RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (Full Version)

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thetammyjo -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (10/25/2005 2:23:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenxx


quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Just a fast reply to say that I am having great difficulty understand the posts that are written in one huge paragraph with lots of ..... between incomplete sentences.

If I cannot decipher what someone is saying, there will be miscommunications.

I'm totally lost now on the intend of several posts and the flow of this thread.


Sorry about that TammyJo. It is an old habit that I have. I had not even noticed I was using that style again. Thanks for pointing it out.

Part of it is my dislike of using the total formal style that I was taught to use. However, that is my boggle, not yours ;-)
Tony



It wasn't specifically directed at you Tony (for some reason the quick reply said that) but in general I've found several posts written in a manner I'm having great difficulty deciphering.

I'm certainly no grammar or spelling wonder (dsylexia and all) but I try to decipher what I can and at a certain point I get really frustrated.



Veritasluxmea -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (10/25/2005 2:24:23 PM)

I'm going to try and jump back on track with this thread. This is just my opinion personally, and I would sincerely appreciate it if no one rammed it back down my throat or yelled at me about it. This thread is, after all, about manners.

It takes alot for me to trust another human being, male or female, dominant or submissive. It is going to take alot of time and trust and care for me to love and trust and respect a man enough to call him "Master". It will take me even longer to love and trust that man enough to let another man lay a hand on me based on his orders. But, I will get there some day. That doesn't mean that I would call that man, "Master". Has he earned the title? I would say no, just as he would say that I haven't earned the title of "slave". These titles take time and trust and mutual respect to earn, which is why it makes me so uncomfortable when people call me "slave" and instruct me to call them "Master" in a message. Master and slave implies ownership. Someone messaging me is not ownership. Why am I expected to use that term then? I am polite when I respond, but feel no need to respond with that title.

Everyone deserves politeness. If someone is older than me, and not a family member or a close friend, I will say "ma'am" or "sir", because their wisdom by age deems that I do so. I always try to remain polite, even after others have been rude, because they, by being human, deserve it, but maybe that's just me. But, just because they deserve politeness does not mean they deserve a title given only to those of highest meaning to me.

Let me pose a question: If I had a "Master" who betrayed me (forgetting the argument that a true Master would never do that) would I still be required to call him "Master" though he has lost my trust and respect?

Please let me know what you all think. I tried to remain concise and clear, but if something doesn't make sense, let me know! It is midterm week.



thetammyjo -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (10/25/2005 2:29:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Veritasluxmea

Let me pose a question: If I had a "Master" who betrayed me (forgetting the argument that a true Master would never do that) would I still be required to call him "Master" though he has lost my trust and respect?

Please let me know what you all think. I tried to remain concise and clear, but if something doesn't make sense, let me know! It is midterm week.



I'll try to answer it with the disclaiming that this is how things are in "TammyJo world" no where else.

It depends on if you remained with him after the betrayal.

If you did, then he continues to be your master. By staying I'd say you've agreed to continue calling him 'master' and seeing him as your master.

If you leave, you leave and he become Joe Smith to you like anyone else you know but aren't currently in a scene relationship with.



nelbot -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (10/25/2005 2:30:53 PM)

Just as I believe it is possible to be quite polite without using honorifics like 'Sir' or 'Master' I believe you can also be quite rude while still calling someone 'Sir', I have done it to 'Doms' that have contacted me and were out of line, I hone my tongue and my words into a sharp point and delivered with a 'Sir' in a most calm and sharp tone can be quite churlish.

While I answer everyone politely who is polite in their messages to me, to at the least deliver a polite "Thank you but no thank you, Sir' there are times that definitely call for me to sharpen my tongue and let fly. Especially when someone directly contradicts themselfs within the first moments of of approaching me, I have zero tolerance for the lies that people bandy around so freely here!



Veritasluxmea -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (10/25/2005 2:35:40 PM)

My apologies. I should perhaps have been more clear. Were someone to betray me, that would be the end of it. The relationship would be over.

