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RE: 18 year olds.... - 6/19/2008 5:16:07 PM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz
Also, I'd keep a distance from the older guys who "Want to mentor you/show you the ropes."  Nothing really wrong with "mentoring"... but you do run into those mouthbreathers who just want to prey on all the new girls.


OP - this kind of sentiment is why most older folks are not interested in you. You may be a wonderful young person who has her shit together and has her head on straight but it's just not worth the hassle of being branded a mouth breather.

(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: 18 year olds.... - 6/19/2008 5:19:35 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		;)

There's quite a difference in being a genuinely helpful person, and being a gropey, possessive, uncouth "mentor".


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(in reply to Evility)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: 18 year olds.... - 6/19/2008 5:19:56 PM   
KCherry


Posts: 2264
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: Send Help, Fla.
Status: offline 		This really depends on the person in question, some 18 year olds are mature and well adjusted others are not....Some 90 year olds are mature and well adjusted, others are not. My best advice on this is anyone who would make an assumption that you are immature without any other indicator besides age is just someone to be ignored.

My


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(in reply to Evility)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: 18 year olds.... - 6/19/2008 5:31:31 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yngbutnot2yng

Do you honestly belive that someone of such a young age can be serious about a lifestyle such as this. I am not being indecisive i would just like to know your opinion of it all. I've been interested in the lifestyle for a long time *or as long as 18 years can permit me* but i am still greeted with comments about people saying that i dont know what im talking about.

The way i see it. I could be more experienced than a 40 year old but since i am as young as i am it just seems like its a turn off for some.



The way I see it, the only thing a person at 18 cannot have is experience.  Not so much D/s experience but general life experience.  I'd look askance at anyone at such a young age proposing to be either Master or slave with the commitments and responsibilities that such a thing implies.  But to be, in some measure, Dom or sub?  sure... why not?  In the end, one only needs the amount of responsibility required to match the authority being requested.

In terms of "being serious about the lifestyle".... pffffft.  What the hell does that mean?  I don't recall anyone ever asking me whether I was serious about being male, or serious about being straight.  How is "serious about being dom or sub" any different?  You are serious if you are... at any age.  Fools use "years of experience" as some sort of indicator of both seriousness and competence.  Neither holds up to close scrutiny.

I'm sure this answer is going to aggravate some of the "old guard", "descended from the 12 circle of whatever" crowd, but so be it.

~not a serious dom

(in reply to yngbutnot2yng)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: 18 year olds.... - 6/19/2008 5:37:08 PM   
hopelessfool


Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Ten years ago you were probably obsessed with power rangers, five years ago you might have been gaga over Justin Timberlake.

Were your feelings on these subjects powerful and true at the time? Certainly. Does that mean you are still just as powerfully obsessed or into these subjects now? Certainly not.

People aren't going to believe you can commit for long term, because you have never committed yourself willingly to anything for long term. Stuff your parents make you do doesn't count.

The other thing here is the fact that if you are living at home, being supported by your parents, then they get to make the rules. You don't if you want to top, and no top can if you want to bottom. Is it any wonder people pass you by when you may be interested but not available or aware of what is required? Not from where I stand. And if you say that you take your parents money and then lie to them about what you do and with whom, that just proves my point that you aren't trustworthy for anything long term.


Or you could live with your parent in only the sense that the person you pay rent to happens to be related to you.

My mother and I have a very odd but working relationship. She doesnt try to control my life, I dont force it down her throat that she as a woman never can. She knows What I do Who I do it with and kindly leaves the situation as to allow me to have my own life.

Personally the one unwavering thing in my entire 19 years of existance is that tingly feeling I get in my stomach when Im pleasing a person whos approval I seek, wither it was my father, or my partner, my teacher, my friend. I always get the same reaction to pleasing someone. Its not going to take me another 50 years to realize Im submissive, and that I enjoy and have a great want and desire to please someone. It was in me when I was 5 and It will remain in me when I'm 45. Even in a totally "vanilla" relationship the situation was the same I will always be the submissive partner.


_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: 18 year olds.... - 6/19/2008 6:02:03 PM   
slaveluvs2btied


Posts: 9
Joined: 2/17/2008
Status: offline 		It doenst matter how old you are.... you could be 40 and be  a newbie to the scene or you could be 18 and a newbie to the scene....

