2 in 1 question from a newbie

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CagedBird1980 -> 2 in 1 question from a newbie (6/24/2008 8:58:17 AM)
Two part question: i am very new and i want to get into this lifestyle the right way. i feel it's something one shouldn't just jump into without knowing what it is first. The more i learn the more interested i become. i am ready to begin looking for a trainer. Is there any advise on where to look for a proper trainer or what to look for in a proper trainer? Also, i had begun a conversation online with a female Dom, supposedly. i began to get uncomfortable and expressed this to Her, she was completely rude about it. Demanding little things of me already like, no sex with anyone or shaving until she would be in town in over a month! Did i do the right thing by following my gut or are some Doms like that until they finally meet the sub in person? i really hope this doesn't sound as stupid as it does to me! lol

celticlord2112 -> RE: 2 in 1 question from a newbie (6/24/2008 9:05:23 AM)
quote: Two part question: i am very new and i want to get into this lifestyle the right way. i feel it's something one shouldn't just jump into without knowing what it is first. The more i learn the more interested i become. i am ready to begin looking for a trainer. Is there any advise on where to look for a proper trainer or what to look for in a proper trainer? Don't look for a trainer. Look for a "master/dominant/top/person who will tell you when to jump and how high." Look for someone you can trust as a person who shares your particular tastes in kink. My advice? Find a guy/gal who's as new to this as you are. Let the exploration be an adventure for you both.

kinkypuppy2 -> RE: 2 in 1 question from a newbie (6/24/2008 9:16:25 AM)
Do wrong ? no not at all the "inner voice" you have is most MOST important.. listen to it. Find your local kink community, go to a few munches, watch out for the trolls and just get to know others and allow them to know you. Ask about a local "new person group"

SirKaton -> RE: 2 in 1 question from a newbie (6/24/2008 9:26:04 AM)
You are on the right track already becasue you are willing to answer questions. Keep seeking information, read and get involved with the local scene in your community. Most locales have them but sometimes it isn't so apparent. And watch out for those that make unreasonable demands like the "Domme" you encountered. Approaching you like she did without really knowing you set off an alarm in your head because she didn't take the time to nurture you to a point where you would even conisder honoring her requests. This dynamic is built on trust and trust has to be earned. And for there to be trust, there needs to be respect. That comes with time, too. Follow your instincts always-they rarely lead you wrong.

KatyLied -> RE: 2 in 1 question from a newbie (6/24/2008 9:46:50 AM)
If I were you I'd tread carefully with proclamations of being "very new" and in need of "training".

CruelDesires -> RE: 2 in 1 question from a newbie (6/24/2008 9:54:58 AM)
My advice would be for you to find a experianced submissive mentor rather then a "dominant' one. That way there may be less chance of someone trying to manipulate you for the wrong reasons. Be careful of whom you choose. Post counts don't nessasarily equal up to intelligence or knowledge . CD

Lynnxz -> RE: 2 in 1 question from a newbie (6/24/2008 9:57:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CruelDesires My advice would be for you to find a experianced submissive mentor rather then a "dominant' one. Excellent advice. OP, avoid "Trainers" at all cost. [:'(]

laura2161 -> RE: 2 in 1 question from a newbie (6/24/2008 10:05:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lynnxz quote: ORIGINAL: CruelDesires My advice would be for you to find a experianced submissive mentor rather then a "dominant' one. Excellent advice. OP, avoid "Trainers" at all cost. [:'(] I ditto what both of the above poster's said.

mistoferin -> RE: 2 in 1 question from a newbie (6/24/2008 11:18:47 AM)
ALWAYS listen to your gut. I also concur with the "avoid trainers" advice. Use common sense, consider all you see, hear and read and find what works for you....and throw out what doesn't.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: 2 in 1 question from a newbie (6/24/2008 11:21:34 AM)
The Little Voices are rarely wrong! Find some submissive friends to help you, and do not be too forward with your newness.

