frustrating to get "just right" in any long-term relationship and a lot of people are probably seeking long-term relationships eventually.

http://www.dltk-teach.com/rhymes/goldilocks_story.htm

If we look at the three different objects the story is centered around - the food, the chair, and the bed - we find that Goldilocks has has to test several of each to get what she is looking for. We can view those objects as representative of the different facets of our personality which need to be satisfied in order to find a satisfactory "home" or long-term relationship. Goldilocks would have been completly satisfied with one chair, one bowl of porridge, and one bed but she was not certain which of the available items she found comfortable.

Of course if you just want to be naughty this is not applicable but then you would not be confused either.

< Message edited by impossiblesub -- 4/25/2008 6:52:16 PM >

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RE: Switches Only 2 - 4/25/2008 6:37:03 PM

cjan

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I think you've nailed it, as far as I am concerned, Celeste. I agree with you 100%. And thanks for your input. Some folks understand this, and others don't, just like a lot of other things. Thank goodness for the ones that do.

_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti

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RE: Switches Only 2 - 4/25/2008 7:35:49 PM

purepleasure

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I don't "need" them to get it. It just is.

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RE: Switches Only 2 - 5/27/2008 4:18:40 AM

Mey

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I had many years of "ohmai I'm too bisexual... ohmai I'm not sub enough.. ohmai I'm not Christian enough.. ohmai I'm too polyamorous.. ohmai I'm not straight enough... ohmai I'm not Dom enough.. ohmai I'm too Caucasian.. ohmai I'm not lesbian enough.. ohmai I'm not mongomous enough.. ohmai I'm too pagan.. ohmai I'm not <enter adjective here>.. ohmai I'm too <enter adjective here>"

And then I had a long sit-down and chat with myself over coffee and asked myself exactly who it was I was living my life for in the first place- and if it wasn't for myself, why exactly it wasn't.

We sorted some things out then, myself and I. And now we're much happier together.

I think a lot of people regardless of orientation- sexual, kink or otherwise- get stuck in that spot and until they figure themselves out from the inside, they're going to have a hard time figuring out exactly what they want.

~M

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RE: Switches Only 2 - 5/27/2008 9:46:52 AM

pettingdragons

Posts: 421
Joined: 8/16/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

I think that holds true for any orientation. Once you embrace your own truths, that self-doubt tends to go away and it's the same for those of us who switch. Okay, maybe some folks don't like switches just because they are switches,
I do think that the idea that someone can actually like and embrace either side of the slash (whether D/s and/or S/m) can be intimidating to some folks because they may feel like that can't fill all the needs of a switch. I've heard that same song and dance for years in the bisexual world. You can't possibly be in a monogamous, faithful relationship because you're bi and need at least one of each gender to be completely satisfied. ::koffs:: It's not even close to a truth much less a universal truth. What people don't get is that a lot of us are filled by either side, not that we need both sides to be filled. And, hell, if you do need both sides to be filled, that's an option, too.
Celeste

Very well written and i completely agree...i am a bisexual, poly, switch ....who is slave to a straight, monogomous Master. We just had this conversation over the weekend. am i happy as a monogoumous straight slave. Well i explained it this way...i will always be a bisexual switch..its ingrained in my nature, but i will be HIS bisexual switch slave to control. If i never sleep with another women or top another will i be happy, YES. Those things are skills and mindsets that i can used. i can also teach and train dogs, its something i love to do....could i live with never doing it again...yes...it may be a part of me but its a part that i or Master control. i usually have a hard time explaining to people that i am a bisexual switch slave...so We just stick with slave....i mean being a switch a debated topic and so is the differece in the types of slave...can you imagine the switch slave debate...LOL
Or did i just babble on again into no mans land? ......

pettingdragons
**Master Dragons considered slave**

Edited to add: Oh my gods we wont even go there about the being poly or Pagan...LOL

< Message edited by pettingdragons -- 5/27/2008 9:51:29 AM >

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RE: Switches Only 2 - 5/27/2008 3:34:00 PM

tag8833

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Joined: 7/1/2007
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The insecurity of the Doms and subs makes them prone to try to make others insecure.

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RE: Switches Only 2 - 5/27/2008 5:33:20 PM

Alumbrado

Posts: 5560
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cjan

I'm new to this particular forum and find myself asking,myself,ummm, "self, why dat is? ".

I dunno. But,one thing I am struck by is the apparent self doubt and questioning of many Switches. Perhaps, if y'all like, we could have an exchange of ideas on why that may be the case. I, for one, don't give a damn whether someone "gets" me or not, except, of course, that when someone does, it feels so good. I am long past evangelizing ,although I don't at all mind explaining myself to someone who is sincere and wants to understand.

So, what do y'all think about this, and how do y'all feel about it ?

I think if you provided links to all this self doubt, that would be a good place to start a discusion on specifics.

Otherwise, I'm just smelling straw.

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RE: Switches Only 2 - 5/28/2008 4:39:39 AM

WinsomeDefiance

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Well of COURSE Goldilocks was a Switch. If she'd have been a slave, when the bears came home they'd have found her still kneeling before the door, waiting for permission to enter.

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 5/28/2008 4:40:31 AM >

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RE: Switches Only 2 - 5/28/2008 5:36:34 AM

pettingdragons

Posts: 421
Joined: 8/16/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance
Well of COURSE Goldilocks was a Switch. If she'd have been a slave, when the bears came home they'd have found her still kneeling before the door, waiting for permission to enter.

LMAO

thank you for the good morning laughter...

pettingdragons
**Master Dragons considered slave**
May the life force of the squirrels protect your
nuts in times of distress....

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RE: Switches Only 2 - 5/28/2008 6:44:22 PM

cjan

Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
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*snort*

_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti

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