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family - 10/29/2005 5:40:49 PM

Posts: 3149
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Well i deliberately outted myself to a few family members in the past, slowly, carefully, and in a way that would be accepted by them. Never too much info, and rarely the whole story. Leaving a certian few out. Though i knew it would always happen, they ALL know now. And of course i've several members running around talking about me behind my back. A family event is coming up and i have heard through the family grapevine they dont know if they want me there, because all THEY heard was i was into "bondage"

So i have written a letter and am sending it everyone. One that i wasnt going to the family event and two if they dont want to accept me, thats fine. That how they feel is their issue, not mine, and i will not let it be apart of my life. i will not let their drama, their judgement apart of me.

Truely folks i feel about it this way. I am who i am. Love me, hate me, like me dislike me, its all your perogative. But i am STILL who i am. I'm not going to lie about it. Because then their love, wouldnt REALLY be love for ME, now would it? They'd only love a "pretend" me. A false image. Its not real. Nothing is real about lying. Nothing is real about pretending to be something you're not. i am an owned slave/sub how ever you put it. It encompasses my whole life. Master directs EVERYTHING, its not about SEX. Its my life. And i'm not gonna hide.

And like i said, if they dont want to ACCEPT me, they dont have too. LOL i'm just not going to subject myself to their judgement!

And thats how i FEEL about the whole vanilla/bdsm world colliding. Its about acceptance and being myself. THEY dont like it, THEY can take a hike = )

thank you, thank you, thank you very much

i'll step off the soap box now.

RE: family - 10/29/2005 6:19:50 PM

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Joined: 10/29/2005
Status: offline

Ain't family grand?? Who else consistently thinks they know you better than anyone else in the Universe yet in many ways knows you the least?

Gotta love them...Can't always like them.

Cin

_____________________________

...aka Vancouver_cinful (New ID for technical reasons)

quote:

If ever thou be'st bound in thy scarf and beaten,
thou shalt find what it is to be proud of thy bondage.
~ W. Shakespeare ~

(in reply to RiotGirl)

RE: family - 10/29/2005 7:35:35 PM

Posts: 338
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline

Riot,

i can imagine the looks i would get if my family knew anything more than they do know. i already get a lot of rolled eyes and shaking heads, just because i am considered the flaky one, most of the time. However, is a letter to each and every one of them a good idea? It seems like it would just be fodder for their gossip and speculation.

If you are able to attend this reunion, and hold your head high, show them how happy you are, and how well you are doing for yourself, even with all the adversity you have had to deal with, that might be the best way to shut them up.

If anyone has the true caring and consideration to ask you about "what they heard" then you can answer questions, look them straight in the eye, and show them you are not some sort of pariah.

If you are in that place where you don't want to see them, and don't want to be a member of that family, then i don't blame you for staying away. i am just a little worried that a letter to all would cause more under-the-surface uproar.

However, if you do send it, or have already sent it, wow, you have guts! And i sure hope it shuts them up.

Good luck, Riot, you deserve support and welcome from whoever you call your family.

-sani

_____________________________

Sometimes, He calls me "subbie." Sometimes, i call me "subbie." And if someone wants to call me a BBW, its flattering. Just don't call me false.

"Please do not show me your ass and expect me to read your mind." -Opencollar

(in reply to RiotGirl)

RE: family - 10/29/2005 8:14:42 PM

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Dear Mom,
I fuck like you and dad did and I enjoy getting blowjobs more than you could ever wrap your head around. Love you and see you at thanksgiving........

What is the difference, did you lay in mothers arms and give him a little head before you had me? What was on your mind mom?

I am lost.......
How does this make a difference?

People fuck so what?

Done is as it can be.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to sanita)

RE: family - 10/29/2005 8:34:27 PM

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Dear Mom,
I fuck like you and dad did and I enjoy getting blowjobs more than you could ever wrap your head around. Love you and see you at thanksgiving........

What is the difference, did you lay in mothers arms and give him a little head before you had me? What was on your mind mom?

