RE: Did you start slow -- or dive in?

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RE: Did you start slow -- or dive in? - 10/16/2005 8:04:38 AM

strongnsubmissiv

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Like a lot of folk here it's been a slow learning process for sure. Earliest memories go back as young as 5 or 6 which i find odd because i always thought puberty was the time that sexual development was the most meaningful. Perhaps sexual development starts from birth?

I've always been turned on by images of bondage. Growing up in the 70's provided some good images. The whole Linda Carter/Wonder Woman thing certainly fueled my likes, not to mention i was pitching my own little tent when i saw Princess Liea on the end of a leash and metal collar. Then by complete accident, my grandmother treated me and my cousin to a showing of Barbarella at the theatre and i knew by then something certainly was different in me. I just didn't know what it was.

My little bondage fantasies were always my own dirty little secret and used them always for the purposes of masturbation. I tried to implement a little bit of kink with my relationships when i was in my teens but it was often met with resistance from my vanilla partners. Besides, by then i had discovered sex, and coitus alone was exciting enough.

I started a serious relationship in my early 20's and kind of pushed my kinky feelings away. I felt like perhaps i was just flawed in a freakishly odd way and figured in order to start a family and do what's right, i should get on with living a vanilla life. It wasn't till years later and now with family that i realized, that pushing your sexuality away and hiding it is an impossible task. The little monster inside of me nagged at me constantly, and with a vanilla partner who'd have no part of a lifestyle that she branded "flawed" and "freaky"... i was off to my first munch shortly after finding the internet.

I had to laugh out loud because I recall the same kind of trepidation as Timothy mentioned, and probably many of you had as well. I remember standing outside the meeting spot, asking myself "What the hell am i doing?" I was sure i was in the wrong place when i finally found the group of fellow kinklings because they were all just so normal. Too funny. That first munch was a revelation for me, it lifted a HUGE weight off of my phsyche. I could stop feeling different and hiding who i was.

Since then, finding a way to harmoniously balance a vanilla family relationship, with the monster that lives inside of me has been a challenging one. In fact i've found little success in it at all. A topic all it's own really. I find now though that i'm more turned on by the dynamic of a meaningful D/s relationship, then from play alone. Although bondage certainly will always have a special place in my heart.

It's been nice to read your stories... thanks for sharing.

sns

< Message edited by strongnsubmissiv -- 10/16/2005 8:08:03 AM >

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RE: Did you start slow -- or dive in? - 10/16/2005 8:46:25 AM

KittenWithaTwist

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I didn't start having S&M related fantasies (rape dreams, beatings etc) until I was in my teens (15+). I had my first scene at 19 and it was very heavy.

I've sort of been doing heavy scenes ever since.

More on this later, I think....hmmm.

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RE: Did you start slow -- or dive in? - 10/16/2005 3:18:05 PM

Evanesce

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I was just always a little "different" from the girls I hung out with in high school. Although I started masturbating at around age 5, I wasn't really interested in sex... until I was introduced to cuffs and bondage the third time I'd ever had sex at the age of 18. From that point on, bondage and fear were a big part of my sexuality.

However, in terms of "the scene" or "the lifestyle" as it is termed today, I didn't go public with my lifestyle until I was in my mid-30's.

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RE: Did you start slow -- or dive in? - 10/16/2005 8:14:31 PM

Vancouver_cinful

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedjulia

i had the fantasies early on but dismissed them until i was 28.

Once i found the scene it was a rapid decline into trying new things. I'm now 36 and kicking myself for missing out on all this fun!

I started at 40...but knew for sure, when I was about 20. The internet is what gave me the tools I needed to take the plunge. I sure wish I'd hadn't wasted so much time, as well...But I'm making up for lost time!

Once I started I was like a baby duck introduced to water...and there was no going back. I kept my first dom hopping, as he tried to help me discover all the things I started being curious about...

