RE: Emotional Boundries

RE: Emotional Boundries (Full Version)

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NakedOnMyChain -> RE: Emotional Boundries (11/5/2005 1:28:04 AM)
quote: Heyyyyy penalty for calling the age card. That won't work even if I agree or disagree with the person's views. I agree. I've met twelve year olds that are more open-minded and elocute better than many college professors.

wipmebeetme100 -> RE: Emotional Boundries (11/5/2005 4:50:49 AM)
quote: What I do see in this lifestyle and many others is emotional boundries being placed as untouchable limits. Emotional growth isnt always pleasent but in the end it is very rewarding. I have always felt that my submission was a tool that promotes growth. It enables me through obedience to push myself to go somewhere i may not really want to go....am afraid to go...know how to get there. There are times that after reaching my destination i discover that i have no desire to go back. But guess what...the trip did not kill me, i survived....and it sure feels good to know that i took the trip. cathy

candystripper -> RE: Emotional Boundries (11/5/2005 6:14:52 AM)
quote: you still dont get what we are trying to get across...read some of the other posts.....do you view service as sex? If I send bella to another Masters house that needs help well cleaning the home or doing something outside then this is service...it isnt always sexual but if they have gained my trust and I see that they have integrity then yes they can use her.......I can understand that you need monogamy and im sure there are Doms out there that want the same thing.....im not trying to cheapen anyones life experieice...what im trying to do is to see if it is emotional baggage that makes people say they want monogamy....im not new thot his lifestlye and I have seen this feable attempt to control play because of something that happened in a previous marriage.....I find playing with others and having them play with bella gratifying personally.......she had baggage when I took her on and I have relieived her from it...this is my story and hers and we are both here telling it............she is emotionally secure and ready to leap off to new heights in tis lifestyle without the fear of wondering if I will play with others without her knowledge....to play with another without the others knowledge is cheating but if all parties involved are informed about a SSC act then it is animalistic sex then...and very hot, erotic and lots of fun..........I used to be possesive of her and others I had before her and I learned from it Master Six OMG; YES..i understand the point You are making. You and bella have "pushed limits" including "lending" her for service or play (and i'm unclear about sex..but no matter). The two of you have found this to be so liberating You're out sharing the good news. You've said this same thing in other threads; notably, the one about Doms being controlled by a submissive's limits. Why can't You hear me? Are You close-minded to the opinions of others? For one more time: monogamy (true monogamy) is essential to my happiness; well-being; peace of mind; joy. Without it i see no point in entering a relationship. PERIOD. It applies to me, and to anyone else who believes as i do, and no one is casting aspersions on the fact that You and bella live differently. Honest to pete; the horse died about 3 threads ago. candystripper

fyreredsub -> RE: Emotional Boundries (11/5/2005 6:32:59 AM)
maybe they don't hear you any more than you hear them...... or anyone that encompasses certain thoughts hears anyone else sometimes...so people agree to disagree...no biggie. thats what the forums are for,hearing all others opinions and learning. one takes what they need and leaves the rest. so their kink is not your kink................again,agree to disagree there is a big difference between service and pleasure.(sort of like the difference between discipline and punishment). one can service during pleasure(sexual connentations) or one can just serve(monogamy and faithfulness do not have to be in this equation b/c service doesn't ALWAYS MEAN SEX)...or one can just pleasure(which can be as simple as just doing what master says).....imo.

candystripper -> RE: Emotional Boundries (11/5/2005 6:43:54 AM)
quote: maybe they don't hear you any more than you hear them...... or anyone that encompasses certain thoughts hears anyone else sometimes...so people agree to disagree...no biggie. thats what the forums are for,hearing all others opinions and learning. one takes what they need and leaves the rest. so their kink is not your kink................again,agree to disagree there is a big difference between service and pleasure.(sort of like the difference between discipline and punishment). one can service during pleasure(sexual connentations) or one can just serve(monogamy and faithfulness do not have to be in this equation b/c service doesn't ALWAYS MEAN SEX)...or one can just pleasure(which can be as simple as just doing what master says).....imo. fyreredsub Honestly, fyreredsub, i feel i DO hear MasterSix and bella..it is rather hard not to. i do not hold them in a greater or lesser degree of respect because their choices are different from mine. To me, it's a bit irrelevant what someone is "into" insofar as making friends is concerned. It's just one side of a person, and people who are poly; Dommes; sadists, etc., are all on my friends' list. However, what i reject is that there is "one true way" and MasterSix and bella have found it. i, personally, could not live as they do...but i do not haggle with them over their choice. candystripper

