quote:

ORIGINAL: FLButtSlut

As long as everyone is up front about how things are, and agreeable, it's all good. Said all sorts of different ways on this thread.

Let me see if I have the situation (now no longer happening anyway) correct. You "met" someone, talked for a while, met in person and decided to "give it a try". The "try" including various forms of play and "he" was also "trying" several others at the same time.

YOU on the other hand are looking for a monogamous relationship, and not very comfortable with what was going on. Your quest for monogamy and confusion over what "he" was doing is what is driving this post.

In a poly situation, I imagine things work very differently. I'm not poly, it appears you aren't either, so how poly works is strictly educational, but not applicable in your situation.

I am going to assume that during your conversations getting to know this man, you were open about your desire for a monogamous relationship. I am also getting from this post, that you are somewhat new to the whole lifestyle. It seems like this man tried to impress upon you that his "interviewing" multiple subs/slaves at once was how things worked in this lifestyle. If that is the case, your confusion and resulting post was a smart thing for you to do.

The "service oriented" or "domestic" sub/slave "thing" obviously works differently, and all of the comments from those such as Soulhuntre and IronBear make complete sense. When seeking a monogamous relationship that has a D/s dynamic, on the other hand, the view changes and varies drastically.

Regardless of what any "dom" tells you, in the initial "getting to know you" stages for a MONOGAMOUS relationship (I want to be very clear on that because all of the other types of relationships certainly do and should proceed differently), YOU have not given up control of your choices, wants, needs or desires on how the relationship will be explored. DO NOT let any "dom" tell you that what he is saying is "how it works" when it comes to these things. It is nothing more than how it works for HIM, and in my opinion, any telling you that what they are saying about anything is how it works "lifestyle-wide" is someone to avoid.

Bottom line is that if you are not comfortable with the idea of "his" seeing several while considering you, then explain to him that you aren't comfortable with that and if he balks, move on. As you can see from the posts here, there are quite a few who don't deeply explore multiple relationships at the same time (in person, including various forms of play, not just "talking"), so someone is out there for you that you will mesh with.

Until the time arrives that you are ready to commit to someone, you need to follow YOUR rules and proceed in the way that YOU want. There are some things that everyone here - dom, master, sub or slave have the RIGHT to expect in seeking a relationship. First and foremost on that list is honesty. If you are comfortable with multiple "candidates", that is fine for you. If you aren't, then that is also fine. As long as all that information is spelled out between ALL parties involved up front (especially if you are getting involved in any type of play), agreements are reached with all the information necessary to make such decisions.

Personally, if a dom tells me he wants to "interview" me, I tend to ask him if he has a paying job that he is looking to hire me for or if he understands that the interview is working both ways (they usually aren't pleased about that). Regardless of the lifestyle dynamics, I am seeking a relationship, and I find the concept of "interviewing" for such ridiculous. For those who are seeking other things like the service oriented, domestics, training and such, that is totally different. For a relationship, the term "interview" just doesn't work for me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: fyreredsub

and if a Dom is interviewing several and not all of them realize that,he should be honest w/ all parties and he should not be giving order or demands to any. nor asking about money from the sub while considering others.thats just plain rude-----tacky at best.

quote:

ORIGINAL: felineone

There are many "Doms" out there who like the idea of building an online harem. And if some of them work out and can be his r/l subs too, well all the better, but in the meantime, they enjoy the playing around with them, all the orders, tasks, etc.
lots of fun, and great for the ego to have all these women doing things just for him. It's another internet problem, in my opinion. as for money, i don't think i will even go there.
I don't recall if the op was speaking of r/l meets or not.

I think a lot of these questions on the message boards can be seperated by online/ real time.