I think I know what you mean=futile or just TOO much info. There's no way in hell I'd want to share my sex life with my father if he were alive even though I loved, trusted and felt protected by him.
The only reason for me to tell mom what I do to/with men is to make her massively uncomfortable (to the point of extra prayers, lol), since it does absolutely nothing good. It's not as if I'm still seeking approval of all my choices from mommy. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: family - 10/29/2005 9:07:57 PM

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Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Hey, M.......

Remember that song? "We are family...." This goes way beyond the pale in my book.

LOL,

Hope you are having a glorious one.........

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: family - 10/29/2005 9:24:07 PM

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

Yeah i already sent it. i didnt actually say anything about MY lifestyle. Except to clear up the fact thats its NOT about "bondage" its about BDSM. <grins> And that BDSM was a vast and complex thing.

what i mostly wrote to tell them was, well here it is

quote:

Hey Dad,

Well, i wrote a really really long email to you, but
after careful consideration and the good opionon of my
man i'm going to refrain from sending it. It was just
basically me speaking my mind, taking a stand with the
amount of acceptance in this family and enlightening
you to my side of this "issue".

This whole Bondage thing. As much as i'm going to
refrain i have to clear THAT up. Its NOT about
"bondage" its about BDSM!!! i am not really into
bondage! BDSM is a vast, complicated universe. If
you're interested in knowing, feel free to ask.

But the point of this email was to respectfully
decline the cruise. i was told on either tuesday or
wendsday was when everything was finalized, so it is
okay.

i am declining, because people are running around
talking behind my back about things they know nothing
about. Judging me with BAD information. Judging me
period. Which is fine Dad, if that is how they want
to behave/act/think/treat/ect me, then that is their
desire. BUT i dont need it apart of MY life. i dont
need it. i dont need the drama. i dont need to be
around ppl who are going to talk bad or think bad
about me. Its not pleasant, comfortable, enjoyable.

i do NOT enjoy being around ppl where i am wondering
constantly whats really going on and i seriously dont
like being around ppl who will smile and act nice
towards me, yet as soon as my back is turned talk
trash about me. It just plain gives me anxiety and in
the past has actually thrown me into a anxiety attack.

Dad, i dont need this stuff in my life. i'm doing
well. i'm happy. Life is good. i surround myself
with good ppl, ppl i dont have to worry about. Ppl
that like me. i dont need to take myself back to a
place where i am constantly on gaurd worrying about
whats really going on behind the scenes. It makes me
tense, gives me anxiety, and stresses me out.

Like i said Dad, i'm happy and i dont need the hurt or
the drama in my life and i'm not going to allow it in.

So i'm sorry, i am as i'm going to miss alot of you
guys. i love you tons and i hope you enjoy the
cruise.

luv ya
kelly

P.S. Yeah i am going to send this to EVERYONE with an
email as i dont really like this 3rd and 4th party
information line we have going. IF ppl are going to
talk about me, they might as well have it straight the source.

Heh, i wrote it to my Dad, but sent it to everyone in the family. Out of everyone, i know he will ALWAYS except me, he's logical to a fault, and well one of the ppl whose always had faith in me. LOL the email i had written before it was abit harsher, went into what excatly BDSM was, what it ment to me and also said. THERES ALOT OF THINGS I DONT LIKE ABOUT YOU PPL EITHER.. and it listed excatly what those things were. = ) Grandmother is twofaced, grandfather is a pathological liar, stepmother is a conniving, two faced manipulative liar, and my sister likes to run around breaking my trust. Master thought it was too much, so i tried to tone it down ALOT.

Basically.

Accept me or take a hike.

