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General Safe Sex - 5/18/2008 8:56:01 PM

sheepwhichsmirks

Posts: 5
Joined: 2/3/2008
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Submission and masochism have been present during my entire life, long before I had ever heard of BDSM or even understood what sex was. I am definitely into the lifestyle, but I'm trying to take steps slowly and feel my way for myself rather than forcing it or have someone guide me, and that involves experimenting in more vanilla situations too.

I'm looking for a bit of advice that doesn't necessarily pertain to BDSM, but is a step in self exploration. I'm 19, and I've only been having sex for just about a year. Previously I wasn't sure if I would be okay with sex outside of a relationship, but now I'm starting to feel I am absolutely into it. (I've always said I was a slut at heart - and not in a negative way). Please, do not jump on me for being a moron or make this into an argument. ... but I'm beginning to realize I'm not very good at being adament about having safe sex.

Part of the problem is I know you can get STIs from oral sex, and I know I wouldn't be able to use a condom for that. I also know I enjoy blowjobs too much to abstain from giving them to someone I wasn't monogamous with. (Don't worry, I'm not actually sleeping around. I'm just noticing this a potential problem and seeking advice for it NOW rather than when it is a problem). I am on birth control, so when the time comes I tend to feel a bit ... well, if I didn't use a condom when I went down on him, then why should I stop him and make him use it now?

It's not a matter of not having them, I carry them with me all the time - because, I thought, if I have them, then I'll use them.

But that doesn't seem to be the case.

I feel extra weird because I'm more afraid of giving an STI to someone than receiving one.

That is a little bit of my situation. I'm not asking for judgments, I know I'm being a douchebag. But when you're horny and in the moment it's hard to be realistic, and sometimes you have to admit that. What can I do to help me be more adament about it? Any advice on the blowjob thing, other than abstain or slap some rubber on it? (I mean, you can give me that advice but if there's a way around it that might help ...) How often should you get tested for STIs? After every partner, or every six months? If you feel like you're more sexually active than the average person, should you get a pap smear more often? Is the HPV vaccination a-okay? Any other suggestions?

I really do want to be safe and responsible. Maybe if I go through the more extreme precautions I'll get more into insisting on condoms too.

< Message edited by sheepwhichsmirks -- 5/18/2008 8:57:34 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: General Safe Sex - 5/18/2008 9:09:28 PM

Arrrchibald

Posts: 350
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline

For the most part, STD prevalence is going up. And with fewer and fewer people having health insurance, the sky's the limit.

I won't even *let* a girl give me a blowjob nowadays.

If you think wearing a condom is an "extreme precaution" then you've probably already caught something.

(in reply to sheepwhichsmirks)

Post #: 2

RE: General Safe Sex - 5/18/2008 9:13:55 PM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline

You know, you're about to get flooded with comments about how any sex at all should be covered.

They might be right. But I've always felt that it's a two way street, and it's both parties job to worry about safety. As long as you're aware of the risks, you're willing to accept any possible consequences, and you tell any partners the truth (such as telling them you have unprotected sex), then do what you want.

Like anything else in life, decide the level of acceptable risk- I've accepted a blowjob from someone without a condom, but anything more and it's covered (except with two long-term relationships, after we'd both been tested). Whatever you feel is sufficient for you. I will say that oral sex is decidedly less risky than vaginal... although that doesn't mean it's completely safe.

As for testing, I get a fresh one often. Every three months, whether I'm active or not. But again, it's a matter of how much you worry about it.

_____________________________

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Post #: 3

RE: General Safe Sex - 5/18/2008 9:17:03 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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Why can't you use a condom for oral? I don't and accept the risk, but if you really do have it as an issue, then you either don't give oral, or you stand the taste and texture and do it anyway.

Also, you could just do handjob, I use my mouth only 30% for oral sex usually.

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Post #: 4

RE: General Safe Sex - 5/18/2008 9:22:33 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
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Sex is perfectly safe..why worry?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYd6mCAcQw8&feature=related

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(in reply to sheepwhichsmirks)

Post #: 5

RE: General Safe Sex - 5/18/2008 9:57:09 PM

StacyCat

Posts: 112
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

You get to decide your level of comfort. I was fine for a while just using a condom for intercourse, and I'll give blow jobs without condoms (but no cumming in my mouth). But, unprotected oral sex is a whole lot safer than unprotected vaginal sex.

Check out this link to see your risks. http://www.dph.sf.ca.us/sfcityclinic/stdbasics/stdchart.asp

Get the HPV vaccine now, before you have lots of sex partners. Also, most sexuality resources I have seen recomend STD tests every three months for highly active people, including a Herpes blood test.

