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The Healing Infuence of Positive Experience - 6/20/2008 6:22:02 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		I apologize that my initial post will not be as well thought out as I'd like, but I'm getting ready to rush out the door.  Yet, I felt strongly compelled to write this and just didn't want to wait until this evening when I stumbled home.

For the last few years, I'd isolated myself from interacting with others offline.  I recently spoke to someone on the phone who shared with me their positive past experinces in a LTR that spanned decades.  I spent a few uncomfortabe days, musing over the strange feelings that single call awakened in me, and realized that he' managed in one phone call to break down my defenses and reveal what I'd stuffed away.  Hope and faith.

For a time it seemed everywhere I looked were vultures and victims, and Iwanted no part of it.  I knew it was a skewed and unhealthy outlook, but it was seriously undermining my confidence in ever finding for myself what I needed.

At any rate, the purpose of this post is to encourage those of you with positive experiences, to share them.  You may never know how much your positive experiences and relationship knowledge can touch another, and motivate them in a positive direction.

Again, I apologize for the haphazard manner in which I've expressed this.  I just really wanted to get this out there for some reason.

WD
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RE: The Healing Infuence of Positive Experience - 6/20/2008 6:25:03 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*hugs* Win.. it made perfect sense to me :) Not haphazard at all :)

(edited due to dyslexic fingers)

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RE: The Healing Infuence of Positive Experience - 6/20/2008 6:39:11 AM   
Deliena


Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
Status: offline 		That's a lovely post and thank you for sharing it.  I know what you mean about other people's positive stories bringing out a feeling of faith.

I've never had a BDSM LTR, but am in a BDSM relationship right now that I want to become one.  Posts from couples such as Darcy and the.dark and mercandbeth not only show that such a thing is possible but demonstrate how fulfilling and magical they can be.  Each shows that it does take communication and honesty on the part of each person within the relationship and you can see how happy they are.  I hope all find the right people to achieve similar levels of satisfaction in our relationships.

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RE: The Healing Infuence of Positive Experience - 6/20/2008 11:29:54 AM   
taintedgypsy


Posts: 228
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline 		I wish you all the best ... I have had my ups and downs but hey I am still here and recently I have had so many positive experiences it is almost overwealming ... It is a really great thing to be alive ... get out there and enjoy it.

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..."Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass ... It is about learning to dance in the rain."

Equal Opportunity Slut (Yeah ... best of both worlds lol)

warm smiles to all

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RE: The Healing Infuence of Positive Experience - 6/20/2008 12:21:00 PM   
male2shemaid


Posts: 33
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

I apologize that my initial post will not be as well thought out as I'd like, but I'm getting ready to rush out the door.  Yet, I felt strongly compelled to write this and just didn't want to wait until this evening when I stumbled home.

For the last few years, I'd isolated myself from interacting with others offline.  I recently spoke to someone on the phone who shared with me their positive past experinces in a LTR that spanned decades.  I spent a few uncomfortabe days, musing over the strange feelings that single call awakened in me, and realized that he' managed in one phone call to break down my defenses and reveal what I'd stuffed away.  Hope and faith.

For a time it seemed everywhere I looked were vultures and victims, and Iwanted no part of it.  I knew it was a skewed and unhealthy outlook, but it was seriously undermining my confidence in ever finding for myself what I needed.

At any rate, the purpose of this post is to encourage those of you with positive experiences, to share them.  You may never know how much your positive experiences and relationship knowledge can touch another, and motivate them in a positive direction.

Again, I apologize for the haphazard manner in which I've expressed this.  I just really wanted to get this out there for some reason.

WD


Everyone should read this book, most of us will not.

http://www.amazon.com/Life-Lessons-Experts-Mysteries-Living/dp/0684870754

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RE: The Healing Infuence of Positive Experience - 6/20/2008 1:23:19 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Hi Win,

I had the opposite experience; I felt for a long time, that the 'perfect' relationship was somewhere out there, and that the nature of the internet was such that I'd find that someone who'd love me for me.  In retrospect, I had huge self-esteem issues, and just didn't feel comfortable trying to meet others in social settings.  As a result, I met a few wonderful, but usually really horrible people.  I eventually have found that online is no better or worse place to meet others than anywhere else.  If you're lonely and depressed, you'll probably attract and meet other lonely, depressed people.  If you're content with your life, open hearted, and friendly, you'll probably find that as well.  Almost ten years later, I've come to know myself MUCH better, am very confident in my skin, and am completely at ease socially as a result.  I met charlotte nine months ago today in person, after four months of talking online.  I wasn't looking, she wasn't looking, and we couldn't be happier now that we've found each other. 

The moral is; there's hope.  Do it safe, do it sensibly.  Don't jump at shadows, and don't ignore alarm bells.

Best wishes,

Stephan


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"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

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RE: The Healing Infuence of Positive Experience - 6/20/2008 1:48:22 PM   
DelilahDeb


Posts: 429
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		First, OP, let me say that I wish you well.

