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first contact via e-mail - 7/20/2004 6:44:40 PM   
controlnz


Posts: 2
Joined: 7/18/2004
Status: offline 		what should a master say / include in any e-mails making first contact with a sub ?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: first contact via e-mail - 7/20/2004 7:18:38 PM   
SherriA


Posts: 544
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: controlnz

what should a master say / include in any e-mails making first contact with a sub ?


If it was me, I wouldn't want to be approached as a "role". I'd want to be approached as a *person*.....and I wouldn't want it to be all about kinks. I prefer to be approached (well, I don't like to be approached at all, but if i did...) by someone who is interested in ME, and an email telling me that and why I interest them (outside of kink) would be the best bet. I don't want email from "a master". I want email from *people* who are sincere, regardless of their role.

Few people, top/bottom/dominant/submissive/master/mistress/slave/pinkchair wants to be thought of a life support system for a dick/cunt and a whip/target. I'm not a generic chick, interchangable with anyone else who has similar kinks. I'm Sherri, and that's how I like to be approached. But then, I'm not looking, so perhaps that clouds my perceptions.

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(in reply to controlnz)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: first contact via e-mail - 7/21/2004 4:49:20 AM   
kiki blue


Posts: 315
Joined: 1/16/2004
From: Brisbane, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: controlnz
what should a master say / include in any e-mails making first contact with a sub ?

<insert sense of humour>
"Hi, I'm ____! I saw your profile and found you to be interesting/compelling/appealing/exciting/cheap, and thought we had a lot in common. I'm __ old, live in _____ and love walks on the beach, romantic cuddles in front of an open fire, and flossing my butt with cheese. Since we have these in common, I thought it'd be nice to discuss these and many other activities."
</humour>

Seriously, though, when contacting someone for the first time from their ad, you should introduce yourself, go into a bit more detail, and mention what it was about their ad that appealed (note: saying "nice tits" does not apply here 95% of the time), what it is you have in common, and just other friendly stuff.

You need to get to know each other as people first, coz if you're not compatible there, then you probably won't be elsewhere. (you know, when flossing with cheese)

_____________________________

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

(in reply to controlnz)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: first contact via e-mail - 7/21/2004 11:54:46 AM   
pixieunleashed


Posts: 105
Joined: 7/11/2004
Status: offline 		It really depends on the sub you want. If you want a "yesSir" sub who is happy to go with whatever you want and never challenge you mentally, comming off all Dominant will in most cases be acceptable to her.

If you want a sub with opinions and intelligence that you wish her to share with you, your best bet is to talk about her and yourself, and be specific as to what it is you think you may or may not have in common without mentioning kink activities, like you can't wait to do them with her. If you have nothing to go on, other than kink activities, approach the subject questioning her, on what it is about that she likes, and let her open up to you.

hope this helps a little, have a great day,

pixie

_____________________________

**please note that I realize that I am just as full of crap as everybody else, feel free to remind me anytime**

If you understand it.......you've missed the point.


[image]http://img33.exs.cx/img33/2424/pixieunleashed-2.jpg[/image]

(in reply to controlnz)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: first contact via e-mail - 7/21/2004 1:31:40 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

what should a master say / include in any e-mails making first contact with a sub ?


First things first, don't look at this as a master/sub sitiuation, it's a person/person situation and it works for all combination of power dynamics equally.

For me, the most important thing is to be honest (to them *and* yourself) about what it is that you're looking for. Take the time to go into a little detail about yourself and what it is you're looking for. For example, if you're just looking to get laid and play some bondage games every once in a while, say so. Don't pretend you're looking for a 24/7 relationship when you're really just looking to add a little spice to your sex. Deception at the onset will doom any possibility of anything meaningful or long-lasting.

Remember, this is a give and take, especially at this stage. I can't even tell you how many unsolicited one line emails saying "tell me more about yourself". No offense, but I was pretty descriptive in my profile regarding what it is that I'm looking for and now it's your turn to pony up. If you don't show what it is you have to offer in a relationship, you're not likely to get may responses to such advances.

