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URFarmPet -> Please Help (5/29/2008 8:07:49 AM)
I am a bi/fem sub and recently meet with a Dominant Couple through CM. The first thing Mistress wanted to do was fist me, after she gave me a complete inspection. With no foreplay I was wet but certainly not ready to be fisted, it was painful and she was unable to get her fist in me. It bothered me because I had not been fisted in a very long time but had read up on it, since I didn't have much experience, I know it is something that takes time and the one being fisted needs to be very wet. Seemed strange to me that they were very experienced but tried this at the point in play that they did. She stopped and we moved on, but fisting is very important to her and I would like to see them again, so how can I address this without appearing to top from the bottom??

JohnWarren -> RE: Please Help (5/29/2008 8:40:50 AM)
In my lexicon, "topping from the bottom" means using covert way to try to get what you want. I see nothing wrong with telling someone "this hurts" or "I don't think I'm ready for that." That's information not manipulation. All of the dominants I respect seek this kind of information from their submissives. It makes for better, more satisfying scenes. "Topping from the bottom" to me is more a case of being sassy or pretending to make mistakes in order to get the kind of punishment one wants.

RCdc -> RE: Please Help (5/29/2008 8:58:31 AM)
Did she use lubrication? Did she use a glove? Did she have nails? If the answer is no to either of these questions - or yes to the last. That does not seem very experienced to me and I would absolutely confront them with the risks they are placing you in. You would not be topping in doing so. the.dark.

BBWnNC72 -> RE: Please Help (5/29/2008 9:05:15 AM)
You need to let your feelings and thoughts known, for your safety. It is not topping from the bottom, i tend to agree with JW on His definition. Especially if you are not their sub and just being a bottom to them for a play session. There needs to be mutual gratification. Gloves, lube, patience, and time is what is needed for fisting. Also, even if you are wet, there is lube, and time, fisting may not happen if you are not totally comfortable and relaxed. A helpfull hint, a friend of mine told me once, when i cut my own clit with my nails while masterbating, to put cotton in the tips of the gloves.

ShaktiSama -> RE: Please Help (5/29/2008 10:07:31 AM)
shakes her head It's not "topping from the bottom" to say when something is not physically working. Fisting is definitely not something you rush into, and if this woman is experienced, she should know that. Also--in general, I tend to think it's a bad sign when a submissive feels uncomfortable communicating basic thoughts, feelings and concerns, about play or during play. That tends to indicate that there are insecurities on one or both sides of the relationship that need to be addressed--if only for the sake of safety.

pixelslave -> RE: Please Help (5/29/2008 10:12:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: URFarmPet I am a bi/fem sub and recently meet with a Dominant Couple through CM. The first thing Mistress wanted to do was fist me, after she gave me a complete inspection. With no foreplay I was wet but certainly not ready to be fisted, it was painful and she was unable to get her fist in me. It bothered me because I had not been fisted in a very long time but had read up on it, since I didn't have much experience, I know it is something that takes time and the one being fisted needs to be very wet. Seemed strange to me that they were very experienced but tried this at the point in play that they did. She stopped and we moved on, but fisting is very important to her and I would like to see them again, so how can I address this without appearing to top from the bottom?? Since this was your first time together for play, it would seem to me that you'd have wanted to negotiate the scene that all were comfortable with, which includes expressing what your needs are from a scene (including warm-up and aftercare). [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m8.gif[/image] Fisting is something that one normally doesn't do until there's a fair amount of trust that's been built between partners. It seems to me that perhaps you needed to start with something less intense before moving on to things that are of higher intensity which require more trust. Regardless of what they said their experience was, you have a right to set initial limits for yourself which you can change and expand upon as your relationship develops. [8\|] I'd make an analogy to working out with weights or even riding a bicycle. One doesn't start out with the heaviest weights in the gym or at the fastest speed they can ride. Instead they begin with lower weights or a slower speed as they warm-up, in this case to each other, before they move on to something heavier or faster. I suggest you do the same with this couple. [&:] - pixel

MladyHathor -> RE: Please Help (5/29/2008 10:14:02 AM)
*On a first meet??????[:-]*

Madame4a -> RE: Please Help (5/29/2008 11:57:07 AM)
yes.. fisting requires a lot of lube.. patience and time... but there is no problem with nails.. I actually fist a lot with my nails.. the key is to know how to use them ... did she know how to fist? its funny to me when I realize that people think that fisting means inserting a whole fist into someone... that's not how you start.. does she know what she's doing? if not, teach her.. or both learn from someone together... I don't see any problem fisting someone ona first meeting -- if both are experienced and decide they are going to play together the first time... personally I don't

darchChylde -> RE: Please Help (5/29/2008 12:14:45 PM)
You see, i'm a Master with 35 years of experience and i say that nomatter the preliminaries, your ass should always be prepared to take both arms to the shoulder if any D-type so chooses to use you in that way. Any discomfort or pain is the s-type's fault, you're lucky that your partner was merciful enough to stop at all. See how that works? Just because i'm a submissive and only 32 years old, i can have as much experience with anything as i say i do. That doesn't mean anyone should ever consider letting me do anything extreme to their body on a first meeting. Bullshit is only good for farming; it doesn't add any kind of experience, knowledge or integrity.

xxblushesxx -> RE: Please Help (5/29/2008 12:41:59 PM)
Why don't you send them helpful information about fisting and safety? I wouldn't want to play with them again, but if you do, remember that YOU are responsible for your safety; so if something bad happens to you, and you didn't stop it and you could have, you can only blame yourself.