Madame4a -> RE: 2 in 1 question from a newbie (6/24/2008 11:30:17 AM)
You live in an area with at least one, maybe more, active groups -- get offline... go to meetings, workshops, and events -- munches too.. meet FRIENDS and then, perhaps if you're damned lucky, you'll find someone that might work for you... the internet isn't the worst place to do this, but its not the greatest... quote: ORIGINAL: CagedBird1980 Two part question: i am very new and i want to get into this lifestyle the right way. i feel it's something one shouldn't just jump into without knowing what it is first. The more i learn the more interested i become. i am ready to begin looking for a trainer. Is there any advise on where to look for a proper trainer or what to look for in a proper trainer? Also, i had begun a conversation online with a female Dom, supposedly. i began to get uncomfortable and expressed this to Her, she was completely rude about it. Demanding little things of me already like, no sex with anyone or shaving until she would be in town in over a month! Did i do the right thing by following my gut or are some Doms like that until they finally meet the sub in person? i really hope this doesn't sound as stupid as it does to me! lol

Quin -> RE: 2 in 1 question from a newbie (6/24/2008 11:30:34 AM)
Don't go looking for a mentor or guide...look for friends. There are alot of people out there who will jump at the opportunity to "mentor" as an excuse to get sex. They generally don't know anything in terms of play, and really don't care. They'll use you for sex until you catch on that you're being used and then won't care when you end it. Make friends, go to seminars and munches put on by groups in your area...sooner or later you'll meet someone, but don't rush it.

jezzabelle19 -> RE: 2 in 1 question from a newbie (6/24/2008 11:46:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CagedBird1980 Two part question: i am very new and i want to get into this lifestyle the right way. i feel it's something one shouldn't just jump into without knowing what it is first. The more i learn the more interested i become. i am ready to begin looking for a trainer. Is there any advise on where to look for a proper trainer or what to look for in a proper trainer? Also, i had begun a conversation online with a female Dom, supposedly. i began to get uncomfortable and expressed this to Her, she was completely rude about it. Demanding little things of me already like, no sex with anyone or shaving until she would be in town in over a month! Did i do the right thing by following my gut or are some Doms like that until they finally meet the sub in person? i really hope this doesn't sound as stupid as it does to me! lol you dont sound stupid! and trust your feelings if your uncomfortable then its probably not good situation to get into. so yes you did the right thing. my advice dont jump into anything get to know the person and develop a friendship. trust is important!

RedMagic1 -> RE: 2 in 1 question from a newbie (6/24/2008 12:17:30 PM)
Always bear in mind that the vanilla rules of common sense still apply here. Use the search function here for the term "sub frenzy", and google it.

Floggings4You -> RE: 2 in 1 question from a newbie (6/24/2008 12:39:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CagedBird1980 Two part question: i am very new and i want to get into this lifestyle the right way. i feel it's something one shouldn't just jump into without knowing what it is first. The more i learn the more interested i become. i am ready to begin looking for a trainer-- To train you to learn to do...what? To train you for...Whom? your Dominant will train you how best to please Him or Her. If you aren't intending to have a relationship with the Person training you, then you're being trained by the wrong Person, IMO. Learn what you can about the lifestyle--read, meet people, attend munches, etc.--but understand that there is another 'level' of 'play' above what you can experience from a 'generic' 'trainer'...

kiwisub12 -> RE: 2 in 1 question from a newbie (6/24/2008 1:17:44 PM)
Trainer = person with no emotional involvement doing with you and having you do what they will. = fuckbuddy with benefits. Dom/me = emotional investment in you and your relationship. You get to choose which suits you better. Think of it as if you are beginning to date. You may make mistakes, but you will learn from the mistakes, and grow as a person. "training" would give you the structure of a bdsm relationship, without the meaning and emotion behind it. A very empty vessel to me. [:)]

xxblushesxx -> RE: 2 in 1 question from a newbie (6/24/2008 1:21:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CruelDesires Post counts don't nessasarily equal up to intelligence or knowledge . Yes they do. [sm=lalala.gif]

xxblushesxx -> RE: 2 in 1 question from a newbie (6/24/2008 1:23:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus The Little Voices are rarely wrong! hmm...my little voices have been telling me to make sculptures out of HM's toys while He is out of town... Can I tell Him you said it was ok? please?

LadyHibiscus -> RE: 2 in 1 question from a newbie (6/24/2008 3:09:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus The Little Voices are rarely wrong! hmm...my little voices have been telling me to make sculptures out of HM's toys while He is out of town... Can I tell Him you said it was ok? please? You have my full permission to do any dang thing you want, sweetie!! [:D]

xxblushesxx -> RE: 2 in 1 question from a newbie (6/24/2008 3:15:06 PM)
Why do I get the feeling the Hibiscus Princess is setting me up for bigggg trouble?

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