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Mercnbeth -> RE: Common denominator (5/23/2008 8:53:37 AM)
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quote:
Actually, I guess what I am asking is HOW THE HELL do you figure out what it IS that keeps going wrong??
well, since you asked...
this slave bumped her head against a very similar wall (and it very well could have been the whiskey talking, but STILL...) and decided to spend 3 years single, taking her own self out to the movies and spending a romantic birthday dinner with her own self. instead of struggling in a relationship, she HAD ONE with her "self".
after spending a LOT of alone time with her, it turns out the self wasn't a bad person...she just plain submitted to all and sundry, without making intelligent choices based on the person she was submitting to---just going by how they presented themselves. they were charmers, good at lying and deceit, unconcerned with this slave's basic needs and would surely have seen and/or sent her to her grave. this slave was gullible and willing, but not willing to die or go to prison for the sake of the relationship.
after 3 years of pursuing self-interests such as taking a ceramics class, hiking in the forest & home-schooling wee ones, to name a few, this slave decided after all she had learned about her self, NOT to look for or enter into a relationship agreement with another person again because they couldn't possibly accept her, and she might not be the best person at spotting the liars, fakes and frauds.
she resigned herself to continuing the rest of her path in this life single and ready to mingle.
in another attempt at self-improvement, she went to the MD for help to quit smoking. he suggested she change her "lifestyle". went home and searched the internet for "lifestyle" and discovered the "lifestyle" of M/s and D/s relationships, BDSM, where sexual pleasure from pain is acceptable, even celebrated.
in an attempt to get involved with real-time people, she set up profiles on BDSM personal's sites, identifying as submissive and seeking friends for fun and frolic.
as it turned out, she agreed to meet Master after 6 weeks of discovering the alternative lifestyle of D/s, M/s-based relationships and BDSM, with the hope that at the very least we'd be able to have some fun together and this slave would edify her self about expressions of alternative sexuality and relationship structures. He has had MUCH more experience than this slave...and was willing to answer her questions, without freaking out on her, no matter the question.
it has been 5+ years of fun and learning, pain with pleasure, laughter and tears, making a home and a life together, enoying each other's company as often as we possibly can.
to date, it has been vastly different than any other relationship this slave has ever had. the level of honesty, integrity and confidence is profound. this slave melts every single time she looks into His eyes.
she wasn't looking for a relationship...but she was, indeed, blessed by the Great Architect with one.
best wishes, GreedyTop[:)].
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