Good luck!

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to controlnz)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: first contact via e-mail - 7/21/2004 1:48:50 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

and flossing my butt with cheese.


I really like eating string cheese, but I can honestly state that I have never considered this as a potential use for it.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to stef)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: first contact via e-mail - 7/21/2004 2:18:57 PM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: controlnz
what should a master say / include in any e-mails making first contact with a sub ?


The simply truth is that no matter what you say in an email, the odds of you finding your match through a direct mail marketing strategy are pretty slim, if you are looking for a serious, long-term partner.

Some reasons:

1) Many of the subs/slaves/bottoms are not what they say, so a good portion of your emails will fall on ears that are simply not receptive, even if you were Dom Juan.

2) Even if you mail as many subs/slaves/bottoms as you see, you are still missing a great deal of those who do not want to be seen. Many of the serious ones have simply grown tired of being assaulted by every Dom, Dick and Harry with "nice tits" and "I would do you" and "on your knees, Bitch" and "You must call Me Sir", and aren't looking for their next partner to contact them.

3) Women get bombarded with emails from the afformentioned men. The odds of you coming up with something witty, unique, entertaining, and charming enough to get her even to respond are remote. Simple signal-to-noise ratios working against you.

My advice: Read, learn, and then post. Post questions and comments. Show your sense of humor and your knowledge of antique Chippendale furniture. Show that you are of quality and one day that email will show up in your inbox, and you will have little doubt of what to say in your first email to her.

Yours,
Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to controlnz)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: first contact via e-mail - 7/21/2004 3:06:06 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

My advice: Read, learn, and then post. Post questions and comments. Show your sense of humor and your knowledge of antique Chippendale furniture. Show that you are of quality and one day that email will show up in your inbox, and you will have little doubt of what to say in your first email to her.


Isnt there an upper age limit to dancing at Chippendales?

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: first contact via e-mail - 7/21/2004 4:47:18 PM   
pixieunleashed


Posts: 105
Joined: 7/11/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Show that you are of quality and one day that email will show up in your inbox, and you will have little doubt of what to say in your first email to her.


Untill you posted that, I forgot that every man I have met offline that actually ment anything to me, I contacted first. Good point.

pixie

_____________________________

**please note that I realize that I am just as full of crap as everybody else, feel free to remind me anytime**

If you understand it.......you've missed the point.


[image]http://img33.exs.cx/img33/2424/pixieunleashed-2.jpg[/image]

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: first contact via e-mail - 7/21/2004 6:04:41 PM   
subheart21503


Posts: 7
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline 		i do think that all that has been said here is very good. it is vital to remember that just because You are a Dominant, it would not be wise for You to expect that the submissive You are contacting is moving at the speed You are. i talked with my Husband for months online and then by phone before meeting Him in person. (once i did, i was a gonner - - W/we were engaged 2 weeks after meeting and married within 3 months. W/we were just blessed.) Consider, if not in Your initial email, addressing the issue of Your "speed" soon on. if You are not in a hurry, say so.

(in reply to pixieunleashed)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: first contact via e-mail - 7/21/2004 7:14:55 PM   
baileythorne


Posts: 264
Joined: 6/6/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

My advice: Read, learn, and then post. Post questions and comments. Show that you are of quality and one day that email will show up in your inbox, and you will have little doubt of what to say in your first email to her.



And that is exaclty how Topcat & I hooked up. I was captivated by his writing and I reached out.

--bailey

_____________________________

Dance like no one's watching and
Love like you've never been hurt.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: first contact via e-mail - 8/3/2004 8:37:47 PM   
subbiejenn


Posts: 631
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: controlnz

what should a master say / include in any e-mails making first contact with a sub ?