(in reply to MrRandallspe)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: 18 year olds.... - 6/19/2008 6:37:29 PM   
XxSpiderxX


Posts: 12
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		My sub is 18 and while she doesnt have all the terms and kinks memorized and down, she has a submissive and servile heart and mindset, which is all I require.
I'm 23 and have been laughed at by people of all ages when I claim to be a moderately experienced Dom with a love and proficency in shibari. I have a knowledge of emotional connection which I see many value.
I think you should always ignore personal attacks, laugh them off or humiliate those who "hurt your feelings", depending on what kind of "soul" you have. Their are "old souls" who know innately, and "young souls" who have yet to learn. Decide who you are and stick to your guns.
Hope that helps.


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-Master Spider


"Expect my visit when darkness falls, the night, I think, is best for hiding all"

(in reply to MrRandallspe)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: 18 year olds.... - 6/19/2008 6:39:53 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I have known some young people who had their heads screwed on straight and some 40 year olds who stupid fucking princesses who haven't grown since they were teens.

That said, I also don't know many 20 somethings who don't look back at their teens and laugh, fewer 30 somethings, and no 40 somethings.  The one thing no 18 year old is going to have is perspective.  I have had four long term 4+ relationships and a number that were short and god knows how many one night/week/month stands.  I have seen friends die, children born, people spiral down into the gutter and some rise out of it.  I have faced death, nearly killed a few people, seen people die and watched myself grow old.  Not many 18 year olds can say the same thing.

That said, they, just like the rest of us, are going to make mistakes and that is how most of us learned so lets get the fuck out of their way and let them learn.  Some are going to start at better places than some of us and others are going to have a harder time.  Not much we can do and frankly I have more respect for kids today as people than I do for many of their parents so I tend to judge them as they come.  Some are immature little fucks, others are know it alls, and some are already decent and interesting human beings. 

(in reply to slaveluvs2btied)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: 18 year olds.... - 6/19/2008 10:24:33 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yngbutnot2yng
Do you honestly belive that someone of such a young age can be serious about a lifestyle such as this. I am not being indecisive i would just like to know your opinion of it all. I've been interested in the lifestyle for a long time *or as long as 18 years can permit me* but i am still greeted with comments about people saying that i dont know what im talking about.

The way i see it. I could be more experienced than a 40 year old but since i am as young as i am it just seems like its a turn off for some.


I have no problem believing that an eighteen year old can be serious about the "lifestyle."  When I was eighteen there was no "lifestyle" but I was every bit as much a perve then as I am now.  About the only way to get any play back then was to pay for it.

In fact, I remember discussing this very problem with the Aldonse DeSade shortly before they sent him to Charenton.

(in reply to yngbutnot2yng)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: 18 year olds.... - 6/19/2008 10:34:16 PM   
lilabbotsfordgrl


Posts: 140
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline 		We're looking for 18 year olds (or a little older or a little younger - legal age in Canada is 14) so we guess you could say there's nothing wrong with 18 year olds from our perspective.  If anything, young people tend to be more open-minded about some things as well as much more likely to be able to relocate than someone entrenched with a job, social life, etc.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantJenny

I had a complex, kinked fantasy world by the age of 9, so I certainly believe you can be fully aware that you are kinked by 18. For me, my hesitation with an 18 year old would have nothing to do with that, and everything to do with general development; at 18, you are in a very different place in life than a 28 or 38 year old, unless you've had a VERY unusual life. I was an exceedingly mature 18 year old, but, looking back from the age of 34, I had a LOT of developing yet to do.


Great post!

(in reply to DominantJenny)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: 18 year olds.... - 6/19/2008 10:45:00 PM   
chickpea


Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yngbutnot2yng

Do you honestly belive that someone of such a young age can be serious about a lifestyle such as this. I am not being indecisive i would just like to know your opinion of it all. I've been interested in the lifestyle for a long time *or as long as 18 years can permit me* but i am still greeted with comments about people saying that i dont know what im talking about.

The way i see it. I could be more experienced than a 40 year old but since i am as young as i am it just seems like its a turn off for some.



I think you're ready for BDSM, if you've already had sex.  If not, then you're not. 

Also, it takes a lot of emotional maturity, self-discipline, and perspective to really really be a slave or a good Master or Mistress.  If you're just tying each other up, as long as you study the safety and safeword stuff, you should be okay. 


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(in reply to yngbutnot2yng)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: 18 year olds.... - 6/19/2008 10:52:11 PM   
Guilty1974


Posts: 467
Joined: 11/2/2005
From: Den Haag
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yngbutnot2yng

Do you honestly belive that someone of such a young age can be serious about a lifestyle such as this.


Yes. I've met dozens of them over the years.

(in reply to yngbutnot2yng)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: 18 year olds.... - 6/19/2008 11:17:08 PM   
Guilty1974


Posts: 467
Joined: 11/2/2005
From: Den Haag
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: XxSpiderxX

I'm 23 and have been laughed at by people of all ages when I claim to be a moderately experienced Dom with a love and proficency in shibari.


