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Safety and humiliation - 5/18/2008 6:48:12 AM   
Aanakaris


Posts: 310
Joined: 4/8/2008
Status: offline 		Almost always I am concerned about the physical safety of my subs. It's something I take very seriously.

But what about mental safety? Humiliation can be a fun aspect of play but can it go too far and inflict damage? What can I do to make certain that I am not reinforcing self-loathing and harming my partners? I'm lacking in expereince with humiliation play and would like to hear more from the Doms who practice it or the subs who receive. How does it make you feel?

Has anyone here ever expereinced a sub using their safe word during humiliation play?

Howard
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Safety and humiliation - 5/18/2008 8:10:39 AM   
MadameXTC


Posts: 96
Joined: 9/30/2004
Status: offline 		I am a switch and I have never used safe words in humiliation play. My Dominant and I engage in humiliation play and it does not bother me. Of course I think I have pretty "thick skin" when it comes to that. He knows where I stand on things, my fear of certain subject, and he and I have excellent communication. I think the best advice I can give you , is that before you engage in any form of humiliation play with a submissive, you need to understand them. You need to know what they can take or not.(talk to them about things) You may not be aware of something that can trigger a bad response from a submissive. ( a past event that brings back bad memories brought out during the play would be bad)  Know what they are comfortable with exploring and do it slowly if they are new to this form of play. Some submissives enjoy humiliation while others do not. Everyone is different so be aware that what may be huiliating to a person in a past experience could be more harming to another. I think another key factor into how far humiliation play goes is the amount of aftercare a person receives afterward. If a person is brought down to such a low in play, they need to be built back up with nurturing and support.

_____________________________

"Dominance is best viewed through a submissive's actions"

(in reply to Aanakaris)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Safety and humiliation - 5/18/2008 10:40:32 PM   
abcbsex


Posts: 478
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline 		I second what MadameXTC says about aftercare. After every humiliation session a good round of positive reinforcement can do wonders for a sub's self-worth. Though a strong self-esteem is essential to any activity a sub endures, humiliation needs a good bit more of it than masochism, bondage and the like.

_____________________________

I was trained at MasterLordDarkness' Center for Subs Who Don't Serve Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too.....

but it needed to be at least.... four times bigger.


(in reply to MadameXTC)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Safety and humiliation - 5/19/2008 6:35:32 AM   
Aanakaris


Posts: 310
Joined: 4/8/2008
Status: offline 		Good advice, thanks to you both.

Howard

(in reply to abcbsex)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Safety and humiliation - 5/19/2008 2:45:58 PM   
MK007


Posts: 9
Joined: 4/3/2004
Status: offline 		   Certainly is one of my favorites, but I always make sure that the sub/slave is into that .  If they don't enjoy it, then it is definitely counterproductive .  Another important aspect that I have learned along the way is the significance of the sub/slave Mood .  What is very
effective one time, may not be effective at all at another .  Thus, it is helpful and important to make some inquiries before subjecting them to
a session of Humiliation .  Hope this is helpful ....  

(in reply to Aanakaris)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Safety and humiliation - 5/19/2008 8:28:01 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Sometimes positive reinforcement afterwards doesn't help. If he calls me degrading names during, then I believe that this is how he truly sees me and that the positive things he says afterwards are the lies. Because I don't believe that he can both value me and tell me he sees me as just a thing of no value that he has a passing amusement with. The two are opposite, and if you tell me opposite things I will believe the one that hurts most.

As a result we don't do this. I can't handle it. Unfortunately we didn't know this until he tried it and discovered that it was a major emotional trigger. Beforehand, it sounded harmless.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to MK007)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Safety and humiliation - 5/19/2008 8:42:36 PM   
christine1


Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline 		i agree on some points here, there are certain trigger points that can't be touched in humiliation for me or i just lose it and believe what is being said to me.  as long as those triggers are stayed away from i love it.   but even loving it, i need the encouragement after the fact.

_____________________________

i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

http://wavcentral.com/cgi-bin/log/log.cgi?id=2856&sound=/sounds/movies/godzilla/roar.mp3


He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Safety and humiliation - 5/23/2008 4:31:09 AM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Sometimes positive reinforcement afterwards doesn't help. If he calls me degrading names during, then I believe that this is how he truly sees me and that the positive things he says afterwards are the lies. Because I don't believe that he can both value me and tell me he sees me as just a thing of no value that he has a passing amusement with. The two are opposite, and if you tell me opposite things I will believe the one that hurts most.

As a result we don't do this. I can't handle it. Unfortunately we didn't know this until he tried it and discovered that it was a major emotional trigger. Beforehand, it sounded harmless.


Having been emotionally and verbally abused for many years in the past, I have humiliation (probably should be more correctly referred to as degradation) as a hard limit.  We do indulge in a bit of gentle teasing in private, and He does call me His slut etc when we are playing, but that is in an affectionate way rather than a degrading/humiliating way. 

Referring to the bolded part of your post - we have worked on building up my self esteem since we've been together.  It's working, but still a long slow process.  I believe if He started using humiliation I would go right back to square one

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Safety and humiliation - 5/23/2008 4:39:04 AM   
Alumbrado


Posts: 5560
Status: offline 		People react differently, so any pushing of emotional limits is going to require forethought, careful monitoring, and lots of communication. 
Not a safeword directly, but I have offered someone 'one last chance to say no' in a situation I knew was stretching their emotional limits, and was very proud when they took it.

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Safety and humiliation - 5/26/2008 1:01:01 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		If this is a concern for first time play then maybe as Alumrado suggested , offer a safeword-ish at times.  That way they can opt out without feeling as if they are failing you. No sub likes to fail their dom, even if it is emotionally bad for them.

(in reply to Alumbrado)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Safety and humiliation - 5/28/2008 9:57:52 PM   
ksdomcpl


Posts: 16
Joined: 4/17/2008
Status: offline 		Communication,
Communication,
Communication,
Need I say it again?  Talk with the sub BEFORE you begin.  Make sure he/she is ok with it first and it also helps if you know something about them for two reasons.  One, it tells you what buttons to push.  Two, it tells you what buttons NOT to push. But if you're strangers you don't have a clue.  Second, talk AFTER the session. Discuss what happened and find out if something really really hurt.  I've always felt responsible for my subs.  They're trusting me to protect them and to train them.  Part of that training is making them a better person and sub so that they can serve me better.  So if they have a major issue then you need to help them through it.  And by you, I don't mean you have to actually do it,  it might require you helping them find the proper mental health professional, but you should help.  Hope that helps.  Its late and I ramble on when I'm exhausted. Sorry folks.

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 11
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