RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (Full Version)

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GoddessTeaze -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/24/2008 3:11:45 AM)

blood is a hard limit for Me pixel,
it's an observation, and don't play the innocent1 one ya hear!!!!

Have a good weekend.

[:D]

GoddezzT`



MsStarlett -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/24/2008 6:45:46 AM)

Ah, Pearl, you know I'm not bitch'n 'bout you... well, not much.  I'll send you PM.

Throbbin, wish I could help you on that distance problem... but I'm trying to work that one out myself!

Being a Poly person is difficult.  It isn't 'right' for everyone.  I get that.  Others should understand that it's just another form of kink.  Everyone, even those in happy monogamous relationships can be attracted to another person... they just choose not to act on it.  Poly people, especially those of us on the Dom side, just tend to be more likely to go for it. 

I can't speak for others, only myself.  However, I do understand that every Poly relationship is as different as the people involved.  Personally, I have ONE husband.  He's not perfect, but he's probably as close as I will ever come to a perfect relationship.  He doesn't LIKE that I keep other men on the side, but he tolerates it because he would rather have me happy and with him than gone and he knows those are his two choices.  He also knows that I have subs who would KILL to take his place and they wouldn't mind how many other toys I had as long as they got to have the 'first fiddle' seat, so he's hanging onto it and I defer to his wishes by not bringing my boy toys home.  This is how we found a 'balance'. 

Because I can't be the one and only for my subs, I don't expect them to keep themselves only for me.  I actually prefer married subs or those who have other relationships to keep them busy and play with me on the side.  That doesn't mean that we don't CARE for each other.  I'm not a Pro Domme and I don't want 'clients' who just come for a no strings session and go their merry way with no conversation.  I like "friends with kinky benefits".  Those who don't like that situation are not 'good matches' for me. 

Is it complicated?  Hell Yeah!  Am I going to quite trying?  No way!  I'm a poly person.  Always have been, always will be.  I can't change what I am but I can change the way I act on it.  For now, I keep most of my subs in an "On-Line Only" situation.  Doesn't mean that I haven't had R/L subs in the passed.  Doesn't mean that I'm not looking for one within range for 'day tripping'.  Doesn't mean that my 'relationships' with my on-line boys aren't 'real'.  Doesn't mean that I don't get frustrated now and then.  Just means that I'm looking for that delicate balance. 

It's kind of like this... (Pardon me for using you Pearl)  IF someone like Pearl were local, I would be rocking his world at about once a week and I would be happy as a clam.  But that would piss off my husband because I had someone that close that I cared for as much as I care for Pearl.  It would leave Pearl frustrated and wanting more.  Great for me.  Bad for both boys. 

At the same time, my husband and our friend are talking about the possibilities of building a dungeon for me so I can take in a few professional clients to satisfy my 'itch'.  That would help the household finances for us and market the toys that our friend builds.  However, I don't know if I could interact with subs in a satisfying way if I didn't care about them.  It's a vicious circle, or a juggling act, that I am currently trying to figure out.

Trying to find the balance... That's why I enjoy the input and try to learn from the experiences of others.  I didn't start this thread to start a fight between the poly & the mono people.  Just bemoaning the difficulties of my personal situation.








LadyJeelys -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/24/2008 8:29:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

Ever get that feeling that all the 'good ones' are taken?  Or to far away?  Or just to busy with their real lives? 



Well, the married thing puts a new twist on it...afterall how many good ones do you have to have before you're satisfied?

But then I have a good one too. Secondary is a wonderful man--and he's taken. But then, almost all of the slaves out there are good ones. Are they the good ones I want to add to my relationship with Secondary--not necessarily. Just because a relationship doesn't work out doesn't mean the guy isn't a good guy....likewise, just because the guy is a good one doesn't mean a relationship will work out. Just recently I had to admit a disciplinary relationship I'd entered wasn't going to work---again, great guy, sexy---and whose wimpers are just lovely and erotic, sweet, intelligent, in need of direction----but the relationship just didnt work in that form because of time constraints. He's a good one who is out there......and he's not alone.




pixelslave -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/24/2008 10:47:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessTeaze

blood is a hard limit for Me pixel,
it's an observation, and don't play the innocent1 one ya hear!!!!

Have a good weekend.

[:D]

GoddezzT`



Me, innocent?  Heh, I've been naive at times but rarely innocent! [8D]
 
 - pixel



darchChylde -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/24/2008 11:17:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett
Others should understand that it's just another form of kink. 


As far as my experience, polyamory is more to do with the relationship than the kink.  It's an ancient relationship model, only made kinky by modern morals and values.

i personally, have no desire to take the place of Ma'ams husband.  There are times that i wish She would come to me that She goes to Him; but also, i could never be the mental and emotional dominant that She really needs, nor can i see myself effectively physically topping Her, a painslut.  i don't deny that i am sometimes a little jealous of Him.  But i acknowledge that jealousy honestly and take away any power it might have over me, just as i face my fears and doubts; i only have one Dominant, and that is Ma'am and not my fears, doubts or jealousy.

