RE: "Wannabe", "Badly trained" or just not "My" kind of sub

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RE: "Wannabe", "Badly trained" or j... - 6/12/2008 10:28:16 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

I feel the one sided fault scenario depicted is false and designed to suport an opinon already held and looking only to be supported. Writtrs bias is so plainly obvious.

Got to agree with Archer there. T'is written in such a way that the so-called master is villified as there is no justification for his actions the way the scenario is presented. None of those three labels could be applied to the sub using the scenario as written.

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This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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(in reply to Archer)

RE: "Wannabe", "Badly trained" or j... - 6/12/2008 1:16:41 PM

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From: St George Utah
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If I were sitting in a lobby and watching this scenerio play out I would be forced to question both parties.

The "Master" in this situation is being a child this is not to say that he is not a Good Master just in this situation he is being a Child.

The "sub" in this is situation has put herself in a position where she must lie in the bed she made. She was Honest with her Master and this is what has upset him. In doing her duty to him she has upset him which happens from time to time. When one seeks Transparency one is likely not going to always enjoy what one sees.

If the "Master" in question keeps acting like a child then the "sub" will really have no need nor reason to continue being committed to him. If the sub cannot find her voice and ask for a sidebar then she is likely to be treated this way untill she becomes the Marytr or changes her mind about what she was being honest about.

In Either situation the Time line of 4 years is a Joke. In 4 years the reactions of the "Master" would have been seen before and the "sub" would be used to this reaction. The question of Real or Wanna be would have been discovered LONG ago.

If I were to place Reality over the mask of this story I would say this is a case of Buyers Remorse on BOTH sides. "sub" connected with "Master" before she knew about this side of him and "Master" collared "sub" before he realized there were things that she did or didn't care for and now both are stuck unhappy and now it looks like one person is trying to find the answer to the Blame game. Who is to Blame.

The Answer? Both for not sitting down like ADULTS and figuring out how to solve this issue without resorting to Childishness.

Steel

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(in reply to RavenMuse)

RE: "Wannabe", "Badly trained" or j... - 6/12/2008 1:35:48 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Hey, guys, note - all communbication is online. This is an online relationship.

The first red flag was the "honesty" issue - the sub lied to her Master.

Second red flag is that the Master did not have a single session and then reconcile. Or, alternatively, walk away. Note that a punishment session could not be done RL!

Third red flag is that the sub then posted this "hypothetical" situation here.

Since none of this info came from the OP, are you saying that you're the Dom in question? If so, and if you sent snarky messages, then you're still immature.

Cali

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AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: "Wannabe", "Badly trained" or j... - 6/12/2008 1:38:56 PM

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The sub lied and the Dom got snarky over it. Could it be possible he's having a loss of faith in her? Now we have the sub whining and crying about his reaction to her deal breaking. He's being mean,wahhh. You get what you ask for-deal.

If you can't do the time,don't do the crime.

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I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to CalifChick)

RE: "Wannabe", "Badly trained" or j... - 6/12/2008 1:42:16 PM

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From: St George Utah
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Where is is said the the sub lied.

Re Read the Op it said (as a result of her honesty over another issue)

This reads because she was Honest about something he got upset.

If she had lied It would have read (As a result of her Dishonesty over another issue)

CONTEXT PEOPLE READ THE CONTEXT!!!

Leatherist that wasn't at you but in general it seems like lost of people are just hearing what they want to and not what was said.

Steel

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Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to Leatherist)

RE: "Wannabe", "Badly trained" or j... - 6/12/2008 1:48:04 PM

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I agree with you, Steel, but it's also worth pointing out that if the OP had just said, "This happened, this happened and then this happened, what do you all think?" it would have been a lot easier to follow. Writing a chapter out of a Hardy Boys book about BDSM Manor was guaranteed to make the whole thread more confusing.

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: "Wannabe", "Badly trained" or j... - 6/12/2008 2:00:40 PM

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From: St George Utah
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Great..... Spit and water all over the Office Keyboard.

