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New Domme dilemma - 2/27/2004 1:49:25 PM

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I have been contacted by a Domme who wants to begin seeing me, apparently for bdsm and vanilla. She has emailed me asking for cash to pay for Her to send me some unrequested photos by mail. The money is not a huge amount but how do I know its not a scam? Is this usual? She says it is a test to see how serious I am. Can anyone offer some advice on what to do? I don't think I get too long to deliberate!

RE: New Domme dilemma - 2/27/2004 2:06:24 PM

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I would'nt give her any money. She wants to see you. Knows little to nothing about you and one of the first things she requests is money?

This is'nt like someone you know. How does she know it would'nt be a hardship to you? Does she care? How many others is she trying the same scam on?

Well as you can see this is getting to me. So I won't elaborate. You did'nt do anything wrong.

I would'nt give her a dime if it were me. There will be many Fem Doms who will want you without you having to pay for them.

Gloria

(in reply to myrmidon)

RE: New Domme dilemma - 2/27/2004 5:40:14 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: myrmidon

I have been contacted by a Domme who wants to begin seeing me, apparently for bdsm and vanilla. She has emailed me asking for cash to pay for Her to send me some unrequested photos by mail. The money is not a huge amount but how do I know its not a scam? Is this usual? She says it is a test to see how serious I am. Can anyone offer some advice on what to do? I don't think I get too long to deliberate!

There are a few people out there who require a small tribute as a show of good faith (it harkens back to the pre-internet days when often the only way to correspond with a domina was snail-mail). My experience is that anyone who approaches you for money (as opposed to you approaching her and offering to make a token of good faith) is, in my opinion, suspect.

If she can send you hardcopy (for a price) she can send you electronic copies for free.

Unless sending this is something you can do simply because sending feels good to you, my advice would be to move on.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to myrmidon)

RE: New Domme dilemma - 2/27/2004 6:05:54 PM

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Thanks to you both. To be fair, I contacted Her first, she asked for the cash , as You say, as an act of faith. It crossed my mind that She may want a record of my home address for Her own safety, also.

(in reply to MizSuz)

RE: New Domme dilemma - 2/27/2004 6:43:10 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: myrmidon

Thanks to you both. To be fair, I contacted Her first, she asked for the cash , as You say, as an act of faith. It crossed my mind that She may want a record of my home address for Her own safety, also.

That's a reasonable assumption.

It boils down to whether or not you WANT to give. Can you give and enjoy it just for the giving (regardless of the end result)? If so, then go for it. If not, then it's not a good match.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to myrmidon)

RE: New Domme dilemma - 2/27/2004 9:42:14 PM

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Well....
Sounds as if she is looking for a husband. Few professional Dommes will engage in sex/vanilla with their clients as that would be prostitution...we are NOT prostitutes. Good faith tributes are great for securing compensation for time and attention...keeps those who would wank away on free fantasy material at bay...but again...that would be a professional, ergo no vanilla. Could be this person is just confused. Could be this person is baiting you with the possibility of sexual intercourse....could be a male in the guise of a Domme, wanting to get your money.

IF you do not seek a professional, then do not patronize the Domme who contaced you. If you DO seek a professional, then remember that there will be NOTHING that comes to you without negotiation..no free photos...no nothing.....there will very defined steps before you ever get to sessions...very cautious...very professional...extremely safe.

Lady Mercy

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(in reply to MizSuz)

RE: New Domme dilemma - 2/28/2004 3:24:12 PM

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Out of fairness, I've known of a few Professional Dommes who have, later, dated the men they saw professionally previously. This isn't to confuse prositution with her lifestyle choices - and this is NOT to suggest every Pro will sleep with a client if he's nice enough. I put it on par with a woman who used to cut my hair, and after a few months, I ask started dating her. I saw her outside of the salon - and she still cut my hair - but I no longer paid for the service, anymore then she paid me to repair her computer. Sex had nothing to do with her hair cutting, or my computer repairs.

As to the matter at hand, Suz hit the nail on the head. You didn't state that you were initiating contact with the woman seeking her services as a professional, or as a personal relationship i.e. is she a Dominatrix looking for clients, or is she a dominant female seeking a personal slave. If she's looking for a client, then she sets the rules - hands down. If you don't want to pay for her? Don't! I would suggest if she is in search of a 'lifestyle' partner of sorts, then requesting money is utterly inappropriate. If a woman said in order to date her, I had to give her 50$ up front in cash, to make sure I was sincere, I'd laugh at her and tell her to find a pimp, and move on without a second thought.

Stephan

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(in reply to LadyMErcy)

RE: New Domme dilemma - 2/28/2004 4:44:56 PM

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hmm, well at least she offered to send you some pictures. I don't offer that much because I have pictures of myself online. If you feel comfortable sending the money then do so. I have begun recently to ask for a small tribute (I never specified an amount) to weed out the worthless pieces of s*** that waste my time.

