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"The One" Fact or Fiction - 2/27/2004 12:33:32 PM

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Although i have only been involved in this “lifestyle” for about 5 years, since the beginning i have heard talk about the infamous search for “The One”. Ok let’s think about this here for a minute. “The One”. What exactly is considered “The One”? Our soul mate? That ever elusive perfect partner? That certain someone that we match so completely with that everything else in the world seems trivial? Really, i want to know. Because needless to say, i have yet to find “The One”. And to be quite honest with you, i don’t think he exists. Over time i have watched as what seemed to be perfectly matched “One” couples, in this lifestyle, split apart. i have submissive/slave friends, obedient, devoted, the epitome of servitude, that are alone. So someone tell me . . . . . .is this quest to find the ever mysterious “One” valid? Or is it simply a myth, fantasy or dream we tell ourselves to feel better?

RE: "The One" Fact or Fiction - 2/27/2004 12:56:21 PM

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I don't really believe in *the one* either. But, not because I haven't found someone who is my everything. It is because even if/when you find someone who is *perfect* for you, the relationship will still be one between humans. And even with your *soul mate* there will be everyday issues and problems. ALL relationships need work.

Sandy

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RE: "The One" Fact or Fiction - 2/27/2004 1:41:04 PM

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I believe we're all "soulmates" in one way or another as we all have something to learn from the other, even the ones who are "bad."

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RE: "The One" Fact or Fiction - 2/27/2004 2:30:26 PM

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I believe the one does exist. However my one is not perfect. But neither am I.

We are compatible and we love each other enough thus far to work through any obstacle that may come our way.

Not to say that could'nt change in a heartbeat.

I guess I would say we have more likes together than we have dislikes. I like the way he looks and he likes the way I look. So..to me it all comes down to loving someone.

I guess it is ludicrous to actively search for "the one" It would be better to just search for someone you can fall in love with.

Gloria

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RE: "The One" Fact or Fiction - 2/27/2004 3:21:38 PM

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For some people, I'm sure "The One" exists, whatever it is that that phrase means to them.

Personally, I'm not interested in finding "the one" anything. I've pretty much decided that there are way too many things that I enjoy to expect one individual to be able to satisfy them all. It would be unreasonable to expect a single person to have ALL the same kinks that I do, and none that I don't, and to be extremely skilled in all the things that I enjoy.

For me, "the one" is a collection of talented friends and acquaintances, who cumulatively are able to help me meet all my needs and wants. Bi, poly, switch - I'm an equal opportunity pervert. That works well for me, and I love the variety of it. Hey, I'm greedy :)

-- Sherri

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Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

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RE: "The One" Fact or Fiction - 2/27/2004 5:13:02 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ZenMaster

I believe we're all "soulmates" in one way or another as we all have something to learn from the other, even the ones who are "bad."

i guess it all comes down to what your idea of the definition of "soulmate" is. i'm sorry, but i would have to disagree with you Sir. i agree that we learn something from everyone that comes into our lives. Be it good or bad. But to say we are all "soulmates", makes the word about as significant as the word human, in the statement "we are all human". i believe a "soulmate" is that one person i connect with spiritually, mentally and physically. And needless to say, i do not connect with everyone in that way.

feline

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RE: "The One" Fact or Fiction - 2/28/2004 12:23:10 AM

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Basic human nature and ambition drives the thought that there is 'one'...
Basic human instinct is to take the 'one' and 'change as needed'...

Most people do not realize the subtle daily changes in their thoughts of the 'one'.

Most are impacted by the last relationship, as well as daily events and realizations today.

If your physical stature was a size 6, and your attire fit perfectly, would the attire be perfect, or your physical stature? If you expand or contract, the formerly perfect size 6 attire is no longer perfect.

I believe these and many other variables are at play, many we are not immediately cognizant of. Unfortunately as in my example, size 6 attire is a constant, and the variables exist on both sides of human interaction.

It may in fact be more politically correct to refer to 'the one' as 'closest to the one presently'.

Human nature and instinct preclude a perfect mix of variables that will produce a perfect 'one' or a perfect 'O/one' derived from both human participants... the odds are not in favor, and the window of 'perfect opportunity' varies and is not itself a constant.

Inyouagain

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RE: "The One" Fact or Fiction - 2/28/2004 6:04:52 AM

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In an ideal world people grow and change. Often our growth is a result of exposure to new things; ideas, sensations, experiences.

One hundred years ago our worlds were much smaller than they are now. No phones, very rudimentary motor vehicles, no planes, no TV. It was not uncommon for people to never venture further than a 50 mile radius of where they were born for their entire lives.

The exposure to new things was limited much more so than it is today.