"Hardy Boys book about BDSM Manor"

Still laughing.

Truth be told it looks like the age old question on advice.

Does Man want advice?

No he wants Justification, we wants someone else to say it is okay to do what they already know isn't the right thing to do.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: "Wannabe", "Badly trained" or j... - 6/12/2008 5:49:02 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Hey, guys, note - all communbication is online. This is an online relationship.

The first red flag was the "honesty" issue - the sub lied to her Master.

Second red flag is that the Master did not have a single session and then reconcile. Or, alternatively, walk away. Note that a punishment session could not be done RL!

Third red flag is that the sub then posted this "hypothetical" situation here.

Since none of this info came from the OP, are you saying that you're the Dom in question? If so, and if you sent snarky messages, then you're still immature.

Cali

Nope, Cali, I am not the Dom in question.

I gleaned that it was an online relationship from the fact that all communication was sms or email.

I'm not going to address the issue of my immaturity... :D

_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: "Wannabe", "Badly trained" or j... - 6/12/2008 7:37:59 PM

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From: California
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Ahh, okay. I didn't read where she lied to him, she said "honesty over an issue", which could mean blunt honesty or it could indeed mean dishonesty. I figured the only way you could come to those conclusions was if it was you.

The immaturity crack... well I still stand by it, but it doesn't apply to you now. Well wait, you're only a double triskele with 50 posts, yeah, that's darn immature.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: "Wannabe", "Badly trained" or j... - 6/13/2008 4:33:13 AM

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You are right Red, i should have been more factual.

I was trying to be respectful to those who remain nameless, and have the right to remain such if only one party seeks calrification and honesty and advice. Yes i was/am after advice. No i did not mean the scenario to be tilted to the sub. i was trying to be lighthearted should the persons involved recognise the thread and feel threatened by the reality of the content. i was approaching a sensative topic in a way that was a little distancing and obvioulsy not accepted here. I have learned (again) and will be more forthright should i decide to post again : )

sub had expressed that she could not (would not) engage in acknowledging her Dom in all aspects of her life because of previous public negative actions on his part that would cause her friends and family to disown her if she continued any type of relationship with her Dom. Some behaviours are not acceptable here or otherwise and whilst i chose not to disclose them, i hope that thiose reading will accept the concept that is implied.

sub does not mean to denigrate or otherwise mean to dishonour the Dom in question. Rather she seeks to understand if she is indeed a "fake" a "wannabe" or a "twit" and has no right, rhyme or reason to consider that her understanding of being a sub is valued or verified. she thinks and wants a valued 24/7 relationship behind closed doors that can be expressed in general public as a loving partnership. Dom wants children and a public realtionship. sub cant give either, expressed as such and encouraged Dom to find a lady who can give Him what she cant. Dom is not happy. Threatens sub with "outing" her through photos that just happened to be uploaded by a hacker from his server....

Dom is a good man. HE has much to offer. When He loves He loves. When e angers, He is angry.

Sub now has no where to go.

No kink friends to seek solace from

Just sits and waits in fear of the fall out., sub has a very public position that she will lose ...and no other emplyment options

So why explain now?

Because the statement by Dom has been made. He has indicated the wheels are in paly and nothing to stop them...henc nothing to stop an explanation here.

So for those of you thinking she is scatty insecure and weak...please PM me becasue i am scaredof losing what i have and need as many different views of thins as i can get so that i dont sink in the mind games.

airing dirty laundry... no... i just have no other avenue of asking for open and honest response

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(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: "Wannabe", "Badly trained" or j... - 6/13/2008 4:44:44 AM

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Childishness i agree - how does one respond to core fears? from the recollection of fear as fear is precieved in its very infancy...regardless of age....."hoping for understanding here..."

