I understand and have experienced sub drop. It would only make sense to me that there would also be a corresponding Dom/Top Drop. The body chemicals are the same and, while the intensity of a scene may be more for one than the other, its still there. Yet, I have not found much reference to the possibility.
Does it, in fact, exist? And, if so, what can a submissive do to assist in the recovery process.
Thank you for your thoughts on the matter.
There is such a thing as dom drop. Yes, often it's similar biochemistry (all though I have to stress here that not everyone experiences the same sort of biochemistry).
I would like to present you with an alternative that I have seen often, especially with "new" sadistic dominant males (I've seen it with dominant women too, but not as often).
Our society, the way we are raised and the way we are conditioned our entire lives, says that sadistic heterosexual men are sick. That's what we're taught, that's what we see, hell...even on this message board you can see lots of discourse about "abuse" and telling the difference. The thing is, often what we as sadists experience looks and feels a lot like what could be termed "abuse" even if it's not what we DO. We have to work through these conflicting emotions. When a sadistic dominant is fairly new to the scene often they have not yet dealt with this enough to have found a real moral balance for themself. Many go away because they are struggling, conciously or subconciously, with the notion that they have abused a woman. I'm not saying they believe they have...I'm saying perhaps they enjoyed hurting a woman so much that it alarms them. This is a duality that is very difficult to come to grips with, often takes a long time to even acknowledge and is VERY difficult to find balance with.
I don't know if your dominant is sadistic, I don't know if he is also new (as your screenname suggests that you are), and I don't know if this is applicable for you, but I do know that MANY dominants experience this and need to work through it. It can take a long time.
Either way, discussing what happens between scenes is as important as any other discussion in the relationship, particularly if the thing that is occurring is leaving one or both parties with "issues." Sometimes the dominant simply needs the reassurance that you LOVED what he/she did to you...and that you would be happy to do it again...and again...and again. If you are needy in terms of your aftercare (and I do not mean this in a negative way at all) then it's possible that he just can't be there for you, especially if he's having this kind of struggle. If he is, and you can find a way to reassure him then you may find that the aftercare that you crave will happen naturally. But if that's NOT what's going on for him, trying to reassure him may make things worse.
Talk to him about it. It's a good bet, just talk.
< Message edited by MizSuz -- 2/28/2004 6:16:31 AM >
“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein