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MissMorrigan -> RE: Advice for a bad submissive (5/5/2008 12:16:35 AM)
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Hello Amenabeboy,
I am going to tell you about Reality and myself, hopefully you will see some of yourself in there.
Reality came into my life two years ago last month, we talked for some weeks before meeting and this month is our two year anniversary - we have lived together for a year of that.
Initially, we had little to no difficulty at all. Everything was new to Reality and he approached it eagerly and with zest. He had spent his youth enjoying the videos of Insex and the like. He had no real concept of D/s, just the fantasy S/M aspect. So all the while we focused on the physical aspects and took it at a pace he could process positively he was a happy boy... We approached the time for us to focus on his submission and rapidly hit problems in our relationship. Neither of us are perfect and I struggled to deal with a person that 'fought' my attempts to forge a solid D/s foundation. We needed to find our balance and the route there was difficult. Reality had so many years to focus on no one but himself that he found it difficult to focus on me so we butted heads. I was conscious of the fact that I didn't want him, at any stage even at my most frustrated, to feel as if he was 'bad'. It was a learning curve and still is for us BOTH - we continue learning together. Sure, I have a considerable amount of experience in some areas, but people are indiivduals and ever changing.
Reality's stubbornness rears its ugly head from time to time. He's fully accepted his place in our relationship and while I will compromise on some things, most definitely not the D/s. Once Reality learned to drop any preconceived idea of what D/s was he was fine. We both define ours as you will yours.
Reality will ask constantly for guidance. If I want soemthing done in a specific way, I need to convey this to him - he's not a mind reader. We have developed a great level of communication between us - we discuss everything and I value his opinions, thoughts and ideas. Reality has a rather dominant streak in him... if I want to step back and relax at all, ie time to myself, it rears its head and we butt heads. I have learned how to deal with this but it took time, lots of it and he continues to learn NOT to argue, but to listen - as do I.
Our desires, wants and needs are the same... we are working at achieving those the same route - together.
The very best of luck to you
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