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bdsm and vanilla weddings- - 5/19/2008 4:28:13 AM   
MadameXTC


Posts: 96
Joined: 9/30/2004
Status: offline 		I have just been daydreaming and wonder how other people have been able to coordinate having kinky friends and vanilla family together for weddings. Did you have two seperate weddings? One wedding and hope for the best? Also was there any hint of bdsm in your wedding if your vanilla family was there. I have seen several weddings by couples who are involved in BDSM. My Dominant and I are looking forward to having a wedding within the next 2 years and would love some thoughts on how to make a wedding kinky and vanilla friendly. This is also a second wedding for the both of us, so I was wondering about alternative to the white gown. One that I looked at was interesting enough, it was white with red lining and a pattern of red down the back. anyways any thoughts to help my daydreaming along are welcomed.. thanks in advance


ps at my first wedding I had the biblical passages about wives submitting to thei husbands etc. so it's possible to throw that in there, but I do not want anything the same as my first wedding to bring up bad memories

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RE: bdsm and vanilla weddings- - 5/19/2008 8:28:01 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		Don't vanillas love kink? Or do you lead two lives?

(in reply to MadameXTC)
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RE: bdsm and vanilla weddings- - 5/19/2008 8:35:13 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Finding biblical passages where the wife is supposed to obey the husband isnt difficult at all, there are several if I remember correctly. Lucky for you, it is farily vanila-friendly for the wife to be protrayed as submissive to the husband in all ways, with tons of speaches to that manner. Google wedding poetry and vows and quite a few mention obedience. To the kinky they will understand the depth of it,  to the vanillas, its socially acceptable.

As fr having the kinky and the vanilla mix, Fox and I are going to have al our friends and family at our wedding. Kinky or not, everyone shares in the same day for us. We will expect our kinky friends not to say or do anything that will cause our Grandparents to haveheart attacks. No one will be in cuffs and there will be no floggers in the dress codes.
The one adjustment we have joked about, but probaly wont actualy have, is the vows ending in I now pronounce you Maam and wife.

DV


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RE: bdsm and vanilla weddings- - 5/19/2008 8:46:15 AM   
abcbsex


Posts: 478
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline 		go to offbeatbride.com. Helped me through much of my wedding planning, and I'm pretty sure mine didn't end up being completely vanilla... though there wasn't any kink involved. Ariel Meadow Stallings is an author of a book on how to incorporate not-so-normal things into your wedding, I'm sure you'll find some ideas there. Maybe even send her an email about how to incorporate the two, as long as there's nothing explicit I'm sure she'd be willing to help. Best of luck!


edited to add: She has a whole gallery full of offbeat brides and there are some dresses in there that make me want to marry Alpha all over again just so I can wear them for a couple days.

< Message edited by abcbsex -- 5/19/2008 8:47:57 AM >

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I was trained at MasterLordDarkness' Center for Subs Who Don't Serve Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too.....

but it needed to be at least.... four times bigger.


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RE: bdsm and vanilla weddings- - 5/19/2008 12:07:57 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		What... your kinky friends don't have anything other than leather in their wardrobe?  Are their manners that bad?  What exactly is the problem?

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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: bdsm and vanilla weddings- - 5/19/2008 2:59:57 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		For us, we are what we are. We don't stop being dominant or submissive any more than we stop being Valyraen and Aqua. We'll have one wedding with family and friends and there will be things that are symbolic to us. I wouldn't be at all surprised if we found a way to slip in something symbolic regarding the power structure of our relationship, but it also wouldn't bother me if we didn't. It's about us bringing our lives together and starting a new family.

BTW, since you mentioned colored dresses they are making a bit of comeback in wedding fashion. The white dress is only since the Victorian time and I find dresses in my bridal mags that have splashes of red, and other colors, or are fully red.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: bdsm and vanilla weddings- - 5/19/2008 3:09:32 PM   
MadameXTC


Posts: 96
Joined: 9/30/2004
Status: offline 		I was thinking a silver dress or maybe even go all out and get married in black. It is not that I am worried of my kinky friends etc. but like DV said it's trying to keep grandma from noticing something she shouldnt lol. We do live 24/7 with kink etc, but at the same time we live in the bible belt, we have children and half of them are teenagers, and great grandma will be in attendance as well as the two grandmas. If someone said something off then it might shock the older relatives who would be in attendance, which could be the scandal of the year for a very small country town. His parents and my mom are pretty much acceptable in all we did.  Its funny cause the way His mom  found out was noticing  floggers hanging up  in the closet when she was showing the house to the real estate woman.. *laughs* she was curious as to why it was there, my fiance does security so the cuffs werent too odd, but the flogger sent it home.