fyreredsub -> RE: Emotional Boundries (11/5/2005 6:55:17 AM)
i dont agree or disagree ,its a case of whatever floats your boat.end of story. the POINT of my post was the difference 'tween service and pleasure as is the difference 'tween punishment and discipline.... quote: ORIGINAL: candystripper quote: maybe they don't hear you any more than you hear them...... or anyone that encompasses certain thoughts hears anyone else sometimes...so people agree to disagree...no biggie. thats what the forums are for,hearing all others opinions and learning. one takes what they need and leaves the rest. so their kink is not your kink................again,agree to disagree there is a big difference between service and pleasure.(sort of like the difference between discipline and punishment). one can service during pleasure(sexual connentations) or one can just serve(monogamy and faithfulness do not have to be in this equation b/c service doesn't ALWAYS MEAN SEX)...or one can just pleasure(which can be as simple as just doing what master says).....imo. fyreredsub Honestly, fyreredsub, i feel i DO hear MasterSix and bella..it is rather hard not to. i do not hold them in a greater or lesser degree of respect because their choices are different from mine. To me, it's a bit irrelevant what someone is "into" insofar as making friends is concerned. It's just one side of a person, and people who are poly; Dommes; sadists, etc., are all on my friends' list. However, what i reject is that there is "one true way" and MasterSix and bella have found it. i, personally, could not live as they do...but i do not haggle with them over their choice. candystripper

stef -> RE: Emotional Boundries (11/5/2005 7:48:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NakedOnMyChain quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Heyyyyy penalty for calling the age card. That won't work even if I agree or disagree with the person's views. I agree. I've met twelve year olds that are more open-minded and elocute better than many college professors. sigh You're both missing the point. ~stef

fyreredsub -> RE: Emotional Boundries (11/5/2005 7:58:20 AM)
i know from my personal perspective i think differently at 43 than i did at 23 quote: ORIGINAL: stef quote: ORIGINAL: NakedOnMyChain quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Heyyyyy penalty for calling the age card. That won't work even if I agree or disagree with the person's views. I agree. I've met twelve year olds that are more open-minded and elocute better than many college professors. sigh You're both missing the point. ~stef

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Emotional Boundries (11/5/2005 8:53:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fyreredsub i know from my personal perspective i think differently at 43 than i did at 23 I would hope so. I would hate to find someone who thought and had the same perspectives in life after living it for another 20 years. That doesn't mean you "pull the age card" and make disparaging remarks about someone based solely on age, specially when it has absolutely nothing to do with the discussion at hand.

candystripper -> RE: Emotional Boundries (11/5/2005 9:08:04 AM)
quote: i know from my personal perspective i think differently at 43 than i did at 23 fyreredsub It's called Growth and Life Experience. Various psychologists and psychiatrists have weighed in on the matter. There are models of human growth during various ages which have been developed. Freud's model has development achieved by age 13 in normal people, when they enter the "Genital" phase. http://encyclopedia.thefreedictionary.com/Freudian+psychosexual+stages thefreedictionary.com Maslow has a model developed on tiers; with self-actualization as the highest level. "There are at least five sets of goals, which we may call basic needs. These are briefly physiological, safety, love, 'esteem, and self-actualization. In addition, we are motivated by the desire to achieve or maintain the various conditions upon which these basic satisfactions rest and by certain more intellectual desires." http://psychclassics.yorku.ca/Maslow/motivation.htm psychclassics.yorku.ca Others have tackeled the same topic; but it is generally agreed that a person either continues to develop as he ages, or is stagnating in a developmental stage for reasons of his own making (neurosis) or due to his circumstance (living in a war zone). No one stage is more "valuable" than another; it is posited that a person is most fulfilled if he continues growth, and in Maslow's model, achieves self-actualization. Anyone who has lived with teenagers is acquainted with their "know-it-all" attitude and desire to move away from their parents, in whatever way possible. This healthy drive is annoying as hell, but an immutable part of life as a normal person. Speaking not as an academic but IMO, a person who learns nothing from his life experiences may well have the same experiences over and over. Additionally, though it is out of fashion in the United States, for the most part, an older person has wisdom which may be worth hearing by the young. IMO, "wisdom" is merely the cautionary tales one can tell, based on experience and observation. candystripper

fyreredsub -> RE: Emotional Boundries (11/5/2005 9:19:27 AM)
you are preaching to the choir. my degrees are in psych and counseling.[;)] I am quite familiar w/ adler, erickson and maslow. as well as the various stages and what happens if one gets STUCK in them. some people never make it out of freud's anal,for example.