Cin

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RE: Did you start slow -- or dive in? - 10/17/2005 12:13:10 AM

sinbetweens

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I sort of dove in, but it was an odd situation: neither my girlfriend nor I had ever researched BDSM or thought that what we were doing was potentially odd. But the first time we fooled around, a definite power play emerged. And when we started sleeping together, it seemed more comfortable to roleplay; we felt less guilty for being two women having sex if we took on assumed roles. And the roles we happened to find erotic were from a story we'd been co-authoring. For some reason, I found it natural to take on the role of the kidnapper, and she that of the victim. It just seemed right for me to tie her down, to cover her mouth, to whisper all sorts of cruel things to her. She felt the same way, and it was so intimate.

We both knew we were interested in the story because we'd been writing it together for some time. We never discussed who would take the role of the villian and who would play the victim. We just knew.

Once we broke up, I discovered the BDSM scene for the first time (I'd been quite young before). I imagine that if I'd discovered BDSM through another's art, writings, or website, I would have gone much more slowly. But we developed the relationship out of a shared fantasy that we didn't even realize was sexual. And once I learned what safewords were and found a word for what I was, I didn't want to go back to sensation play or teasing. I wanted that intimacy, control, and shared desire during sex again.

As for the things I didn't know about, I ventured in much more gradually. I eased into clamps, knife play, fire play, etc after much more research and thought than I'd approached breath play with! In a way, I wish I'd been more educated about BDSM. It frightens me now to think about such intense breath play without a safe word, especially with the girl who made my world worth living in.

That said, I'm so grateful that this was how I because involved in the scene. We felt like we were inventing something amazing, something only the two of us would ever share. It remains some of the hottest sex I've ever had. *shivers at the thought of it*

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RE: Did you start slow -- or dive in? - 10/17/2005 3:49:49 AM

Cindersslipper1

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Jumping in

When i discovered it, when i knew i couldnt live without this, once my friends made me research, and hold back for longer until i was almost frantic and wouldnt shut up about it.. only then did i jump in .. i held my nose.. closed my eyes and jumped without checking the depth of the water first.. Dangerous yes .. but my god will i never forget it... NEVER!!!

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RE: Did you start slow -- or dive in? - 10/17/2005 4:23:02 AM

novacaine

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I would say I started very, very slow, and currently, I am not into any scene. This is between me and my partner. However, the first gift I gave to my first real boyfriend was a pair of handcuffs. I was 15.

Actually, when I was younger, in my early teens perhaps, I thought I was a sub, & I fantasized about being tied up. And now, I am a Dom and don't like being tied up at all! Go figure.

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RE: Did you start slow -- or dive in? - 10/17/2005 9:44:11 PM

Soulhuntre

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
I'm looking forward to hearing the varied responses. I'm also curious to
hear if "first time experiences" for those who started with more
complicated scenes were overall successfull -- what role did anxiety
play, was it too overwhelming, etc.

I was tying female friends up as early as first grade... and I knew I liked it, and I knew adults wouldn't be happy about it. In various forms I was sexually active from around 10 up or so with others, and obviously masturbating long before that.

I first put a collar on someone I was dating when I was a freshman in High School. By that time I knew exactly what type of relationship dynamic I wanted, how I wanted to structure my eventual household and I had strong ideas on how to train and manipulate others to be useful and functional servants.

As for "research", I didn't do any in BDSM circles that had any utility for me. Obviously i read a lot of BDSM porn but even when I say all that stuff online (BBS's and in chat rooms) that claimed to be "how to" manuals and "newbie packets" and so on, with all their warnings about safewords and so on I knew it wasn't me. Whatever those people were doing it was close enough to how I wanted to run my life to make it fun to visit, but they didn't live in my universe.

I did things with guns at 15 that I still do today, and you can bet for sure I did my research on THAT (I was a marksman and range safety instructor at 13 or so at the local police PBA range). At 15 I was lending my girlfriends to my friends and using access to her to gain other things I wanted from peopel who weren't my friends. So I started out pretty heavy.