I won't laugh at you, but as many of teh more serious rope Tops, I consider "shibari" doing japanese style bondage the authetic way, using the materials and techniques they actually use in Japan. That does take years of study and a trip to japan is almost a requirement to really learn. So I would be surprised if you were to have the "proficiency" in shibari you claim. That doesn't have very much to do with age by the way. There's only a handfull of people who could claim such proficiency in the west, regardless of age.

But a 23yo can certainly be skilled in rope bondage. My girlfriend (we both switch) did her first rope suspension demo at a fetish party when she was 23 or 24 or so, and in our local rope bondage peer group there many people your age who are really good rope tops. As in any peer group, we learn from each other, and sometimes I learn from the younger ones just as well.

But, even though I am very serious about learning authentic japanese techniques, teaching workshops, doing performances occasionally and running an amateur rope bondage website, I wouldn't call my work "shibari". Unless you have actually been to Japan or studied under someone who has been, you might reconsider using the word shibari. At least among the more serious riggers, that might save you a few laughs.

(in reply to XxSpiderxX)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: 18 year olds.... - 6/20/2008 12:10:21 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Or just laugh at the pompous blowhards who have to pretend they are doing "serious" shibari.  Unless you are tying up prisoners you captured at the end of sword, you are just another fake posuer "claiming" to be doing shibari.

Then again, there are the "old guard shibari" Samuri who say if you didn't kill a few before taking a captive you are just a pussy, but I think that is going a bit too far...

A perfect example of why some 23 year old kids are much better people to share a beer with.

(in reply to Guilty1974)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: 18 year olds.... - 6/20/2008 1:07:04 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I feel that young people can be as, or more, physically proficient as older people.

I feel that younger people can also be more mature.

I feel that the likelihood that someone can pull it all together and create a meaningful and lasting relationship goes up with life experience.

Master Fire


_____________________________

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(in reply to yngbutnot2yng)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: 18 year olds.... - 6/20/2008 3:58:15 PM   
Guilty1974


Posts: 467
Joined: 11/2/2005
From: Den Haag
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Or just laugh at the pompous blowhards who have to pretend they are doing "serious" shibari.  Unless you are tying up prisoners you captured at the end of sword, you are just another fake posuer "claiming" to be doing shibari.


I doubt if even the likes of Mai Randa, Akechi Denki and Osada Steve have done that, so that seems a little bit of exageration on your part. But indeed, a healthy level of doubt when someone claims to be doing shibari is appropriate.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: 18 year olds.... - 6/20/2008 6:52:50 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

The way i see it. I could be more experienced than a 40 year old but since i am as young as i am it just seems like its a turn off for some.


yngbut,

18 is young but itcan work if you go slow and not be afraid to learn.

CP

(in reply to yngbutnot2yng)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: 18 year olds.... - 6/20/2008 7:01:57 PM   
Chrisdeb7478


Posts: 23
Joined: 3/28/2007
Status: offline 		i treat folks by how they present themselves. age is just a number you could be 18 or 50 and be clueless. Or you could know alot. Also some folks it makes themselves feel better to say they know more than so and so

(in reply to MrRandallspe)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: 18 year olds.... - 6/20/2008 7:13:39 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Guilty1974

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Or just laugh at the pompous blowhards who have to pretend they are doing "serious" shibari.  Unless you are tying up prisoners you captured at the end of sword, you are just another fake posuer "claiming" to be doing shibari.


I doubt if even the likes of Mai Randa, Akechi Denki and Osada Steve have done that, so that seems a little bit of exageration on your part. But indeed, a healthy level of doubt when someone claims to be doing shibari is appropriate.



I know, the correct perspective is one that includes the poster in the shiny badge club but excludes everyone else.  But since the origin of that crap is tying up prisoners, prior to beheading, torturing, or ransoming, posturing over what is and isn't real just seems so pathetic to me.  It reeks of "boys only" signs hung on the side of tree forts.


(in reply to Guilty1974)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: 18 year olds.... - 6/20/2008 7:28:11 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yngbutnot2yng

Do you honestly belive that someone of such a young age can be serious about a lifestyle such as this.

Yes.

I am not being indecisive i would just like to know your opinion of it all. I've been interested in the lifestyle for a long time *or as long as 18 years can permit me* but i am still greeted with comments about people saying that i dont know what im talking about.

The way i see it. I could be more experienced than a 40 year old but since i am as young as i am it just seems like its a turn off for some.


(in reply to yngbutnot2yng)
Profile   Post #: 60
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