RE: time frame for a Collar (Full Version)

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darkinshadows -> RE: time frame for a Collar (10/18/2005 5:15:55 PM)

We did[;)](I say 'we', as His thoughts are mine,as is my submission to Him)

Go on - dare You to ask...
Actually - I have known people who dallied and took years, yet parted soon thereafter... and know people who take months or a couple of weeks and end up together for years... Sometimes, one just knows and if individuals are self aware enough to understand their feelings and realisations... what does it matter on the time?

Peace and Love

*edit for typo.... sorry... my keyboard is sucky recently.
BTW My name is Angel - We do not do online upperlower casing... its a proper name which assumes proper grammar. Thank You for Your time and hopely, your courtesy.



OsideGirl -> RE: time frame for a Collar (10/18/2005 5:23:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

Some people like to plan "surprise" collarings (I've seen it, I don't recommend it).
Ohhh...picturing that. [:D]



Wolfie648 -> RE: time frame for a Collar (10/18/2005 5:35:21 PM)

Something that has been mentioned in other posts is that some people have a number of different collars that signify different levels of a relationship (whatever those levels might be for the people involved).

D (owner of j)



LadiesBladewing -> RE: time frame for a Collar (10/18/2005 7:13:11 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince


What is a reasonable time from first meeting to a collar for a couple in D/s, regardless of gender.


CP


"Reasonable" is a completely subjective word. What is reasonable for one person is completely unreasonable to someone else. There are so many things to consider. What does the collar mean in your paradigm? Is it akin to a wedding ring? Is it a mark of ownership? Is it a combination of things? Is this the collar that will end all collars, or do you have a stratification that affects the impact of the collar?

As an example, we only work with local individuals, with whom we can spend time on a regular basis, and whom we assess with a couple of possible outcomes. Some of our servants have been with us only long enough to train. They came with their Owners' collars, and the most that they wore of ours were tags that marked their progress.

For our own servants, we look at the collar a bit differently than some. For us, the collar is a mark of both ownership and a source of security for our new servants. We give a novitiate collar at the point at which we decide that we are going to work with a servant, with a goal to having this person as a part of our family. It is a tangible representation of our commitment, and a reminder, for a new servant, that xhe is -owned-. It helps them to remember, each time that they touch, smell, and feel the brush of the collar against their necks, that they are -owned-, and we feel that this security and the constant reminder assists greatly in the training process. The people who wear a novitiate collar are making a commitment to work at figuring out whether we are all a fit, and whether our way of training servants is one that touches their spirits.

Servants who have been with us a long time may not wear a collar all the time. They are collared in their hearts by that time, and the physical reminder is not as necessary, so for us, the true mark of commitment comes when the collar is no longer -needed- as a reminder of the commitment. Some choose to continue to wear the visible sign, but because it is special for them as individuals (yes, we allow and encourage individuality in our servants). For us, there is a ceremony that celebrates a welcome into the core of our family. It doesn't have a collar, or -any- outward visible jewelry or token, but it may take -years- to reach this point with us. It is something we all -grow- into, and everyone has a voice in it.

Asking when to collar has so many twists and turns, depending on how the individuals see the collar, that it really is an unanswerable question in any kind of meaningful general terms. The -only- way that the answer will have any meaning is between the individual(s) giving the collar and the individual who -receives- the collar.

Lady Zephyr



Soulhuntre -> RE: time frame for a Collar (10/18/2005 7:24:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
What is a reasonable time from first meeting to a collar for a couple in D/s, regardless of gender.


There is no set guideline. I know people who have been collared in the first 24 hours, others who waited more than 4 years. Both of those people are in good, strong, long term (4+ years) relationships.

Sometimes when it's right, you know it.



ViciousVamp -> RE: time frame for a Collar (10/18/2005 7:25:18 PM)

I definitely agree with Katy that it depends on the couple. I mean, if you have known someone all your life and maybe only been in a D/s relationship for a couple of months I can see it being very reasonable to be collared at that time. I do think that many people don't take it very seriously though. They just like the sound of "I am a collared slave" or "I have a collared slave" rather than really having any meaning attached to that collar. Not that everyone is like that, but I am sure that everyone has run into a couple of those kinds of people before. :)



IronBear -> RE: time frame for a Collar (10/19/2005 1:06:17 AM)

I have no concept about D/s or M/s relationships but commonsence tells me that like any relationship it pays to be patient, to listen and observe body language etc etc.. Then the specific dynamice of the relationship will also be a guide. Good to be open about your aims, wants and needs though so there are no hiddeen agendas.



