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RE: This happens to me a lot... (naive?) - 6/11/2008 10:41:26 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wanderingstray

quote:

promise me there are some intelligent and mature folks out there... I'm sure there are, right?

As one yourself it's easy enough for you to look up the statistics showing how many of which type of intelligence there are making up whichever population.

People who score well on IQ tests
People who earned college degrees
People who succeeded at some challeninging goal
People who died doing something stupid

Smart people who do dumb things
Dumb people who have flashes of brilliance
Average people who have highs and lows

No matter how much you know about one thing, there is something else that you know nothing about. No matter how little you know about something, there is another subject on which you are an expert. People do not ask questions to find out answers they already know. They ask questions to learn new things or to pose for good effect, such as asking why other people are so stupid, so that by asking they can seem so much smarter.

The public policy of western nations including the US is to seek to manufacture citizens by place in society. The traditional ratio of smart to dumb was set by the requirements of society at the time policy was made. It was the industrial age and the goal was to have a small elite for governance, a slightly larger upper class of managers to run businesses and schools, and then a whole lot of stupid people as workers and consumers. Classes and tests were designed accordingly. If people are educated too far beyond their chance of ever using it, they become dangerously unhappy and tend to fly airliners into skyscrapers.

A forum online is a good place to ask questions, so expect to see people being ignorant out in the open. At least they want to know. It's better to know what you don't know and be frankly stupid about it than to pretend you are all wise in all things, or to hide from your own ignorance by sticking close to what you do know.


Very good post.


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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: This happens to me a lot... (naive?) - 6/12/2008 2:41:46 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I know what you're saying here.  For a while there, over on the general forum board, there was a recurring theme about this type of thing. 

It isn't just you.  I think there are a lot of us who wonder where the answers to your questions for some are when things get typed up.  Yes, in a lot of posts, I see common sense get thrown out the window once in a while.  There are even times I'll go as far as to say so. 


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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: This happens to me a lot... (naive?) - 6/12/2008 4:08:20 AM   
LadyJeelys


Posts: 99
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline 		I'm not sure about "naive", but I think there are a lot of people who are lonely and isolated. (And, no, I don't think being out in the "community" helps with that.)

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: This happens to me a lot... (naive?) - 6/12/2008 4:22:56 AM   
blueskyboy


Posts: 56
Joined: 4/17/2008
Status: offline 		there is a reason for heavy impact...get that strap out...find that boi

i'm probably one of those people..a poor player, strutting and fretting...guess it signifies something like benjy in the sound and fury...caddy smells like leaves or trees ...idiot and innocent - hard to disern really...always the rub

and then

dairy queen doesn't have coffee either and starbucks no soft serve and micky d's smells like socks and sounds like the well this place sometimes - play place

ever been to miami subs? 

soft serve - cuban coffee...

cafe' con leche' ? 

(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: This happens to me a lot... (naive?) - 6/12/2008 4:33:40 AM   
Hippiekinkster


Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Human beings are beautiful.  Given the opportunity to help someone else without taking away from themselves, almost anyone will do it.

You are seeing people in their weakest moments.  Someone has desires, maybe repressed for 50 years, and finally talks to another person about it.  That person is not only not repulsed, but actually attracted to them because of their "disgusting" secret.  Smart people with tons of life experience throw all their common sense out the window, because their need for acceptance -- and their lust -- makes them blind to anything else.  They fall for scams, they take online relationships way too seriously, they walk into red-flag real-life relationships.  That doesn't make them dumb.  It makes them willing to try.
Acceptance, yes, but not always lust. It's the need to connect, to feel like one belongs to something - if only a pair of people - and to just not be alone.

I have certainly been guilty of taking online stuff as being real, even though I know better. The wanting, the hoping, overwhelms my common sense. And much like there are men who pose as "doms" in order to have prey, there are women who take advantage of the need to bond so as to find prey for their own warped fantasies. There's one I encountered who is quite upfront about being a "player": she fancies herself an "intellekchual" and feels herself superior to most men, even though she lives in a dinky apartment with her adult son and drives a tiny aging Civic. There's another who contacted me and seemed really impatient to meet me, to have dinner, to get to know each other, until push came to shove. probably one of those Prozac-addled married chicks looking for kicks. There's another who uses a pic of a good-looking redhead as her avatar, and does nothing to disabuse one of that deception, using the excuse of "online stalking" to hide the fact that she's way heavier and not even the same hair color as the avatar pic.

