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a question of love for sadistic Masters - 5/15/2008 7:51:21 AM

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Greetings All,

i was just wondering if any of You have ever felt different towards a submissive when You have realized that You are in love with that submissive. Did You ever have a hard time inflicting pleasurable pain because of love? and if so, how did You deal with it?

Many thanks.

_____________________________

huggs and purrs
Brian's kat
a.k.a. "greedy monkey"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i am who i am, i am not ashamed. spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.

RE: a question of love for sadistic Masters - 5/15/2008 7:56:42 AM

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I'm on the other end of this, but I figured I would give it a shot anyway. I was in a relationship with a dominant man, (it wasn't as strict as it could have been) and we enjoyed a bit of pain play. He was quite sadistic at the beginning, so I was thrilled. I was thinking, "great...this man could really put me in my place."

So...6 months down the road...it turns out his feelings got in the way. There was no whipping, face slapping, nothing new...there was nothing.

When I asked him about it..he said he couldn't bear to see me cry, and that he cared about me too much to hurt me. In his case...he had a very hard time inflicting "pleasurable pain" because of love.

Allie

(in reply to BBWnNC72)

RE: a question of love for sadistic Masters - 5/15/2008 7:56:42 AM

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Inflicting pain. No
Pushing her inner limits especially ethically Most definately.
I find that I am much more concerned for how she is feeling mentally and do worry about pushing her "off the cliff" when that was not the intent.

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RE: a question of love for sadistic Masters - 5/15/2008 7:59:14 AM

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Never been an issue for me.

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(in reply to BBWnNC72)

RE: a question of love for sadistic Masters - 5/15/2008 10:09:55 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: allie1027

I'm on the other end of this, but I figured I would give it a shot anyway. I was in a relationship with a dominant man, (it wasn't as strict as it could have been) and we enjoyed a bit of pain play. He was quite sadistic at the beginning, so I was thrilled. I was thinking, "great...this man could really put me in my place."

So...6 months down the road...it turns out his feelings got in the way. There was no whipping, face slapping, nothing new...there was nothing.

When I asked him about it..he said he couldn't bear to see me cry, and that he cared about me too much to hurt me. In his case...he had a very hard time inflicting "pleasurable pain" because of love.

Allie

THAT is what is happening with my Dominant and i. He said He has not given up trying to be what He was before He developed His feelings for me.

_____________________________

huggs and purrs
Brian's kat
a.k.a. "greedy monkey"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i am who i am, i am not ashamed. spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.

(in reply to allie1027)

RE: a question of love for sadistic Masters - 5/15/2008 10:14:33 AM

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You're lucky he hasn't given up trying. When I look back now...that was the downward spiral of our relationship.

Do you think he will overcome it? Can you live without it? It's ultimately up to the both of you. Between me and my SO of the time...it wasn't worth it. We didn't work as hard as we could have to keep it a float...

However, just because it didn't pan out correctly for me doesn't mean it won't for you.

I wish you both luck.

Allie

(in reply to BBWnNC72)

RE: a question of love for sadistic Masters - 5/15/2008 10:25:26 AM

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Personaly the more of a connection I feel the more I want to play with that person. I get very little from random play... but give Me a maso that I care deeply for and over time I will push even them as far as they can go without perminant harm (MY limit!). So no, I've never had the problem asked about in the OP.

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Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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(in reply to BBWnNC72)

RE: a question of love for sadistic Masters - 5/15/2008 10:26:10 AM

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i know He is trying to overcome it. He wants too. But damn, when He caned me one time and i shed a tear and He stopped and cuddled me, i was shocked. That is when i knew i had a problem.
Living without it? He did allow me playdates with others to take care of that need, but being me, i felt guilt for playing with others.
Emotionally, we complete each other. We love spending time together and get along great.
i just wish i knew how to help Him overcome His inability to inflict pain on me.

< Message edited by BBWnNC72 -- 5/15/2008 10:27:18 AM >

_____________________________

huggs and purrs
Brian's kat
a.k.a. "greedy monkey"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i am who i am, i am not ashamed. spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.

(in reply to allie1027)

RE: a question of love for sadistic Masters - 5/15/2008 12:06:25 PM

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Personally i would question the ethics of someone who could only be sadistic with those he did NOT love. It speaks a lot about his value system. People who love seek to see the ones they love happy - be it in beating them or worshipping them. Quite simple really.

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(in reply to BBWnNC72)

RE: a question of love for sadistic Masters - 5/15/2008 12:19:06 PM

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quote:

Did You ever have a hard time inflicting pleasurable pain because of love? and if so, how did You deal with it?

No... and honestly.. I am unsure why it would be such a big deal.

