need advise on how not to be so needy

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unclaimedsub38 -> need advise on how not to be so needy (6/27/2008 8:59:27 AM)
Hello all. I need a little help in trying to figure something out and hopefully not screw it Up., After a long time and meeting a few doms i have finally met one who i simple adore, When i first chatted with Him he was involved with someone else and all we ever did was basic chat, He also made it clear that He would never meet me whilst He was in a relasionship with another and firmly believed in One ^One. He approached me again when His ex sub moved away backed to france and asked to meet me. i did :) i met him 3 times before He ever as much as kissed me and when it did happen it was absolutly brilliant!!! I went away for a few weeks and was acheing to see Him when i got back which was last night, we played again and he was so soft and tender and completly concentrated on me and what I was getting out of it He made sure I had muliple orgasms and yet He never came once, He kept asking if i was ok as He knows i dont have a lot of experience and for me being with a real Dominant is a new experience ((as oppossed to the few wannabes i met met off the net)) My question is this, i can not stop thinking about Him and want to see Him again as soon as possible, He only lives about an hours drive from me, Will i come across as to needy if i let Him see how i feel, or do i just play it cool with Him. I dont want to have to pretend that my mind and body is not acheing for Him, but will i turn Him off if i appear to needy?? He has had a few subs which have all been long term and also has had one sub for 2 years as a 24/7, I met Him thru a mutual friend and he is also not a Dom who is or plays online. He seems so real and nothing about Him I feel is a pretense even as far as He insists I use His real name rather than Master/Sir, as He said He wants to keep it as realistic as possible. Help, I want to keep Him interested in me and feel that maybe If I let Him see how bad I have fallen for Him that I will turn Him off… after We played last night, he just kissed and held me for a long time and when I said I did not feel I had pleased Him ( meaning He did not Cum) He said that was a natural feeling for me to have and for me not to worry about it and He wanted to concentrate on my first experiences being great for meand that He was not in a hurry and did not want to rush me. Help I don’t wanna lose this Man, and need to know what He expects as a Dominant

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: need advise on how not to be so needy (6/27/2008 9:16:06 AM)
The moment you think you have to hide who you are or what you are feeling or worse pretend to him because of fear of rejection, you've already killed yourself. Be who you are, be reasonable, but he needs to know who you are really so he can make his informed choice. He sounds great and at least initially like he can deal with neediness. You know what he expects by asking him "What do you expect?"

subsfaith -> RE: need advise on how not to be so needy (6/27/2008 9:16:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: unclaimedsub38 Will i come across as to needy if i let Him see how i feel, or do i just play it cool with Him. I dont want to have to pretend that my mind and body is not acheing for Him, but will i turn Him off if i appear to needy?? If you want a successful relationship then I would suggest your don't play anything... be honest. If you are doing something he doesn't like I am sure he will let you know. If you want to know the absolute truth, the only person you can ask is him. Good luck ..... smiles

Masterdarkone29 -> RE: need advise on how not to be so needy (6/27/2008 9:19:36 AM)
It appears he likes you as a sub... If he is that concentrated on you leaving him an email or voice mail message telling him you enjoyed your plays times and are looking forward to the next time you two can do so wouldn't be to needy in my opioin I think it would lead to making more contact and possibly on to other things that he might feel you are ready to experience. Its good to see the Dom not rushing and taking his time with you.

unclaimedsub38 -> RE: need advise on how not to be so needy (6/27/2008 9:32:46 AM)
quote: Be who you are, be reasonable, but he needs to know who you are really so he can make his informed choice. Smiles... Thank you... i just sent Him an txt message saying how much i enjoyed last night and got one back saying " i was a good girl" Happy Days.. very big smile

unclaimedsub38 -> RE: need advise on how not to be so needy (6/27/2008 9:38:03 AM)
quote: ts good to see the Dom not rushing and taking his time with you. Yes it is Masterdarkone.... Trust me i have met my share of wannabes and the "on your knees now bitch kinda doms" to last a life time.. It is wonderful to meet someone who is real and is taking the time to get to know me rather than one who is only out for instant gradification....... Oh God just hope i dont screw it up

GreedyTop -> RE: need advise on how not to be so needy (6/27/2008 10:15:19 AM)
best wishes :)

CruelDesires -> RE: need advise on how not to be so needy (6/27/2008 10:41:12 AM)
You might try channeling some of the energy into something else like a journal or some other outlet if you feel that your neediness is getting too overwhelming. Maybe even a healthy physical activity that will not only give you some decent endorphins, but will also help you keep you occupied rather then dwelling on the new relationship. CD

MrRodgers -> RE: need advise on how not to be so needy (6/27/2008 11:39:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: unclaimedsub38 quote: ts good to see the Dom not rushing and taking his time with you. Yes it is Masterdarkone.... Trust me i have met my share of wannabes and the "on your knees now bitch kinda doms" to last a life time.. It is wonderful to meet someone who is real and is taking the time to get to know me rather than one who is only out for instant gradification....... Oh God just hope i dont screw it up You are not needy...you are inspired. Yes, do not go overboard or hold back. Show your emotion and your ability now to...delay gratification. Oh...and he was out for gratification young lady...he simply passed this one time. Yes, there is a problem asking for such advice here. When I first 'researched' the online dogma according to it...what this man sounds like simply doesn't exist. Call me cynical about some of what the so-called experts advise...a 'dominant lover' does not exist and is usually a married HNG coming on only to get laid. My guess is he was smart and just didn't tell you he was one...can't come out and say it. Obviously, we can't rely on too much 'expert' advice.