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 6

RE: General Safe Sex - 5/18/2008 10:25:41 PM

sheepwhichsmirks

Posts: 5
Joined: 2/3/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arrrchibald
If you think wearing a condom is an "extreme precaution" then you've probably already caught something.

I absolutely do not consider wearing a condom as an 'extreme precaution', I consider it a very basic precaution that I know I should insist on. But getting tested regularly, getting a HPV vaccination , etc are not things people my age usually consider unless they've had some sort of a scare. That is what I meant by extreme precaution.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatrossWhy can't you use a condom for oral? I don't and accept the risk, but if you really do have it as an issue, then you either don't give oral, or you stand the taste and texture and do it anyway.

Also, you could just do handjob, I use my mouth only 30% for oral sex usually.

It's not that I can't use a condom for oral, but I really enjoy giving blowjobs and a lot of that is the taste and texture. I would enjoy it significantly less if there was a condom in the way - I might consider it more of a chore than something enjoyable.

The general concensus for STI testing is every 3 months? I can do that, thanks. That risk chart helps too, thanks a lot.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 7

RE: General Safe Sex - 5/18/2008 11:34:31 PM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

I use my mouth only 30% for oral sex usually

isn't oral supposed to be with your mouth....lol...you cheat

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Post #: 8

RE: General Safe Sex - 5/19/2008 4:55:00 AM

katie978

Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

      Since you already appear to know how stupid you are, and seem to already have condemned yourself to a life with STDs, then I probably can spare you the lecture. It's your life, and if you want to live most of it with itchy warts on your coochie, well...go for it, I guess.

     However, exposing your partners to STDs is not only unfair and nonconsensual; it's also a legal grey area for you. People have been tried for murder when they've knowingly given others HIV, since you think you probably already have something, I wouldn't be surprised if there was a case in the making in your vagina as I'm typing this.

The possibility of contracting an STD via blowjob is relatively rare, and it's an unsafe kind of sex that many people practice. Although there are a variety of ways to make the condom yummier, lots of people tend to skip it. The possibility of a man contracting something during cunnilingus is even less.

    Straight ol' sex or anal, however, different story. Women are a higher risk for contracting than giving, and since you "really do want to be safe and responsible" you really ought to just stick a condom on there. There are a few other options. The female condom can be inserted BEFORE sex, up to several hours, and even though that's yucky, I'd say it's better than the pus-filled boils that seem looming in your future.

   How often should you get tested? To be safe, you really, really need to test after every partner. Since you're playing casual, I doubt these are the type of guys to have frank discussions about their possible risk of infection. As such, the only way to avoid spreading an infection is to test after each one...but remember, an HIV test should be taken again 6 months AFTER EVERY PARTNER to guarantee it wasn't initially a false negative.

Six months? That's a wicked long time...geez, if only there were some way to have casual sex more than once every six months and nearly guarantee there would be no passage of infections and diseases...

< Message edited by katie978 -- 5/19/2008 4:56:19 AM >

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Post #: 9

RE: General Safe Sex - 5/19/2008 8:09:08 AM

sheepwhichsmirks

Posts: 5
Joined: 2/3/2008
Status: offline

I have not condemned myself to a life with STIs. I do not think I probably already have something. I have had unsafe sex with one person who I was not monogamous with, and that was a poor and very drunk judgement call - and we did have a responsible chat about it a few days afterwards in which if he knew he had an STI, it would have come up. Although I do think I need to be tested in case there is something he doesn't know.

(If we had condoms, we would have used them - I did bring it up. I'm sure I terrified him with the idea of getting me pregnant because I made it seem like I wasn't on birth control. We never got around to having penetrative sex).

I am avoiding having sex because I've learned I'm bad with condoms. There's just something psychological about it that I don't seem to get. I wasn't sure if women were less likely to contract STIs from giving oral or if it was just something people say - if I can get some kind of proof (respectible medical website?) that says that, then I should find insisting on using condoms for sex and anal far easier. Not using one for oral will have to be a risk I'll take.

(in reply to katie978)

Post #: 10

RE: General Safe Sex - 5/19/2008 10:33:28 AM

abcbsex

Posts: 478
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline

Actually, getting the HPV vaccine is something they're encouraging girls to get. before sex is even on the radar for them. Just saying. I got my three installments just recently (I'm 19 too) simply because I know sex of any kind can expose me to that. I'd rather not get hurt in the long term.

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(in reply to sheepwhichsmirks)

Post #: 11

RE: General Safe Sex - 5/19/2008 11:51:26 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Just be aware that the HPV injection does not cover all HPV infections, just some of them.
If you are having issues with condoms, do you know why? Smell? Texture? Discomfort? Are you put off or having bad reactions due to allergy issues? Try different makes and types of condoms - all are very different.