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RE: bdsm and vanilla weddings- - 5/19/2008 3:39:53 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		My advice is just think about what a wedding means to you. We'll have a private collaring ceramony at some point, but to us, ideally anyway, a wedding is the bringing together of families and we hope that our wedding will reflect that. It will be very personal to us but we don't think it needs to spell out every bit of our relationship.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 5/19/2008 3:42:01 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MadameXTC)
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RE: bdsm and vanilla weddings- - 5/19/2008 3:44:46 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		Kinky people MUST be kept locked up in the closet at vanilla events because they always seem to put their dildos right there  next to their salad fork.  The horror. 


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RE: bdsm and vanilla weddings- - 5/19/2008 3:46:51 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Kinky people MUST be kept locked up in the closet at vanilla events because they always seem to put their dildos right there  next to their salad fork.  The horror. 



I use mine to stir my soup.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Aileen1968)
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RE: bdsm and vanilla weddings- - 5/19/2008 5:35:58 PM   
MadameXTC


Posts: 96
Joined: 9/30/2004
Status: offline 		hahaha that one is funny- I was wondering why the salad dressing was creamier then usually, musta been using the dildo as a fork hahaha-

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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RE: bdsm and vanilla weddings- - 5/19/2008 8:13:49 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Most commonly they have two ceremonies with two different social groups.  Many people have one ceremony and throw in a few "telling" signs which you'd only notice if you were looking for them.

Some people do a full on combination of the two, but usually it's a non christian relationship with very open and out people.

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RE: bdsm and vanilla weddings- - 5/20/2008 6:04:25 PM   
BotanicalMiss


Posts: 82
Joined: 11/19/2006
Status: offline 		A friend of mine wore a silver chain collar with a heart shaped lock in front, looking like a pendant to anyone who wasn't in the know, along with a silver closed-cuff style bracelet on each wrist. The appearance was beautiful to everyone and clearly showed the "other" side of their relationship to those who shared that part of their lives.

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RE: bdsm and vanilla weddings- - 5/20/2008 6:49:59 PM   
MadameXTC


Posts: 96
Joined: 9/30/2004
Status: offline 		wow, do you know where she got the jewelrey from, it sounds pretty :)

(in reply to BotanicalMiss)
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RE: bdsm and vanilla weddings- - 5/20/2008 10:20:52 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		Some groomsmen are starting to wear Ball n Chain cufflinks.

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RE: bdsm and vanilla weddings- - 5/20/2008 10:22:35 PM   
kanik096


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/18/2008
Status: offline 		After reading this thread i can say that I believe having two cermonies is a misstake. Having two ceparate receptions is a misstake. Why ? Because if you do, you will be confined into having separate this and separate that for the rest of your life. As someone said, "what is the problem ?" im sure the kinky freaks out there know how to behave for the duration of a wedding. After all its likely they been to one or two unless they have been locked up in a cellar all their life. Second reason why it is a misstake is that it doubles the cost and increases the time needed for both party and cermony. "Oh but we have money so we can spend twice as much" ok. Well if you spent it all on one reception or one wedding, im sure it would be twice as flashy. So no thanks to two cermonies. Just ask everyone to behave for a day. It might be a nice way to practice obedience.



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RE: bdsm and vanilla weddings- - 5/21/2008 8:12:00 AM   
abcbsex


Posts: 478
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kanik096

After reading this thread i can say that I believe having two cermonies is a misstake. Having two ceparate receptions is a misstake. Why ? Because if you do, you will be confined into having separate this and separate that for the rest of your life. As someone said, "what is the problem ?" im sure the kinky freaks out there know how to behave for the duration of a wedding. After all its likely they been to one or two unless they have been locked up in a cellar all their life. Second reason why it is a misstake is that it doubles the cost and increases the time needed for both party and cermony. "Oh but we have money so we can spend twice as much" ok. Well if you spent it all on one reception or one wedding, im sure it would be twice as flashy. So no thanks to two cermonies. Just ask everyone to behave for a day. It might be a nice way to practice obedience.






