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SherriA -> RE: raped for being sub? (7/24/2004 7:02:18 AM)
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Just some thoughts...
*To me* submission is an active choice, not a passive default. Being unable/unwilling to say no to someone isn't submission, it's another issue altogether. It really bears some introspection, I think, to figure out why you (as you say) let him if you didn't want to.
I believe "no means no". However, I've been known to tell people that I'm not interested in playing with them, then found the energy was really there after meeting and play happened. But it happens because I *choose* it. If all the signals say "yes", it's possible that he thought you had changed your mind; we all do that sometimes. Saying no AGAIN would have been appropriate, I think, but it sounds like you didn't.
I've seen far too many times when people, especially submissive women, said "no", but really meant "convince me" or "take me". It's a mixed message, and I'm not sure why I see it more often with submissive women, but that's been my experience. I'd hate to be a dominant man - they get slammed for not being dominant enough if they don't push, and for being too pushy or disrespecting submissive women if they do push. There's a whole lot of rock/hard place stuff that goes on.
I guess ultimately the bottom line, for me, is like mely suggested - do some soul searching to figure out why you made the choices you made (because you did make a choice to "let him" as you put it), and try to learn from that. You shouldn't have to avoid dominant men; you should find a strong enough voice to say NO if that's what you mean, and have it heard/respected.
Just because you self-identify as submissive doesn't mean that you're required to go along with anything someone who calls him/herself dominant says. But you already know that, since you say you've stopped other dominant men when you didn't want to play with them, even after you had agreed to play.
As for the physical symptoms, I still think you should see your gynecologist. What you're describing just isn't an appropriate after-effect of fisting. It's incredibly intense, and it feels like you're being stretched unbelievably, but it's a short-term thing, especially if this is the first/only time you've done it. Fisting takes a combination of good technique on the part of the top and conscious relaxation techniques on the part of the bottom. You generally need to be highly stimulated and excited, and still need a whole lot of additional lube. (And I've been known to scream during it, as a way of physically expressing the intensity of the experience, and letting that energy out.) I suppose I'm having a hard time understanding how someone could fist you if you weren't into it; I'm sure it can happen, but it's well outside my realm of experience.
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