came4U -> RE: need advise on how not to be so needy (6/27/2008 11:49:23 AM)
quote: I dont want to have to pretend that my mind and body is not acheing for Him, but will i turn Him off if i appear to needy That is WHAT a Dominant wants, lol for you to ache for him. Enjoy what you have (you have already started to enjoy it while knowing he may have another/others anyways) and enjoy your experience of him and the learning. You have to decide whether playing OR deep discussions about future plans and explectations is what you and he wants. It sounds good as it is though. That 'ache' feel would feel good enough for me.

batshalom -> RE: need advise on how not to be so needy (6/27/2008 12:03:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: unclaimedsub38 Smiles... Thank you... i just sent Him an txt message saying how much i enjoyed last night and got one back saying " i was a good girl" Happy Days.. very big smile I pretty much agree with LA, but I will add a word of caution. Men tend to enjoy the pursuit. If you find yourself texting him a dozen times a day, and if you notice that he stops responding as vigorously as before, give him some breathing room. It's fine to daydream about him, it's fine to feel all crushy. It's not fine to cling - I can't think of many people who enjoy long-term smothering.

DesFIP -> RE: need advise on how not to be so needy (6/27/2008 12:07:03 PM)
You might also search the term "sub frenzy" and think about whether it's him or having an opportunity to live out your fantasies. Obviously calling him every ten minutes is not a good idea. But telling him you would like, when he has half an hour, to talk over what happened, and how you're now feeling, is. If he makes time you can then tell him that you're going around head in the clouds, can't stop thinking about it and then stop. Once you've told him how you feel, you don't need to keep repeating yourself. Just tell him and let him respond. Thank him for making the time and then think it over for a couple more days.

RedMagic1 -> RE: need advise on how not to be so needy (6/27/2008 12:11:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: batshalom Men tend to enjoy the pursuit. If you find yourself texting him a dozen times a day, Yeah. I think the idea of keeping a journal is a good one, especially if you feel a desire to express express express how excited you are. That way you don't have to hold anything back, but you won't be flooding your brand new guy with a firehose. I once had a woman tell me she wanted my children. This was at the end of the first date, after we had phoned and emailed several times. It was a total turn-off for me, because she wasn't really infatuated with me. She was infatuated by what very little she knew about me. I just-friends'ed her on the spot. Some of what you're feeling might be new relationship energy -- being in love with being in love -- and some of it really is attraction to him. Only time and experience with each other can deepen the connection. Good luck to you both.

LordODiscipline -> RE: need advise on how not to be so needy (6/27/2008 12:18:15 PM)
*LA is right on track...* *Do as she suggests and (no matter the result of this burdgeoning relationship) YOU will be alright.* ~J quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross The moment you think you have to hide who you are or what you are feeling or worse pretend to him because of fear of rejection, you've already killed yourself. Be who you are, be reasonable, but he needs to know who you are really so he can make his informed choice. He sounds great and at least initially like he can deal with neediness. You know what he expects by asking him "What do you expect?"

unclaimedsub38 -> RE: need advise on how not to be so needy (6/27/2008 1:22:02 PM)
quote: Enjoy what you have (you have already started to enjoy it while knowing he may have another/others anyways) and enjoy your experience of him and the learning. He does not have others.. when i start started to chat to him maybe a year ago He did at that time have another sub and told me then that He would not meet another sub while He was involved with one. He contacted me only after she went back to France... sorry if i was not clear on that point ?

Leatherist -> RE: need advise on how not to be so needy (6/27/2008 1:23:21 PM)
Stop thinking that you have an entitlement.

unclaimedsub38 -> RE: need advise on how not to be so needy (6/27/2008 1:31:54 PM)
quote: Some of what you're feeling might be new relationship energy -- being in love with being in love -- and some of it really is attraction to him. Only time and experience with each other can deepen the connection. Smiles.. Maybe You are right, maybe it is not Him but the fact that Real Doms do exsist not the idea of "being in love with love" as you have suggested but maybe the feeling of finally able to be a submissive with a Dominant Man and feeling the release freedom from that...... smiles

unclaimedsub38 -> RE: need advise on how not to be so needy (6/27/2008 1:38:07 PM)
quote: Stop thinking that you have an entitlement. With all due respect... Yes i do have the right to feel what i am feel....being a submissive woman does not mean i am without the ability to be intelligent and also want what is best for me, ... If i am not happy and if i dont have the ability to be the best i can be , how can i possibly make any Dominant happy??

MasterFireMaam -> RE: need advise on how not to be so needy (6/27/2008 2:55:23 PM)
When you learn to accept and love yourself, you'll no longer be desperate for someone else's approval and thus you'll no longer be needy. Master Fire

Leatherist -> RE: need advise on how not to be so needy (6/27/2008 3:18:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: unclaimedsub38 quote: Stop thinking that you have an entitlement. With all due respect... Yes i do have the right to feel what i am feel....being a submissive woman does not mean i am without the ability to be intelligent and also want what is best for me, ... If i am not happy and if i dont have the ability to be the best i can be , how can i possibly make any Dominant happy?? Have you considered that The Dominant has as much right to his space as you have to his time? What entitles you to more than he is willing to give?

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