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Forming Relationships - mixed signals - 6/7/2008 1:52:06 PM   
baddog123


Posts: 32
Joined: 5/15/2004
Status: offline 		Hi, I guess I have a problem with reading signals.
There is a sub I am trying to form a relationship with here, and I can't figure her out. (she's a complicated girl )
I have seen her profile here for years, and her deep eyes always caught my attention. She is a prolific writer, and shows
her deep emotions and thoughtfulness in her postings and journal. I have some issues that make things hard for me, but
have explained them to her openly. In doing so I opened my soul to her, told her of my darkest moments. I try to be
friendly and up-beat, as I prefer to live a happy and fun life and concentrate on the positive.
I'm not even sure what we could have together, but friendship would be a worthy and reasonable start.
I wish I could get her to open up, and trust me enough to get to know me.
I need to strike a balance, as I don't want to push her away.
I wish I could tell if I have a chance, as her signals tend to be mixed.
I guess it may be that her feelings are mixed also.
Thanks for reading, I feel better having vented.
:) The Dawwg
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Forming Relationships - mixed signals - 6/7/2008 2:03:02 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline 		maybe she is reading this...if not...write it to her.

(in reply to baddog123)
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RE: Forming Relationships - mixed signals - 6/7/2008 3:30:45 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		You may just have to be vulnerable and simply ask her all these questions.

Master Fire


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RE: Forming Relationships - mixed signals - 6/7/2008 7:07:22 PM   
baddog123


Posts: 32
Joined: 5/15/2004
Status: offline 		Yeah, I was honest to a fault and did tell her all from the start. It's just like that speed dating thing on TV. You get very little time to make a good impression. I'm a bit different than most I guess.
I guess it's possible that she just is not getting any kind of spark from me. or afraid I have problems with my life I haven't reasoned out. I want to spend time with a girl who can see the good in me, who can like me for who I am. This whole thing is so complicated (an' I came here for relief lol) but I will keep my chin up, and my standards high.
I will have faith there is someone for me.


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RE: Forming Relationships - mixed signals - 6/7/2008 7:24:49 PM   
therapy


Posts: 12
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline 		I definitely agree that talking is the best way to go; personally, if someone wrote me a message saying that kind of thing, suggesting that they were that interested in finding out who I am, I would definitely reply to it. Anyone would probably be flattered by it. Even though some people are hard to figure out, they can be the nicest ones once you get to know them.

Good luck with it all...

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RE: Forming Relationships - mixed signals - 6/7/2008 7:47:03 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Take your time.
She is probably talking to many and deciding which person is right for her.
The one who doesn't scare her too much, (don't ask) who is kind and funny and always there for her is often the one who wins out in the end.
If nothing else, it sounds as if it's the start of a great friendship, and that's how ours started two and a half years ago.
(I turned Him down three times before even considering Him as more than a friend...)

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A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


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RE: Forming Relationships - mixed signals - 6/7/2008 8:34:42 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		I talk to several people on here as friends.  I haven't really explored the possibility of there being anything more with them for a variety of reasons...distance and life situation being the two biggies.  I keep talking to them because I like talking to them and so long as they keep talking back to me, I'll keep talking to them. 

If things were different, I might be interested in a relationship with these people I talk to, and I'm sure they might have sensed that kind of energy at some point or another in our conversations.  In that sense, I may be guilty of sending mixed messages because on one level, I can't deny the attraction, but on another level, I have decided not to pursue that attraction.  Emotions and intellect don't always coincide and sometimes mixed messages happen.

If I'm receiving mixed messages from someone, I back off.  I figure there's some doubt in their mind and until they resolve that, I'm not going to pressure them.   The times I haven't backed off in such a situation haven't gone well.

I dunno.  I hope this helps.

Oh, and you have mail.


< Message edited by gypsygrl -- 6/7/2008 8:42:43 PM >

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RE: Forming Relationships - mixed signals - 6/8/2008 7:01:51 AM   
baddog123


Posts: 32
Joined: 5/15/2004
Status: offline 		Thinking back, over the years I have had a profile here, I have made contact with her several times. I don't know if she remembers this.
Anyway, I was only trying to get her to meet and spend time with me on the friend level. It's hard to get to know someone through a string of letters. Real friendship is not the school yearbook thing where we all sign for each other or put someone on your friends list after one Email.
"cyberfriends" lol, although possible I guess, are not on a par with spending time with each other. You build real trust and friendship with small bricks and mortar of time and experience, as that is the type that can withstand the test of time. One can not hide for long the real person they are. The time I have asked for was never for sex, never asked for a cheap turn on, or anything at all linked to any kind of kink. If we could not share true friendship, I would not WANT any of that. I don't know what keeps drawing me to her, but I had decided that my impersonation of a young guy is running a bit thin at my age and I should take a chance while I can. Life is to short to waste. So if a quiet dinner, a walk in a park, a day on the boat, or a whitewater trip are too threatening, I don't know what to offer other than my best wishes and hopes that we both find happiness.
    Mike


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RE: Forming Relationships - mixed signals - 6/8/2008 7:22:37 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: baddog123

I have some issues that make things hard for me, but
have explained them to her openly. In doing so I opened my soul to her, told her of my darkest moments.



