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RE: Long Distance Challenges - 7/1/2008 7:58:55 AM

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From: Leeds, UK
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as the bottom half of a stupidly LDR ... you need trust, intimacy, communication .. and understanding. Added to my standard answer ... I would also say flexibility. Last week I was really low, and I wanted more contact with Sir than usual ... He was flexible about that and it got me through a really rough week. It could have easily exploded into pointless drama and unrest if He hadn't been flexible.

We work hard to keep things playful, and fun between us .. we very very rarely discuss how much we miss eachother .. it gets us nowhere.

We shamelessly use collarme as a form of super-extended mental foreplay.

but most importantly you need a plan of action ... where is the relationship going? ... and how are you working to get there? .. We never lose sight of that ... if we did .. we would have no chance at all.

so biggest challenges ... keeping it alive .. keeping it light ... keeping it on track

< Message edited by softness -- 7/1/2008 8:01:28 AM >

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Long Distance Challenges - 7/1/2008 11:36:58 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

... I would also say flexibility. Last week I was really low, and I wanted more contact with Sir than usual ... He was flexible about that and it got me through a really rough week. It could have easily exploded into pointless drama and unrest if He hadn't been flexible.

Hi Softness,

I'm using your post to springboard my thoughts of challenges I have had. I've experienced the opposite side of that flexibility - where I wanted more contact and didn't get it...and I had to learn to be flexible and adapt, and to not create that pointless drama and unrest had I not been flexible.

That took me years to learn, though - literally.

It is critically important, in my opinion, to be fully communicative in such a situation. My Master requires transparancy from me, so that he always knows where my mind is. Living a distance away makes it incumbant on me to make sure this happens, even when the thoughts in my head are not going to please him. It is still critical that he knows them.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to softness)

RE: Long Distance Challenges - 7/1/2008 2:05:14 PM

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From: Leeds, UK
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Sorry hun .. i probably didn't express that well ... Sir was willing to be flexible and give me the extra time and support I need that week ... instead of rigidly sticking to our usual pattern. I was open and honest with him ... just l;ike I would ahve been if I was with Him real time.

I wouldn't have gotten all foot stampy and princessey had He decided not to be more flexible with when and how I could get in touch with Him. He saw that being there when I needed it .. would stop what was just a low week for me ... spiralling into .. OMG He doesn't want me, He is off with other poeple ..,.. HE has dumped me ... omg omg ...because over long distances tiny things can blow themselves out of proportion if people can have the flexibility and judgement to keep them in perspective

hope thats a bit clearer.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

RE: Long Distance Challenges - 7/1/2008 4:28:35 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

.because over long distances tiny things can blow themselves out of proportion if people can have the flexibility and judgement to keep them in perspective

.

This is so true when phone and net are all you have, if you dont get that call back or text a half hour can feel like a lifetime and an overactive imagination can go into overdrive.
The Domly one and i were in a ldr for around 9 months before moving in together and i agree with so much that has been said here about trust and communication, and also the comment about sending stuff in the post. Sir would send me flowers and so forth and one time i sent him a little box i had decorated and inside where little bits of paper and fabric on which i had written all different things that i loved about him. He told me it was the most amazing gift he had recieved and he would open it when he was feeling particularly lonely and read one or two of the notes.

I feel though that long distance brought us closer in a sense because we talked so much about absolutely everything, we learned to pick up on things in each others voices and speech patterns that might indicate that we were trying to brave when really we were feeling sad or so forth and needed to let it out. That sure has helped even now as we are like open boks to each other.

Another thing we did was to sms stories to each other, he would start it then i would add some and we would go back and forth. Somethings they would be thigs we wanted to actually do and other times they were wild fantasies but it was a lot of fun.

But the biggest thing for me was that our LDR had an end date it was 12 months maximum and we had agreed on that right from the start I just couldnt have gone on indefinately with the whole long distance thing.

< Message edited by angelslave77 -- 7/1/2008 4:31:08 PM >

(in reply to softness)

RE: Long Distance Challenges - 7/1/2008 6:41:03 PM

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Hi again, softness, thanks for the follow up. I know those feelings of "OMG he doesn't want me" all too well - I used to have them a lot. But I think with me, it's more an issue of his demeanor than being long distance. He can be pretty stoic at times, and hard to read. Ugh. The distance doesn't help, though.

But yeah, I see where you're coming from here. :)

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to softness)

RE: Long Distance Challenges - 7/10/2008 12:31:14 PM

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i'm curious how often you had real life visits during your 9 mo ldr? and how long were you into the ldr before deciding it needed an end date? i am struggling a bit with my ldr. good responses in this thread, thank you all.

[/quote]

But the biggest thing for me was that our LDR had an end date it was 12 months maximum and we had agreed on that right from the start I just couldnt have gone on indefinately with the whole long distance thing.
[/quote]

(in reply to angelslave77)

RE: Long Distance Challenges - 7/10/2008 12:41:59 PM

Daes

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From: Diamond Bar, SoCal
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Sir lives in San Diego while I'm currently living in Torrance. Our situation currently does not allow for us to move in together - but we love each other and we will make things work. It takes patience above all things, patience, understanding, and time for each other.

