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Is there a Dom Drop? - 2/27/2004 7:51:41 PM   
NewSubGirl


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Hello.

I understand and have experienced sub drop. It would only make sense to me that there would also be a corresponding Dom/Top Drop. The body chemicals are the same and, while the intensity of a scene may be more for one than the other, its still there. Yet, I have not found much reference to the possibility.

Does it, in fact, exist? And, if so, what can a submissive do to assist in the recovery process.

Thank you for your thoughts on the matter.

Holly
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RE: Is there a Dom Drop? - 2/27/2004 8:04:47 PM   
EStrict


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Hi Holly,

Yep, it does happen. And you deal with it the same way you do with subdrop. By *being* there for the dominant, talking it out, holding them,,,, whatever they need.

Sandy

(in reply to NewSubGirl)
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RE: Is there a Dom Drop? - 2/27/2004 8:17:27 PM   
NewSubGirl


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Hi Sandy...good to hear from you (or I guess that would be see) .

I have met a Dominant who appears to need to retreat for a day or so afterwards. This is in complete contrast to the extra attention I seem to crave.

Any suggestions on this?

Holly

(in reply to EStrict)
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RE: Is there a Dom Drop? - 2/27/2004 8:27:19 PM   
EStrict


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hhmmm,, if it's the same things that cause him to retreat that get you to the place you need the attention, then you need to discuss these feelings outside of session. It's sorta like, if you are a person likes to cuddle after sex and your partner likes to roll over and snore, you are not getting what you need, even if they are getting what they need. And, in the long run, that can lead to resentment, even if only on a subconsious level. Better to talk it out,,,

Sandy

< Message edited by EStrict -- 2/27/2004 9:13:01 PM >

(in reply to NewSubGirl)
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RE: Is there a Dom Drop? - 2/27/2004 8:29:34 PM   
NewSubGirl


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I was afraid of that.

Thanks,

Holly

(in reply to EStrict)
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RE: Is there a Dom Drop? - 2/27/2004 9:34:41 PM   
SherriA


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quote:

ORIGINAL: EStrict

hhmmm,, if it's the same things that cause him to retreat that get you to the place you need the attention, then you need to discuss these feelings outside of session. It's sorta like, if you are a person likes to cuddle after sex and your partner likes to roll over and snore, you are not getting what you need, even if they are getting what they need.



I'm one of those people who don't want traditional aftercare. I want to be left alone to process. Make sure i have a bottle of water and a cigarette, then get the hell out of my space. I've played with tops that need the contact afterwards, and that just doesn't work for me.

My solution? Easy enough...I tell people up front that this is my way, and that if they need more traditional aftercare then they should make sure to bring someone with them to supply it, because I can't. It's not been a problem, so far. Everyone gets what they need, and we all go away happy.

-- Sherri

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(in reply to EStrict)
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RE: Is there a Dom Drop? - 2/27/2004 9:56:29 PM   
EStrict


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I agree with you fully Sherri,,, I am not one that needs/wants after care either. My comments were more that if one of you pulls back and the other needs attention, you might need to decide if that is something you can live with (generic you). I do love to cuddle,, but that's on the nights that we aren't going to do anything else :)

Sandy

(in reply to SherriA)
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RE: Is there a Dom Drop? - 2/28/2004 5:39:10 AM   
MizSuz


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NewSubGirl

Hello.

I understand and have experienced sub drop. It would only make sense to me that there would also be a corresponding Dom/Top Drop. The body chemicals are the same and, while the intensity of a scene may be more for one than the other, its still there. Yet, I have not found much reference to the possibility.

Does it, in fact, exist? And, if so, what can a submissive do to assist in the recovery process.

Thank you for your thoughts on the matter.

Holly



Holly:

There is such a thing as dom drop. Yes, often it's similar biochemistry (all though I have to stress here that not everyone experiences the same sort of biochemistry).

I would like to present you with an alternative that I have seen often, especially with "new" sadistic dominant males (I've seen it with dominant women too, but not as often).

Our society, the way we are raised and the way we are conditioned our entire lives, says that sadistic heterosexual men are sick. That's what we're taught, that's what we see, hell...even on this message board you can see lots of discourse about "abuse" and telling the difference. The thing is, often what we as sadists experience looks and feels a lot like what could be termed "abuse" even if it's not what we DO. We have to work through these conflicting emotions. When a sadistic dominant is fairly new to the scene often they have not yet dealt with this enough to have found a real moral balance for themself. Many go away because they are struggling, conciously or subconciously, with the notion that they have abused a woman. I'm not saying they believe they have...I'm saying perhaps they enjoyed hurting a woman so much that it alarms them. This is a duality that is very difficult to come to grips with, often takes a long time to even acknowledge and is VERY difficult to find balance with.

I don't know if your dominant is sadistic, I don't know if he is also new (as your screenname suggests that you are), and I don't know if this is applicable for you, but I do know that MANY dominants experience this and need to work through it. It can take a long time.

Either way, discussing what happens between scenes is as important as any other discussion in the relationship, particularly if the thing that is occurring is leaving one or both parties with "issues." Sometimes the dominant simply needs the reassurance that you LOVED what he/she did to you...and that you would be happy to do it again...and again...and again. If you are needy in terms of your aftercare (and I do not mean this in a negative way at all) then it's possible that he just can't be there for you, especially if he's having this kind of struggle. If he is, and you can find a way to reassure him then you may find that the aftercare that you crave will happen naturally. But if that's NOT what's going on for him, trying to reassure him may make things worse.

