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RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/25/2008 2:15:14 PM   
TwoNYCDommes


Posts: 237
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl
best way to screen...bring someone with you.


I agree.  I don't think I would ever meet anyone alone, but I am fortunate enough to have my darling as my companion in these adventures.  I have also gone along with others to their initial meetings with people they first discovered online. 

Even so, all first meetings have been in public places.  We also require a telephone number before agreeing to meet anyone.

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/25/2008 2:20:36 PM   
TwoNYCDommes


Posts: 237
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

quote:

ORIGINAL: dodedo
If the guy is interested in you, he'll pretty much jump through whatever hoop you desire to make your acquaintance. 


BULLSHIT, and i wouldn't jump through any hoops either; you're talking about people here, not dogs in a fucking circus!


Yes, but you're female.  The gender supply-and-demand imbalance (particularly between dommes and sub males) is such that most of those interested in meeting the OP will be willing to jump through hoops for her.  Mostly metaphorical hoops, of course, but I suspect quite a few would do so literally as well, entirely unbothered by circus roleplay.

(in reply to daddysliloneds)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/25/2008 3:12:46 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoNYCDommes

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

quote:

ORIGINAL: dodedo
If the guy is interested in you, he'll pretty much jump through whatever hoop you desire to make your acquaintance. 


BULLSHIT, and i wouldn't jump through any hoops either; you're talking about people here, not dogs in a fucking circus!


Yes, but you're female.  The gender supply-and-demand imbalance (particularly between dommes and sub males) is such that most of those interested in meeting the OP will be willing to jump through hoops for her.  Mostly metaphorical hoops, of course, but I suspect quite a few would do so literally as well, entirely unbothered by circus roleplay.


yeah, it's amazing what desperate people will do.

(in reply to TwoNYCDommes)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/25/2008 5:56:17 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Pictures doms jumping through hoops and wagging their sweet lil tails...

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A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to daddysliloneds)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/25/2008 7:00:34 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I don't think I've ever heard of a woman being abducted in the middle of Starbucks. You're sitting there with your frappacino and suddenly he starts dragging you out by your hair, while you're screaming bloody murder, and nobody there rips out their cell phone and calls the cops? Isn't going to happen.;

Meet in a public place for coffee. Pick a Starbucks inside a Barnes & Noble, will give the cops time to get there before he gets you to the front door.

And just have coffee and see if you can talk to him comfortably. If yes, then next meet is for lunch maybe followed by a walk through a museum. If you can't be friends, then don't move on to lunch dates.

Take it as slowly as you need, and remember, if he really wants to be involved with you, then he will wait for you to feel comfortable moving ahead.

_____________________________

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Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/28/2008 7:10:58 PM   
panthersub


Posts: 80
Joined: 5/20/2008
Status: offline 		Like you, i am extremely cautious. i've had horrible experiences in the past of meeting people, so i take it a lot more slowly now and don't rush into meeting someone right away. Take your time.

(in reply to MsstrssD)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/29/2008 10:58:55 AM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		like to elaborate on how 'meeting someone' can be such a horrible experience, other than the fact that they are total pukes that make you want to throw a cup of coffee on,them?  i mean really; there is a HUGE difference between not liking someone you meet and it being dangerous to meet them in a public coffee house!

(in reply to panthersub)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/29/2008 11:04:16 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline 		May I suggest an excellent book, The Kinky Girls Guide to Dating by Luna Grey.  It's from Greenery Press www.greenerypress.com but is also available on from any major brick-and-mortar or online bookstore.

There's also a section on this in my own The Loving Dominant.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to MsstrssD)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/29/2008 11:09:49 AM   
chickpea


Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline 		Lack of similar social structures, their focus on sex while in front of the computer...  that's more than enough to ruin your life and lead you down the path of destruction...  I often think their morals are lacking.  And those are just only the two people who've past my grueling screen...   *sigh*, it's back to vanilla


< Message edited by chickpea -- 6/29/2008 11:10:19 AM >

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Congrats to both In the end it was win-win. Now let's get to work http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/nov/05/john-mccain-concedes-election http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/11/17/transition.wrap/index.html

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/29/2008 11:21:12 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

May I suggest an excellent book, The Kinky Girls Guide to Dating by Luna Grey.  It's from Greenery Press www.greenerypress.com but is also available on from any major brick-and-mortar or online bookstore.

