Fighting/Restisting (Full Version)

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golden1 -> Fighting/Restisting (2/26/2004 4:09:05 AM)

I was wondering if anyone else fights or restists submitting. I do not do it on porpurse but i do it. I on a norm do not even relise i am doing it till it is brought to my attetion. Even then i try not too and i am still doing it. Does anyone else have this problem?

I did take a leave of absence from the sceen for personal reasons. But is there a solution to me not fighting? Or is this normal for someone who did drop out for awhile? I am slowly working my way back to Submitting but when i do it is too a very select few. In my area i am considered to be a extrem edge player.

Can someone please help me find my way around this problem?

Thanks.
golden1



EStrict -> RE: Fighting/Restisting (2/26/2004 11:12:51 AM)

Hi Golden,

Can you be more specific? Do you mean you are fighting the *need* and *desire* to submit or you are fighting the *act* during a scene? I know lot of people that feel the sub struggling is expected. ::laughing:: kinda boring if she just *lays* there after all :)

If you mean fighting the need, maybe you aren't totally ready to come back yet?

Sandy



MizSuz -> RE: Fighting/Restisting (2/26/2004 4:56:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: EStrict

.... I know lot of people that feel the sub struggling is expected. ::laughing:: kinda boring if she just *lays* there after all :)




Sandy:

We were thinking alike! When I read the original post I thought "nothing wrong with a good take-down scene occasionally."

I don't think that's what she means, though.



belongtoyou -> RE: Fighting/Restisting (2/26/2004 8:10:10 PM)

golden1,

i am brand new to this scene, and i find myself constantly getting "into trouble," b/c i often fight the act of being submissive.

i consistently feel ambivelant (i also never contradict myself, hahaJ) about my role as a sub. Generally speaking, i don't respond well to people in positions of authority, and although i enjoy the release i get from being a sub, and letting my Dom make decisions for me...well, it's been ingrained in me to be a strong, independent woman...and it's a constant battle to let go and submit.

Again, i can't say why you feel as you do, but give yourself time to adapt, as nothing happens overnight.

Not sure how helpful that was for you...but take it for whatever it's worth.

~rain~



belongtoyou -> RE: Fighting/Restisting (2/26/2004 8:12:34 PM)

(realized i also sneaked into to ask a Master section, sorry about that!)

one last quick note....if/when you do find a Dom, refer to my "consumption of urine" thread for a quick way to get that fighting instinct under control!

~rain



JerryInTampa -> RE: Fighting/Restisting (2/27/2004 6:12:24 AM)

It is not uncommon for a sub to have trouble submitting. There are many reasons and several solutions. In some cases, it's solved by the Dom doing a better job of managing mood (I know I've run into subs that I had no problem getting in the right headspace with me while they had had problems with others), sometimes it's an "issue" that needs time or work (wheather it be a trust issue, or a bad experience with authority), sometimes it just needs a heavier hand, and some subs just aren't 24/7 :)



golden1 -> RE: Fighting/Restisting (2/29/2004 9:28:30 PM)

As to the fighting i mean in my head, I actully do not fight physically. But I do fight mentally. You can tell (so I have been told) By the way my body is tense. Not sure that explains it. But, once i let go it is total, no half way for me. *l* But the whole way, almost slave like in some ways. Too bad i can't bottle it and carry it around withme.
golden1



Leonidas -> RE: Fighting/Restisting (3/13/2004 3:59:50 PM)

It's not possible to submit in a satisfactory way except in the face of what you percieve to be dominant behavior in someone else. Without that stimulus, you are just playing a head game with yourself. By definition you, the submissive, cannot overcome your own resistance to full submission. That's the dominant's job.

It's impossible to say where the desire to submit comes from, or why some folks find it so satisfactory to do so. It could well be that those who exhibited a submissive response in the presence of dominant behavior had a survival advantage during the eons of fighting, raiding and slave taking that make up the vast majority of our history as a species. The need to submit to dominance could be a socio-biological leftover of a more savage time, but nobody knows for sure.

If you are finding that it's difficult to submit, you may not be perceiving genuine dominance in your partner, and so need to test the strength of the mental and emotional bonds in which you find yourself before you, as you say, let go. Be kind to yourself, honest about what you feel, and willing to let that struggle play out. You already know what the payoff is, since you described it in your post.

Take care of yourself,

Leonidas.



ShadowHwk -> RE: Fighting/Restisting (3/14/2004 7:01:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: golden1

As to the fighting i mean in my head, I actully do not fight physically. But I do fight mentally. You can tell (so I have been told) By the way my body is tense. Not sure that explains it. But, once i let go it is total, no half way for me. *l* But the whole way, almost slave like in some ways. Too bad i can't bottle it and carry it around withme.
golden1


golden1,

You mention the "internal struggle" and the outward manifestation of that being your body being "tense" - I think I understand what your saying here. So my thought/question is about your next line "once i let go it is total". So at some point something HAS overcome your internal resistance – presumably more than once. Was it a thought process of yours? Was it due to external influence (something your Dom/Domme has done)? Or did the resistance itself fade over a given period of time? I suggest you look back at the instances where you were able to overcome the internal resistance and see if you can find the common factors that allowed you to drop the wall of resistance. Once you figure out what those factors are then you have a key that you can work with in future encounters.

Peace and Light
Terry



MistressKiss -> RE: Fighting/Restisting (3/19/2004 10:34:52 AM)

I was wondering if anyone else fights or restists submitting. I do not do it on porpurse but i do it. I on a norm do not even relise i am doing it till it is brought to my attetion. Even then i try not too and i am still doing it. Does anyone else have this problem?

I did take a leave of absence from the sceen for personal reasons. But is there a solution to me not fighting? Or is this normal for someone who did drop out for awhile? I am slowly working my way back to Submitting but when i do it is too a very select few. In my area i am considered to be a extrem edge player.

I love physically resisting and strugging when I am operating as a submissive or as a Dominant. It's exciting. It pushes my buttons, big time.

I'm not sure that this is what you mean, though. Are these battles you are having in your mind as far as actually doing the submissive act or are you, for instance, struggling to get away from a crop? That would be important to know to answer properly.

If you are talking about a struggle in your mind, you may be responding normally to a past issue that has caused you to be more careful. There is nothing wrong with that. As we preach here, communication and careful choosing will be of utmost importance to you in the future.

I think it would be of great help to sit down and write out why you are a submissive. What brought you to where you are in the lifestyle? Why do you do it? What does it do for you? What do you love about it? What do you hate about it? You need to have it clear in your own mind as to why you are involved and why you stay involved.

Take a weekend to work on this and see if you don't have a few revelations. Talk about it with a submissive or Dominant friend that you trust.

Best wishes.

[image]local://upfiles/10574/Ay754473859.gif[/image]



LordDarkon -> RE: Fighting/Restisting (3/19/2004 10:39:46 AM)

.....although i enjoy the release i get from being a sub, and letting my Dom make decisions for me...well, it's been ingrained in me to be a strong, independent woman...and it's a constant battle to let go and submit.


Yeah, much like Rain here, I think there are many women who feel much this way. Especially if they are mothers/caretakers in thier mundane lives. On another BDSM site, this topic came up as "am I too strong to be a sub?" I tend to think that though you may be strong, independant, opinionated, or what-have-you-define-it-as-you-will, your dominant should treasure what gifts you bring to him in any form.

This may not help you much but, like everything else, it is only an opinion.

~B/bells



Estring -> RE: Fighting/Restisting (3/19/2004 8:05:14 PM)

I agree with all you said except, when did being a mother become mundane? I would imagine that many mothers might take exception to that.



MistressDREAD -> RE: Fighting/Restisting (4/8/2004 8:35:38 AM)

~BUMP~



ShadeDiva -> RE: Fighting/Restisting (4/14/2004 8:20:24 PM)

Have you considered the idea that you might in fact have some switch tendencies?

You could easily perhaps be primarily submissive/bottom or dominant/top, but still have uinklings of the other within you that may be a partial root of the internal struggle you feel.

I denied and repressed each aspect of my duality in turn, and in truth, I still struggle with it. However, it got a bit easier once I was able to name the "why's" of what was causing me to struggle. Once finding the root, it is a tad easier to cope and adjust and work on coming to terms with it.

Just a thought.

~ShadeDiva



GoddessMarissa -> RE: Fighting/Restisting (4/17/2004 1:57:21 AM)

I have been dominant most of my short life, but I have switched in the past. I think I can understand how you feel. When you said you could feel your body and mind tensing up, I have felt the same way. I felt that way because I was uncomfortable. I trusted the person, but I have felt dominant in nature most of my life and I am more comfortable being in control. I dont know you, but mabey you might want to try switching to dom for a while and see how comfortable you are with it if you haven't tried. I tried to have a vanilla relationship with a man twice my age. Vanilla did not last long[:)]. I could hold my dominant urges only for so long. I ended up tieing this man up against his will, of course with no intentions of hurting him.[:D]He knew me well enough to know that I was not going to hurt him, but he had always been dominant in nature. He struggled physically and mentally until he could no more. I must say I loved it. He did not know that this life style even exsisted untill he met me. After giving him his first inrtoduction of how things are going to be, he submitted humbly. I still have problems with him fighting me sometimes, but I also know he has been set in his ways and a controling person for such a long time. I dont know if any of this has helped, but if not hopefully it amusses you.



