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ElanSubdued -> RE: Fun with Femdom Hot Buttons (5/1/2008 10:14:55 PM)
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I'm surprised no submissives have chimed in on this question. Yes, I realize the question is for Dominas, but I'll answer anyway, from both sides of the fence. In general, I like being near my partner and helping my partner so this, in itself, is a mild to strong turn-on.
As a submissive saying and giving these things to my Domina, or, in some cases, such as pain, receiving these things for my Domina:
Can I massage your feet? (5, I like pampering my partner, but this isn't so much a turn-on per se. I simply like pampering and looking after my partner.)
What are you going to do to me? (1, eh... I'm not much of a passive type. I prefer to be a creative, active participant. I either already know what we're doing because we've communicated about this or it's clear to me that I'm not supposed to know, in which case I'd never ask.)
That hurts. (1 to 10, the good kind of hurt which can include hurties I'm not expecting is a 10, the bad kind of hurt sucks and is a 1)
Can I purchase that for you? (0, this isn't a hot button for me. I buy things for someone because I want to, not because it's turn-on.)
I can't move. (1 to 8, the good kind of "I can't move" is an 8, the bad kind that triggers my claustrophobia is a 1 followed by "get me the fuck out now please!)
I'm so turned on. (10, I'd never say this to anyone if the mood isn't right for it. Thus, the only time I'm going to say this is when my partner and I are already so turned on that she wants to hear her effect on me. I *love* watching my partner glow in her effect on me.)
I'm afraid. (1 to 10, the good kind where my partner is there to help me get through, a 10, the bad kind where I feel totally out of control and there is nobody to help me or my partner isn't helping me, this is a 1.)
Can I get you a drink? (5, like doing other kinds of pampering, this isn't a turn-on for me as much as it is simply an act of love and devotion.)
What can I do for you now? (3, sometimes I might ask this and other times I already know what my partner needs. In either event, this isn't a turn-on kind of question, even when play and/or love making are involved. Rather, I'm expressing concern for my Domina's needs.)
May I give you an orgasm? (10, this is another type of question I'd never ask unless we were already in the throws of passionate love making. Chances are, if I'm asking this question, my Domina is already close to the edge of the cliff.)
I feel so helpless. (1, to me, there is a big difference between feeling vulnerable, which is very sexy, and feeling helpless, which I do not find sexy at all.)
Can I clean this up for you? (5, like pampering, this is something I do for my Domina out of kindness and affection for her, not because it is a turn-on.)
Will you please allow me to cum? (10, I generally never beg, but having to ask if I may orgasm most definitely flips my switch. Like the other sexual questions above, I'd only ever ask this in the right context - my Domina is stroking me to edge-of-the-cliff insanity, she has my cock in her mouth, etc. Context is very important here because there are times when I know my Domina plays with me only for her own amusement. My orgasm is not her goal in which case I just shut the fuck up and allow her to enjoy herself however she wishes. Yes, I realize there are those in the crowd who simply cannot imagine me *ever* in silence. :-)
Would you allow me to prepare a bath for you? (5 to 7, this is a mixture of pampering my partner simply out of love for her and a turn-on because I love touching my partner.)
Where should I sit? (3, to me, this is simply respectful. Normally, I wouldn't ask such a question because after I've helped my Domina be seated, I sit beside her. She'll adjust me if this is her desire.)
You're scaring me. (0 to 10, it's very, very hot and a huge turn-on when this is the good kind of scaring which is always accompanied by my loving partner holding me, reassuring me, and letting me know that she'll get me through safely. This becomes is a 0 and, in my opinion, very abusive, when it's out of control and clear that I am in a large about of actual duress.)
My knees hurt from kneeling. (10, what can I say. I love suffering for my partner. Some people took this as a whiney complaint. This isn't how I took it at all. I tend to be very communicative in general and this doesn't change during play. Thus, if my knees truly hurt, I'd endure for as long as I could and then communicate to my Domina. It's up to my partner at this point as to whether she wishes to do anything about this. In some cases, were we setting he up to enjoy a scene over a long period of time, if something hurts right away that and this has the potential of ruining our fun, I'll communicate right away. This way, we can both correct the problem and continue enjoying ourselves.)
As a Dominant hearing and receiving these things from my submissive, or, conversely, giving floggings, spankings, and, in general, loving torment and pain to my submissive:
It was originally my intent to answer these questions over again from a dominant frame of mine. However, as I started to do this, I realized my answers are almost identical, regardless of whether I'm on the giving or receiving end. Thus, I'll just leave my responses above and write "ditto" here. :-)
Elan.
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