I can't speak as to the kinds of horseshit women here, SINCERE women, have to put up with, but I can tell you, there is an enormous number of just plain dysfunctional women out there.

There are predators here because they know there are prey here.

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(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: This happens to me a lot... (naive?) - 6/12/2008 4:59:40 AM   
DominantJenny


Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantJenny
There are also, and, yes, they're probably the majority, a LOT of naive and/or  uneducated people out there...actually actively thinking isn't the norm, unfortunately,


Actually I'm one of the uneducated people your referring to..education in no way automatically means intelligence..not to mention there are many forms of intelligence.


You are assuming I meant formal education...I forget that people assume that. When I say educated, I mean precisely that; educated, whether formally or informally (aka self-educated). And you are right that education != intelligence...however, intelligence (innate intellectual ability) doesn't mean much if you don't use it.

(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: This happens to me a lot... (naive?) - 6/12/2008 5:38:49 AM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

Nope... I'm not asking if I am, I'm a jaded leather curmudgeon -- occasionally just plain stupid, but rarely naive.

I find myself reading posts here, very often, in fact more than once a day a new one comes up and I think one of several things:

1) Can't you see you're being played?
2) Ok, clear the playground, everyone back to their classrooms until you learn to behave.
3) Are people really that stupid/naive/clueless?
4) Danger Will Robinson!
5) Not again, please!


and then some -- I need more coffee...

but really are people that naive?  I find it scary -- its kind of like the time I was sick for two weeks, taking strong meds and watched way too much Jerry Springer et al -- and I started to think the whole world was like the Springer guests and audience for that matter...

promise me there are some intelligent and mature folks out there... I'm sure there are, right?



Generally speaking, I agree very much with what RedMagic1 had to say.  I think it's very on target.  Like Lady Hibiscus, I also believe there are many people who have helped me along my way through life and I believe in passing it along.  I do my best to do that when I can whenever it appears to me that the person posting is sincere.  CM is a safe place for many to come and ask their questions in relative anonymity.  Much of what they've been taught or think they know about this lifestyle they've learned through either porn, media hype, or judgemental parents, society at large, and of course their own fantasies be they realistic or not.  IMO, this should be a safe place for those misconceptions to be dispelled.
 
While to many of us, the questions repeatedly asked may seem as though the person lacks common sense, is totally naive, or is trying to row a boat upstream without oars; those people are clearly doing the best they can with what they've been given to work with.  I was taught there are no dumb questions other than those which are never asked.  I still believe that.  There are many who are ashamed to ask questions for fear of being ridiculed.  To those who regularly post here in response to those questions, I hope they'll try to keep that in mind when replying to what may seem like "questions by the clueless" from people who genuinely need the information and an encouraging response that will help point them to the information they need to decide for themselves the direction they need to take.
 
Women need to be taught that it's not all about them when it comes to D/s relationships if they want one to last for more than 2 weeks to 2 months at a time.  Men need to be taught that it's okay to have limits and simply crazy not to if they don't want to be abused!  Both need to be taught that ultimately, we're all people and not just Dommes and subs; that without each other, neither would be able to enjoy the dynamic they desire.  I could go on, but I think I've conveyed the gist of the message I would hope they'd leave this site with an understanding of in regard to this lifestyle.
 
At some point in time, we were all "babes in the woods" who needed a gentle voice to guide us on journeys into this lifestyle.  This community has been a warm and supportive place for me.  I hope the experience will be the same for others as they continue to come and go, or decide to stay as the case may be.
 