He makes Her happy and gives Her support with tools that i don't have in my belt, He had earned His place as the Patriarch of our family, and that is a position with stresses, pressures and responsibilities that i do not envy him of.

"Second fiddle" is not so bad, i've occasionally got a bow pulled across my strings and i'm not expected to lead the band.  Not to mention, i'm loved by those that i love; really, why should i not satisfied in my place?



GoddessTeaze -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/25/2008 2:30:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde


"Second fiddle" is not so bad, i've occasionally got a bow pulled across my strings and i'm not expected to lead the band.  Not to mention, i'm loved by those that i love; really, why should i not satisfied in my place?


Hello darchChylde,

your post made Me wonder, I've a married sub and Wwe've been together over 3 years now, but still want to find someone who is totally My own, and who lives closer to Me, then My sub does (Italy versus Holland). Now My question, don't you ever wish to find one whom you mean the world too?

To be Her onlyone?

I know it's far from easy from wanting something, and finding it too.. the way you want it.

I was just wondering about this.
Thank you kindly for your answer.

I wish you enough.

GoddezzT`



GoddessTeaze -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/25/2008 2:33:01 AM)

quote:

Me, innocent?  Heh, I've been naive at times but rarely innocent! [8D]

 - pixel


you good boy
just need a good spanking!!!

GoddezzT`



LPslittleclip -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/25/2008 5:34:36 AM)

there will always be more good ones to come along. poly is hard I'm in a poly now I'm married and so is my M'Lady now her husband is in Korea and I'm going of to Iraq.  so none of the family will be together for a year or more. being poly is hard and a lot of work but the rewards are ever so much more for the effort. keep trying and keep communicating and you will find what you seek.



darchChylde -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/25/2008 3:14:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessTeaze

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde


"Second fiddle" is not so bad, i've occasionally got a bow pulled across my strings and i'm not expected to lead the band.  Not to mention, i'm loved by those that i love; really, why should i not satisfied in my place?


Hello darchChylde,

your post made Me wonder, I've a married sub and Wwe've been together over 3 years now, but still want to find someone who is totally My own, and who lives closer to Me, then My sub does (Italy versus Holland). Now My question, don't you ever wish to find one whom you mean the world too?

To be Her onlyone?

I know it's far from easy from wanting something, and finding it too.. the way you want it.

I was just wondering about this.
Thank you kindly for your answer.

I wish you enough.

GoddezzT`



Greetings GoddessTeaze,


Now, i can only answer for how i feel now.  i can't say that i'll never wish to be Ma'ams one and only, or to have a Dominant who i would be in a monogamous relationship with; but with my unique experiences, that is the least of my desires.  i honestly doubt that i would have been able to be so comfortable as Her friend in the beginning, and thus able to become so totally vulnerable to Her if She were not married and therefore unavailable in my perspective.  Mt fears and trust issues after losing my family made me very hesitant in ever caring deeply enough for anyone that i wouldn't be able to just walk away and get on with my life if i lost them.  With Ma'ams being married and off limits, by my own preferences; i foolishly, and luckily felt that She was "safe".

Now, i had recently been given the opportunity of literally dropping everything else i knew and used to and moving with Ma'am and Sir to the northeast united states.  We'll be moving in three weeks, and the one thing that decided me was the knowledge that i would never forgive myself if i simply said goodbye and watched Them drive away. effectively for good.  The one thing that i have truly feared had come to be.  She might not be totally mine, but i am one hundred percent Hers'; and that really is enough.

Though it is not what i sought; i am happy with the situation that i've found; nay, worked hard to make myself at home in.

i may not be Her one and only or Her world; but that doesn't matter when i have Her love.  Second in Her heart doesn't feel like settling when i am with a woman who has so much love in Her heart.

Sincerely,

oren
the Imp's pet



LadyHibiscus -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/25/2008 7:26:23 PM)

You're a jewel, Oren.



darchChylde -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/25/2008 7:37:22 PM)

Greetings GoddessTeaze,

Now, i can only answer for how i feel now.  i can't say that i'll never wish to be Ma'ams one and only, or to have a Dominant who i would be in a monogamous relationship with; but with my unique experiences, that is the least of my desires.  i honestly doubt that i would have been able to be so comfortable as Her friend in the beginning, and thus able to become so totally vulnerable to Her if She were not married and therefore unavailable in my perspective.  Mt fears and trust issues after losing my family made me very hesitant in ever caring deeply enough for anyone that i wouldn't be able to just walk away and get on with my life if i lost them.  With Ma'ams being married and off limits, by my own preferences; i foolishly, and luckily felt that She was "safe".

Now, i had recently been given the opportunity of literally dropping everything else i knew and was used to and moving with Ma'am and Sir to the northeast united states.  We'll be moving in three weeks, and the one thing that decided me was the knowledge that i would never forgive myself if i simply said goodbye and watched Them drive away. effectively for good.  The one thing that i have truly feared had come to be.  She might not be totally mine, but i am one hundred percent Hers'; and that really is enough.