Perhaps it was a tad early to pull that one out of the bag. It can go either way, of course. She may value sensitivity; she may, on the other hand, wish to be understood as opposed to being the one to understand. The best policy is to keep it on the spirit of the extent of your friendship, i.e. would you pour your heart out to the bloke down the street whom you hardly know?

quote:

ORIGINAL: baddog123

I try to be friendly and up-beat, as I prefer to live a happy and fun life and concentrate on the positive.



Try? You are what you are. There's nothing wrong with a realistic approach to life.

If it were me, I'd take at as it comes. Take her for a coffee; have a chat. Give it to her honestly, without going overboard on "the issues".

And, win some lose some.

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I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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RE: Forming Relationships - mixed signals - 6/8/2008 8:20:11 AM   
MrSpectacular


Posts: 1153
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		Mike - all I can say is it looks like you tried - but if you keep going may start to seem like a stalker. There is no way that in any relationship - especially at the start can you control any of the outcomes. If someone is not interested - you may not be able to change their mind.
My advice -is be true to yourself - don't have any unreal expectations (walks in the park, rafting trips etc) Enjoy the moment - if something happens - relish it - if not you had nothing in the first place - just something in your imagination - so move on.

Sincerely,

N


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Yes I am Spectacular and they are real!

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RE: Forming Relationships - mixed signals - 6/8/2008 8:30:39 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		Baddog you mention that you have written to her more than once over time.....if you are still unsure about her interest maybe that is a sign.  Rather than trying to get her to open up and feeling frustrated accept that if she wants to open up to you she will .... give her some space so she doesn't feel pressured.  It is wonderful that you were so honest in telling her about your darkest moments however if you two have not met yet, this can sometimes be a little daunting for someone to hear in the initial emails/contact.

(welcome to posting on the forums)

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

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RE: Forming Relationships - mixed signals - 6/8/2008 8:50:42 AM   
baddog123


Posts: 32
Joined: 5/15/2004
Status: offline 		The things I told her were in direct open response to her questions.
and I know, crazy me, asking to sit and have coffee...
I don't know where I get these wild ideas.
O well, Thank you all for your thoughts.

(in reply to wandersalone)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Forming Relationships - mixed signals - 6/8/2008 9:21:17 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: baddog123

The things I told her were in direct open response to her questions.
and I know, crazy me, asking to sit and have coffee...
I don't know where I get these wild ideas.
O well, Thank you all for your thoughts.


It definitely isn't crazy to ask someone to have coffee however this doesn't mean the other person will agree to come.

And thanks for clarifying that she had asked you for further information... that signals to me that there was some inital interest.  Maybe you could let her know that you are unsure whether she wants to continue the contact or not and see what she says.

I wish you all the best.

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to baddog123)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Forming Relationships - mixed signals - 6/8/2008 9:28:03 AM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline 		Sometimes, people ask questions but are not fully prepared for the answers they get. Sometimes it takes them a bit to wrap their minds around what they have been told, sometimes they simple can not deal with what they have been told. Hopefully if it is the latter they are a big enough person to say so.
 
Blessed be,
Nika

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Blessed be,
Nika


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RE: Forming Relationships - mixed signals - 6/8/2008 9:54:25 AM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		Have you ever told her that you would like to meet her and asked if she would be interested?  Sometimes being direct is better than hedging around and trying to read into the messages.

For example one Dom here ended up contacting and got into some conversation with me, he knows that I am interested in a monogamous LTR as is he   .  but through the conversation  I thought he was mostly just looking for someone to talk to he never really spelt out his interest clearly he did know that I had end a previous relationship,...meanwhile a former Dom who I am friends with   that I had seen before contacted me and asked if I was free  and would I be interested in meeting up  for a few days on my vacation in July which I accepted,  a few days later the first contacts me again to talk and I mention about the one visiting and he then lets me know he s disappointed because he was hoping to have a relationship with me... so then I have to go thru the explanation that the Dom that I am seeing in July is just a friend and that the distance prevents us from having a LTR  but that we enjoy each others company but since he has already bought the plane tickets I can't very  cancel out  so if he want to persue a possible relationship with me he has to take that into consideration..... so  because he would feel uncomfortable with  he has agree to meet up after the visit in July.... Had he been clear in his interest ..instead of just hedging around ..he would not have to sitting on hold for 2 months and wondering if I am still going interested in persuing when that time comes.. over the past year I have had several men contact me just to chat off an on and never take it beyond that or come out and say they want to meet, so if someone come along that I am also interested in that wants to meet ....I am going to go ahead with the meet,  instead of sitting a couple  years or so in chat with someone off and on who may or may not  be interested in actually  meeting  up or where they say they are interested in meeting but it does not move to move to real time and weeks of months have passed

okay I missed the part of having asked to sit and have coffee..her response ???


< Message edited by Maya2001 -- 6/8/2008 9:56:39 AM >

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