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: "Wannabe", "Badly trained" or j... - 6/13/2008 3:12:09 PM

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From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkeangelique

I was trying to be respectful to those who remain nameless, and have the right to remain such if only one party seeks calrification and honesty and advice. Yes i was/am after advice. No i did not mean the scenario to be tilted to the sub. i was trying to be lighthearted should the persons involved recognise the thread and feel threatened by the reality of the content. i was approaching a sensative topic in a way that was a little distancing and obvioulsy not accepted here. I have learned (again) and will be more forthright should i decide to post again : )

sub had expressed that she could not (would not) engage in acknowledging her Dom in all aspects of her life because of previous public negative actions on his part that would cause her friends and family to disown her if she continued any type of relationship with her Dom. Some behaviours are not acceptable here or otherwise and whilst i chose not to disclose them, i hope that thiose reading will accept the concept that is implied.

sub does not mean to denigrate or otherwise mean to dishonour the Dom in question. Rather she seeks to understand if she is indeed a "fake" a "wannabe" or a "twit" and has no right, rhyme or reason to consider that her understanding of being a sub is valued or verified. she thinks and wants a valued 24/7 relationship behind closed doors that can be expressed in general public as a loving partnership.

It's probably me but I'm finding this thread more difficult to follow as more information is given. I'm not even sure if you're the actual sub talking in 3rd person so my apologies if you've said as much as my "difficulty" has meant I haven't read everything you've posted. But a few points nonetheless....

quote:

Dom wants children and a public realtionship. sub cant give either, expressed as such and encouraged Dom to find a lady who can give Him what she cant. Dom is not happy. Threatens sub with "outing" her through photos that just happened to be uploaded by a hacker from his server....

Now this is immaturity at its ugliest and most malicious! In fact, assuming it's true, it's testament that this arse should never breed or, failing that, should not be involved in how the kid is raised.

And speaking of corny soap opera sub plots (unintentional pun, btw), a "hacker" just happened to upload personal/intimate photos at just the time this "dom" is threatening leverage, indeed, *blackmail*??? Yikes, that's actually inconveniently cornier than when the engine never starts everytime a car is needed most...! Or the rescued maiden sprains her ankle while being chased.... *groan*

quote:

Dom is a good man. HE has much to offer. When He loves He loves. When e angers, He is angry.

And yet you keep offering evidence as to why he orta be institutionalised....! Or she should for defending this abusive crap!

quote:

Sub now has no where to go.

No kink friends to seek solace from

Doesn't she have you? Small wonder I keep defaulting to thinking you're the sub concerned....

quote:

So for those of you thinking she is scatty insecure and weak...please PM me becasue i am scaredof losing what i have and need as many different views of thins as i can get so that i dont sink in the mind games.

First "she", then "I".... *sigh*

I don't think she's weak at all. This sounds like textbook abused spouse rationale. They're the first to say "they have no options", "have nowhere to go", "there's no way out" etc.... IE, they contribute to their own misery by enabling! And that's the first step out - to refuse to be a victim, or his victim anymore.

I can only help by saying she (or you) needs to be out of his life more than any "outing" can ever harm you!

Focus.

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(in reply to darkeangelique)

RE: "Wannabe", "Badly trained" or j... - 6/15/2008 6:09:18 AM

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Well, he did it. Created a false adult profile that gave enough information to locate/identify her without her permission...oopps me not her...dont need to hide now, no point. It was distasteful and hurtful. So now i sit and wait. he had threatened more on msn....so take each day at a time, and wonder when i will stop being afraid

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RE: "Wannabe", "Badly trained" or j... - 6/15/2008 8:16:22 AM

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Good grief.

You have nothing to fear but fear itself. Take away the fear and the power of blackmail goes away. There are always other options. Always. Finding the courage to look for them and recognize them when you see them is the key. Cowering before a thought or another person threatening you only gives them power that they only have if you allow it.

And considering someone you are afraid of, is threatening you, and you've given malicious power over you to be a "good person" is an illusion on your part. Knights in Shining Armor don't drag damsels thru the mud, if that is indeed the case.

