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RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 11:48:49 AM   
SaintPain


Posts: 24
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:



I very very very much want to go back to counsoling, but I'm not finding that many have sliding scales like I need, and add on to that we're a daddy daughter relationship and I am kinky, well from my past experinces most therapists will go running for the pych ward people.

quote:



You can find lifestyle friendly counselors, all you have to do is ask around or do research on the net.  I have been in therapy for a few months now since an incident with my husband.  I am seeing a D/s friendly therapist who is very knowledgable of Daddy/Daughter relationships.  So if you feel that is something you need, trust me, you can find it out there *winks*

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 11:53:23 AM   
YourhandMyAss


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Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
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In a way it does. The dynamic of the relationship applies through out everything. Same as if I was a submissive. You do the role you chose to take even through out lifes issues. Course you might have to tweak the role a bit every now and then, but the dynamic is what it is, even through out life issues. Dynamics shouldn't get shoved out the door just cause it's not kinky playtime any more.

Now sometimes you do have to shove it aside an step out of your role for the relationship and get all bosy an lay it down, I know.
quote:

ORIGINAL: azropedntied

daddy daughter ? D/s  BDSM has little to do with  everyday life/money woes , this is an easy fix if you wish to save this for the long haul  You take over the financial and give him a set allowance and no more , also set up an emergency  fund .Or tell him this needs to be taken care of by him and give it 30 days .If this money issue is left unchecked  kiss the relationship buubye .So the question  is is it worth saving ?save it by  grabbing the situation by the horns  and fixing it leaving problem solved . 

(in reply to azropedntied)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 12:02:51 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
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OK if you say your dynamic is just that and he is the daddy , then why is he acting like the spoiled i WANT IT NOW i am going to get it youth .I am saying you do not have to switch off the roles  but you do have to fix the problem or you shall not have to worry about who has what role as this issue will drive that wedge between you .Your already stating  how much it is affecting you .There is Nothing wrong with you handling the money in the household if your better at that task , You can just be the little gal who is advanced  in home economics .


quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

In a way it does. The dynamic of the relationship applies through out everything. Same as if I was a submissive. You do the role you chose to take even through out lifes issues. Course you might have to tweak the role a bit every now and then, but the dynamic is what it is, even through out life issues. Dynamics shouldn't get shoved out the door just cause it's not kinky playtime any more.

Now sometimes you do have to shove it aside an step out of your role for the relationship and get all bosy an lay it down, I know.
quote:

ORIGINAL: azropedntied

daddy daughter ? D/s  BDSM has little to do with  everyday life/money woes , this is an easy fix if you wish to save this for the long haul  You take over the financial and give him a set allowance and no more , also set up an emergency  fund .Or tell him this needs to be taken care of by him and give it 30 days .If this money issue is left unchecked  kiss the relationship buubye .So the question  is is it worth saving ?save it by  grabbing the situation by the horns  and fixing it leaving problem solved . 


(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 12:15:10 PM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
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OP - I feel for you.  Really, I do.  I have a 3 bedroom rancher with a 1 car garage, full finished basement, 2nd house with 2 bedrooms & a huge attic room, a THREE CAR - TWO Story storage unit - ALL FULL of my husband's toys. 

I need to have a huge Ebay sale.


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(in reply to azropedntied)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 12:16:42 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
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OK i want an inventory  so i can start the bidding Kewl shinny stuff !! 

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 12:19:35 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

I understand that you love him and I am not suggesting you leave him.

I would like you to consider the pattern of irresponsibility here.

He can not afford health insurance which he needs but wants to spend his tip money on toys.
He won't consider MedCal.
He needs counseling but you can't afford it and my guess is that the week before you get your check things are very tight for you both.

His choices are putting you in an unwinnable position.
You keep having to clean up his messes which takes away from his having to deal with the consequences...without consequences some people are unable to learn.

I might suggest that these could be things that you might want to discuss with a counselor (if you have one and if you don't you might want to consider getting one for yourself.)

Best wshes...it sounds like a very difficult situation.


read this until you realize how wise this person is...

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(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 12:36:04 PM   
mzbehavin


Posts: 253
Joined: 1/15/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

I understand that you love him and I am not suggesting you leave him.