 - pixel


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Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: This happens to me a lot... (naive?) - 6/12/2008 9:00:04 AM   
MsLemon


Posts: 47
Joined: 1/3/2004
Status: offline 		The online world opens itself up to  many and varied types of people.  Some of these people are unsuspecting and let themselves get led down a path that ends up destructive and yet others are those doing the leading.  Hopefully the ones who get taken for a ride learn after one hard lesson but sometimes as we've all seen this isn't the case.  Maybe the fact that these people do in fact post their situations out there for others to read can help keep another "newbie" from a bad experience or two.  I wonder if those who are posting things that are clearly red flags to those of us a tad more aware and not blinded by being right in the midst of the situation would actually read and acknowledge if they were "warned" in responses.  Somehow I doubt that.  Does it make them unintelligent?  I don't think so it makes them a human that's too wrapped up in their warm comfy feelings of "this is IT" to be open to anything else. 

Its the ones who are on here solely to exploit that I place into the lack intelligence category.  These are the ones too dumb to know that karma is a bitch and at some point this stuff will all come back to bite them in their ass.

Life lessons aren't easy but the forums apparently let us watch as others get schooled.

Regards,
Ms Lemon

(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: This happens to me a lot... (naive?) - 6/12/2008 1:13:54 PM   
Steponme73


Posts: 552
Joined: 11/9/2007
Status: offline 		There is a big difference between being educated and being smart.  You have people who have all the book smarts in the world, but can't replace a light bulb.  Common sense, to me is the key ingredient of smarts.  The naive ones will eventually catch on...the people you should be concerned with are the ones who make you say to yourself, "What the hell were you thinking?"

(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: This happens to me a lot... (naive?) - 6/12/2008 4:30:19 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I've been assured by people who study this sort of thing that the actions/participation we see here is typical forum behavior. The only things that really differ are the topics.

In my opinion, a good emotional IQ is fairly rare in modern American society. People really do think that Springer is an accurate model to copy for life.

Master Fire


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(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: This happens to me a lot... (naive?) - 6/12/2008 4:53:18 PM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Human beings are beautiful.  Given the opportunity to help someone else without taking away from themselves, almost anyone will do it.

You are seeing people in their weakest moments.  Someone has desires, maybe repressed for 50 years, and finally talks to another person about it.  That person is not only not repulsed, but actually attracted to them because of their "disgusting" secret.  Smart people with tons of life experience throw all their common sense out the window, because their need for acceptance -- and their lust -- makes them blind to anything else.  They fall for scams, they take online relationships way too seriously, they walk into red-flag real-life relationships.  That doesn't make them dumb.  It makes them willing to try.

Also remember that both online and TV are caricatures of real life.


I think maybe everybody is naive about something.. I also think RedMagic1 has a point here.. sometimes people are willing to throw common sense out the window for acceptance.  When it comes down to it, any of us can justify anything if we have a need.
quote:



I love people. 


So do I, but only if they're seasoned properly.


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(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: This happens to me a lot... (naive?) - 6/12/2008 7:50:50 PM   
torsionman


Posts: 74
Joined: 7/28/2004
Status: offline 		Madame4a,

                     I am intelligent and mature however, You may not agree. Jerry Springer gets paid to do a show that the immature and (dare I say) less intelligent seem to really enjoy.

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: This happens to me a lot... (naive?) - 6/13/2008 1:36:56 AM   
GoddessTeaze


Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

Nope... I'm not asking if I am, I'm a jaded leather curmudgeon -- occasionally just plain stupid, but rarely naive.

I find myself reading posts here, very often, in fact more than once a day a new one comes up and I think one of several things:

1) Can't you see you're being played?
2) Ok, clear the playground, everyone back to their classrooms until you learn to behave.
3) Are people really that stupid/naive/clueless?
4) Danger Will Robinson!
5) Not again, please!

and then some -- I need more coffee...

but really are people that naive?  I find it scary -- its kind of like the time I was sick for two weeks, taking strong meds and watched way too much Jerry Springer et al -- and I started to think the whole world was like the Springer guests and audience for that matter...

promise me there are some intelligent and mature folks out there... I'm sure there are, right?


Everyday new people discover Bdsm, so Everyday new subs/Dom/mes get born, and stand up and are there & here to try to invent the wheel all over again.

That's just for starters.