There's also a section on this in my own The Loving Dominant.


Luna's book is GREAT!! Well written, full of great advice, and had me laughing my butt off along the way...


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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
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(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 7/22/2008 1:22:27 AM   
pazyamor


Posts: 29
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline 		I'll give my mother (or give it to someone you trust) all contact information I have.  Phone numbers, myspaces, names, etc etc.
At least if I'm dead she'll know what happened.  And she just thinks they're normal dates, nothing bdsm.
People also recommend safe calls, having a friend call you at certain times.  I don't do that but sounds like a great idea.  I do usually text once I'm comfortable at wherever we are to let someone know everything's cool.

As far as anything else, meet in a public place.  That would be hard for me without a car, but I still have a starbucks i walk to by my house, meet there.  If I'm comfortable enough after a couple hours to go catch diner, we do.

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 8/1/2008 5:12:35 AM   
MadamAyesha


Posts: 16
Joined: 4/14/2008
Status: offline 		I don't think there is anything else to add apart from perhaps letting a female staff member of the place you're meeting know that you're meeting someone from online if you can't bring a friend along.  A little bit awkward but sets the mind at ease a little more for me.

(in reply to pazyamor)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 8/1/2008 9:09:59 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Whenever I meet people, be they BDSM, photography contacts, meetup group people or anyone else I connected with online, I do it in public. We have our own transportation to and from. We do not need full contact credentials beforehand, but without a real first name, last name and cell phone number I will not be bothered.
If someone is so interested in me they want to meet, but they are opposed to doing so in a restaurant or coffeeshop, then I suggest a Barnes and Nobles or the like. It is still very public and usually very inhabited, but you arent going to have to make a purchase not to look out of place there. If they refuse to meet somewhere public, then they arent interested enough in me to meet with.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MadamAyesha)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 8/1/2008 9:39:41 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsstrssD

I know that essentially I will be the one 'in charge' etc. etc. but what if he isn't really a sub?  What if he has no respect for the lifestyle and I find myself in a heap of hot water?

Maybe I'm being paranoid, but being a young female I have always been sure to be wary.  I have never been on a... mm... how do I say it... online matchmaking website before and so I have never gone through with meeting someone under these conditions (i.e. internet transferring to real life).

How do you ladies go about it?



We tend to meet new people at public venues where we are known and comfortable (or which are, at least, very public). Our first meeting is often over brunch or lunch -- there are a lot more people out during the light of day, and we also want some 'cooling off' time in case we decide we want to play later on -- time for everyone to go home and really make sure they want to move to that level.

The other place where we meet people is at regular BDSM related events -- munches, play parties, and conventions. These usually draw people who aren't afraid to be out and seen at a BDSM event, so most of the time, they're not just wankers. We've met some wonderful people at fetish events, and had some lovely casual play in a safe, public, but scene-friendly environment.

Calla Firestorm


_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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(in reply to MsstrssD)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 8/3/2008 11:13:11 AM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		I do agree that guys, particularly dominant guys will not jump through any hoop.

But any guy worth meeting will agree to do any of the following:

1.  Meet in a public place
2.  Without knowing your phone number/address before hand.
3.  During the day, not night, for a safe, simple vanilla get together first.

I see no reason not to do this first, even for a simple one night stand play party.

(in reply to daddysliloneds)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 8/21/2008 10:09:42 AM   
SavageFaerie


Posts: 4377
Joined: 12/3/2004
From: NYC
Status: offline 		Most everything mentioned  pretty much covered what I do myself. I also have panic disorder so if online a person pushes to quickly for a meeting its a red flag, They are told if they are so impatient to go seek a professional.

