quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
Do you also avoid going into any place that has a decorated evergreen tree in December, or bunnies and eggs in Spring?

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Michael can answer for himself, Laura, but I'll talk about something that bothers me.

If people with a completely private BDSM or D/s practice want to stay private, more power to them.  However, there are a lot of people -- including some on this very message board -- who give "advice" to others that seems completely outside the realm of reality.  This busybody "advice" often comes from people who "refuse" to check out their local scene, or who claim to be big shots in the "lifestyle" without any possible verification.

The non-advice "advice" falls roughly into two camps: (1) end the relationship at the first sign of difficulty ("run, don't walk"), or (2) everything will be perfect if you just try harder ("Master ordered me to do impossible thing X, and it was hard for me, but I did it without ever complaining, and now our relationship is all CastleRealmy").  Both are immature fantasy reactions by people who don't know what they're talking about.

Anyone who has dealt seriously with real human beings in real life knows that BDSM, and relationships, are hard.  Yeah, sometimes you might have to leave, and sometimes things are wonderful, but it takes a lot of W-O-R-K before you get to either place.  Fantasizers are unable to explain this in their posts, because they've never had to deal with the grit of other human beings outside their own heads.

Meeting someone in person adds legitimacy to who they are.  Period.  Those who get pissed because someone puts greater trust in people who are open and willing to be known in real life, are acting awfully defensive, and demonstrating to me that they might not have any real-world experience at all.

As always, the reader is free to think I don't know my ass from a hole in the ground.