I disagree with separation being a "misstake". I didn't have any kinkiness to my wedding, but we still had a small, serene reception with everyone, friends and family around then broke out the booze and partying at another place and time with friends. It just wasn't appropriate around my family so we had it elsewhere, I wasn't keeping my life separated into two pieces by doing that. . It doesn't have to be 2 all-out affairs, either. Just a nice wedding with everyone, a reception with everyone, and a celebration with kinky friends later... how is that a mistake?

_____________________________

I was trained at MasterLordDarkness' Center for Subs Who Don't Serve Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too.....

but it needed to be at least.... four times bigger.


(in reply to kanik096)
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RE: bdsm and vanilla weddings- - 5/21/2008 9:22:04 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
~ Fast Reply ~
 
We had 50 people at a 'formal' home wedding/reception. In attendance were family, business associates, and friends of all flavors; male Masters, female Dommes, straight, gay, and a bi-sexual switch or two, some of who we met through our participation in CM. Although we knew and went to play parties with them, they had never met each other, providing me (Merc) an opportunity to have some sadistic fun when setting up the seating chart. We told them that there were some other 'non-vanillas' in attendance who may or may not be sitting with them. Amazingly by the end of the night - they 'discovered' each other.

Everyone got along splendidly. It was an amazing ceremony. We wrote our own vows and ceremony conducted in our front yard as the sun set over the Pacific.  It was facilitated by a non-denominational pastor (vanilla). The vow were very personal and, depending on your perspective, could have either represented a very traditional wedding or 'collaring' ceremony. The only problem was the blubbering the groom was doing while saying his parts. However, since some times has passed, I'm 'spinning' that as 'dramatic effect'. In any event, the rainbow flavors of attendees all joined in the shedding of tears by the time we were through.

Look - this is YOUR day. Do it the way you want. We never considered separate ceremonies. We enjoyed, and continue to enjoy the friendship of everyone who was there. We had no doubt that any discussion about the intimate parts of our relationship at the tables would not embarrass us.

I think any 'fear' you have is self generated. As with us, I'm sure your friends respect you and your relationship. They are not going to come to the wedding dressed in fetish-wear. And although we did receive some lifestyle specific wedding gifts, those that gave them to us made sure we knew to open them in private. We even broke away and had a 'private' photo session for some 'lifestyle' pictures of us.

Our belief was that the 'lifestyle', BDSM, or WIITWD was too much a part of our relationship NOT to include it as part of our wedding. Hell - we met from a profiles we posted on a BDSM website! There is nothing about our life, or our relationship that we are ashamed. We never considered hiding it, then again we never considered making it a focal point. We took that position on every aspect. beth's religious beliefs meant that we wanted to include a Pastor and reading from the Bible. We wanted everyone who was important to us to share that moment. It could not have worked out better.

Oh yeah on the dress question - and beth wore a long, slit, low cut, beaded, cream colored gown; and nothing else.

Good luck!

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RE: bdsm and vanilla weddings- - 5/21/2008 10:27:32 AM   
pettingdragons


Posts: 421
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Kinky people MUST be kept locked up in the closet at vanilla events because they always seem to put their dildos right there  next to their salad fork.  The horror. 



  most of girls imideate family knows....girls mother has done after care and recently seen Master provide care. We had to visit her for Mothers day but had a scene the night before....they where bleeding through so Master just had girl kneel before him and lifted the shirt and proceeded to provide aftercare while we where still talking to mother...but she knows and just says "be careful dear"
Since girl cares for her brothers childern, he and his wife have seen the cuts and such. girls brother is a nurse and he wanted to be sure the blades where cleaned...hell we have an autoclave for them...LOL  In fact girls sister in law said "well i would have told your Master that you were tired" referring to girls Master.
the rest of the family well...they if they have questions girl will be more then willing to talk to them..most of them if they do know they dont say anything...girl wonders if they are just scarred that it will excite them...LOL
the rest of girls friends are either pagan or in some form of BDsM...so its all good there...
pettingdragons
**Master Dragons considered slave**

(in reply to Aileen1968)
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RE: bdsm and vanilla weddings- - 5/21/2008 6:18:19 PM   
freyjasdottir


Posts: 253
Joined: 8/29/2006
From: PA
Status: offline 		Its amazing that your lifestyle friends don't know how to behave in public, perhaps you should have different friends or offer a manners course. 

(in reply to pettingdragons)
Profile   Post #: 20
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