(in reply to myrmidon)

RE: New Domme dilemma - 2/28/2004 7:12:57 PM

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Black Goddess,

Are you a pro?

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RE: New Domme dilemma - 3/2/2004 9:53:55 AM

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My thanks to all of Y/you for these comments.

(in reply to BlackGoddess)

RE: New Domme dilemma - 3/4/2004 8:11:39 AM

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myrmidon
I will assume by your words that there has been
sum communication by the two of you to get to
the point that you are to meet for both BDSM
sessions and a vanilla relationship. Did you
originally contact Her or She you? If you are
a sub which again I am assuming because slaves
are not part timmers in the Lifestyle,giving tributory
control of your finance to a Domme is a kink and if
you do not as a sub agree with it, then I would say to
instead of sending any money for sumthing you
have no desire to aquire, send a snail mail note
stateing what you desire with a small token present
stateing what you actually desire of the relationship.
I see a Domme expecting slave actions out of a sub
this should not be happening in My Opinion and if She
contacted you in the beginning and has pushed you in
a way that has not been asked for from you as a sub
this is called a Preditor action. Of course if you asked
for this it is then a totally different manner, so I would
say more information is needed to answer properly
this request any further.

(in reply to myrmidon)

RE: New Domme dilemma - 3/17/2004 9:15:11 PM

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You tell her to kiss your happy ass...a Dominant must be first and foremost in control of herself/himself. She needs cash for pictures? Gimme a break...and keep your money.

Opinions posted are humbly my own....grins.

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(in reply to myrmidon)

Live web cam - 3/18/2004 10:10:39 PM

GoddessDarkAngel

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have you seen Her in person, have you talked with Her on the phone is She asking for a tribute just to send you pictures? in response to Her wanting a tribute I require the same thing however there is no question to the fact that I am who I say I am.. Ask her to get on cam or talk to you on the phone explain that you just want make sure that you sending money to heather not herman.
Goddess Dark Angel

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(in reply to MistressKiss)

RE: New Domme dilemma - 3/19/2004 7:02:33 AM

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From: Seattle, WA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: myrmidon

Thanks to you both. To be fair, I contacted Her first, she asked for the cash , as You say, as an act of faith. It crossed my mind that She may want a record of my home address for Her own safety, also.

The best aproach would be to ask her why the need for the money. If she gets all defensive, it should set off some sirens. If she explains it to you in a thoughtful and respectful manner, and you feel comfortable in doing so, send her the money.

But trust that inner voice within you. It's there for a reason.

(in reply to myrmidon)

RE: New Domme dilemma - 3/25/2004 9:25:38 AM

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No, I don't consider myself Pro.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: New Domme dilemma - 3/29/2004 6:31:21 PM

abd

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dont tell me she ask money for pics ....asking for money at this early begining its obvious...keep ur money at least she would have waited some more time to show real attitude.....dont waste ur time ...even financial submission doesnt start like this...anywho defence this opinion trust me they r from the same kind ....players to get money only not lifesylers....this is my opinion and view point no mean for any insult to anyone

(in reply to BlackGoddess)

RE: New Domme dilemma - 3/29/2004 8:36:45 PM

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What?

(in reply to abd)

RE: New Domme dilemma - 4/3/2004 6:34:12 PM

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I think you're being scammed.
I'm a pro and a lifestyler, I wouldn't dream of blurring the lines.

(in reply to Estring)

RE: New Domme dilemma - 4/4/2004 12:54:20 AM

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From: Sacramento, California
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Yanno, money isn't going to prove a thing besides the fact you spent money.

That's ALL it will prove.

It will NOT prove you are serious, that you are genuine, that you are submissive, or ANYthing.

I'd say watch your back. As far as I am concerned, any decent dominant knows that the ONLY way you can prove ANYthing about yourself is with your conduct and behavior over a substansial period of time.

If she isn't willing to get to know you first - then to me that would be suspect. And btw, that's a dumb test, IMO. The only test that is doing is testing to see if she can get cash outta you, as far as I'm concerned, anyway.

I'd advise you to not pay a single cent. And if she will have nothing more to do with you - then good - you are better off for it, I'd say.

~ShadeDiva

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~ShadeDiva
My projects of love:
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(in reply to SternMistress)

RE: New Domme dilemma - 4/9/2004 10:31:20 AM

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I would pass on that one without even giving it a thought. She is scamming you. How do you know the pictures she sends are even of her. If you are looking for a sincere BDSM relationship this one is not it. If you want to fork over money to be dommed go to a pro. At least then in most cases you will be getting something for your bucks. If something seems to good to be true it usually is.

This is a big piece of cheese in the middle of a mouse trap.

(in reply to ShadeDiva)

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