KatyLied -> RE: time frame for a Collar (10/19/2005 4:31:24 AM)

quote:

They just like the sound of "I am a collared slave" or "I have a collared slave" rather than really having any meaning attached to that collar.


I agree completely. And I will add that receiving a collar from a Dom/Master who hands them out frequently would not have much meaning for me.



FangsNfeet -> RE: time frame for a Collar (10/19/2005 5:13:20 AM)

It all boils down to what a collar means to you what it it's suppose to mean for the relationship.
Some people just use them for a sense of kinkyness while in the bedroom. Others view it along the terms of a ring such as a promise, engagment, and even wedding. I've seen ppl collared the first day and have the so called "cyber collar" on the first chat. I've seen others who want to collar every person who comes through there front door having subs/slaves galor.

Pet and I chatted/talked for a month before meeting each other. We then dated for 4 months before I gave her a collar. I don't think it was to early. We already talked about collaring in past discussions and know what it means to us. We are still both very happy today and plan on keeping it that way.

So I ask, exactly what does a collar mean to you and for your relationship Celtic Prince?



swtnsparkling -> RE: time frame for a Collar (10/19/2005 8:03:28 AM)

i cant say what the time frame. all i know for myself, i dont have to have a collar to feel submissive, feel owned by my Master or prove anything. I feel a collar should have the same meaning as a marraige. A collar given with in D/s is like a vanillia marraige. I dont view it as a ring because rings can just be given back before the actuall commitment takes place. But once accpeted and worn
Commitment: is doing what you said you would do long after the feeling you said it in
has passed



KatyLied -> RE: time frame for a Collar (10/19/2005 8:22:55 AM)

I will disagree with the entire collar = marriage. Marriage is an entirely different commitment. You can easily get out of a collar, not so easy to get out of a marriage. Emotionally it may be a similar commitment; but legally it is not.



swtnsparkling -> RE: time frame for a Collar (10/19/2005 8:40:57 AM)

Legally no but IMO it should have the same meaning.



swtnsparkling -> RE: time frame for a Collar (10/19/2005 8:44:09 AM)

another problem is getting out of a collar ealsiy, it shouldnt be so easy. why bother to give and commit in the 1st place.
to much easy going on IMO



RiotGirl -> RE: time frame for a Collar (10/19/2005 9:00:54 AM)

i always do everything wrong = ) i met Master in the middle of the night, no one knew i was meeting him and i put handcuffs on with in 30 minutes of meeting him driving down a ooooooo dark road. He was going to do a 30 day trial collar, see how things worked, but instead as we stopped for gas collared me for life.

i have been with Master for over a year now.

that being said, i've talked and "dated" other Doms for ages, never once the collar thought coming up. One Dom i spoke to and got to know for around 9 10 months. Another 6 months. Hey and another Dom after meeting i had the troops come in so i could "leave" peacefully.

Master was just a special occasion. i knew and he knew and we werent going to pussyfoot around about it. Though i have heard that it should be a year and being collared like i was collared is ridiculous, wrong, not real, ect ect ect. But it worked for us so they can go screw themselves = )

As for finishing up reading whatever one else said. i also view it as a serious commitment. i'm also engaged. it is a permment collar as well. For life. My first and LAST collar as well. As a few have said, sometimes you just know. How do you know? Well you look at the cosmic allignment, and if pluto is in jupiter.... Actually its a feeling. The same feeling that told me "bring the troops in kelly and get out of here" Ever had a feeling that just told you something was terribly wrong, but you didnt know why? Honestly with the troops, i thought it was going to be a problem leaving on my own. i found out later why. So take my terribly wrong accurate feeling and reverse it.

That is how you know, and how i was collared with in 30 minutes of actually meeting face to face.



Phoenixandnika -> RE: time frame for a Collar (10/19/2005 10:33:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

again this question/comment is drawen from profiles, jounals on this site, as well as noted interactions on other sites and chat rooms.

What is a reasonable time from first meeting to a collar for a couple in D/s, regardless of gender.

For myself, I will never violate a one year time frame for I feel it takes that long to really learn the emotions etc of the slash opposite. Over the years it has worked for me but it has cost me also. On this site, I read so many interactions of folks that collar after a mere 3 or 4 months and indeed sometimes less then that.

Thoughts?

CP


I would have to agree with the fact that "resonable' is perspective, what one considers resonable another may consider unresonable.

I also think there is no set time frame and that that is as individual as the stars in the night sky.