I don't see my Sadism as some big evil thing. I see it as a part of who I am.. a part that I think is rather wonderful for the right person... no different than a part of who I am that is playful, blunt, demanding, loving etc etc. Sadism is one of those parts.... for the right person who can accept all of me as is.. well.. then they get all of me! Part of being in a loving relationship for me is the complete sharing of each other.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to BBWnNC72)

RE: a question of love for sadistic Masters - 5/15/2008 12:22:54 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BBWnNC72
i just wish i knew how to help Him overcome His inability to inflict pain on me.

Is he a Sadist? He might no more beable to inflict pain and enjoy it than I could have been inflicted upon me. We might deeply love a person... but we can't be what we are NOT... of course we can try and pretend.. or we can keep hitting the brick wall with our head... but in the end.. we would fail.

If he is a Sadist... I believe he can overcome his own mental blocks of inflicting pain on you.. but if he is not.. he never will beable to do so.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to BBWnNC72)

RE: a question of love for sadistic Masters - 5/15/2008 12:30:31 PM

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Had the same issue as allie...ex-Dom was fine in the beginning but towards the end, He hated pushing me even when I deliberately acted out, desperate for attention...thankfully, Master is not that way...He has no issues with pushing me, even if I get worked up, because He knows me better than I know myself, knows I need to be pushed no matter that I sometimes protest

sumi{Siean}
sg of the House of Siean
Master's playful brat
mori's devoted sister

(in reply to KnightofMists)

RE: a question of love for sadistic Masters - 5/15/2008 12:59:53 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: BBWnNC72
i just wish i knew how to help Him overcome His inability to inflict pain on me.

Is he a Sadist? He might no more beable to inflict pain and enjoy it than I could have been inflicted upon me. We might deeply love a person... but we can't be what we are NOT... of course we can try and pretend.. or we can keep hitting the brick wall with our head... but in the end.. we would fail.

If he is a Sadist... I believe he can overcome his own mental blocks of inflicting pain on you.. but if he is not.. he never will beable to do so.

Yes, He is. In the begining, He had no trouble at all.
When we first met, He told me that He didn't want to love His submissive, which He has ended up doing.

i thank You all for Your responces.

_____________________________

huggs and purrs
Brian's kat
a.k.a. "greedy monkey"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i am who i am, i am not ashamed. spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

RE: a question of love for sadistic Masters - 5/15/2008 1:44:04 PM

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Many of my partners are unwilling to delve into any kind of intense pain play because they can't stand to see me cry. It's very strange. As long as I'm calling it on with moans and delight, they seem to be fine, the moment it pushes me to tears or struggling, they stop, even if I'm trying to tell them it's fine. It's quite frustrating, to get close to some really tangible intensity and then have it stop cold.
I always blame it on pre-programming to be a 'gentleman' and never 'hurt' a lady that must kick in.

(in reply to BBWnNC72)

RE: a question of love for sadistic Masters - 5/15/2008 6:38:32 PM

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The more I love her....the deeper I will hurt....her.

Tsk Tsk

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RE: a question of love for sadistic Masters - 5/15/2008 7:36:22 PM

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From: San Diego, Ca
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Never been a problem for me. They enjoy it, I enjoy - No problem.

Mike

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RE: a question of love for sadistic Masters - 5/15/2008 7:52:35 PM

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I never let love get in the way,when they come to us,they know what is expected of them,A true maso is hard to find especially one that is willing to go as far as I Wish to take her,the only limit is no permanent damage,,,bounty

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RE: a question of love for sadistic Masters - 5/15/2008 8:08:29 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BBWnNC72

Greetings All,

i was just wondering if any of You have ever felt different towards a submissive when You have realized that You are in love with that submissive. Did You ever have a hard time inflicting pleasurable pain because of love? and if so, how did You deal with it?

Many thanks.

Master did. It conflicted with his urge to protect me. It just took talking and playing our way through. Now, he has no issues playing hard with me.

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: a question of love for sadistic Masters - 5/15/2008 8:39:14 PM

Posts: 1155
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From: NC since Jan of 2007, but born and raised in Cali
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Bounty: i knew what my position was from the start. He loved that i was a maso, i loved that He could teach me about myself and just how much of a maso i was, then love hit.
Maybe it is like OsideGirl said, the protection factor conflicts with the sadistic side.

_____________________________

huggs and purrs
Brian's kat
a.k.a. "greedy monkey"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i am who i am, i am not ashamed. spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: a question of love for sadistic Masters - 5/15/2008 11:01:40 PM

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Physical pain? No. But, a scene that plays with psychological themes...that would be harder. Especially if you're trying to create a bit of reality to it. There are certain threats that will be empty, because they know that I'd never really do it. I haven't found a way around that yet...but I will. Perhaps it's just a matter of trusting them to "suspend belief" in order to enjoy the scene. I equate that with role play, and honestly, I don't do that well in a scene.

Master Fire

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