How to figure "it" out...

How to figure "it" out... (Full Version)

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shybaby -> How to figure "it" out... (4/26/2008 2:30:31 PM)
With all due respect to advise and comments i may receive, please console my heart. He moved in last August. it has been fun and an adventure and rocky and tumultuous and flirty and discouraging. When it's good, it's very very good but when it's bad- it wretches my heart out. He has a lousy temper and i have a stubborn streak almost as bad... i learned i was a babygirl and have tender desires and needs. He came more from a Master/slave type background and becomes discouraged when i don't respond instantaneously to His commands. i've come to realize He makes me feel bullied. it breaks my heart daily. i know in my soul, He's a good Man... i don't have bad thoughts of Him... it just gets more and more difficult to have loving feelings when He appears to have such little respect for mine. i know also, there is His side of the story... probably would paint a different picture. but this is how it feels to me... thank You. shybaby

antipode -> RE: How to figure "it" out... (4/26/2008 2:44:42 PM)
We are just simple doms here - you need couple therapy. He breaks your heart daily? He is a good man? Can you try to figure out which one it is, because the two do not go together. And you might consider figuring out what you want, as well.

beargonewild -> RE: How to figure "it" out... (4/26/2008 2:46:29 PM)
Would discussing this with hm help clear the air between you both? Almost sounds like a case of you both would make better friends then lovers scenerio.

SassySarijane -> RE: How to figure "it" out... (4/26/2008 3:00:20 PM)
It sounds like a mismatch. You might try sitting down and discussing this with him, explaining how it's making you feel. Maybe a compromise can be reached that makes both of you happy and fulfilled, and maybe it really is just a mismatch.

greenearth21 -> RE: How to figure "it" out... (4/26/2008 3:18:27 PM)
I think just about everyone will suggest talking it out. Dont put or keep yourself in a situation where your heart is constantly being broken. Not healthy for you talk it out or walk if the misunderstanding is constant

MissHarlet -> RE: How to figure "it" out... (4/26/2008 3:21:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shybaby With all due respect to advise and comments i may receive, please console my heart. He moved in last August. it has been fun and an adventure and rocky and tumultuous and flirty and discouraging. When it's good, it's very very good but when it's bad- it wretches my heart out. He has a lousy temper and i have a stubborn streak almost as bad... i learned i was a babygirl and have tender desires and needs. He came more from a Master/slave type background and becomes discouraged when i don't respond instantaneously to His commands. i've come to realize He makes me feel bullied. it breaks my heart daily. i know in my soul, He's a good Man... i don't have bad thoughts of Him... it just gets more and more difficult to have loving feelings when He appears to have such little respect for mine. i know also, there is His side of the story... probably would paint a different picture. but this is how it feels to me... thank You. shybaby If the good does not far outweigh the bad .. then its time for long talk .. hard decisions and leaving for happier times and places. Just my opinion......

kinkypuppy2 -> RE: How to figure "it" out... (4/26/2008 3:49:06 PM)
Any Dom that has a temper that they cannnot control is not a good person to have around.......

LadyPact -> RE: How to figure "it" out... (4/26/2008 3:55:57 PM)
I'm terrible at providing links, but this is the best one that I have for you. http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1770330&key=bed%2Cnight If you see yourself in this, I think you might know what to do.

shybaby -> RE: How to figure "it" out... (4/26/2008 4:28:46 PM)
thank You One and All for Your thoughts and concerns... this truly is a wonderful forum and and a loving community. when i can speak calmly and listen His side, i'll sit down with Him... today, the latest hurts are still too fresh and my tongue is still too venomous. it's not a kind way for me to behave to anyOne... i do thank You for Your replies. shybaby

DesFIP -> RE: How to figure "it" out... (4/26/2008 4:52:02 PM)
Sounds like you just have a lot of incompatibilities. I would suggest you try couple therapy if he agrees. If he refuses, then I hate to say you haven't much choice but to choose between breaking your heart and his.

ResidentSadist -> RE: How to figure "it" out... (4/26/2008 5:01:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shybaby With all due respect to advise and comments i may receive, please console my heart... OK, hugs are cheap. {{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}

DiurnalVampire -> RE: How to figure "it" out... (4/26/2008 5:04:32 PM)
Sometimes, as good as people are they arent good together. It happens. I have had partners I loved deeply, but we were not compatible as lovers. DV

mastervalentine -> RE: How to figure "it" out... (4/27/2008 1:04:47 AM)
In the absence of proper communication, a relationship has a very weak foundation. Work on that first and foremost, the rest will either fall into place, or be revealed for its inadequacies. I wish you peace in your troubled times.

GreedyTop -> RE: How to figure "it" out... (4/27/2008 6:00:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist quote: ORIGINAL: shybaby With all due respect to advise and comments i may receive, please console my heart... OK, hugs are cheap. {{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}} what he said hugs

TreasureKY -> RE: How to figure "it" out... (4/27/2008 6:26:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shybaby With all due respect to advise and comments i may receive, please console my heart. He moved in last August. it has been fun and an adventure and rocky and tumultuous and flirty and discouraging. When it's good, it's very very good but when it's bad- it wretches my heart out. He has a lousy temper and i have a stubborn streak almost as bad... i learned i was a babygirl and have tender desires and needs. He came more from a Master/slave type background and becomes discouraged when i don't respond instantaneously to His commands. i've come to realize He makes me feel bullied. it breaks my heart daily. i know in my soul, He's a good Man... i don't have bad thoughts of Him... it just gets more and more difficult to have loving feelings when He appears to have such little respect for mine. i know also, there is His side of the story... probably would paint a different picture. but this is how it feels to me... thank You. shybaby I'm sorry, shybaby, but I don't know what there is to figure out. He breaks your heart daily; can you live with that for the rest of your life?