My Master and I were best friends before we became Master and slave. He flew from New York to California to get on Amtrak the next day to come back East with me and my children. That night when I meet him in the air port we both knew, we would be more than simply best friends. That night he told his family he was moving from New York to Maryland with me and the kids. To some this would be unresonable, but for us it was right. His parents where not comfortable with it totally. However, it will be a year Novemeber 1 and I have no regrets and neither does he.

On the other hand I know people who wait and wait to make that commitment,and when they do it does not last very long.

I would also venture to say that the internet give alot of people an easy out and easy in. It is easy to take or walk away from an online collar for most.

quote:

BTW My name is Angel - We do not do online upperlower casing... its a proper name which assumes proper grammar. Thank You for Your time and hopely, your courtesy.


Angel, I like how you put this. I get slack from some people because I do not put my name in lowercase, and I am Phoenix's slave. I just had not figured out a tactful way to respond back before now.*laughs*


quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I will disagree with the entire collar = marriage. Marriage is an entirely different commitment. You can easily get out of a collar, not so easy to get out of a marriage. Emotionally it may be a similar commitment; but legally it is not.



I do not entirely agree with this statement, most states now make it very easy to get a divorce. It is a matter of what that commitement means to you. Some take both the collar and marriage as trail and error. They keep trying making mistakes, getting released or divorced, and moving on. That is the way of society today.


Nika{Phoenix}



LadiesBladewing -> RE: time frame for a Collar (10/19/2005 10:58:49 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

another problem is getting out of a collar ealsiy, it shouldnt be so easy. why bother to give and commit in the 1st place.
to much easy going on IMO


I have to agree with you here. It -shouldn't- be easy. For us, we warn those who are preparing to take a collar with us, during the pre-collaring period, that once the novitiate collar goes on, they have no say in whether it comes off... they are -ours- until -we- decide otherwise. They may -beg- release, but the decision of whether or not to accede to the request is ours. (In the same way, someone may beg a collar, but we may choose not to give one. The decision is always ours.)

We believe that if a relationship is not working, people should have the chance to try their hand elsewhere, but if they are in collar to the House, everyone will be -damned- sure that the relationship isn't working and that -everything- that could be done to correct the problems have been tried before either -we- or one of our servants will be allowed to "give up" and go through a release. So far, we've only had a couple who asked. One was released, the other changed ownership to one of our peripheral households and has been fine there ever since.

Lady Zephyr

Lady Zephyr



KittenWithaTwist -> RE: time frame for a Collar (10/19/2005 11:19:34 AM)

Two to five years, at the least.



KittenWithaTwist -> RE: time frame for a Collar (10/19/2005 11:29:31 AM)

I agree. To me a collar has shit to do with marriage, the meaning of marriage, or etc. To me, a collar is significant of something I have accomplished as a submissive and my Master's establishment and pride in that fact. It isn't something that be accomplished in a few days or a few weeks. It's something that takes years of hard work and self discovery.

And to swtnsparkling, the collar SHOULDN'T mean anything particular. It means what it means to each individual.



LadiesBladewing -> RE: time frame for a Collar (10/19/2005 11:51:32 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

Legally no but IMO it should have the same meaning.


I -have- mates. We can't marry legally, but I have a domestic and spiritual commitment to my mates. Not all of my servants will be (or should be) mates. I would be one of the people who would be 7 shades of peeved if some "higher power" decided that all of a sudden, collars meant the same as wedding rings and held the same commitments.

I believe with all my heart that if we leave people and their relationships -alone-, they will figure out what works and doesn't work for -them-. Even with a wedding ring, -nobody- should decide what that commitment means between two people. It shouldn't be a legal matter, a legislative matter, or a political matter. It should be between them and, if desired, the version of divinity that they relate to.

Lady Zephyr

(PS: I also do not lobby for gay or poly marriage -- I am a firm believer that the government should get its nose out of sanctioning relationships PERIOD -- and if such legislation as to make poly or gay marriage legal ever happens, my family and I will -not- be in the line to hurry up and have our relationship politically sanctioned! Havens help us if they ever start legislating the "meaning" of collars!)

Lady Zephyr



KittenWithaTwist -> RE: time frame for a Collar (10/19/2005 12:08:28 PM)

You may not wish to marry your same sex lovers or mates, as you dub them, but I'm surprised that you do not lobby for the right of others to do so. With marriage in the United States, one earns the legal right to be at the deathbed of their lover, to share things like health insurance and bank accounts and tax deductions. These things may not be important to you, but it is important to a lot of others who do wish to be legally, spiritually, mentally, and physically by the side of their significant other.



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