Perhaps it would be better posed to those of the Gorean lifestyle, and please by all means correct me if I am wrong, but from what I am taking from their posts is that a "Master" or "Sir" would be expected at all times to those who consider themselves so (This is what I took from the post. My apologies if I got it wrong). So I ask them? What would I be expected to do in such a situation?



IronBear -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (10/25/2005 2:46:31 PM)

quote:

I believe you can also be quite rude while still calling someone 'Sir'


Like calling them Sir, but spelling it Cur???????



Veritasluxmea -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (10/25/2005 2:51:56 PM)

That's a good word choice, but is pronounced differently...so technically, she wouldn't be calling him "Sir".



IronBear -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (10/25/2005 2:57:34 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Veritasluxmea

That's a good word choice, but is pronounced differently...so technically, she wouldn't be calling him "Sir".



Of course it's pronounced differently but you only probounce the Sir but think Cur.... It'sd an old Army thing I learned from an old school Sgt when I was a 2nd Lt and heading into the SAS. Many of the "Old hands" were experts in following exlempory behaviour, salutes etc and still making it obvious that some Commissioned Officers were nothing but Commissioned Pratts.



Veritasluxmea -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (10/25/2005 3:05:17 PM)

I absolutely love doing that to our University President. he's such a massive tool and of course I get to serve him lunch every day...yay.

As to the "Cur" thing...I think that most people would be unable to understand the intricacy of the insult, and it would go way over their heads, leading to a message replying, 'What's a cur?" And then, you have completely lost the point. *sigh*



Guest -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (10/25/2005 3:33:19 PM)

Next personal attack is moderated.Enough is enough.Take it OFF the forum and remain on the OP.



IronBear -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (10/25/2005 3:36:56 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Veritasluxmea

I absolutely love doing that to our University President. he's such a massive tool and of course I get to serve him lunch every day...yay.

As to the "Cur" thing...I think that most people would be unable to understand the intricacy of the insult, and it would go way over their heads, leading to a message replying, 'What's a cur?" And then, you have completely lost the point. *sigh*


I used to hang out with a bunch of guys who were bards, one of our favourite competitions was a insult contest. the winner was the person whop cam up with the most subtle insults... The flip side of the coin was the many ways in wiich respect could be given without using any title or honorific. Attitude was one key element.



pinkpleasures -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (10/25/2005 3:53:17 PM)

quote:

Hey pink, I don't think she meant it literally. Although who knows...

If she did, the phone number is 911 … LOL

My ex wife tried that and did it back fire on her. Like Six, I too kicked my ex out and kept out daughters. And that should tell you something right there. A male, in this day and age who can actually be trusted with the care and control of preteen children, let alone girls.

It is amazing how a comment take the wrong way, or expressed poorly can turn into a “situation”. I have done it from both sides. Now I try to understand the person before I tear them a new hole. Well most times. LOL

When you get to know someone you often find there are enough things you can agree on that the points you differ on are not as big as they seemed. And sometimes you find it’s best to play in a different sandbox then they play in.

*here pretty pink, you can use my shovel and pail* ;-)

Tony/Phonexx


i do not know the circumstances that led to You ejecting Your wife and gaining full custody of Your kids...but i can say i raised a child as a single mom and it was very hard...sometimes i did not know what to do and there was no one to discuss it with...sometimes she needed more than i could give, because i worked such long hours...but she's a lovely woman now, and i'm quite proud of her, so i suppose i did something right. So i know what type of commitment and care You must devote to Your girls, and i think they are fortunate to have You.

pinkpleasures



JustaTop -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (10/25/2005 3:53:35 PM)

It does get wearisome when people have to be "right" at any cost, does it not?



pinkpleasures -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (10/25/2005 4:01:40 PM)

quote:

Let me pose a question: If I had a "Master" who betrayed me (forgetting the argument that a true Master would never do that) would I still be required to call him "Master" though he has lost my trust and respect?