In short it was a long "lead up" to that point, but almost none of it was doing research inside the community. The vast majority of what is written and taught in the BDSM community simply has no applicability in my life or my relationships - it didn't then, it doesn't now.

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RE: Did you start slow -- or dive in? - 10/18/2005 11:24:20 AM

lonewolf05

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AAkasha<<
===============
i know You n i don't agree on a lot of things......so i will TRY to be brief.

"I" just dove-in.....straight from the streets...i left iowa, went to calif, to my 1st Ms and that night i was at my 1st gathering ..dressed up in a bondage-play outfit She made me wear..all evening...around total strangers including Her that i did not even know...less than 8 hrs....

but that's just me. my pappy told me if'n ya wanna be a man,..dive in with both feet or stay outta the water...

the wolf

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RE: Did you start slow -- or dive in? - 10/18/2005 2:39:29 PM

Janon

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quote:

ORIGINAL: krikket

Being a bottom is fun, and i guess better than nothing, but there's this person deep inside that long for and needs the more that is always just out of my reach. There are times when i wish i hadn't discovered the submissive inside myself -- it would be less confusing and frustrating -- but i'm also unable to go back to before. i'm not sure where that leaves me these days, or maybe i just refuse to see it.

jimini

I could have written this, though I'm a domme not a bottom. My partner and I took three years to decide to try out the things I desired, jumped in too quickly, hit some hard emotional triggers, backed off, and now we're putting toes back into the water. I realize now I am who I am, and that includes the domme in me. Some days, it would be easier to put her back in her box, but once let out, I'm just that person to the core.

So, I guess the answer is both, I rushed in and I am taking it slow! Especially for the more hardcore pain play and various kinks--I want to go really slow and be very well educated. One night at a time is my motto

Janon

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RE: Did you start slow -- or dive in? - 10/18/2005 2:53:14 PM

felineone

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Emerald,
you say you have been tying yourself up at an early age, i wonder, did you also tie up toys? say stuffed animals, barbies?
I ask because i never did this as a child, it never occured to me at all, just wanted someone else to do things like that to me, lol.
My daughter has been tying herself up since she was old enough to handle string, rope, thread, yarn, ribbon, anything she could get her hands on. she used to ruin all her draw string sweats by tying up her wrists all the time as she sat and watched tv, or in school. but she also tied up all her little beanie babies.. all the time. I had to start hiding my sewing stuff, all my thread would be missing! this was all before i knew anything about all this, and there was nothing in our home at all that she could have found.
i'm just curious and playing the waiting game to see how she will turn out, she's still young, 13.
~feline~

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RE: Did you start slow -- or dive in? - 10/18/2005 5:01:19 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: felineone

Emerald,
you say you have been tying yourself up at an early age, i wonder, did you also tie up toys? say stuffed animals, barbies?

I used my barbies to play out my rape fantasies.

I didn't really tie up my animals, I enjoyed feeling myself tied up/down, being "caught" or trapped.

quote:

i'm just curious and playing the waiting game to see how she will turn out, she's still young, 13.
~feline~

It's one of the most common discussions in the kink scene- "My kid is definitely a...., because they do and think this..."

As long as they are happy and aware, and don't grow up feeling repressed and bad like most of us had to, it's all good, vanilla or kinky.

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RE: Did you start slow -- or dive in? - 10/19/2005 8:19:29 AM

Nuke718

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Hmmm, in my early teens I started having sexual fantasies, and about half of them include things that I now see tied to BDsM.
My first sexual experiences were pretty standard midwest kid stuff, missionary in the car or the like.

But while I was in the service I had two big events. First I had my first submissive girlfriend. Of course I didn't know that term. I just though she was deligthfully dirt and creative. My first scenes were pretty mild, and I would say I am still not a particularyly heavy player (altho I do step up my game from time to time).

The second ws I discoverd S/M and B/D Porn thanks to a shipmate we called "Spanky". It wasn't all like what I was doing withmy GF, but it gave names to some of the things I was interested in and let me know there were others out there like me.

From there I kind of broadened my horizons.

Nuke }:-

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