candystripper -> RE: Emotional Boundries (11/5/2005 9:21:33 AM)
quote: i dont agree or disagree ,its a case of whatever floats your boat.end of story. the POINT of my post was the difference 'tween service and pleasure as is the difference 'tween punishment and discipline.... fyreredsub O, i am sorry; that did escape me. i know i have much to learn about BDSM sex/play/service...but in my case, it would be on offer to only one Man...my One. candystripper

fyreredsub -> RE: Emotional Boundries (11/5/2005 9:28:31 AM)
quite actually, i am trying to stay out of the negatives so often found on the boards. i was just pointing out that i did realize their is a difference in mode of thought in various ages. as i have experienced this phenomina myself. however one can percieve the remark in two ways. i tend to like to give others the benefit of the doubt unless they continually make a point of being disagreeable to those whom they tend to not like on the boards. i didnt feel this was such as instance. as to some-it is obvious when they continually do it. and again, que sera sera...one has to take the good w/ the bad in forums. i prefer to skip the flames and learn (not saying you were flaming me, as that is not the case at all.) but the age thing can be taken out of the context that it was perhaps intended. i try not to think it was an insult then again there are those posts that are..... who am i to say and or determine what it is, we all percieve differently based on our life experience

fyreredsub -> RE: Emotional Boundries (11/5/2005 9:31:11 AM)
and i happen to agree w/ your thinking in this manner. sexually i will only be w/ one and hopefully that will be reciprocated or i will not stay in the relationship.however, i would top another in a scene that did not require sex, if my Dom was directing or participating in some manner quote: ORIGINAL: candystripper quote: i dont agree or disagree ,its a case of whatever floats your boat.end of story. the POINT of my post was the difference 'tween service and pleasure as is the difference 'tween punishment and discipline.... fyreredsub O, i am sorry; that did escape me. i know i have much to learn about BDSM sex/play/service...but in my case, it would be on offer to only one Man...my One. candystripper

SirSix72 -> RE: Emotional Boundries (11/5/2005 9:56:38 AM)
Greetings, I think that maybe what myself and bella are saying has been misconstrued a bit. The point I was trying to get across with the monogamy thing is that I have personally seen and read people complaining that their specific others have cheated on them in the past whether it was a previous marraige or just a D's/M's relationship. There are alot of wounded psyche's out there. If it works for someone to be monogamous then im happy for them. The ponit of the thread is that there are alot of emotional issues out there that are "soft" limits. candystripper, There is a difference as fyreredsub pointed out in punishment/disclipine or service/sex......I can see others wanting monogamy but what if you went to your Owners associates home and were asked to serve dinner with the other sub/slave....this is service without a sexual context......I would hope you wouldnt scream that you arent my Dom and not participate........another topic what if you were required to perform in a scene that didnt include sexual contact in a public dungeon what would you do? Master Six

BeingChewsie -> RE: Emotional Boundries (11/5/2005 10:34:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirSix72 Greetings, I have read many threads and experienced many things in my life and this is one I would like to see where veryone is coming from on this. Im not trying to rob a thread either I might add with the essay i intend to write. I have seen many submissive that have limits that are supposedly "hard limits" such as dont touch my butt in public or slaves that dont play with more than one partner. While I can appericiate the personal dynamic of different relationships. I cant understand how this can become a limit that isnt supposed to be prodded. Such as playing with others. I know where most people are coming from at one time I used to be stingy with my sub/slave. I felt that I couldnt play with others or have my property entertain others. I quickly learnd that I grew emotionally when I allowed certain things to happen and that the foundation of trust and loyality that my relationship was built upon has survived through a great many things. I feel that if you build your relationship on this simple foundation that the ability to overcome limits that were nce inconciviable are now able to be over come. I see a great many couples that have or are living a TPE lifestyle still have certain "limits" that they arent capable of over coming.There are some that I understand will always be there for myself and others such as scat or other indestible things. What I do see in this lifestyle and many others is emotional boundries being placed as untouchable limits. Emotional growth isnt always pleasent but in the end it is very rewarding. To understand where each person is coming from and whom has integrity is quite liberating. If I send bella to service someone after the fact she is right back where she belongs at my feet. With her loyality in tact. I would like to hear about others experieces and how they have overcome an emotional boundry. Master Six Hello Six, My owner does not share me. Ever. It just isn't his thing. He isn't poly either. He just isn't. I am and bisexual. He has no use for either of those things. It is not even a case of overcoming it. It just doesn't flip his switch. I'm into a variety of kinks that do not flip his switch, they just don't occur here. One of the reason he owns human property is so he does not have to compromise. He has an independence/power fetish. We came together with ethical commonality, that is our foundation. I can't think of an emotional limit we have come across. He has taught me to eroticize things I once found highly unpleasant but none of those were limits.