I'm going to a local BDSM discussion group tonight that a married couple with 30+ years in the scene host once a month. They're happy, grown children, small business owners, normal folks at first blush, and they LIVE the lifestyle. The two of them are clear examples of a BDSM LTR that's successful and happy.

Being shown around their home the first time I attended the discussion group was a little scary—they play in way deeper waters than I am comfortable with. And that's OK...the grin on his face as his domme showed off the hole-y seat with eyebolt beneath it for securing the weights of his ball stretcher, inside the tiny closet...or her grin as she commented that the tie point for his bedtime Y-chains allows him just enough length to get to the master bath without disturbing her sleep. That's one example.

Another are local "celebrities"...they were the Pacific Northwest 2007 M/s winners and it took a while before I got to know them because of all the traveling that entailed last year. Nice folks, very active in MAsT.

And then there's my extended family—the cornerstone couple of which are 40 years unmarried, 20 years active BDSM, with poly players live-in LTR and otherwise. And they have a lot to do with my contentment.

And here I am, with newly established sub relationships that I expect to grow into LTR...and we'll see. You just never know what life brings.

To quote a 19th century children's tale: "Tha doesna like this 'un and tha doesna like that 'un; how does tha like thysen, then?"

Delilah Deb


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RE: The Healing Infuence of Positive Experience - 6/20/2008 1:49:28 PM   
NeedingMore220


Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		Hope and faith are beautiful things.  Sometimes we get into a rut of negative thinking and it takes something, like the phone call you received, to knock us out of it.  I don't have any real encouraging words because I am, in general, a positive person.  I've had good experiences and some not-so-good ones.  I let the good ones outweigh the bad - otherwise I'd be back at square one.  I choose to focus on the positives and learn from the negatives to keep moving forward.  I don't like being stagnant, and it sounds like you spent a year or two being stagnant.  It's healthy and uplifting to feel that cloud lifted.  Enjoy the lifting, take a risk or two and I hope you find happiness. 

Edited to add:  By the way - you expressed yourself very well.  I'm glad you got the thoughts down 'on paper' before leaving for work!

< Message edited by NeedingMore220 -- 6/20/2008 1:50:25 PM >

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RE: The Healing Infuence of Positive Experience - 6/20/2008 2:59:34 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		I wanted to thank everyone who took the time to write and share their experiences, words of encouragement and advise. 

WD


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RE: The Healing Infuence of Positive Experience - 6/20/2008 4:12:04 PM   
everhope


Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline 		Winsome, beautifully written thank you. i also liked what others had to say.
all of lifes experiences are valid and the way i see the bad ones they just help me find even more joy in the good ones. i have had my fair share of WTF lifestyle experiences, but i keep getting back on the saddle and riding as if it is the most exquiste ride of my life. glad you are riding again, sweet one.
 
may we all find our exquiste bliss.    

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may we all find our bliss

Resident VWB

We all die.
The goal isn't to live forever.
The goal is to create something that will.






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RE: The Healing Infuence of Positive Experience - 6/20/2008 7:04:45 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Speaking to the "healing" aspect - i have had a migraine once a month for the past 20 years - since being pregnant for the first time. Since being with my Sir, i have had one headache in the past 2 1/2 years. Happiness will do that for you.

I have joy, contentment and happiness in abundance in my life now, and i owe it all to my Sir and the lifestyle.

I know there are bad people out there, but i haven't found one yet. I have received emails from doms who would like to know me, and they have been very polite and articulate, and i have enjoyed talking to them. Perhapes my happiness makes me gloss over the not-so-good bits, but i don't think so.

I spent 10 years alone after a bad divorce, thinking i could never trust another man- but with a good therapist, and some self healing, i am the happinest i have ever been in my life.  Oh yeah - the first time i went to meet my Sir, i was absolutely terrified, but i was so ready for something else in my life. I think there comes a point where you have to take a chance on happiness, and know that it is possible . It may not come right away, but i knew for sure that it wasn't going to come to me at my house or work, and i had to put myself where i could find it.   Anyway, good luck on your journey, OP, and hope you find what you are looking for.

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RE: The Healing Infuence of Positive Experience - 6/20/2008 8:22:13 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

At any rate, the purpose of this post is to encourage those of you with positive experiences, to share them.  You may never know how much your positive experiences and relationship knowledge can touch another, and motivate them in a positive direction.



Positive Experiences can indeed be have healing influence.  Several years ago, Alandra and I endured a difficult and chaotic relationship with another person.  It was in the end a very disheartening experience and forced alot of self evaluations of our efforts to find a partner to share our lives with.  As luck would have it, Kyra came into our lives.  In many ways she was like the sun rising and pushing way the darkness that we had endured.  In truth, We made a choice to live in that darkness and when we were ready.. we made a choice to push it away.  As we made the choice we became ready and capable to receive Kyra into our life in the manner that was deserving for everything she had to give. 


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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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