Sinergy -> RE: Fighting/Restisting (4/26/2004 6:55:38 PM)

In my opinion, the fact that submissive A has problems submitting to Dominant B may not be because he/she has switch tendencies. It may simply be a poor impedance match between the two people.

I call myself a Dom, doing Dom things turns me on, I have not met a person I felt I could submit to, but I dont dismiss the possibility that there is such a person.

Sinergy



GoddessMarissa -> RE: Fighting/Restisting (4/26/2004 11:34:54 PM)

I am curious Sinergy you have never let anyone take the dominating role once in your life? I have always been very dominant, but I have expirenced the other side to help me be better at what I do. I fell that dominants have had expirenced the other side of things at lest once. Mabey I'm wronge but a little curious.



Sinergy -> RE: Fighting/Restisting (4/27/2004 6:23:21 AM)

I am curious Sinergy you have never let anyone take the dominating role once in your life?

There are many aspects of my life where I have to be submissive to other people.
Couple that with my general easy-going, cheerful, and polite demeanor, it used to
puzzle me why groups I was in always elected me jury foreman, team leader, whatever.

However, in the bedroom or dungeon, I know what turns me on. Additionally, I am
extremely selective in partners and have not met anybody I felt I could submit to.



stormiKnightBEAR -> RE: Fighting/Restisting (5/5/2004 11:34:28 AM)

ok....... not sure stormi wants to do this but ....

golden1,

stormi understands what you are saying very well. As a manager in a retail business handling 150,000 dollars a week in merchandize and having the responsibility of making sure that the creditors got paid, stormi is very dominate.

As a slave, stormi craves Master's approval, seeing the pleasure on His face or hearing it in His voice. However, that does not mean that there are not times that stormi won't develope a strong tenacity concerning certain things. Fortunately for stormi, Master and stormi think alot alike on many occassions. But the times that the thought process is different are very hard for stormi, as stormi imagines they are for you.

Sometimes unfortunately stormi's body conveys exactly what she is thinking or if something is eating at her she will become quiet and to some extent distant. When Master pulls stormi back there is sometimes the impression given to others that there is a "fighting of stormi's submission". Actually that's not it at all. But others will come to the decision they make no matter what you say. Fact is for stormi alot of the time stormi has the ability to have a double edge razor sharp tongue and has worked hard at learning how not to be so "cut to the bone" when angry or hurt.

Unfortunately that does not always work. But stormi is learning and so is Master that sometimes you just gotta let the girl work thru and form word that make sentences that do not cut to the bone or cause damage that is unrepairable. Words are never forgotten. Forgiven, yes but never forgotten.

stormi is lucky....... Master is able to read and know what is going on with stormi, stormi is blessed in this way.

golden, never let someone else tell you how you should act as a sub/slave. IF what you are doing works for you or your Master/Dom... the F'em and feed them fish heads.

Be yourself, that is what's important. When the right Dom comes.................. he will see past the walls that were built by you to protect you and work WITH you to tear them down.
*Smiling*.... stormi knows this to be fact......see.... Master is doing that with stormi and has been with her for a year now and 24/7 for going on 9 months. He's worth the fear that sometimes overwhelms stormi and comes out as being stubborn or unsubmissive/slave like.

Please feel free to write me off Collar me if you wish.

[email protected]

On her knees for Master,
stormi
property of Master Bear



TheSadisticOne -> RE: Fighting/Restisting (5/11/2004 10:50:57 AM)

begging . . . squirming . . . struggling . . . cursing . . . yelling . . . screaming . . . fighting . . .

it all sounds pretty normal to Me. what isn't acceptable and when do you stop? it will be different for each Master and slave/sub.
what is your response to a hopeless situation that you know is going to make you helpless and at the mercy of Another?

it's an urge and need that, in My experience, most slaves/subs experience during intense scenes. fighting back at the edges of their Masters world until a combination of psychological and physiological surrender consumes them. some cower and resign themselves to the enevitable, without a sound or struggle and others scream and fight until they pass out from exhaustion. there are an infinite number of 'variations on the theme' and all are valid and acceptable provided the Master and slave/sub are on the same page.

communication and observation are the key to understanding and being understood.



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