BeingChewsie -> RE: Emotional Boundries (11/5/2005 10:42:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirSix72 Greetings, I think that maybe what myself and bella are saying has been misconstrued a bit. The point I was trying to get across with the monogamy thing is that I have personally seen and read people complaining that their specific others have cheated on them in the past whether it was a previous marraige or just a D's/M's relationship. There are alot of wounded psyche's out there. If it works for someone to be monogamous then im happy for them. The ponit of the thread is that there are alot of emotional issues out there that are "soft" limits. candystripper, There is a difference as fyreredsub pointed out in punishment/disclipine or service/sex......I can see others wanting monogamy but what if you went to your Owners associates home and were asked to serve dinner with the other sub/slave....this is service without a sexual context......I would hope you wouldnt scream that you arent my Dom and not participate........another topic what if you were required to perform in a scene that didnt include sexual contact in a public dungeon what would you do? Master Six I think there are a lot of emotional issues out there that people use in every area of life to be victims or to avoid moving forward in life, BDSM didn't corner the market on that.

fyreredsub -> RE: Emotional Boundries (11/5/2005 12:04:10 PM)
i know for myself, i have a few 'soft limits' that could be pushed after the relationship is established and trust enfolds. Master Six is correct in the fact that many are based on past wounds. i know mine are.

candystripper -> RE: Emotional Boundries (11/5/2005 2:19:04 PM)
quote: Greetings, I think that maybe what myself and bella are saying has been misconstrued a bit. The point I was trying to get across with the monogamy thing is that I have personally seen and read people complaining that their specific others have cheated on them in the past whether it was a previous marraige or just a D's/M's relationship. There are alot of wounded psyche's out there. If it works for someone to be monogamous then im happy for them. The ponit of the thread is that there are alot of emotional issues out there that are "soft" limits. candystripper, There is a difference as fyreredsub pointed out in punishment/disclipine or service/sex......I can see others wanting monogamy but what if you went to your Owners associates home and were asked to serve dinner with the other sub/slave....this is service without a sexual context......I would hope you wouldnt scream that you arent my Dom and not participate........another topic what if you were required to perform in a scene that didnt include sexual contact in a public dungeon what would you do? Master Six Well, i have never been a guest in someone's home and not found the table set, dinner ready, etc. i did once get dragged into cleaning up after a New Year's Eve party a host/politican had given, and thought it was cheesy, but o well. i don't know how i'd feel if my Dom asked me to help in someone else's home; i suppose if it bothered me we'd discuss it after we got home..and in the meantime i'd do so with as much good grace as i could muster. Second, there is not going to be any "public" place in my relationship -- lost a few Doms and Masters over that one as well. So i'm not the right woman to ask. fyreredsub..i have come across "skills and interests" here i will never engage in, while others seem strange but not necessarialy out-of-the-question. i have yet to have a Dom (at least one who played/had sex with me) so it's hard to forecast. But i would certainly hope i could make my One happy..joyful...peaceful. candystripper

candystripper -> RE: Emotional Boundries (11/5/2005 2:30:50 PM)
quote: i prefer to skip the flames and learn (not saying you were flaming me, as that is not the case at all.) but the age thing can be taken out of the context that it was perhaps intended. i try not to think it was an insult then again there are those posts that are..... fyreredsub It would be unfortunate if someone was offended by my post on aging. i think i made clear (1) there are different models of development and (2) no phase is superior to the other (apart from Maslow's "self-actualized" one"). i myself am a veteran of "teenager hell" from both sides and -- wow -- even with a good kid it's a Rollercoaster Ride. Aging has brought the pleasant aspects of leisure, security, discovering D/s, enjoying my kid more, and others. It is not the doom American mass media feed woman...that's utter nonsense. candystripper

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