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: family - 10/29/2005 9:44:58 PM

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

<sigh> Master just read the letter i sent the family and he is now furious over the whole thing. Furious with me for mentioning the letters bdsm. (i dunno was that a bad idea???) and furious that it cant be hidden as something things i had left out of everything got thrown out into the mix. Can i say eek? suppose i should of just written one line " i respectfully decline the invitation" eh? (did i screw up?) <sigh>

(in reply to RiotGirl)

RE: family - 10/29/2005 10:13:28 PM

Posts: 1114
Status: offline

Riot Girl; i am one of your fans. Around Xmas, i emailed my brother and his wife, saying i did not want contact with them for awhile and might not ever want it again. i did not open the door for communication for several months...and now i see my brother (not my sister-in-law) on rare occsions when he helps me run an errand or make a MD visit.

My situation was the same but different from yours. i was enraged by certain values of theirs; including racial and class hatred. i was also enraged that i was being given orders on how to run my life under the guise of "advice".

No one in my family -- including my kid -- knows about my interest in BDSM. Frankly i'd be shocked if they had even heard of it. My attitude is that it is highly personal and not something i choose to share. i imagine if i did there'd be a huge uproar from my brother and sister-in-law, while my kid would have questions but not necessarialy freak out. Still i fail to see how "outting" myself to my family would enhance my life.

As for your letter to your relatives; if you have already sent it; so be it. Accept whatever punishment your Master deems appropriate and let time pass. People in your family love you -- to varying degrees -- and would not want to lose contact. i wish you much peace and happiness.

pinkpleasures

< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 10/30/2005 1:57:16 PM >

_____________________________

(in reply to RiotGirl)

RE: family - 10/30/2005 8:57:35 AM

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

Can i say eek? suppose i should of just written one line " i respectfully decline the invitation" eh? (did i screw up?) <sigh>

Riot,
A deed done can not be undone, but since soliciting opinions you're bound to get some; here's ours.

Not telling your Master until after the fact is the biggest "sin". He should be consulted on ALL matters let alone one this important. Now, with the veil of anger shrouding his thought process I don't know if you'll hear what you would have heard if the discussion happened before the fact.

Were I confronted, and of course your post generated dialog this morning between beth & I, I would have done with the "reply with regrets" option. But I would have tried to encourage beth to attend. I know beth is proud of who she is, as I am proud of her. Asked a direct question by anyone, including family, we'd give, and we've already given, direct and honest answers. There is no need however to put up a billboard about our relationship.

The problem is your families, not yours; you already know this. I wouldn't have allowed beth to provided details because it doesn't serve a purpose. Publishing the fact as you did, and then not going appears like a craving of attention. Now you and your Master will be a "subject-topic". You'll be considered a distraction. And it will be your "fault". Going, perhaps clad in a nice collar style necklace, may have generated whispers, points, and stares; but you would have been the "object" versus the "subject". The family event would be the subject as is should be.

If beth felt the need to announce our relationship to the world, better to do it as a seperate event. Send the news as part of your holiday card, an appropriate time to "catch people up". Maybe even include a picture of beth dressed as a holiday "elf" in shiny black leather collar & cuffs. I'd even help beth write it specifically adressing all the "rumors" and hinting that most of the rumors were tame compared to reality; allowing the readers mind's to envision the "perversion". Ummm, you've just given me an idea...

(in reply to RiotGirl)

RE: family - 10/30/2005 11:29:20 AM

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

Thanks for the opionons. i did actually tell Master i was writing the letter BEFORE i sent it. i also sent it to him. As for outing myself, i had done that to varying degree's in the past. it only became a problem as the family event came closer. They've pretty much known for ages, as i said, to varying degree's.

Yes i am like you, i give honest answers. One of the things that came up was, Master's tatoo. Of a girl in bondage. Dont ask me how they know. i left alot of details out.

My sister, she doesnt care. My brother sums it up to ying and yang, my father being the most dominant person in my family, my grandmother is a VERY sexual being and my aunt is into handcuffs. My mother was submissive until she was taken advantage of and now has major control issues. i spoke to them each on a level they could understand.

My stepmother, who i never speak to is the one who has the problems. The one that smiles and acts nice, and then runs around behind my back. She's done it my whole life. She gets the group against me, she gets things to turn into my disfavor.

i suppose, i am tired of it. This for once i am not going to let slide. This part of my life is important to me. i'm going to take a stand and not back down. This is something i truely believe in. i'm not going to be crapped on for it.