Talk to him about it. It's a good bet, just talk.

< Message edited by MizSuz -- 2/28/2004 6:16:31 AM >


_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to NewSubGirl)
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RE: Is there a Dom Drop? - 2/28/2004 10:02:44 AM   
sub4hire


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NewSubGirl

Hello.

I understand and have experienced sub drop. It would only make sense to me that there would also be a corresponding Dom/Top Drop. The body chemicals are the same and, while the intensity of a scene may be more for one than the other, its still there. Yet, I have not found much reference to the possibility.

Does it, in fact, exist? And, if so, what can a submissive do to assist in the recovery process.


Holly



Holly as the others have said it does exist. Mistress Steel has been one of my favorite lifestyle authors for a long time now. She has written articles on the subject. I cannot post them here without her consent because that would be copywright fraud.
However I can give you the link to her site.
Steel-door.com
If you go to her chamber you will find a very wide variety of articles on almost any question you may have. She says things much better than I can. On this topic I really cannot comment a lot having never experienced Dom Drop myself.

Good Luck,

Gloria

(in reply to NewSubGirl)
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RE: Is there a Dom Drop? - 2/28/2004 7:25:10 PM   
NewSubGirl


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Gloria;

Thank you very much for the link! I found an excellent article that makes perfect sense.

Holly

_____________________________

Holly
aka newsubgirl

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RE: Is there a Dom Drop? - 3/1/2004 9:18:11 PM   
Jocasta


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I know that after intense play we often need a few days apart to recover. I need to process my emotions and get level again and i suspect what he goes through is similar. We don't always play that hard, but when we do, i know i won't hear from him right away, sometimes as long as a week.

(in reply to NewSubGirl)
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RE: Is there a Dom Drop? - 3/2/2004 5:25:57 AM   
ZenMaster


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I've heard of "dom drop" and not sure if I experience it in the same way as a submissive would experience a "sub drop." I have, however, been physically exhausted after an intense scene and feel as though I do want to drop. :-)

(in reply to Jocasta)
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RE: Is there a Dom Drop? - 3/7/2004 6:50:03 PM   
erebus


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Never experienced it. I've played anywhere from light to heavy, and about the only thing that I've experienced is a tired arm from flogging a pain slut.

In fact, the experience generally energizes me. I'm on hand for sub help, cuddling, discussion, etc. after play. I usually don't push anything until she is ready to come around, if it is the type of play that takes a while to recover from.

Light play generally doesn't require 'processing'. Usually, I've found, it's either a prelude to sex, or to a general D/s interaction.

(in reply to ZenMaster)
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RE: Is there a Dom Drop? - 3/7/2004 10:27:26 PM   
Estring


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I have to say I have never experienced any Dom Drop either. Sometimes I experience physical soreness like I would after a workout at the gym if the playing was heavy, but that's about it.

(in reply to erebus)
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RE: Is there a Dom Drop? - 3/8/2004 5:24:11 AM   
NJMaster


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I just thought I would add My 2 cents to this discussion. I totally agree with the fact that after "play" both parties will experience a "drop". How each deal with it and the severity of it is very personal. One of the biggest problems I see in this is the 2 "partners" not taking the time upfront to get to know each other well enough that during the down period verbalization is really not needed. Sometimes it is harder to tell someone what you need during this time than you can imagine. And as aways this is just IMHO(In My Humble Opinion) Be well and LIVE LIFE. NJM

(in reply to NewSubGirl)
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RE: Is there a Dom Drop? - 3/8/2004 8:29:04 AM   
Jasmyn


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Depending on where I am at emotionally in my life at any given time I will suffer 'top drop' the days after a scene.

Even professionally, an intense scene, that has a slave worshipping at your feet for what you have just done, where you have taken them in their heads, the healing, the spiritualness of their submission, the boundaries and fears being broken through...is quite the emotional roller coaster. So much of yourself is given in the scene to make it what it is, and often ethical ideals come crashing down around you, knowing the slave worshipping your existence will leave shortly, return to their 'life' and quite possibly a 'wife'.

I find immediately after an intense scene I feel revived, alive, in tune with 'me', my inner goddess...and like times of the full moon I'll go stir crazy. Some of my most unpredictable times, where spontenaity takes over from caution, and I seek out experiences, mostly sexual...that 'me' the person, not the Dominatrix gets to be adored.

Regardless of whether I get an experience befit my stir crazyness... the days immediately after an intense scene leave me flat. I often wonder it the crazyness is merely a delaying tactic, knowing that my emotions will fall flat, but euphoria keeping them at bay.

Perhaps it is, professionally and often privately, sessions and scenes can be very erotic, yet as the Fem Goddess, the unobtainable woman, my own sexuality is supressed by the way of indifference to the slaves predicament of a raging hard on. There is no 'reciprocal love' or 'gift of submission' to keep you warm at night.

Currently I do not have a personal slave or a partner, thus once the slave I do play with leaves my care I am left too process what is a sharing experience, with no one to share the after glow with. Thank heavens for a sook of a cat that will lovingly cuddly with me when I want to go blah.

(in reply to NJMaster)
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RE: Is there a Dom Drop? - 12/13/2022 1:10:02 AM   
Kana


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Yep...and it's a bitch

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to Jasmyn)
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