10 things you don't want to hear

"Um, I *think* I have another key around here somewhere..."

"Oops."

"Um. You didn't *really* need that, did you?"

"Which end of this thing am I supposed to put in there?"

"Don't worry. I'm sure there's a locksmith somewhere that's open at 2AM..."

"Did I mention we're on camera and this is going on my interactive website?"

"Safeword? Um, what's a safeword?"

"And this is my German Shepherd, Ralph. I know you'll just love Ralph."

"Oh fuck. You *can* untie yourself from up there, right?"

"Oh shit. You do know CPR, don't you?"

"Heh heh heh. You didn't tell anybody else you were coming here, did you?"

"Of course I know what I'm doing. I've read five whole Gor novels!"

"Now, where DID I put that extra attachment for the chainsaw?"

"Uh oh. If this is the tube of KY, where's the Superglue?"

"Did I ever mention that little fantasy I have about the tennis balls?"

"Lie very, very still and keep your body temperature low. It turns me on."

"Oh, um, hello, Officer."

"No, really. Trust me. I saw this work in a movie once."

"You like my straitjacket? Cool; I'm glad they let me keep it."

"Oh mighty Azathoth, accept this sacrifice I offer to You...."

"I'm sorry. Are the voices in my head bothering you?"

"Groovy. This crop leaves colored trails in the air when I swing it."

"You don't need a safeword; I'll just watch your mood ring."

"Oh, um, hi Mom. We were just, um, uh....."

"I'm not crazy. Yes I am. Shut up, all of you."

"I promised no permanent marks, but I bet I can sew that back on."

"Uh oh. I think it's stuck there."

"I always keep the speculum in the freezer. It's more fun that way."

"Did I mention my crucifixion fetish? Now, where did I put those nails..."

"Bye. I'm taking off for the weekend. Isn't suspension bondage fun?"

"Oops. It escaped. I think I see it slithering off in the corner."

"You know, the Marquis de Sade was a pansy