So, knowing all the family history and reading between the lines as my father and the rest of them will do. She either wins and i'm gone, or they can take a stand too. Accept me or not, its their decision.

<grins> and yeah, i sent the letter TO her as well.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

RE: family - 10/30/2005 5:12:45 PM

Posts: 305
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

Well i deliberately outted myself to a few family members in the past, slowly, carefully, and in a way that would be accepted by them. Never too much info, and rarely the whole story. Leaving a certian few out. Though i knew it would always happen, they ALL know now. And of course i've several members running around talking about me behind my back. A family event is coming up and i have heard through the family grapevine they dont know if they want me there, because all THEY heard was i was into "bondage"

So i have written a letter and am sending it everyone. One that i wasnt going to the family event and two if they dont want to accept me, thats fine. That how they feel is their issue, not mine, and i will not let it be apart of my life. i will not let their drama, their judgement apart of me.

Truely folks i feel about it this way. I am who i am. Love me, hate me, like me dislike me, its all your perogative. But i am STILL who i am. I'm not going to lie about it. Because then their love, wouldnt REALLY be love for ME, now would it? They'd only love a "pretend" me. A false image. Its not real. Nothing is real about lying. Nothing is real about pretending to be something you're not. i am an owned slave/sub how ever you put it. It encompasses my whole life. Master directs EVERYTHING, its not about SEX. Its my life. And i'm not gonna hide.

And like i said, if they dont want to ACCEPT me, they dont have too. LOL i'm just not going to subject myself to their judgement!

And thats how i FEEL about the whole vanilla/bdsm world colliding. Its about acceptance and being myself. THEY dont like it, THEY can take a hike = )

thank you, thank you, thank you very much

i'll step off the soap box now.

Good for you, I did it similar, let them know and told them accept or not thier choice but I won't pretend to be something I am not. My father shrugged his shoulders and told me it was my life, my sister asked me some questions decided it was not for her but is quite happy about it, and my brother took pictures of all my toys to take back to Austrailia to show the family there and now they all want me to bring my toys over when i go next time (which I planned to do as I wantto check out some clubs there). In the end I think families come around, if they love you they will accept you.

< Message edited by WickedKev -- 10/30/2005 9:56:49 PM >

_____________________________

Those who can make you believe absurdities
can make you commit atrocities.
—Voltaire

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong
—Voltaire

(in reply to RiotGirl)

RE: family - 10/30/2005 5:38:22 PM

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

LOL well i wont hold my breathe!

twas talking to my mom about it all and she agree's with me. But said this. THEY might not want to "associate" or have some one like "this" in their life, or apart of their life. Ppl with "body art" and "piercings" or into "bondage" Oh holy GOD.

Real snobs eh? Yeah my mom's a snob too. LOL

(in reply to WickedKev)

RE: family - 10/30/2005 7:33:18 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

LOL well i wont hold my breathe!

twas talking to my mom about it all and she agree's with me. But said this. THEY might not want to "associate" or have some one like "this" in their life, or apart of their life. Ppl with "body art" and "piercings" or into "bondage" Oh holy GOD.

Real snobs eh? Yeah my mom's a snob too. LOL

Lordy I hear you on this one. My mom loves my tattoos. My dad pretends they aren't there :) But my grandparents think less of me as a person because I have them. I can't wait to see how they react to my lip peircing.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to RiotGirl)

RE: family - 10/31/2005 6:03:52 AM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Remember that coming out is a process. Remember that the family is JUST now hearing this, remember they haven't had the years to come to terms with it, the years of discussions and exposure. A backlash is very normal and almost to be expected.

The best thing is to give it time. Show them that you are a stable, competent, adult, who knows how t keep things going positively. Show them through time and experience that this is simply you and you are happy with it.

You've taken a huge step, now you have to give them the time and understanding to come to you. Some may never do it. Some may take years.