I am of a mind that the expectation that two people, who are ideally suited at one time, can come together and be able to always assure that their growth will always be compatible is an unreasonable expectation in this day and age. I do not mean that it's impossible, I mean it's an unreasonable expectation. There is just too many ways that we can be stimulated, exposed and grow to think that two people will ALWAYS be compatible.

Rather than looking for 'the one for my lifetime' I have come to the conclusion that it's possible to meet 'the one for now.' This does not mean that I'm looking for the NEXT one, it means that I believe any time people CAN come together well that it should just be enjoyed for the time that it does work without expectation of ALWAYS being 'the one.' That's a lot to put on something...'the one.'

Besides, as I have suggested in another thread, people who come together well then grow and change, and can realize that the relationship has changed and allow the relationship to become something else, are the people who are able to touch each other for a long time. It is the people who are looking for a particular type of relationship that generally can't deal with change. Usually these are the people who part company poorly.

If your ideal includes room for change then I suppose it would be much more possible to find 'the one,' and kudos to anyone who can make THIS kind of relationship that turns into THAT kind of relationship work. I for one have walked away from the notion that there is ever going to be one other person who will always complement me. Now I just focus on treasuring the times when I manage to touch someone and being greatful if it can become something that is always dear. Everything else takes care of itself.

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“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

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RE: "The One" Fact or Fiction - 2/28/2004 7:01:45 AM

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I believe when you assume someone is your "soulmate," you then project your desires/wishes for a soulmate onto that person. After that point, the person will either live up to or not live up to that projection. In the process, you've created a soulmate and sometimes this can cause a problem because you don't allow for the opportunity to learn who that person really is. You fall in love with a projection, in this case "soulmate," and not the real person. Make sense?

As for others being soulmates, of course they're human as everyone who is reading this is human (at least I hope). We can learn a lot from our fellow humans and those lessons could impact our lives in a way which could contribute to our own personal growth. To me, that's a lot more valuable than falling in love with a projection of what we wish someone to be.

quote:

ORIGINAL: feline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ZenMaster

I believe we're all "soulmates" in one way or another as we all have something to learn from the other, even the ones who are "bad."

i guess it all comes down to what your idea of the definition of "soulmate" is. i'm sorry, but i would have to disagree with you Sir. i agree that we learn something from everyone that comes into our lives. Be it good or bad. But to say we are all "soulmates", makes the word about as significant as the word human, in the statement "we are all human". i believe a "soulmate" is that one person i connect with spiritually, mentally and physically. And needless to say, i do not connect with everyone in that way.

feline

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RE: "The One" Fact or Fiction - 2/28/2004 12:06:55 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz

quote:

Besides, as I have suggested in another thread, people who come together well then grow and change, and can realize that the relationship has changed and allow the relationship to become something else, are the people who are able to touch each other for a long time. It is the people who are looking for a particular type of relationship that generally can't deal with change. Usually these are the people who part company poorly.

Oh i couldn't agree with you more on this point Ma'am.

feline

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RE: "The One" Fact or Fiction - 2/28/2004 4:10:15 PM

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There is no such thing as "The One". There are no soulmates. How many profiles have you read where a sub/slave claims to have found their "One" and 2 weeks later they are again looking for their "One"?
And what if your soulmate lives in Togo? You are screwed!
I think too many looking for a soulmate find someone they are crazy about, and then when they discover that there are some differences with their soulmate, they bail out of the relationship. They obviously weren't my soulmate they think, so they will keep on searching. It is an unrealistic view of relationships in my opinion.
Every relationship takes work. Every relationship takes compromise. And when it works, though it may not be soulmates, it is still pretty damn good. But to be always looking for that "One" or soulmate, you miss out on some pretty good people in the process.

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RE: "The One" Fact or Fiction - 2/28/2004 4:19:31 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

There is no such thing as "The One". There are no soulmates. How many profiles have you read where a sub/slave claims to have found their "One" and 2 weeks later they are again looking for their "One"?

Some people are simply in love, with being in love perhaps.

Stephan

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"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

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RE: "The One" Fact or Fiction - 2/28/2004 6:27:11 PM

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Relationships very seldom just happen - they are built. Two people find they have enough in common for a beginning and they start building. It happens over time and it's a give and take thing and you begin to feel the love grow and realize that what you originally thought was the deepest most sincere love, in no way compares to the love that has grow for the other person. As the love continues to grow you eventually find that you can't give enough of yourself, and then one day you realize that the other persons happiness and welfare is more important than anything else and you want to give them the rest of your life. That's when you realize that you have found "The One."