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~*Estrellita*~
I want to be in surrender of His strength, of His power. Alone, I am nothing, but in His arms I am all things...

~His puppy~

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Long Distance Challenges - 7/10/2008 12:47:21 PM

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Consistency

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m y s p a c e

(in reply to Wolfsrealm)

RE: Long Distance Challenges - 7/10/2008 3:52:30 PM

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The biggest challenge I found that we could not get together fast enough to practice a real time situation. All is nice in the beginning but eventually the longing to feel, taste, smell etc becomes overwhelming. Submission is just not the same as realtime. So I would have to say if there is no intent to meet real time and it remains online the challenge will be in keeping the desires, whether the need to submit or dominate, under control.

(in reply to Wolfsrealm)

RE: Long Distance Challenges - 7/10/2008 8:05:30 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aleshaDreams

All is nice in the beginning but eventually the longing to feel, taste, smell etc becomes overwhelming. Submission is just not the same as realtime. <snip> the challenge will be in keeping the desires, whether the need to submit or dominate, under control.

I am new at this, had recieved my first, I refer to it as, taste of being able to serve and experience a bit of physical play for the first time.
Now it is gone, I feel empty, as if my favorite Teddy Bear has been taken away...this sounds terrible I know.
But it has really placed a cramp in the relationship, Which is LDR (He in one state, I in another) communication was difficult with Him being so busy, even online.
So yes, I would agree it is nice in the beginning, but trying to hold it together afterwards is the biggest challenge of them all...not knowing the next time you will be able to see the other, when you will be able to speak to one another, ect.

In alot of ways I would agree with MistressofGa...RRRuuunnnnn!!!!!

Sincerely
jade

(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Long Distance Challenges - 7/10/2008 8:31:49 PM

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To whomever posted this. Have faith. It can and does work. Even with scant modern communication tools (email, IM, text). If there was a real connection, then it will keep going. Trust me. :)

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Long Distance Challenges - 7/10/2008 8:52:33 PM

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OMG I know what you are feeling. My Master started talking and emailing, then we finally got to meet. LDR is hard at night all alone, needing his power and touch soo near me. I do feel that since I had not been a relationship for a number of years and trusting was so hard for me,that talking ,listening, and learning to hear and trust in myself and him it has helped so much.

We have been seening each other since Jan 2007 and the plan is for me to move at the end of this year nearer to him YEAH !!!!
But if you learn to talk about everything , good and bad , and are willing to work at it alot Its great!!

(in reply to subsweetkitty)

RE: Long Distance Challenges - 7/11/2008 6:30:59 AM

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In reality, the challenges of long distance are not so different from those of living together. Mutual dedication to making it work, surmounting and working through the difficulties- whatever they may be, trusting your partner implicitly and having that trust returned in equal measure, keeping the lines of communication going above all.

Also, I think it is imperative that "long distance" have a limit. In order to build and maintain a powerful connection, you have to be able to see each other on some form of regular basis. In my case we see each other at least once a month. Stretching visits much beyond that, in my opinion, really makes it very difficult to sustain the physical closeness this relationship requires.

I always swore I would never get involved in a long distance relationship. But if you find someone who is special beyond special, like my opensoul, the rules go out the window. I knew this relationship had too much potential to let the distance deter it. Thank goodness, although we live some 7 hours apart, that is not insurmountable. I couldn't imagine how it could work with people who live on different sides of the country, or even in separate countries.

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(in reply to Wolfsrealm)

RE: Long Distance Challenges - 7/21/2008 7:09:17 PM

MzMia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDominic

In reality, the challenges of long distance are not so different from those of living together. Mutual dedication to making it work, surmounting and working through the difficulties- whatever they may be, trusting your partner implicitly and having that trust returned in equal measure, keeping the lines of communication going above all.

Also, I think it is imperative that "long distance" have a limit. In order to build and maintain a powerful connection, you have to be able to see each other on some form of regular basis. In my case we see each other at least once a month. Stretching visits much beyond that, in my opinion, really makes it very difficult to sustain the physical closeness this relationship requires.

I always swore I would never get involved in a long distance relationship. But if you find someone who is special beyond special, like my opensoul, the rules go out the window. I knew this relationship had too much potential to let the distance deter it. Thank goodness, although we live some 7 hours apart, that is not insurmountable. I couldn't imagine how it could work with people who live on different sides of the country, or even in separate countries.

Thanks to the internet we can now connect with people all over the world.
Maintaining a serious long distance relationship is so much harder!

Once a month, might be difficult for many with the price of gas and airfares these days.
I could stretch it to every 2-3 months for the right person.
For many of us, our "soulmate" is just not always going to live close to us.
For me, trying to start a relationship with someone not in the USA is a hard limit for me, right now.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to SirDominic)

RE: Long Distance Challenges - 7/22/2008 2:26:31 PM

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It's good to read some of the questions and responses...so helpful. Wish I would've seen this thread sooner..I recently self destructed a wonderful relationship being built with a Daddy perfect for me. The long distance thing freaked me out, and because of my impatience and self-doubt, and general brattiness....I acted tempermental and flaky. ooh my- I had no idea so many others were trying to sort this kind of thing out also.

(in reply to MzMia)

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