It is impossible to state that its easier to catch STDs from vaginal sex than oral - depending on how often you have each and the type of person you are and how many partners they have in turn.

As long as you are open with your partners that you have unprotected oral sex, then that is their informed decision whether they have sexual relations with you or not. If you accept to consequences and keep everyone up to date, is all good.

As far as I have been informed by my doctor, having more than usual smears isn't particularly beneficial the more sexually active you are. Testing is relative to your partners and the partners they also have.

the.dark.

_____________________________

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to sheepwhichsmirks)

Post #: 12

RE: General Safe Sex - 5/19/2008 9:02:57 PM

sheepwhichsmirks

Posts: 5
Joined: 2/3/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
If you are having issues with condoms, do you know why? Smell? Texture? Discomfort? Are you put off or having bad reactions due to allergy issues? Try different makes and types of condoms - all are very different.

I have absolutely no problems with condoms myself. (Except when it comes to blowjobs - and even then I probably wouldn't have a problem with condoms, I'd just feel like I was severely depriving myself). My problem is just insisting on using them. When it comes to the point when you're supposed to say "Oh hey, condoms please", I ... don't.

Now that I think of it, I'm really bashful when it comes to sexual things in real life, this condom thing might just be a part of that. (And I'm doing very well in getting over being bashful, so that gives me lots of hope for being safe).

< Message edited by sheepwhichsmirks -- 5/19/2008 9:03:17 PM >

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 13

RE: General Safe Sex - 5/19/2008 9:15:14 PM

hopelessfool

Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: katie978

How often should you get tested? To be safe, you really, really need to test after every partner. Since you're playing casual, I doubt these are the type of guys to have frank discussions about their possible risk of infection. As such, the only way to avoid spreading an infection is to test after each one...but remember, an HIV test should be taken again 6 months AFTER EVERY PARTNER to guarantee it wasn't initially a false negative.

Actually every 2 to 3 months with or with out new partners is safer then after every partner. I go and sleep with 2 different guys in two weeks its not going to make a difference between week one and week to, it usually takes up to a month for them to show in the system so after every partner would be not only a waste of money but also would give the false hope of I just got tested and it came back clean...

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" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

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Post #: 14

RE: General Safe Sex - 5/19/2008 9:40:43 PM

DreamyLadySnow

Posts: 359
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline

sheep,
I think you should get yourself tested now, for your own peace of mind. Whatever you choose to do afterwards is up to you, as long as you are willing to accept the consequences (antibiotics, incurability, whatever).

LS

(in reply to hopelessfool)

Post #: 15

RE: General Safe Sex - 5/21/2008 7:49:20 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

You know how much sex you are having. You know the risks. You clearly are not a stupid person or you wouldn't be here asking about it.
You know how you contract STD's. You also know the value of a condom. Get to know the value of nonoxyl 9 as well. Although recent studies seem to devalue it...so educate yourself just as you are doing here.

So, ask yourself the question. How many partners has he/she had? Should I get a test today or wait a while? How well do I know my newest potential partner? Communicate with them. You can then judge for yourself how often you should get tested and how much protection you should use.
Tell them before the heat of the moment if you need to use protection...because nobody wants to stop at that point and have the discussion.
There is no other option that I am aware of other than the condom and some kinds of lubes for the blow job. There are dental dams for females to use on themselves.
There is no one sure way to protect yourself 100% so just use your brain and good judgement.

(in reply to sheepwhichsmirks)

Post #: 16

RE: General Safe Sex - 5/21/2008 1:06:11 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

it usually takes up to a month for them to show in the system

Or longer:

http://www.hivtest.org/faq.cfm#exposure

Most people will develop detectable antibodies within 2 to 8 weeks (the average is 25 days). Even so, there is a chance that some individuals will take longer to develop detectable antibodies. Therefore, if the initial negative HIV test was conducted within the first 3 months after possible exposure, repeat testing should be considered >3 months after the exposure occurred to account for the possibility of a false-negative result. Ninety seven percent will develop antibodies in the first 3 months following the time of their infection. In very rare cases, it can take up to 6 months to develop antibodies to HIV.

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Post #: 17

RE: General Safe Sex - 5/22/2008 10:56:35 PM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

I really do want to be safe and responsible.

Good. Glad to hear it.

Start using those condoms, even for blowjobs.

If you don't know the person enough to trust his representation of his sexual history, you don't know him well enough to exchange bodily fluids.

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(in reply to sheepwhichsmirks)

Post #: 18

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