I would like you to consider the pattern of irresponsibility here.

He can not afford health insurance which he needs but wants to spend his tip money on toys.
He won't consider MedCal.
He needs counseling but you can't afford it and my guess is that the week before you get your check things are very tight for you both.

His choices are putting you in an unwinnable position.
You keep having to clean up his messes which takes away from his having to deal with the consequences...without consequences some people are unable to learn.

I might suggest that these could be things that you might want to discuss with a counselor (if you have one and if you don't you might want to consider getting one for yourself.)

Best wshes...it sounds like a very difficult situation.


read this until you realize how wise this person is...


blushes i was just thinking the same thing. Wish i had access to all this insight 3 years ago.
OP, Some people take forever to mature. If you need to take over the money aspect, i would just do it. Going into the co-habitation relationship hoping to change him wont work. If you can move on to acceptance, and practical solutions, then it could fly. xox

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(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 1:39:33 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

I very very very much want to go back to counsoling, but I'm not finding that many have sliding scales like I need, and add on to that we're a daddy daughter relationship and I am kinky, well from my past experinces most therapists will go running for the pych ward people.

Yes the week before I get my check can be VERY tight, I was down to 10 bucks last month before payday, and normally cause I am in debt I have about 200 dollars left before payday, which again all cycles into bills and debt.




If you have health insurance then the insurance should pay for counseling just as it will pay for you to see a doctor...you may have a copay.



(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 1:58:58 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

I understand that you love him and I am not suggesting you leave him.

I would like you to consider the pattern of irresponsibility here.

He can not afford health insurance which he needs but wants to spend his tip money on toys.
He won't consider MedCal.
He needs counseling but you can't afford it and my guess is that the week before you get your check things are very tight for you both.

His choices are putting you in an unwinnable position.
You keep having to clean up his messes which takes away from his having to deal with the consequences...without consequences some people are unable to learn.

I might suggest that these could be things that you might want to discuss with a counselor (if you have one and if you don't you might want to consider getting one for yourself.)

Best wshes...it sounds like a very difficult situation.


read this until you realize how wise this person is...


i agree


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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 2:40:12 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline
If you want a really good doctor I have to go out side kiasers program, or I have in the past an they're not cheap. a lot of p laces don't accept private insurance, nor do they accept neither medical nor medicare.

The program kiaser offers, their ideas of thereapy is 30 mins once a month, and I needed, and I still do need more. I need weekly sessions. I don't know if med care or cal offers anything diffrent, but I do know that for like cross creek, which is where I was going last, it has to come out of my pocket, they didn't accept my insurance.

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ


If you have health insurance then the insurance should pay for counseling just as it will pay for you to see a doctor...you may have a copay.




(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 2:48:51 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
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I would call the local or regional NAMI office:
http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=Your_Local_NAMI&Template=/CustomSource/AffiliateFinder.cfm&State=CA&lstid=796 

and ask them how to go about getting mental health services with the insurance that you have. They will know how to best advocate for your situation.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 3:14:51 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline
I never knew of them. I'll do that monday since most every one is closed since it's Saturday.

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 3:24:41 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
Tell the bf to get a part time job. Phone collections or such. Hell, flipping burgers even. Regular paycheck goes to bills and savings, you handle. Part time goes to toys.

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(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 3:30:03 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline
Des He's already working 5 days a week Usually 8 hours a day, sometimes more. Sunday and monday are his only days off an one day's spent with his mom an the other days spent with me lol. And I need the one day off a week with him.

If he'd just stick to small things his tips could cover I'd be ok with it.

< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 5/3/2008 3:33:07 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 3:38:57 PM   
urtoy


Posts: 55
Joined: 4/23/2004
Status: offline
If you want a relationship where you assume all the adult responsibilities and foot all the bills while he indulges himself like a spoiled child, then you have the right guy. Personally, I don't think any woman deserves that kind of abuse, but it ends only when you put your foot down (I chose to p;lant my foot squarely in his ass and boot him out the front door.....have never regretted doing so). The choice is yours.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 3:41:29 PM   
angelikaJ


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Joined: 6/22/2007
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I am glad I could help.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 3:42:12 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline
urtoy I never regretted pushing my x before this current out the door so to speak either lol.

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Profile   Post #: 37
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