So when you go back when you we're in the beginning days , did you knew everything by yaself? didnt you do stupid things, didn't you make mistakes simply because you're human??

People on here do the same thing, they want to hear other peoples opinions about what did they do/feel about something.
They often go around in their own circles because
they don't have many people around them who understand Bdsm,
so they ask stuff here on the forum, which is always a risk
because you make yourself vunerable.

Then there are a Nice bunch of Dom/mes who already heard/seen/know everything, and they are happy to burn  their asses off.

Because what is nicer to do then to burn down a sub or Domme
who doesn't know all the answers.

I've spoken to loads of subs in chat, and how many times I've heard that Dom/mes we're too lazy to train subs, nor we're they allowed to ask question, because they should shut up and do as told.

So if one never really gets trained fully
Or meet a so called "Dom/me" and they don't know
any better, then how on earth can they learn?

On a forum , which is there for everyone
and a safe way to ask questions, although safe?
Because for some people here every question which is asked before , or when its stupid/naieve, judged by them, it is a reason to burn them off.

Its so easy to judge people.

Its a bigger quality
to
live & let live

GoddezzT`

(I'm happy to learn everyday, and to teach what I know)


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(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: This happens to me a lot... (naive?) - 6/13/2008 1:57:22 AM   
bound2suffer4U


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/18/2007
Status: offline 		Very nicely said Goddess...as a sub i always try to be respectful to others both Dom and sub...and do my best to pass on any knowledge i have with my 28 years in the lifestyle.  i know that You are very helpful in the lifestyle and always willing to help others explore and learn.  i thank You for that and hope that others will do what they can to help those just starting out or with less experience then themselvs so that they can grow.

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: This happens to me a lot... (naive?) - 6/13/2008 2:03:36 AM   
GoddessTeaze


Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline
Thank you kindly bound2suffer4U.

That's what I mean, Im not as long in the lifestyle as you're,
but I take it seriously to try to teach people something
when they ask for help.

And there is always the option to not respond
to a thread, if it's not your cuppa T!

Cheers.

Warm Hugglz

GoddezzT`


_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to bound2suffer4U)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: This happens to me a lot... (naive?) - 6/13/2008 2:09:22 AM   
bound2suffer4U


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/18/2007
Status: offline 		It is truly my pleasure Goddess...and thank You again for all You do to improve this sight and the lifestyle. 

submissively Yours

bound2suffer4U

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: This happens to me a lot... (naive?) - 6/13/2008 3:00:16 AM   
blueskyboy


Posts: 56
Joined: 4/17/2008
Status: offline 		think people watch jerry springer because they can feel better about their own crappy life when they see others that are living even worse...

education doesn't make you a smart person... you should not emerge from a university knowing only the square root of 31 ...but with something else = EQ not IQ

a good university should help you develop two skills

1. the ability and desire to think for yourself:  question the things you have been told - live outside of dogma
2. not the answer to all questions but the ability to find the answers to the questions you encounter in your journey...and further, the ability to work through and solve the problems that you face

jerry finds people that have difficulty with both of these - and his viewers are thrilled that he found someone in a lower state

pretty sad...but some feel better if they know others are toothless and clueless and married to their sister and  living like roaches and that there is no escape from generations of cluelessness ...we are entertained by ugliness - these poor people bring their fight to a national audience while the studio audience chants JERRY, JERRY! 

in america - being on TV for anything is good...a celeb for any reason the goal
sad, deeply sad ...pitiful 

dare I say that few that learned the two skills above  - in some way, somewhere, would not appear in that forum...and jerry would have to run for president or hang out a shingle

(in reply to bound2suffer4U)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: This happens to me a lot... (naive?) - 6/13/2008 2:10:50 PM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blueskyboy
dare I say that few that learned the two skills above  - in some way, somewhere, would not appear in that forum...and jerry would have to run for president or hang out a shingle


Be careful what you ask for!  Remember that Jerry Springer was once the Mayor of Cincinnati, OH and contemplated quitting his show and running for the Govenorship of OH at one point as I recall.
 
 - pixel
 
 


_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to blueskyboy)
Profile   Post #: 38
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