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and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
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(in reply to darkeangelique)

RE: "Wannabe", "Badly trained" or j... - 6/15/2008 10:29:21 AM

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describe the sub in this scenario:

Since at the end of the scenario, the sub decides to make an early night of it on her own and calm down, I'd describe the sub as fairly smart.

The Dom I would describe as either temperamental and unstable or as a Dom who enjoys sadistic mind fucks.

If the sub does NOT enjoy a little sadistic mind fuck, the fairly smart sub will know what to do about the temperamental or vicious Dom.

TexasMaam

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(in reply to darkeangelique)

RE: "Wannabe", "Badly trained" or j... - 6/15/2008 4:58:51 PM

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I guess the dom does not mind being outted himself as the only way he can make it stick is to acknowledge she was his submissive and was doing what he wanted until he asked her to do something she could not do. As for family or job, relocate and another job will occur. Your family already hates him so they are not going to believe a word he says. There are too many photo programs out there to retouch or change photos for any pictures to be believable without the photographer's personal info being provided. Even then still might be questionable.

(in reply to TexasMaam)

RE: "Wannabe", "Badly trained" or j... - 6/15/2008 6:14:56 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkeangelique

I know there has been, and will continue to be, lively discussion about "labels" within the forum. So, with respect, i ask that, for convenience, common labels are used just a point of general comparison without debating their validity.

So my question is: How would you describe the "sub" in the following scenario: "wannabe", "badly trained" or "just not my kind"

There has been some tension in BDSM Manor between the Master and his sub. Over a number of days he has been deliberately spiteful in his requests of the sub (as the result of her honesty with Him over another issue). One morning, in a particularly cranky mood, Master sends an insulting and hurtful sms to sub, then another sms directly after telling her not to respnd to Him. Throughout the day His emails are curt and short and sub found them quite threatening, as she knows Master has a temper. Sub expressed these feelings of hurt and distress to Master who tells her that she is not a "real 24/7 sub" . sub then expresses her opinion that she doesnt think a D/s relationhip is about a sub having to take deep insults on the chin just because Master is in a bad mood. Fear turns to anger over the course of the evening and sub thinks it best to have an early night on her own and calm down.

Disclaimer: All characters depicted in this story are fictitious and any likeness to any one, living or dead, is purely coincidence

Thanx in advance

Darke

Two things are infinite : the universe and human stupidity; I’m not sure about the universe.

Here's the short version of my answer:

The 'Master' is anything but...in fact, the word f**ktard springs to mind.

pinksugarsub

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RE: "Wannabe", "Badly trained" or j... - 6/15/2008 6:29:02 PM

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Agrees with Archer. There are always two sides to every story. We heard one side, and it is a side that is implying that the master is at fault.

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RE: "Wannabe", "Badly trained" or j... - 6/17/2008 9:54:12 AM

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Angelique, of course there is an option. It's called a civil suit for damages. Go see your lawyer. Tell him you had a brief affair with this dude, that he is now demanding you tell everyone that you're his slave so you lose your job and have to live with him, or else he'll post photos he took of you privately without your knowledge and send them to your family and employers.

He goes to jail for blackmail, you get every dime he has minus the one third your lawyer gets. Of course, once faced with legal actions including criminal charges for blackmail, he will back down. Bring print outs of emails and chat logs where he threatens you to the lawyer.

Now your marriage may or may not survive. But it's obviously not that healthy to begin with or you wouldn't have had the affair. Find a marriage counselor, go by yourself to show that you are recommitted to fixing all problems. If your work for some heavily Christian organization, you may well be in violation of their morality code, in that case start looking for a new job now.

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(in reply to MissMagnolia)

RE: "Wannabe", "Badly trained" or j... - 6/17/2008 11:40:16 PM

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Well, I'd beat her just because it's overdue.

Not 'cause she's done anything wrong. Just for the fun of it.

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(in reply to Leatherist)

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