Veritasluxmea


A betrayal so severe that you lose respect for a man with whom you were in a M/s relationship (in my opinion) would signal the deathknell of the relationship...and who could "require" you to use any form of address at that point? i hope you never experience such a loss, since i too think the trust necessary for such a relationship borders on the total -- and a betrayal would cut to the quick.

pinkpleasures



pinkpleasures -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (10/25/2005 5:05:09 PM)

quote:

And there is no knife as sharp as the spoken word. The pen is mightier then the sword... get the point?


quote:

I was speaking of communication, not bashing with words, do you get the point?.

brightspot


i know you have caused me great pain since i first spoke about a Black Master...and have refused to believe in my subsequent posts where i have apologised and asked for forgiveness...instead making me feel so bad...but it has to end, brightspot; i cannot accept any more from you...you have a hidden agenda and will not reveal it...and i must protect myself from insults hurled with such hatred..i need to find peace again.

i am always available to discuss any problem you have with me off the boards and seek to resolve it.

pinkpleasures



mystictryst -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (10/25/2005 7:23:00 PM)

I'll be very honest and admit that I have not read this entire thread, just the OP and the odd post here and there... So I will comment on the OP...

When I first came to the online "community", I bought into the "Yes, Sir/Ma'am" "i" behaviour. I wanted to fit in. Although I was in a real time relationship with my Master and came to the online scene after, I knew no one in any community, so I wanted to be accepted.

Then I realized that, for me, it's pointless. I am who I am and a small i drives me wonky, as does the "A/all"... Furthermore, I will occasionaly refer to someone in a chat as "Sir". generally it is because I know them offline as well.

When I am in person, however, I generally will address people as Sir, Ma'am is not one I use for two reasons, first, I don't know many Dommes, secondly, I've been called Ma'am by the drive thru window kid and at my age, I really don't think I am THAT OLD.. *lol* This goes for people beyond any community.

I call my boss "Sir", I call my Master "Sir", I even called my old neighbour "Sir", for me it is a term of respect. If I was asked not to refer to someone as "Sir", then I won't. It's like when I was growing up, everyone was "Aunty" or "Uncle" and if there weren't that they were "Mr" and/ or "Mrs" - it wasn't an option, even if we were instructed by the adults to call them by their first names... Case in point, "Mr. Smith" was always Mr. Smith, we've known him for more than 25 years, my sister is even Mr. Smith's boss and she still refers to him as Mr. Smith or "Mr. S" as her bosses look at her funny when she calls one of her employees Mr... *lol* It's all conditioning.

Wish I'd been here a few days ago to see this post develop.



Phoenxx -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (10/25/2005 7:39:51 PM)

It would depend on the type of betrayal and how much trust is lost. And upon your personal contracts and agreements. You would both have to sit down and discuss what you are going to do and where your relationship is heading.
There is no one hard and fast rule about honorific titles. Plus if your in a relationship, you have to go by the rules agreed on.
That’s my 2 cents worth
Tony



Veritasluxmea -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (10/25/2005 7:58:53 PM)

Thanks. That certainly helps to make more sense, especially with all the crazy things going on in this thread.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (10/25/2005 8:01:20 PM)

Not a reply to Bear, just an added thought.

I think of this the same way I think of sex.

I don't care if you call no one sir, I don't care if you call every man woman and duckling sir. Whatever choice is right for you, I wish you to your bliss.

The problem is when people start expecting OTHERS to share the same sorts of values, and consider them rude when they don't.



Phoenxx -> RE: The your not my Dom syndrome (10/25/2005 11:56:32 PM)


quote:


It wasn't specifically directed at you Tony (for some reason the quick reply said that) but in general I've found several posts written in a manner I'm having great difficulty deciphering.

I'm certainly no grammar or spelling wonder (dsylexia and all) but I try to decipher what I can and at a certain point I get really frustrated.


Hey TammyJo,
Thing is I was doing it and do try to avoid it. Sometimes LOL
Tony



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