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philacpl -> RE: ADD (10/24/2005 7:44:04 PM)
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I rarely post, but feel compelled (perhaps driven? :) to participate.
By way of short background, for context: I am a middle-aged adult male who was diagnosed with ADD (non-hyperactive; executive decision dysfunction) just over a year ago. I am on a combination of meds that provide some benefit beyond the distraction of the side effects, having tried more than a 1/2 dozen combination of things during the past 13+ months. The meds help but do not resolve the core problems - I am more functional and have a better chance of predicting myself on them than off them. Although diagnosed in Oct. '04, I have only recently wrapped my arms around the diagnosis - like most people, I had no real understanding about the scope. problems, or even what it felt like to have ADD... or so I thought. Having accepted the diagnosis, having a real understanding about what it is and is not, has been a tremdendous help in getting to know myself better. It is the key in helping me understand how and why I relate to the world as I do. No longer do I see myself as being less than others. Now, I see myself as someone who has strengths and weaknesses that others may or may not also have.
You should be complimented for stepping out. Clearly, this was a big step for you that should be acknowledged. Too often ADD/ADHD folks grow up feeling inferior because it is frequently reinforced how they didn't... or wouldn't ...or didn't try hard enough ...or didn't care enough... when in reality, most of us feel more, work harder, and care at least as much. For me, accepting the diagnosis, educating myself, and communicating the diagnosis to close friends and family has opened my eyes to a new and empowering way of thinking. I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. I am more relaxed with who I am and less nervous about what the next thing will be like. Having a healthy sense of humor has also really helped me to begin forgiving myself for the things that take me longer to do or that I might "screw" up. So, saying to myself something like, "now there's an ADD moment" makes the moment lighter and helps me to move on to the next thing.
Now for the good stuff! ADD and D/s. :) Ten years or so ago, I had my 2nd or 3rd D/s scene - this one an all day event. Following a dinner break, which was scene related, I stepped back and sat myself down and started smiling like a Cheshire cat - odd for a Dom? I think not! I can still remember the feeling, as I have had it many, many times since that day. I felt that for the first time in my life I was in a situation that not only accepted my being in control but encouraged it - I was not being coached to "give up control" but to be who I am and be in control. Power Exchange! The years have passed but my attraction to power exchange has not waned. And, I have often wondered why. I have wondered, alone or in conversation, why it feels so good... so natural for me. And, now I know. As you may already learned, us ADDers (all from what I understand) are attracted like magnets to stimulation. Mix stimulation with our capacity to be in hyperfocus and one has the perfect recipe for a peak D/s experience. For me, it was an epiphany to my understanding about the D/s experience is so attractive to me.
Hope this helps. Please forgive lengthy discourse, but being concise has always been a challenge.
TC
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