Depending on my vibes which usually are pretty accurate I have so far avoided all axe murderers. Despite having my disorder there are times where I want to just meet someone, always tell them will meet as friends no conditions or time limits on time spent together. and alwayas always in public. That the meeting time depends on appropriate conversation, interaction and if there is a good comfort level for me.

If the chats quickly get into whats you favorite kink, sexual questions ect. I write them off immediately, to me they are looking for a nothing but a body. Back, to rule one go see a professional LOL

I also totally understand that chances are they will not want to persue at a slower pace and they drop off the face of the earth. Now living in nyc getting in a taxi or bus makes getting lost pretty easy to disappear for undesirables. I never meet within 10 blocks of where I live, they may know the borough but just in general.

When I was in Texxas and lived in the country, my daughters partner would go and met with me the first time and he isnt hesitant to drill someone.  We would then talk and decide if I would continiue with the visit and he would come back and pick me up. Only once enough trust was established he was okay letting them come to the house and hang out with me and my daughter and her Partner who btw is also a Dom ( awwwww mom is so proud of her subly daughter) After all he was ex Marine and quite imposing LOL

Friends that I have met and talk to for ages via chat phone ect, for ages meaning 6 months to a year, I have gone to visit them in their town. Only one bad experience countered with good. But one of them, same household poly, was not honest in how she was and got past my radar. Im still wonderfully close friend friends with the other. Plus met another in the same area via CM who met me at the train and we were friends and clicked instantly.

Try not to take unnecessary chances, I have in the past and just got lucky, not so stupid now LOL

I always try and start out friends only, no physical interaction except if I was comfortable enough for a wee kiss if there was some chemistly.

Some go flawlessly, others dont, just keep aware, your friends close to the phone and plan a quick way out if it doesnt go well. then block block block. I know some cell phones even let you block call individual calls now so check your features.

< Message edited by SavageFaerie -- 8/21/2008 10:22:11 AM >

_____________________________

Disclaimer:If its the wrong word or misspelled I blame on my fingers and brains refusing to interact.

(in reply to StrongSpirit)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 9/26/2008 3:47:04 PM   
tweedydaddy


Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		sub, dom or vanilla, men can be dangerous, and the internet is awash with loonies.
Talk on the phone, and not with a landline, meet at a neutral venue, take a friend along and never, ever, forget to arrange a safecall.
You only need to wrong about someone once.
That's it.
Be safe, not sorry.

(in reply to MsstrssD)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 9/26/2008 6:20:34 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsstrssD

When several messages are being exchanged via CM with a sub I get kind of excited, it's thrilling that I might actually make this happen.  But then once he brings up *meeting* each other in person, I get really nervous and apprehensive about the whole thing and I usually end up skittering away.

I'm NOT worried that I won't live up to expectations or anything silly like that, but I am nervous... I mean... I'm a 20 yo girl meeting some guy I met over the internet.  I know that essentially I will be the one 'in charge' etc. etc. but what if he isn't really a sub?  What if he has no respect for the lifestyle and I find myself in a heap of hot water?

Maybe I'm being paranoid, but being a young female I have always been sure to be wary.  I have never been on a... mm... how do I say it... online matchmaking website before and so I have never gone through with meeting someone under these conditions (i.e. internet transferring to real life).

How do you ladies go about it?



How do you handle it when you meet someone, male or female, at a book store, grocery, arcade, school, at a fair or theme park, a club or bar, etc? 

It's the same thing:  you meet a new person, talk to them and let the relationship progress however feels natural and if they turn out to be someone you're not into or is rude or otherwise violates your "they're good to have around me/i like them" boundaries you tell them so and stop seeing them.

Meet them somewhere casual.  Get to know them.  If you like them but they do or say something that bugs you over time, tell them and see if they stop or not. If you don't like them in a vanilla manner, end things.  If they aren't a sub/bottom/whatever you want because of their style, end things.  If they aren't a sub/bottom/whatever at all and you don't like them in a vanilla fashion, end things.

Pretty much the same as any time you meet someone out and about or are introduced by a friend-in-common.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to MsstrssD)
Profile   Post #: 38
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