Though it is not what i sought; i am happy with the situation that i've found; nay, worked hard to make myself at home in.

i may not be Her one and only or Her world; but that doesn't matter when i have Her love.  Second in Her heart doesn't feel like settling when i am with a woman who has so much love in Her heart.

Sincerely,

oren
the Imp's pet

Note: Sorry for the repost, but the font was really small and i only found out after the chance to edit had passed.




quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

You're a jewel, Oren.


Thank you very much, LadyHibiscus.



hardbodysub -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/25/2008 8:24:47 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


Yes - the solution?  "Fixer Uppers"!  Make MORE good ones.
I think a great many submissive men are just wandering a bit and need a little direction. They need a "submissive makeover" so to speak.
...

Akasha



I really like the way you think, AAkasha!



DelilahDeb -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/25/2008 11:44:08 PM)

OP, I wouldn't call it whining. I would, however, regard you as fortunate to have found four that reached the status of being cherished online. I've made one friend, connected with one sub who was real but not a match, one sub who was real and distant and so spiritually needy that within a month or so he did what I would call "subbing to Christ" and gave up BDSM, and a couple of folks who wanted a domme to play with but were just flaky.

So, while I'm not seeking online romance of any sort, I'm willing to go through that step as a piece of the dance we all do. And yet, and yet, I'd really love to connect with a real-time, real-life primary sub of my own. Which is part of why I make the effort to look at munches and parties...because most of the HNGs play only in fantasy, or qualify as "do-me" subs. Relationship, D/s matchup, possible sex, and independence? I guess I'm asking a lot.

Delilah Deb



GoddessTeaze -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/26/2008 4:18:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

Greetings GoddessTeaze,

Now, i can only answer for how i feel now.  i can't say that i'll never wish to be Ma'ams one and only, or to have a Dominant who i would be in a monogamous relationship with; but with my unique experiences, that is the least of my desires.  i honestly doubt that i would have been able to be so comfortable as Her friend in the beginning, and thus able to become so totally vulnerable to Her if She were not married and therefore unavailable in my perspective.  Mt fears and trust issues after losing my family made me very hesitant in ever caring deeply enough for anyone that i wouldn't be able to just walk away and get on with my life if i lost them.  With Ma'ams being married and off limits, by my own preferences; i foolishly, and luckily felt that She was "safe".


Sincerely,

oren
the Imp's pet

Note: Sorry for the repost, but the font was really small and i only found out after the chance to edit had passed. (I get that shit time from time too !)
see? fuck da font, now I had to re edit it again !!

I was wondering why I felt so
much sadness reading your reply,
but reading your profile it all makes it allot clearer.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

And it's beautiful to read how your Miss
came in your life, and you opened up to Her.

Life takes strange turns at times..
and then it's up to you
to pick up the pieces and move on.

I admire your strength and beauty,
and all I can wish you is enough.

Warm Greetingz

GoddezzT`





SnowRanger -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/27/2008 3:25:41 PM)

Hello A/all!

i have always felt that i am as good a man as any; and a damn sight better than most.  In the interest of full disclosure; i AM unclaimed.  my first statement not withstanding;  i recognize that the rest of the world may look upon me as a "bad" one or loser or what ever.  i am behind on points in this game of life by my own standards.  i have done some interesting things in the past and am doing some now.

In any case; if i could figure out how to better present myself as a "good one;"  i would do so!  It's not about being fake.  It's about being a more polished me.  Maybe there alot of "good ones' in my Boots.  Respectfully,  mike



GoddessTeaze -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/28/2008 1:16:40 AM)

turn offs helicopters!!!

Too funny
[sm=biggrin.gif]
I wish you enough snowranger!

Warm Greetingz

GoddezzT`



chezzy71 -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/28/2008 2:27:44 AM)

Alright..my glass is either going to be half empty or half full.I may not ever be able to fulfill my lifelong desire to serve because i am married and rather unhappily.However,there is one thing that would cure all the ills..a move back to New York and for that i would gladly give up my desires.There is obviously more to the story,but if i can't have one then i sure as hell want the other.And if by chance the wife decides to say no to the move then i will be on the open market if you will and i will go most anywhere within reason...i will try to keep myself within the 48 contiguous states.But if you are Poly..don't even bother looking at my profile..i fly solo or i don't fly at all.



LadyPact -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/28/2008 2:34:35 AM)

I'll consider Myself advised.



Evility -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/28/2008 2:42:08 AM)

While I suspect CM is not the only place you are looking you have only been here (under this name, at least) for less than six months. As another poster said - patience. I looked around for several years before finding the right fit with a real person and I was still damned lucky to have found her at that point. I was looking on IRC. The search appears much tougher on a website such as this.

Patience.

 



MsStarlett -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/28/2008 6:25:59 AM)

Well... I had a lovely temper tantrum yesterday as one of my Favored Four went *Poof* by deleting his CM account.  I had a lot of time and energy invested in that boy so it does rather piss me off that he didn't have the courtesy to at least say 'Good Bye'. 

Oh well... I've got two more blue eyed beauties on the horizon.  One is younger than I normally like... but then, so is Pearl and he has proven himself to be quite enjoyable.



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