RE: Is 'neediness' undomly? Have you ever been smothered by neediness?

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RE: Is 'neediness' undomly? Have you ever been smothere... - 6/5/2008 8:04:54 AM

BDOMsecret

Posts: 43
Joined: 4/22/2007
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I think i would find it hard to submit to someone that is needy or insecure, but i think asking about the subs feelings is quite appropriate. Good communication and all that. It would depend on how the question is asked as to wether or not i would be turned off. Bdom will ask me why i have not called or emailed, but that is because He knows it usually means something is amiss in my head.

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RE: Is 'neediness' undomly? Have you ever been smothere... - 6/5/2008 8:22:58 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
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When a major whiner comes to see me I send them over to see someone I don't like. I just realised that I have sadist tendencies.

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RE: Is 'neediness' undomly? Have you ever been smothere... - 6/5/2008 9:02:23 AM

mzbehavin

Posts: 253
Joined: 1/15/2008
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Yes, its so annoying. Not so much 'neediness' but outward insecurity. I see it as weakness. Weakness turns me off. Im such a bitch.
That doesn't mean im not compassionate. I just get tired of repeated insecurity issues.
Even meercats wont follow a leader who exhibits uncertainty, hesitation and insecurity.
lil sidenote i thought was amusing.

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RE: Is 'neediness' undomly? Have you ever been smothere... - 6/8/2008 1:24:42 AM

Sundowner

Posts: 2549
Joined: 3/11/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: servantheart

Nearly everyone has the emotional need for approval and acceptance. Even our Masters/Mistresses/Doms/Dommes. That's part of being a social animal. That being said, there comes a point when it can get out of hand and if it does, the sub/slave will see it as weakness and become less able to submit fully. Nobody likes sniveling .

What she said - spot on.

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RE: Is 'neediness' undomly? Have you ever been smothere... - 6/9/2008 5:26:43 AM

Aiden

Posts: 39
Joined: 5/6/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Male and female subs - have you ever been in a relationship with a dominant partner that was so emotionally needy that it was a turn off - that it seemed too 'undominant' and thus messed with your ability to submit to them?

In this case I am defining neediness as the emotional need for approval, acceptance ("Am I doing this right? Are you ok with me? Do you still love me? You haven't kissed me today, are you with me?")

If that kind of thing came up in the middle of play it'd snap me out of getting into what we were doing, probably beyond repair.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
or the unrelenting need for attention (ie, "You don't call me enough. You didn't email me today. You don't want to see me this weekend? Why? What am I doing wrong?")

Is the need for attention, for affirmation, for affection sometimes a strain on your submissive side?

I don't know a huge number of dommes, off the net, you could count them on one hand. From what I've seen dominants as a group are as subject to neediness and human emotions similarly to any other humans. IMO theres a big difference how this issue would play out depending on if the relationship was mainly play/scene based or if it were something deeper where the parties are committed to each other in all areas of life. In the play based scenario, they come together in a rather stylised way and it might be realistic to expect the dominant not to ever display emotional neediness. If they're a couple in all respects, well, there are bound to be moments.

I'd find it impossible to be involved with someone who is excessively clingy and in need of constant reassurance. Insecurity is the antithesis of some of the traits I'm drawn to as a submissive. ymmv.

~aiden

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RE: Is 'neediness' undomly? Have you ever been smothere... - 6/11/2008 11:38:18 AM

selena123

Posts: 62
Joined: 1/26/2008
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I will demand attention from my sub when I want it, call it what you will

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RE: Is 'neediness' undomly? Have you ever been smothere... - 6/12/2008 7:20:03 AM

MissEnchanted

Posts: 510
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quote:

ORIGINAL: selena123

I will demand attention from my sub when I want it, call it what you will

I agree: Good answer!

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RE: Is 'neediness' undomly? Have you ever been smothere... - 6/13/2008 8:39:30 PM

SnowRanger

Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
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Ms AAkasha,

Yes, I endured such a relationship. Yes, it flat stomp down was a turn off. I think one of two things happend: 1) She thought that as a submissive I would be weak (or, weaker than her). 2) She was playing at the Domme but not really dominant. Those are guesses on my part.

With Respect, Mike
SnowRanger

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RE: Is 'neediness' undomly? Have you ever been smothere... - 6/13/2008 10:15:07 PM

leakylee

Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
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if it is the leachy, energy sucking neediness i cant abide it. some doms come on to you with that approach. there is nothing attractive about it in either orientation. we all are human and have times that we need the affirmation and reasurrance, as others have said. but to deal with it day in and day out. it would just drain the life out of myself.

lee

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RE: Is 'neediness' undomly? Have you ever been smothere... - 6/14/2008 12:48:13 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
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A close friend of mine just went through this with his girlfriend a short time ago, and I had to chuckle the whole time it was happening, because all of his friends (both guys and women) warned him about it. She was SO needy. They weren't in a bdsm relationship, however. The reason I mention it is that I know that had it been me in the relationship, I'd have had zero problem with the need for validation that she had over and over again. I actually gave it a lot of thought because I'd never actually dealt with a needy girlfriend to that level before (for the record, I wasn't, and am not, interested in his girlfriend, even though they finally broke up due to the "needy" problem).

For me, I think something like that wouldn't have bothered me as much because I kind of want to be needed. Our friend is a bit of a callous type, who thinks more about himself than anyone else, so it was interesting to see how fast it unraveled, however.c

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RE: Is 'neediness' undomly? Have you ever been smothere... - 6/14/2008 7:56:44 AM

Puppy4goodHome

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Sometime Needie can be a good thing but to much neediness is not healthy o have come across Dommes who have been a bit of a turn of by that part

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