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: How to figure "it" out... (4/27/2008 9:04:46 PM)
i learned i was a babygirl and have tender desires and needs. He came more from a Master/slave type background and becomes discouraged when i don't respond instantaneously to His commands A quote from you above...it seems as if this is a mis match...possibly could of been avoided with better communication in the beginning....Tempting

sunkstar -> RE: How to figure "it" out... (4/27/2008 9:28:08 PM)
even a master type still need to take the sub's desire into account, maybe in a subtle way, being a master doesnt equal to being inconsiderate. Also a relationship requires time to develop and form, and the change doesnt just come from the sub's side, he has the responsibility(especially as a master) to figure out how to solve the problem for you two. Sometimes when both ppl have strong personalities, the first step is to realize that both need to change and compromise instead of trying to foce one party to change.

Focus50 -> RE: How to figure "it" out... (4/28/2008 3:41:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shybaby With all due respect to advise and comments i may receive, please console my heart. He moved in last August. it has been fun and an adventure and rocky and tumultuous and flirty and discouraging. When it's good, it's very very good but when it's bad- it wretches my heart out. He has a lousy temper and i have a stubborn streak almost as bad... i learned i was a babygirl and have tender desires and needs. He came more from a Master/slave type background and becomes discouraged when i don't respond instantaneously to His commands. i've come to realize He makes me feel bullied. it breaks my heart daily. i know in my soul, He's a good Man... i don't have bad thoughts of Him... it just gets more and more difficult to have loving feelings when He appears to have such little respect for mine. i know also, there is His side of the story... probably would paint a different picture. but this is how it feels to me... thank You. shybaby When you strip away all the complications of D/s dynamics and role expectations etc, what I read here is of someone who is neither happy nor flourishing in this relationship. I usually recommend communication but that seems sooooo inadequate here. Though you're a stranger; you just seem miserable to your core and you need to feel the sun on you again - the bringer of life. Subs always seem to be papering over cracks and finding ways to shift blame to themselves etc when something isn't working - and that's what you're doing now. You need to be out of this relationship for your own sanity.... Focus.

slavegirljoy -> RE: How to figure "it" out... (4/28/2008 7:07:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shybaby With all due respect to advise and comments i may receive, please console my heart. While i probably can't console your heart, i can tell you what i think about your situation. Maybe what i have to say can help a little. quote: He moved in last August. it has been fun and an adventure and rocky and tumultuous and flirty and discouraging. When it's good, it's very very good but when it's bad- it wretches my heart out. Most relationships have ups and downs and there is usually an adjustment period with a new relationship or when there is a significant change in a relationship, such as moving in together or getting married. Most relationships, that last over a long period of time, have their bad times, along with their good ones. quote: He has a lousy temper and i have a stubborn streak almost as bad... i learned i was a babygirl and have tender desires and needs. He came more from a Master/slave type background and becomes discouraged when i don't respond instantaneously to His commands. Did you know about His "lousy temper" before you started living together? Or, did His temper become "lousy" after you started living together? Has His temper gotten worse over time or is it as bad now as it was when you first noticed His temper? quote: i've come to realize He makes me feel bullied. it breaks my heart daily. Maybe He has "come to realize" that this relationship isn't fulfilling His needs and isn't what He was expecting and wanting it to be and it may be breaking His heart daily, too. After all, one person doesn't make a relationship and one person doesn't break a relationship. Sometimes things just don't turn out the way we thought they would but, it doesn't have to be anyone's fault. Although, there is probably a lesson to be learned from it. It could be that He is feeling as frustrated as you seem to be. He may be feeling just as disappointed as you are. Maybe He's feeling hurt and angry that things aren't working out the way He wanted and expected them to and the way He shows it is through His "lousy temper". quote: i know in my soul, He's a good Man... i don't have bad thoughts of Him... it just gets more and more difficult to have loving feelings when He appears to have such little respect for mine. i know also, there is His side of the story... probably would paint a different picture. but this is how it feels to me... thank You. shybaby Good people sometimes make bad choices in their relationships. Sometimes people just realize that what they thought they wanted isn't really what they need. You said that you have learned you are a "babygirl" with "tender desires and needs" so, apparently, you didn't know this about yourself before. Well, that self-discovery changes things, doesn't it? Life is a journey of self-discovery and, maybe you needed this relationship with this person to help you make this discovery about yourself. That's a good thing. Now, you know more about yourself and your needs than you knew before. You can talk things out and see if you both want to work to make this relationship better or see if you both want to call it quits and move on. Either way, it doesn't have to be all negative. joy Owned servant of Master David

Dnomyar -> RE: How to figure "it" out... (4/28/2008 8:05:26 AM)
I will echo what DV said.

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