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sirsholly -> RE: The Holly and Potty Show (8/3/2011 2:03:22 PM)
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Sooo....typical day. Hubby left the kitchen windows open while he took a nap to recover from an exhausting morning of slumber. The thunderstorm that failed to wake his snoring ass soaked the walls, curtains, floor, and one highly pissed off cat.
Guess who got to clean it up?
Then....i went to the kids school to help sling slop. The regular kitchen staff (an awesome Italian lady) is on a vacation so four (yes...four. Shuddup) of us attempted to do her job. I was in charge of the veggies. The veggie of the day was green beans. The canned kind. I plugged in the can opener, drained, heated, buttered and served. The kids HATED them. Come on...they're freakin' beans!!
So...I got home (in the downpour) carefully wiped my feet on the welcome mat that says "Come back with a warrant", and immediately stepped in cat barf. Before i knew it, i was slip-sliding my way across the living room, tracking puke over the majority of the carpet. I cussed rather loudly and hubby either ignored my bellowing ass or... Okay...no "or" about it. He ignored my bellowing ass
Once the flood and the vomit were cleaned up and the Fabreeze was sprayed to my satisfaction, i realized it was time to feed the LoudOnes horse. He likes oats (the horse...not the LoudOne). He likes oats in a bucket. A galvanized bucket. Don't ask me why it has to be galvanized. I do not speak Horse and saw no real need to delve into his psyche. I mean...come on...this ain't Mr. Ed.
So...i put on the Wellington boots that i failed to bring in the night before. I also failed to dump the several inches of rather cold rain water out before putting them on. That freakin water was freezing, causing me to cuss...again. Need i tell you Jim ignored me...again?
So...bucket of oats in hand, i slosh my ass to the pasture to feed the beast. He saw me coming and stood patiently away from the gate so i could fiddle with the silly assed lock Jim installed and swears works perfectly...or would if i knew the proper way to jiggle the silly thing. After a few moments of cussing and jiggling, jiggling and cussing (more cussing than jiggling, i would say) and being ignored by hubby (surprise!) i did the usual and hauled my ass over the split-rail fence.
Y'all know this is not going to end well, don't ya?
Now...one should ALWAYS be careful when one vaults a fence in a pasture following a thunderstorm, since the resulting mud can bear a striking resemblance to horse poop. Also, one should NEVER jump off of the top rail without looking at what one was jumping into (shuddup). And an FYI...you think cat puke is slippery? It can't hold a manure-scented candle to the travel power supplied by horse shit.
Amazingly, when i landed on my ass (in a less than dignified position) i did not spill the oats (i would call that a previously undiscovered talent) Another thing i did not do was get up, because the moronic horse hoofed it over and stuck his head in the bucket i was holding on my lap. And in case you're wondering...telling a horse to hurry the fuck up will NOT result in a faster intake of his nutritional supplement.
I was a wee bit annoyed at this point, but why bother cussing? It's not like anyone would listen to me.
So...i felt a shower might be in order but needed to hose off before heading into the house. I dreaded this because we have a well and lemme tell ya... that water is freezing. But...trooper that i am... i fearlessly turned on the hose and.........where in the hell was the water? Nothing. Nada. I felt the hose vibrate a little so there WAS water in the well (thank goodness) and experience told me it should be squirting out of the nozzle thingy i was holding.
Then i noticed the nozzle thingy was twisted on rather strangely. Strangely as in i TOLD the LoudOne he is not to play with the hose EVER but does he listen to me? NOOOOooooooooo.....
.nobody does..
So...i unscrew the nozzle and realize almost immediately what the problem was (You might want to pay attention as this may be information you need one day). It seems when a five year old crams a pine cone into a hose, the hose will not function.
I did not think this was cute.
Okay.....i got a pair of needle nosed pliers from the toolbox Jim swears he will use someday and began the extraction. Just a slight tug was all it took for the water pressure to send that puppy flying with the speed of a SCUD missile. It must have been my lucky day because it missed putting my eye out by at least 2-3 centimeters. Unfortunately the valve hickey (the red thing i should have closed before the pine cone removal) was opened all the way, causing the hose to dance around like a cobra on meth.
I was not amused in the least.
So...i clean up outside...make a mental note to put the LoudOne in time-out until he is in his late 70's...annnnd head into the house for a warm shower with plenty of soap. Thanks to the old hardwood floors it can be necessary to tip-toe down the hallway in the event someone (Jim) is sleeping. I wanted to know if tip-toeing was necessary so i quietly opened the bedroom door and bellowed "YA UP YET????????!!!!"
I hate it when he wakes up grumpy....sheeeesh.
Finally showered and dressed i sit down at the computer, steamy coffee and a bowl of strawberries at the ready. I log on....and.....*chokes up...starts again* I...I...I...
*sniff* I log on and.........you better see this for yourselves....
LOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
quote:
ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery
So confused. A woman mails me on cm, says hi there and includes the rider this person is available for chat, so i click the invite to chat button and She rejects my invitation, i mean whats up. Do Ladies play hard to get. Is that what it is, a game. It appears so certainly this side of the water. The Domme in question was Irish and based in Ireland
kev
NOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooo..............................
[image]http://www.millan.net/minimations/smileys/runforhills.gif[/image]
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