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RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/10/2008 3:33:45 PM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
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and just how far away are you?

*smirk*

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RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/10/2008 3:36:59 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
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<blows a few smoke rings>

Can I plead the....5th?

This....time?

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RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/10/2008 3:43:30 PM

Madame4a

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Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
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no, never

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You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

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RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/10/2008 4:51:57 PM

SnowRanger

Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
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Hello A/all,

    This is another one of those things I never had the guts to inquire about. In the interest of full disclosure, I cannot imagine a 24/7 relarionship with out there being sex in it... D/s sex... vanilla sex... even trapese sex (or maybe on a highwire). Consequently, I don't see my self in a LTR with a lesbian. I am sure that lesbians would find the idea to be rediculous too. ;-D

    On the other hand D/s is not always sexual. Arousing and sexy, yes, but not necessarily sexual. I have served and been dominated with out sex in the picture at all.

    The real reason that I am responding is the posting made by ThundersCry.   I am intriqued! Do you know any "Leather Dykes" in my area. A lesson in humilty may be just what this timber beast needs.

Respects to a/all, Mike
SnowRanger

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Post #: 24

RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/10/2008 5:03:25 PM

Reigna

Posts: 334
Joined: 8/27/2007
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Never say never, but ... no, never. BDSM is insanely hot to me, and if I'm going to play with a person, I'm going to want to fuck him silly at some point.

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RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/10/2008 5:12:57 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
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I have heard people here talk about negotiating????

I may as well learn how...to <grins>

So how do we get the information outta me where I am not left black and blue and....

bloody...

<thinks I really need to turn my computer off...again>

<spits>

Not....

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RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/10/2008 6:05:32 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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If I waited to play with only those folks that were sexually attractive, attracted, AND available to me.....I would never play! Back when casual play was commonplace, and a scene didn't have to be a lifetime commitment, I played all the time, sometimes with strangers who I never saw again. Most of the time it was, and is, great fun. I've had scenes that disappointed me, but we all have. I still play with folks I like, regardless of gender, orientation, whatever.

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Post #: 27

RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/15/2008 1:36:26 PM

Midnght

Posts: 98
Joined: 4/24/2008
From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

From a Top side and male-I have beaten men for the pure sadism of it. I'm not attracted to men sexually. I just wanted to see how they played under my whip.

Kind of a rather bored and abstracted interest, like poking at an errant bug with a needle-to see what it will do.

Answer to the main question is yup certainly have and certainly will.

It just boils down to two fundamental differancesfor me.
Sexual bdsm and non sexual bdsm.

Just because you top someone and flogg them etc doesn't mean you have to do anything sexual with that other person and i've not found anyone with whome my sexuality was differnt having any problems just taking a nice old flogging and being ordereed around.

I'm completely straight and i'vetopped 5 gay males 2 straight males. One of which is my wifes submissive. He knows i have good aim and can deliver the pain he's looking for. My wife can add the sexual satisfaction.

It's pretty pure and simple.

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Post #: 28

RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/15/2008 2:10:02 PM

LaMistressa

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While I usually have to be attracted to a person in order to be interested in topping them (hell, I have to 'click' with someone to let them clean my house!), I rarely have sex with any of my play partners. They aren't two different things for me (there is a connection in my mind), but yes, I do play with people and have bdsm 'relationships' of various sorts where there isn't straight sex (or for that matter, bi sex) involved.

(Man, I am Domina Parenthsis today!)

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Post #: 29

RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/15/2008 5:55:50 PM

submgreenbay

Posts: 69
Joined: 6/2/2006
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D/s without emotion isn't for me. attraction is important to me. But it's really about a mental connection more so than anything. I'd say for long-term there would need to be more compatibility, including sexual.

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Post #: 30

RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/15/2008 6:20:23 PM

PsyVamp

Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
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I don't play casually but I would have no problems having a gay or lesbian slave.
For me, it isn't about the sex
(okay fine... sometimes it IS about the sex..but jeez, I don't have the time (or the energy) to have a sexual dynamic with each person I consider.)
It is about serving and protocols and D/s.. the play just comes naturally from that dynamic.
Lady Jag

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RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/15/2008 7:56:18 PM

pixelslave

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Joined: 8/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SnowRanger

Hello A/all,

   This is another one of those things I never had the guts to inquire about. In the interest of full disclosure, I cannot imagine a 24/7 relarionship with out there being sex in it... D/s sex... vanilla sex... even trapese sex (or maybe on a highwire). Consequently, I don't see my self in a LTR with a lesbian. I am sure that lesbians would find the idea to be rediculous too. ;-D

   On the other hand D/s is not always sexual. Arousing and sexy, yes, but not necessarily sexual. I have served and been dominated with out sex in the picture at all.

   The real reason that I am responding is the posting made by ThundersCry.   I am intriqued! Do you know any "Leather Dykes" in my area. A lesson in humilty may be just what this timber beast needs.

Respects to a/all, Mike
SnowRanger

Mike,
I couldn't get your profile to come up when I clicked on the link to see if you're in Cincinnati or who know's where, but there's someone's profile who's looking for exactly what you describe that's here in TX.

Aparently, she and her partner, don't find the idea of having a male sub to serve them while he lives a life of chastity, ridiculous at all.

I'd post a link to the profile, but I think that's against forum rules. Looks over shoulder to see if MOD 11 is around.

- pixel

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RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/16/2008 5:06:02 PM

LadyLolly

Posts: 140
Joined: 5/21/2005
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I'm offended by those that just assume I'm going to bed them.
I'm offended by those that assume I care to be judged for "chemistry" when it means do they find me "hot" enough to serve.
I do not use service, D/s as a ploy to gain sexual compliance.