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RE: "The One" Fact or Fiction - 2/28/2004 7:09:40 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: philurdesires

Relationships very seldom just happen - they are built. Two people find they have enough in common for a beginning and they start building. It happens over time and it's a give and take thing and you begin to feel the love grow and realize that what you originally thought was the deepest most sincere love, in no way compares to the love that has grow for the other person. As the love continues to grow you eventually find that you can't give enough of yourself, and then one day you realize that the other persons happiness and welfare is more important than anything else and you want to give them the rest of your life. That's when you realize that you have found "The One."

As much as I absolutely loathe "yeah what they said " posts. I have to say this was simply & eloquently stated.

Wolf and I have grown together for nearly 16 years now. We have endured things that have made other couples we know divide and hurt each other mercilessly.

Sadly, our society has become too ingrained with the desire for instant gratification, and not many are willing to put forth the time and effort to attain that level.

< Message edited by Wolfspet -- 2/28/2004 7:10:07 PM >

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RE: "The One" Fact or Fiction - 3/2/2004 5:12:08 PM

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The "ONE" for me must exist or I will die unfulfilled. I know the universe could not care less about the fate of one guy, but if I believe otherwise I would not be here, would I?

It is kinda like I will live forever or die trying.

I was married to Miss Wrong. Now I want Mistress Right!

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When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

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RE: "The One" Fact or Fiction - 3/10/2004 2:35:59 AM

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The "One" does exist in your head and your heart only you can deem fit. And when you meet Him/her as long as you are totaly honest to bluntness,trusting ,loving,respectful of that person, and have morals you will keep that person around 90% of the time. because if you finally do meet that person and you do those things you will never know if "they" were your "one" because you will loose them...sorry its my own opinion and am still allowed that for today...justasiam

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RE: "The One" Fact or Fiction - 3/10/2004 2:43:54 PM

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You are entitled to your opinion justasiam, but please explain what that opinion is. It looks as if you are disagreeing with your own opinion in your posting.

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RE: "The One" Fact or Fiction - 3/21/2004 2:54:00 PM

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FWIW: Another view. Every one is correct. Soul mate; what an over used 70’s word which the meaning of has been reduced. Yes we do all learn from each other but that does not make us soul mates. Yes there are soul mates because we have all been in deeply intimate relationships with them before and most likely will be again, however what most are referring to when they say soul mate or the one is your soul flame. This is far deeper and much more intimate than any other relationship you have because it is your soul’s reflection, it is indeed an amalgam, a compilation of you from many different levels, but still not entirely you.
And the best part of all this “stuff” is those who do not believe in soul mates are correct too. Because they will not find any, they are not ready for that.
So once again, as is proven every minuet of every day, the world is perfect, in total balance and it is only we who need to find our own balance. Enjoy your wonder-filled day

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RE: "The One" Fact or Fiction - 3/24/2004 12:22:42 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: feline

Although i have only been involved in this “lifestyle” for about 5 years, since the beginning i have heard talk about the infamous search for “The One”. Ok let’s think about this here for a minute. “The One”. What exactly is considered “The One”? Our soul mate? That ever elusive perfect partner? That certain someone that we match so completely with that everything else in the world seems trivial? Really, i want to know. Because needless to say, i have yet to find “The One”. And to be quite honest with you, i don’t think he exists. Over time i have watched as what seemed to be perfectly matched “One” couples, in this lifestyle, split apart. i have submissive/slave friends, obedient, devoted, the epitome of servitude, that are alone. So someone tell me . . . . . .is this quest to find the ever mysterious “One” valid? Or is it simply a myth, fantasy or dream we tell ourselves to feel better?

I myself think I have found the "one". We were not into bdsm when we met but have been together for almost 20 yrs and in the lifestyle for 3 yrs. I think what is considered the ONE is when two people can live together and not put boundaries on each other. To let each one grow in thier own way but manage to grow together. We don't need to have the same interests although it does help. For example my Master loves three wheelers and I love horses. Sometimes we do our "thing" together and sometimes we don't.

When you can let someone be the person you fell in love with and except the changes that are bound to be made then you have found the "ONE" but I also think you don't know that right away. I think that takes awhile. Although you might fall in love at first sight I don't think you can honestly say this person is the "one" untill much later.

This is just my opinion and my experience in finding the "ONE". And I truly think it can be done. Good luck in your search.

(in reply to feline)

RE: "The One" Fact or Fiction - 3/24/2004 6:04:38 PM

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it's an endless question, an endless search. personally, i think "I'm the One for me!" somewhere once i heard that to find the person You want, BECOME the person You want to be. it gives me lots to work on, alright.
lots and lots.
be well

"I'm the one that i want....." Margaret Cho says it best.
love to you,
bijou

(in reply to pleasingsub)

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