Madame4a -> RE: Please Help (5/29/2008 6:10:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: darchChylde You see, i'm a Master with 35 years of experience and i say that nomatter the preliminaries, your ass should always be prepared to take both arms to the shoulder if any D-type so chooses to use you in that way. Any discomfort or pain is the s-type's fault, you're lucky that your partner was merciful enough to stop at all. See how that works? Just because i'm a submissive and only 32 years old, i can have as much experience with anything as i say i do. That doesn't mean anyone should ever consider letting me do anything extreme to their body on a first meeting. Bullshit is only good for farming; it doesn't add any kind of experience, knowledge or integrity. uhmmm... this isn't in response to me is it? if so.. you've misread me...

darchChylde -> RE: Please Help (5/29/2008 6:34:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Madame4a quote: ORIGINAL: darchChylde You see, i'm a Master with 35 years of experience and i say that nomatter the preliminaries, your ass should always be prepared to take both arms to the shoulder if any D-type so chooses to use you in that way. Any discomfort or pain is the s-type's fault, you're lucky that your partner was merciful enough to stop at all. See how that works? Just because i'm a submissive and only 32 years old, i can have as much experience with anything as i say i do. That doesn't mean anyone should ever consider letting me do anything extreme to their body on a first meeting. Bullshit is only good for farming; it doesn't add any kind of experience, knowledge or integrity. uhmmm... this isn't in response to me is it? if so.. you've misread me... no, sorry; that's a response to the OP and the thread in general... i've never gotten around to realizing that Fast Reply says that i'm replying to the person above me

MaamJay -> RE: Please Help (5/30/2008 10:16:05 PM)
Purely in My opinion, IF it is a first meeting between a recognised experienced Dominant (eg the submissive and they have mutual friends who vouch for their expertise) AND an experienced sub who has been fisted before and is confident about negotiating and communicating appropriately, THEN fisting on the first meeting may not be unreasonable. Otherwise, well, I think at best, it's too much too soon and a likely scenario for disaster. I just don't understand why people want to jump into the more difficult activities first off, working up to them is much more fun. And I am doubting the "experience" of the Dominants if they got into this right at the beginning of the play without warm up, unless someone has the loosest pussy or ass in the world, it's not likely to work! OP if you really want to play with them again, say upfront that you want to give accurate feedback, that you recognise they are not mindreaders and that you feel you didn't do your best by them last time as you didn't communicate clearly what you were feeling. And speak up! Maam Jay aka violet[A]

sunkstar -> RE: Please Help (5/30/2008 11:08:16 PM)
some doms seem to use "top from the bottom" as a tool to deprive subs' basic rights. for me, say things honestly is the biggest thing, its respect that you show to your Mistress-- you are being honest with her. if she cares about you, she will not rush, she will pay attention to your reaction, and she will relax you enough before she pushes you. bcos a good Mistress will always keep your safety in mind

Skully7000 -> RE: Please Help (5/31/2008 12:28:29 AM)
I think you have gotten all the good advice you need from those who posted before me. I am curious though: on a first meet, why did you not safeword? or even just verbalize your hesitation?

mons -> RE: Please Help (5/31/2008 12:47:02 AM)
ur if something does not feel right, and they as i said beore the domianit should know that if it hurt and it not a pleasure hurt they had the know how to stop and give you time to learn . why do you feel the need to go back? trust me there are any gentle dominait couple and signle people who will treat you right . and she i can tell did not use any gel that is bad . do you wish to stay with them . remember if you a slave you not a doormat i beleive in letting my slave take it slow and no way would i do something so harsh think about this ok i wish you luck ( she meant to hurt you) take care mons

ShiftedJewel -> RE: Please Help (5/31/2008 4:51:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MladyHathor *On a first meet??????[:-]* *Yeah.... What she said!!!* *Jewel*

DominatrixNL -> RE: Please Help (5/31/2008 5:38:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: URFarmPet I am a bi/fem sub and recently meet with a Dominant Couple through CM. The first thing Mistress wanted to do was fist me, after she gave me a complete inspection. With no foreplay I was wet but certainly not ready to be fisted, it was painful and she was unable to get her fist in me. Doesn't sound so experianced to Me, if ya treat a new girl that way on a first date. [>:] Fisting is something to build up on, and not to start with, no wonder it hurt. you better make sure you're safe hon. Speaking up for yourself is what you should do. Protect yourself & your body. If she doesn't like that... you know with who you're dealing here. Have a good weekend. DominatrixNL

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