The worst thing you could do is reject them now. It's your responsibility for coming out to help them as best you can through the whole process, not just the part where you dump a whole weird new "thing" on their laps.

This doesn't mean you have to take crap, it doesn't mean you allow them to interfere, but it does mean that you give them the time and understanding. After all, you came out to them for more than just wanting to shove their faces into something.

(in reply to RiotGirl)

RE: family - 10/31/2005 6:21:07 AM

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

Ok. Thinking of them as snobs REALLY put things into perspective for me. It just so fits. IT makes sense. i'm not rejecting them persay, but i'm rejecting them if they reject me. Make sense? Such a pain in my butt and so dumb really, in my book atleast. BUT i had a huge conversation last night with my sister and she pulled a good arguement on going to the family event. My brother also called and tried argueing, but unfortunetly, he was hollerig and spouting untrue things and argueing with points that are not points to me. So i calmly explained how i felt and he had nothing to say.

"the world is a GAME kelly, its NOT about truth, its ALL about perception. No matter if you explain and educate the whole world to BDSM, it'll still be percieved as how its percieved"

Huh, i had alot to say about that. The world is WHAT you make it.

then i was told - you should always be on gaurd.

And i feel sorry for him and others. i managed to get out of "that" world. And i feel sorry that they still have to live in it, that havent expierenced the freedom of sitting back and being who they are. Not worrying about perception, or what others think. i feel sorry that they just cant be them and enjoy being them.

yeah i'm glad i'm not a snob = )

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: family - 10/31/2005 6:42:34 AM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl
And i feel sorry for him and others. i managed to get out of "that" world. And i feel sorry that they still have to live in it, that havent expierenced the freedom of sitting back and being who they are. Not worrying about perception, or what others think. i feel sorry that they just cant be them and enjoy being them.

yeah i'm glad i'm not a snob = )

But in way- that's exactly what they are thinking and feeling about you.

(in reply to RiotGirl)

RE: family - 10/31/2005 6:52:42 AM

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

You know Riot, I've spent a life time listening to *family* tell me how I should do things.
If you listen closely you can hear their conversations as it appears you have. One thing I've learned is selective sharing/or how to only say so much. History has proven that they feel I need I need their guidence, so they feel free to give it, even after I've proven their way isnt mine. As others have said, it's their problem not yours unless you want to conform. (is family submission a kink?) sigh, not one of mine...... So hold your head up, enjoy the ones you do and let the others talk, your not gonna change them anymore then they are going to change you. But in being selective you give them less ammo.

Q

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to RiotGirl)

RE: family - 10/31/2005 7:44:00 AM

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Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

Riotgirl, my concern would be if some well meaning, but ill informed family member were to decide that because of this lifestyle, you are not a fit parent. It would not be the first time this has happened. I really would urge you to consider this line of thought and maybe think twice about giving anyone amunition that would help them in this regard (i.e. emails that have admissions, etc.). I'm sorry you are going through this with your family. I just can't imagine what made you think they needed OR wanted this type of information.

f

(in reply to RiotGirl)

RE: family - 10/31/2005 10:47:48 AM

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Well i deliberately outted myself to a few family members in the past, slowly, carefully, and in a way that would be accepted by them. Never too much info, and rarely the whole story. Leaving a certian few out. Though i knew it would always happen, they ALL know now. And of course i've several members running around talking about me behind my back. A family event is coming up and i have heard through the family grapevine they dont know if they want me there, because all THEY heard was i was into "bondage"

Congrats, you've found yourself and are happy within your own skin. My family knows of my lifestyle. In fact they are in the same lifestyle just unaware of it. The things I do for Doug, they also do for their spouses. Mom was very much dad's slave even with my definition.
It takes a lot of soul searching to feel secure within yourself to come out though. Not many have done the required amount.

All you can do at this point is answer any and all questions they may have. If they love you they will accept you. Unconditional love and all. Sadly it is usually family that knows the very least about us. You've given them a glimpse of the real you, they should feel honored.

(in reply to RiotGirl)

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