RE: losing control? (Full Version)

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OmegaG -> RE: losing control? (5/22/2008 1:30:42 PM)

which is why I shudder when women start sharing pregnancy stories and scaring the mothers to be, each experience is different.

There is alot of projecting going on, the woman is very early on in her pregnancy but people keep talking about her balooning out-- I didn't even look pregnant until I was well into the 6th month and then I blew up like a baloon.  I didn't retain water, I didn't have any morning sickness, I didn't loose energy and I had an urge to make sure everything was perfect, oh, and I only got bitchy with the father, but I knew that the relationship was over and it had nothing to do with hormones.  Oh, I also worked 40/week retail the first time I was pregnant, standing on my feet the entire shift.

The thing is that women have been having babies for centuries and many of them had to do far more manual labor then we do and the race survived, we are pansies in this generation, we don't lack the incentive to work through the little bumps and glitches, we'd far rather just cry out that poor helpless us need help.

I only added my 2 cents to provide a balance, not all women get tired, not all women can't funcion when they are pregnant, hell, some of seem to be designed physically for breeding (regardless if we want to or not) and for every woman that had to be coddled when she was pregnant, another was in her prime.

end of rant.



Floggings4You -> RE: losing control? (5/22/2008 3:07:16 PM)

Did the two of you talk about how the pregnancy would affect your D/s relationship?  Does she still want/need to be submissive to You, now that she's pregnant and tired? 
 
My submissive hates it if I even seem to overlook a punishment.  (Sometimes its a day or two before I get around to it, but I never forget--and she appreciates that.)  Even if I'm not as harsh in punishing her as I threaten to be, a 'light' punishemtn is infinitely better than none at all.
 
So, if you've threatened to 'redden her ass' if she fails to do the dishes, make her strip from the waist down, kneel in front of you, and slap each of her ass cheeks a couple times, if nothing else.  (And, next time, if you really don't care if the dishes don't get done 'cause she's too tired--esp. if you don't really feel like punishing her if she doesn't do them-- don't order her to do them in the first place!)



windchymes -> RE: losing control? (5/22/2008 3:30:48 PM)

Regardless of what the D/s dynamics are at this point, are you prepared and willing to kick her out, now that she's carrying your kid and the two of you are going to be responsible for raising this kid to adulthood? 

It sounds like it's time for you to just suck it up and accept that you don't have a D/s or M/s relationship and just start making the best of what relationship you do have. 



CalifChick -> RE: losing control? (5/22/2008 3:50:52 PM)

If anybody thinks asking her doctor what she can do is going to yield any kind of results, I would suggest you rethink that.  The doctor is going to say some variation of, "she can do whatever she feels up to and she should rest when she needs to".

Cali



Leatherist -> RE: losing control? (5/22/2008 4:13:35 PM)

FR....I always have to laugh at guys who think they are "powerful, and can establish control."

It shows a degree of insecurity and dissaociation from reality that is beyond funny. Usually, one aquires influence over another individual through a process of showing what you have to offer them-which usually means you have the ability to enable something they are seeking.

And if you cannot do that, all of the posturing in the world is not going to make you worthy.



Huntertn -> RE: losing control? (5/22/2008 5:50:46 PM)

Doctor vist first, cause at that stage of the pregency its normal for some to just be fagged out 24/7..and some are statteredbrained also..then do some talking and then back it up by writing it down what you want done...and when...give breaks between tasks..and if she doesn't do it..take her home to her family or get ready for some long hard years ahead



KnightofMists -> RE: losing control? (5/22/2008 8:47:04 PM)

sad possibility but not necessarily a fact...she's carrying your kid... she doesn't have to play submissive to keep you anymore... she got you by the pocket book instead!



ResidentSadist -> RE: losing control? (5/22/2008 10:11:28 PM)

,,,,,



ResidentSadist -> RE: losing control? (5/22/2008 10:14:26 PM)

[sm=ignore.gif]



giancarlo -> RE: losing control? (5/22/2008 11:54:30 PM)

I try hard to keep that control. And when I can't, I just go for a walk or find something to do, to get my mind out of the situation.



MstrVik -> RE: losing control? (5/23/2008 10:49:41 AM)

She could simply be testing you to see how much rein you are willing to give her. I am thinking this also because you say you've been lax. If you say she's going to get a red ass if things don't get done, follow up on it.



zigzagzarf -> RE: losing control? (5/23/2008 10:59:14 AM)

to the ones that asked ya the boys are 3 and 4 there both from past relationships mine in the 4 year old he has downs syndrome hers is the 3 year old and we think he has adhd too like both his birth parents....

i'm just flustered by the pregnancy shes alot different then how my exs was the babys hard on her...we had to go to the er the other day cause of stomach cramps...she was low on potasiom(sp?) and had a bad reaction to something her doctor gave her...we lost another baby last oct so theres alot going on that the people saying i'm the sub now don't know about...i'm a good dad i wouldn't leave her alone with my kid...just sexualy frustrated at the moment

i think i'll take the advice about leaving the D/s side of our relationship alone for awhile she knows it's something i need to be happy in a relationship and she does try...oh and ya she does have a job so that contributes to her feeling tired and shitty all the time now to...

thanks for all the good replies back...i found the info on dealing with a sub that has adhd really helpful does anyone know if theres a thread on the subject around here?



xxblushesxx -> RE: losing control? (5/23/2008 1:23:19 PM)

There are threads on add (I started one) and I'm sure there are on adhd.

Good luck!

It really warms my heart to know that she has you to lean on. And the children have both of you.
Remember what's important.



kiwisub12 -> RE: losing control? (5/23/2008 4:28:09 PM)

Hell - the poor woman is working, and has two small kids to care for - one of which is special needs, is pregnant and has adhd, as does her son.

I have a couple of kids with add, and the effort of having to keep them on task was horrendous. I imagine when you have it yourself, it would be even worse. Combine that with a pregnancy with some problems, massive tiredness, and housework - i am surprised she even gets out of bed in the mornings! Give the poor woman a break!  Literally - take over some of the housework, and child caring. Make it a specific duty - eg the laundry or the dishes. Do it.  Maybe do more than one chore.

Taking a break from the lifestyle may be the best thing the two of you can do.  but you need to talk to her about it first, and present your reasons, in a very nonguilt inducing way. She may not want to take a break. You need to reassure her that if you do take a break that you aren't planning on leaving, and that it is up for renegotation in a specific timeframe.

When i was in a similar, vanilla situation, i was so tired from doing all the housework, working fulltime in an ER, and basically doing whatever my husband demanded that i didn't want sex - i just wanted to sleep.  Help around the house and with the kids, cuddle her, rub her feet, touch her in passing, tell her she is beautiful. Tell her she is desirable, and when ever she is up for it you would love to prove it to her.
I really think at this time in your relationship you need to make allowances for her.
And i don't think she is topping from the bottom - I think the poor woman is trying as hard as she can to cope with some major life issues at a time in her life when she is probably wiped out physically.



DesFIP -> RE: losing control? (5/27/2008 8:04:54 AM)

ADD here and I used to pass out the moment I sat down while pregnant.

But suggesting he walk out on her while pregnant is not at all the right answer. Put everything to the side until after life gets to a new normal. She may feel wrong about being submissive and a mother. If so, then that's a topic to explore five minutes at a time over many months.



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