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RE: Outing a submissive - 6/5/2008 12:29:38 PM

CruelDesires

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OP. Do you live in apt 4A by any chance?

CD

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RE: Outing a submissive - 6/5/2008 12:45:28 PM

cantilena

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~Fast Reply~

2 more cents... probably worth exactly that...

I confess I just perved your profile. Couldn't resist because of the discussion of the pics... (ok, so I'm a nebshit).

Have you considered that fears are sometimes a good thing? That fears sometimes are valid, and keep us out of trouble? Even debilitating ones. Say for example, I was face to face with a giant lion or tiger with no bars between me and the hungry cat. I would describe my fear as debilitating. A good thing, too.

The reason I point this out is that because in certain professions, the photos you've got posted would end any shred of professional credibility ever enjoyed by your partner. Forever. I can say that without a shadow of a doubt about my own profession.

I'd suggest very careful thought about what you want as a dom, and what may be in the best interest of your wife. And I say that from a very practical standpoint.

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RE: Outing a submissive - 6/5/2008 12:52:50 PM

RedMagic1

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I just hope the OP is man enough to show his wife this thread.

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RE: Outing a submissive - 6/5/2008 3:13:08 PM

VulgarIntellects

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A bit later in the day;

Thanks to all those who responded with advice or constructive criticism, even if some of the latter was couched a bit harshly. The general consensus on this BBS seems to be that I should leave well enough alone and not 'out' her, or work on her 'outing' herself. Seems practical advice, and spot on in most circumstances-perhaps the one I'm in as well, though I'm obviously circumspect.

Vulgar Intellects (male half)

PS; My girl's been a party to this thread nearly from its inception; between she and I, there are no secrets and few lies that aren't a part of an erotic mind-fuck.

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RE: Outing a submissive - 6/5/2008 5:28:35 PM

Prinsexx

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If I had married you and and headed on over to the States to be with you and you outed me like this on any site, in the name of trying to allay my fears about being outed, I would buy the first ticket back home.
Just my opinion.

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RE: Outing a submissive - 6/5/2008 5:30:39 PM

Prinsexx

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~there are no secrets and few lies that aren't a part of an erotic mind-fuck.~
First class ticket.

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RE: Outing a submissive - 6/5/2008 5:32:19 PM

xxblushesxx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

~there are no secrets and few lies that aren't a part of an erotic mind-fuck.~
First class ticket.

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RE: Outing a submissive - 6/5/2008 6:12:08 PM

simplyfyre

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fr

really brief synopsis.....

I had a half-assed fear of discovery once...

then I met a Master online who decided he was going to try to blackmail me when I wasn't submissive enough for him .

i lived in major fear,went to the cops on his stalking and outted myself with my boss.

the fruitcake, oops Man ,sends me an apology letter for not loving me enough after a nasty release email accusing me of every thing under the sun, from ripping him off for xmas presents to being possessed by the devil due to ungodly sexual contact (yet he wanted me for a sex slave, go figure).lol....(good riddance is in order)

I still kept those mails as an important reminder to NEVER do online relationships again.

He has since lost credibility in the online community and i thank God it always comes out in the wash.

i dont mind speaking of it because he has already tried to do his damage and there is no more he can do

the fear of 'crazies' outting you is a very real fear

be well
Fyre

quote:

ORIGINAL: VulgarIntellects

quote:

Thre is no fear of discovery. Just keep your private life private

(Just figured out the quote function :)

Ordinarily I would say this is a perfect plan. No need to do more--however these circumstances are exceptional in my experience in that despite keeping our privacy at a level that she feels [tells me] comfortable with, she nevertheless has a debilitating fear of discovery. Without going into the why's and wherefores of the reason(s) she feels this way, it is my intention (with her knowledge) that she, at a minimum not feel debilitated by her fear, or better, release entirely said fear.

As such I'm wondering how others have dealt with the issue.

Vulgar Intellects (male half)

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RE: Outing a submissive - 6/5/2008 8:05:26 PM

kallisto

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

~there are no secrets and few lies that aren't a part of an erotic mind-fuck.~
First class ticket.

WooHoo!!! Love it.

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RE: Outing a submissive - 6/5/2008 10:10:53 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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I'd say give it more time and experience together to get a full perspective, respect how SHE processes things now as you teach her to process them differently.

And she's not wrong about anything- lots of people WILL look down on her and treat her differently because of her personal relationship orientation. Heck I'd be willing to say most subs here ENJOY treating dominants differently than submissives, even when they are total strangers.

It's part of the gig- it would happen no matter what relationship she got into.

But you really need to respect her perspective, get into what's going on inside there, see it how she sees it before you can make real progress.

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RE: Outing a submissive - 6/6/2008 4:42:06 AM

pinksugarsub

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Plenty of Men i encounter who know i am a submissive make the kinds of assumptions You've spoken of, i.e., stupid, weak, easily led, doormat, etc. They don't bother me; i treat Them like trolls and just keep moving.

i no longer have the same level of fear about being 'outted' to my professional peers. i guess because i've been here awhile with pictures on my profile and nothing remotely like that has ever happened...and so now, i doubt it ever would.

i do have a major need to keep my interest in D/s a secret from my family. i just could not handle the fall out and drama.

i wish both of Y/you the best.

pinksugarsub

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RE: Outing a submissive - 6/6/2008 5:40:02 PM

BikerDomRealTime

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VI,

Maybe I am missing something here, I may not be as bright, intelligent, or experienced as many or most of the other posters here. Your wife has already submitted to you, is submissive to you. You say she has a debilitating fear of being 'discovered'. To me the word debilitating implies that she is not submitting to you. So if she is submitting to you, what is it that you want to do that she is uncomfortable with? Are you interested in going to clubs and display her? Do you want to dress her up and take her out in public and have her kneel at your feet and call you Master for all to hear? It is her fear and only she can resolve it. Have some understanding and empathy and be happy with what you have.

< Message edited by BikerDomRealTime -- 6/6/2008 5:42:28 PM >

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