There are many different dynamics that are possible. Sexual submission is not one that is of interest here. So, in answer to the OP's question, certainly. Have had that dynamic many, many, times. D/s, M/s, BDSM is often independent of sex.

(smile) and I am Leather.... don't have to be a Dyke

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RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/16/2008 5:14:35 PM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
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From: Washington, DC area
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I'm certain I can get what I need without leaving a mark on you...

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThundersCry

I have heard people here talk about negotiating????

I may as well learn how...to <grins>

So how do we get the information outta me where I am not left black and blue and....

bloody...

<thinks I really need to turn my computer off...again>

<spits>

Not....

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

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Post #: 34

RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/16/2008 5:32:47 PM

pinnipedster

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Joined: 4/17/2008
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I'm not sure. For me there is definitely a sexual side to BDSM. That doesn't mean it always has to include sex, but there is a level of sexual arousal even if it's completely non-sexual service with all our clothes on.

Maybe the thing I am looking for is intimacy, and I just personally find that harder to achieve with a man than with a woman. I can definitely achieve it with a woman who has no sexual interest in me.

I also think that for me, being Dominated (as opposed to simply Topped) by a man would make me very uncomfortable, in that it would push some of my buttons in terms of how I respond to coercion and threats in the real world -- I tend to get very hostile and stubborn. I don't think it would be pleasant for me.

On the other hand, as a crossdresser, I think I could submit to a man while I was en femme, provided he treated me (as fas as is anatomically possible) as though I were female in every respect. The moment he slipped and called me "boy" or used a masculine pronoun, it might well fall apart, though. It's something I would be very cautious about, anyway, as I just feel more threatened by men.

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RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/16/2008 9:14:56 PM

AllietheKitten

Posts: 115
Joined: 7/10/2006
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Word sister!

I can't imagine playing with a person that didn't get me revved up and turned on.

When I first started Domming I was kind of more abstracted about it-could step into my head and coldly observe what was happening. Then I found that that didn't do it for me. It was interesting in an esoteric sense but I felt like there was a disconnect somewhere-something fatally wrong. I wasn't happy Domming like that because I felt like I wasn't being *Me*. I wasn't really acting or reacting in the moment. I wasn't even there with the sub-I was up in my head playing with my fantasy instead.

When I get my emotions and my desire involved everything flows so much more freely. I am more Myself, the genuine self inside, then I ever am. I just can't see distancing all the messy stuff-the shock of emotion, that wild surge of lust and the hunger to bend someone to my will-from what I am doing. I just don't function like that.

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Or the guiding hand of Fate
I don't believe in forever
of love as a mystical state
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We can find someone to love and make it last.
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RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/17/2008 6:12:08 AM

MissEnchanted

Posts: 510
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boyforyouruse:

BDSM is extremely erotic to me and I am positively addicted to D/s, so my answer is yes! This last weekend I went to a private party and played with someone I found sexy. It was very erotic and no sex was involved.

ps: You are still adorable and that fanny of yousr would be so fun to *snap*.

ME

< Message edited by MissEnchanted -- 6/17/2008 6:13:29 AM >

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RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/17/2008 5:51:15 PM

pinnipedster

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Actually, after I wrote the post yesterday, it occured to me that this subject has been of more than academic interest recently. I met a woman last year at a FemDom retreat. She became interested in the idea of ponyplay and we exchanged info to meet afterwards. We never really got to try any pony play -- though we did make a prototype bridle that I still have and hope to use someday -- but we tried a bit of other D/s: I did some housework for her, she tied me up a few times, we discussed protocol, etc. But in the end it didn't work for her because (to her) the sexual chemistry wasn't there, and while we agree that BDSM need not include sex, she associates it enough with sex that play without attraction doesn't do anything for her.

It was frustrating for me because I do find her reasonably sexually attractive, as well as sharing many common interests and tastes, and I was kind of beginning to think in terms of a real relationship, certainly including BDSM but not entirely about it. We're still friends and do things together when we can (she's more diurnal than I am, so scheduling can be tough) but for her the lack of sexual attraction to me precludes any BDSM. Damn it.

< Message edited by pinnipedster -- 6/17/2008 5:52:05 PM >

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RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/17/2008 6:01:13 PM

herpet1313

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

quote:

ORIGINAL: boyforyouruse

Would you be interested in dominating or being dominated by someone that is either: A) Not compatible with you sexually (ie. lesbian dominant and male submissive), or B) Compatible with you sexually but you're not sexually interseted in? (ie hetro dominant female and hetro male submissive, but one or both are not sexually attracted to each other)

This is my interaction with Angel. We are compaitble sexually, he is straight, I am bi, but we have no sexual interest in one another. We have known that from the beginning, there was not going to be any, and has never been any sex. There is orgasm, but its part of the scenes we have (just like a lesbian could give a straight man a handjob and still get him off even though theres no sex involved) It has worked well for us for nearly 2 years now and I dont forsee that coming to an end anytime soon.

DV

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RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/17/2008 6:09:33 PM

herpet1313

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Sorry about that. Not sure how to frame those quotes. But, my point was going to be that while a hand job or fellatio may not be intercourse, it certainly is, in my eyes anyway, engaging in sex. (Unless you are Bill Clinton).
Being married and thus in a long term relationship, any kinky BDSM activity always has, for me, some sexual over tones. In fact our D/s relationship had it's orgin in sexual fantasy. I could, and have, submittd to certain friends and aquaintences of my wife, with no actual sexual behavior but, in my mind, it's erotic and thus, a sexual event for me.

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