RE: Bull Doms. . .Good? Bad? Ugly?

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RE: Bull Doms. . .Good? Bad? Ugly? - 7/25/2004 6:50:56 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessJules
Topcat: I think the situation that you describe is something I'd feel most comfortable with. I think things can and probably would get hairy if either Dominant comes into the picture trying to be a despot or a tyrant. Ideally, we would have a harmonious household where everyone gets along and knows their "station". . .sadly, this is probably something easier said than done. . .

I've known one situation in which this worked for a while. The Domme in question is a friend of mine who had a long distance online relationship with a male slave for 4 years. In that time, she got married to a "vanilla" man with a strong personality. The slave eventually came to live with them. It lasted a while, and my impression is that it was not the dynamic that was the cause of the slave eventually leaving. She mentions that she released him because he had some growing to do... I hold this woman in very high esteem and trust her judgement.

When I asked her however what kind of qualities her husband had to enable such a dynamic to work, she said that though he didn't submit to her, that he had a very enormous respect and adoration for her, on top of the love he had for her. He had no desire for another mate but didn't have such a "big male ego" (her words) that he would squash her needs. For the time it lasted, they were all very happy together.

Maybe, then, it is qualities you will be looking for in your bull that will make all the difference. If you are curious to know more, I can contact her quite easily.

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: Bull Doms. . .Good? Bad? Ugly? - 7/25/2004 8:33:36 AM

MizSuz

Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

In the case of my Madame, in private, we indulged each other, and gave freely of ourselves, and who was on top was never an issue between us.

Lawrence - I can't recall a time when it was an issue publicly, either.

I have only been in one poly situation that really didn't 'gel' and that dynamic was -

He was her dominant and she was married to someone else (the husband knew). She did not live with him, but spent one night a week and some weekends with him. I came into the picture as his dominant and we decided to be 'significant others' with each other. I moved in with him and she freaked out. Shortly after I moved in with him she left her husband and began staying quite often, significantly more than was originally agreed. Obviously this is not the same thing as all people cohabiting.

In my mind it failed for two reasons - 1. There was never a clear statement of "this is my significant other, if you make me choose between you you will lose;" and, 2. Their notion of truth and mine were dramatically different. I see sinful omission as a lie, they did not.

I left. But this is not the same dynamic you (Jules) speak of. If it was understood that you may at some time make a choice to bring a Bull in then it was clear and if they (your boys) choose to leave then it wasn't meant to be.

I have never assumed a dominant role with another's submissive (at least not without an invitation from the dominant), nor have I required an existing submissive to defer to another dominant in my life (although respectful interactions are a general requirement). I will never again be in a relationship with another individual who can't clearly say "Suz is my FIRST choice and it would be wise of you not to test that." As you say, united front.

Any time you bring a person into an existing dynamic it's going to change said dynamic. I suppose it comes down to being very clear about the sort of relationship you want and then settling for nothing short of people who also want the same. I hear you say you are not quite clear on how you would like it to manifest (hence, the question). So draft a few ideas and take it for a test run for a while (assuming you've found a dom you are interested in). I think an ability to be a bit liquid until things settle out is a good trait for all involved. Good luck to you with it! Building a household is a demanding job that can have a lot of rewards.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

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