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ResidentSadist -> -=You might be a sub if=- (5/26/2008 9:21:30 PM)
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Thanks to slave victoria who wrote this up after living with me a while.
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-=You might be a sub if=-
1- When you wake up in the morning, it is at the end of a 50 foot chain.
2- When you go to sleep at night, you have to read books to your Owner until they fall asleep.
3- When you eat, it is out of a dog dish.
4- When you are in the house, you are nude.
5- When you are amongst your owner’s friends, you are nude.
6- When you are riding in a car, you are nude.
7- When you visit a doctor you have to tell him that the bruises are not from spousal abuse.
8- When you go for x-rays, you have to explain that the quad piercing in your nipples aren’t removable.
9- When you go to the movies, your Owner sits in the aisle seat while you sit “in” the aisle on your knees.
10- You haven’t seen your pubic hair in over 12 years!
11- You get fined or punished for not addressing your Owner as directed.
12 -You have to ask permission to ask permission.
13- You have not sat on top of a piece of furniture in over 12 years.
14- More often than not you find yourself adorned with battery operated accoutrements.
15- The family dog runs free because you are wearing his leash.
16- The local tack store has started to hide their crops when they see you walk through the door.
17- The local hardware store sends you a Christmas card every year.
18- Your Christmas wish list includes something from Skin Two.
19- The smell of leather makes you light headed.
20- You have to sneak out of the house so the children won’t say “You’re not going in public like that, are you?”.
21- When everyone else is saying they should have bought stock in Microsoft, you’re wishing you’d bought stock in Master locks.
22- You have locked cabinets so that the children will not find your ‘toys’.
23- You have locked cabinets so that the neighbors will not see your ‘toys’.
24- The mailman brings more than one package a week in a brown paper wrapper.
25- You have a gold star on ebay.
26- The company accountant wants to know if floggers should be categorized as office supplies.
27- The other employees look at you funny wondering what is making the strange whooshing noises coming from behind the closed door.
28- You automatically address others as ‘Sir’ or ‘Ma’am’.
29- There is more ‘tack’ nailed to your bedroom walls than can be found in a stable.
30- You have more than one gas mask and have never been in the military.
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