If Y/you are looking for a serious relationship be Y/yourself... Everyone here is looking for something different. things i look for in a e-mail isnt what the next sub is looking for also. If Y/you say what someone tells Y/you to then later they will see that 1st e-mail isnt how Y/you are at all.

my advice is to be Y/yourself... find something in the profile of who Y/you would like to write that interest Y/you and comment on it. Tell about Y/youself... think about WHY Y/you want to e-mail them and expand on it, maybe they are looking for the same thing Y/you are. Maybe they just live close....

Good Luck *smiles*

_____________________________

~Subspace is my perfect paradise vacation from busy-mind... blessed be to the Dominant who can stamp my ticket there.~

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"

(in reply to controlnz)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: first contact via e-mail - 8/3/2004 11:18:45 PM   
jillwfsub4blkdom


Posts: 375
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline 		i would first state what attracted You to their profile. Next, i would give a summary background of Yourself and what You are seeking. You also might indicate ways You could be reached other than on this board.

jill

(in reply to controlnz)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: first contact via e-mail - 8/6/2004 8:51:41 PM   
NightDaughter


Posts: 264
Joined: 1/23/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		Well I don't know about all dominants, but some I know wait for the sub to contact them, some do it the other way around. Personaly I think both ways work to their various degrees.

Master and I meet via the forums on another site, I saw some of his first postings of the year that totally caught my attention, and from there I messaged him asking if he might be interested in chat buddies. I was not looking for a partner at that time, I was just looking to chat with people who caught my interest. The fact that I'd just come back into the lifestyle after being away for a couple of years was one of the reasons I was not at that point interested in finding a partner.

But be that as it might, three days after that inicial email we meet. A month after that Master collared me, and a couple months ago we where handfasted.

So to me, the logic of it is that if your not looking then you might well find what your looking for out of a potential friend.

_____________________________

NightDaughter
My Blog - http://www.livejournal.com/users/nightdaughter/
"I never said that I could spell, but I do try my darndest to get my point across" - ND

(in reply to controlnz)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: first contact via e-mail - 8/6/2004 9:51:03 PM   
newflowers


Posts: 292
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline 		It is my opinion that every submissive could give you an idea of what not to say, however, focusing on the positive: an interesting, courteous note indicating interest in the profile and post (show you have paid attention to what the submissive has written as it is indicative of the thoughts, opinions, beliefs of the individual). Ask a specific question, write a brief bit about yourself and relate it to what you have read. Be sincere in showing interest about the individual.

newflowers

(in reply to controlnz)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: first contact via e-mail - 8/8/2004 10:15:37 AM   
ThorsHammer


Posts: 49
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Each of us is different (WOW .... that is a real intellectual statement! ), By this I mean each of us will be attracted in a different way. I do feel safe in saying that obscene, commanding statements, etc, will get you nowhere.

When I contact a lady for the first time, I have read her profile carefully and looked at her interests. I then address those items that we have in common. In some cases this is difficult to do. Their profile may say "Looking for Dom," "I want to serve a Dom," or something similiar. In that case, all I have to go on is their interest, if they have any listed, location, and possibly a picture.

I also list any possible "deal killers" for her to consider, e.g. distance, my age, etc. As often has been said here, a D/s relationship is built upon honesty and trust. If you begin that way with a lady, you have begun to establish the base for a possible relationship. I also ask them to take a few minutes to read my profile. When writing mine, I tried to the best of my ability to be as clear and concise about who I am, what I am seeking, the kind of relationship I hope to build with a lady, and similiar objectives. I believe a well written profile will also help.

Other then that ..... I try just to be myself. I believe that it is important for the lady to know "things" about me that are not D/s BDSM related. Things such as hobbies, belief system, they way I live, activities I enjoy, etc. I try to show that I am a person, like her, that has interests and desires beyond BDSM.

Just my thougs .....

Donn
AKA ThorsHammer

(in reply to controlnz)
Profile   Post #: 16
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